by Silk Smooth
I embraced Mama and we cried together. It was a mother and daughter moment that I was sure the two of us would never forget. It was a moment that neither of us wanted to let go of.
“This is too much on you, Mama. Free us, and whatever happens . . . it just happens. We will all fight to the end for Chyna, and whatever you need for me to do, I will do it. But once this is over, let us go. That includes Honey—you’ve got to free him from your stronghold too. He’s goin’ to get killed if you don’t, and we just can’t keep travelin’ down this path, expectin’ that none of us will have to suffer the consequences from the way we’re livin’.”
Mama backed away from me and wiped her tears. “I did set y’all free, Karrine, but every time I look up y’all keep running back to me. You’re a prime example, so how am I supposed to move on when y’all keep putting me in the middle of y’all’s mess? I don’t want to turn my back, and the first person that y’all call when there is trouble is me. It’s been hard for me not to be there for y’all, and I’ve never been the kind of mother who can just completely walk away from my children for good.”
“I know, but at this point you’ve done all that you can do. We’ve got to live with the choices we’ve made, and so be it. I guess you’re goin’ to have to finally kick me the hell out of your crib and trust me to be the best mother that I can be to Shania. You’re goin’ to have to hold Chyna’s hand through this process, but let go whenever the final judgment is made. Simone seems like the only one who may not depend on you as much, and as for Honey, he is not with it Mama. His loyalty to you supersedes everything else, but he is one unhappy man. I know how you feel about the business aspect of things, but you need to release him. If you don’t want to let go of the business, put somebody else in charge that you trust. You trust Trice, so why don’t you let her run things? Maybe even run things yourself. Honey has had enough, and he may not tell you this, but I know that he wants out.”
Our mother-daughter moment was over. Mama walked away from me and stood by the window, looking out. “Karrine, you always think you have the right answers to everything. But the truth is, you don’t. Honey already knows that there is no out in this business. You just can’t pack it up one day and walk away. I’ve spent years and years building this empire. This is what I do, and the only person who I trust to handle shit for me is Honey. So any little fantasies that you have about him and you being husband and wife, living in a house with a white picket fence, kids running around and him working a nine-to-five job . . . sweetheart, you can forget that shit. It ain’t happening, and Honey will tell you that himself. He may spill some bullshit to you from time to time, but when all is said and done, that nigga will always choose work over pussy and pleasure.”
“Maybe so. But I wonder if it ever really came down to it, if he would one day choose love.”
Mama turned around and chuckled. “Love? Really? So called “love” is why Chyna is in the predicament that she’s in today. Love beat yo’ ass several months ago and had you running to me for help. Love has cheated on you time and time again, and love was just at one of his many hoes’ houses with his dick in her mouth. That’s why love didn’t answer his phone. So my suggestion to you, Karrine, is for you to put your big-girl panties on and wake the fuck up. Save the love talk for another day, because today is surely not the day for a confession.”
I had to swallow hard from her harsh words of reality, but I still defended what I said. “You’re right, Mama, but love can make people change. It can make a person want to do the right things, especially when they recognize that the path they’re on is reckless. Now, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. What’s gon’ be will be. Right now we need to concern ourselves with Chyna and figure out what we need to do to help her through this unfortunate situation.”
Thank God Mama was willing to change the subject. This battle between she, Honey, and I couldn’t be won, and it was up to him to tell her exactly how he felt. I tried to break it down to Mama, but she was convinced that Honey was never going anywhere.
Almost an hour later, Simone showed up, and so did Honey. Mama told them everything that had happened, and we all agreed that it did not look good for Chyna. We waited for her phone call, and when she called my phone, she asked to speak to Mama.
“Honey and me will be there soon,” Mama said. “Whatever happens, you’ll be represented by the best, and I will do everything within my power to make sure you don’t remain in jail.”
We all had a lot of faith in Mama, but I wasn’t so sure about this. A murder charge was nothing to play with, and I had a feeling that all the money in the world wouldn’t be able to save Chyna from the craziness she’d gotten herself into over a married man.
All I knew was that this was a bad-ass feeling. It made me think about all that I had been doing, and how easy it was for me to squeeze the trigger when shit didn’t go down like I wanted it to. Lord knows I’d done my dirt, and I guess I was being a fool if I believed there would never be any consequences.
Simone had left the room with Shania, and Mama and Honey were getting ready to go. We hadn’t said much to each other, but right after Mama walked out, I called Honey’s name. He turned at the door.
“We’re driving in my car,” he said to Mama. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Hurry up,” she said. “I want to get this taken care of, Honey.”
He closed the door and stood with his arms crossed. “What’s up?”
“So, how did it go? Did you find out who was in that car?”
“Yep.”
“And?”
His face twisted and his tone went up a notch. “And what, Karrine? You already know what went down, so I don’t get why you’re asking.”
“I’m askin’ because I care. When and where does it end, Honey? When does this shit stop? Do you want to die? Your life is on the line every single day, and the more niggas that you kill, the more enemies you’re creatin’.”
He sighed. “Are you done? I must say that I’m getting real tired of you burning all this fucking bread on me. Do you ever have something positive to say? The bottom line is, I did what I had to do. If I didn’t get those niggas, they were coming for me. Did you expect for me to sit back and wait for them to get at me?”
It was so apparent that I kept running into a brick wall with this. Honey and Mama were driving me crazy, and I didn’t understand why it was so hard for me to let this shit go.
“I guess not, Honey. Just go and see about Chyna. If you get a chance, talk to Mama too. I already spoke to her a little about how you’ve been feelin’, but maybe she’ll listen to you, because she wasn’t tryin’ to hear anything from me.”
“You can’t talk to Mama about how I really feel, because you don’t know how I really feel. Stay out of my fuckin’ business, Karrine, and stop sweatin’ me about so much shit! This ain’t going down like you want it to, and when you get done talkin’, my loyalty will remain with one person and one person only. You already know who she is, and she’s waitin’ for me in the car.”
On that note, Honey walked out. And today was the day that I washed my hands of it all. When Simone came back, I left the hotel a few hours later, and Shania and I went to Chyna’s place for the night. I prayed on her situation and prayed for myself, too. I had no idea what tomorrow would bring, but whatever went down, I vowed to limit my relationship with Mama, as well as with Honey.
HONEY
11
For the last several months, shit had been real hectic. Mama had been tripping out because of the situation with Chyna, and the best that our lawyers could do was cop a plea deal that smacked her with ten years instead of twenty-five to life. Chyna claimed it was self-defense, and after I had a “talk” with Desmon, he also confessed that Chyna had killed Christina because she attacked Chyna. His admission still wasn’t enough for the charges to be dropped, so Chyna had to do the time and be done with it.
Watching our family go through this bullshit had my thoughts all ov
er the place. I thought about if it were me on lockdown, instead of Chyna. I had been doing shit that I didn’t have the guts to tell Mama that I was doing, and there was a time when I would seek her approval before putting a nigga to sleep. But things had changed. I had so much money and power that I started to feel invincible. I was very arrogant, and at the snap of my finger, bitches would fall to their knees begging for some attention. My head had swelled. I was high off life, but my heart was motherfucking broken—shattered into a thousand and one pieces, because Karrine had vacated the premises in my life and was barely speaking to me.
All I know was she had moved out of Mama’s house in Cali and came back to Chicago. She and Mama had a big argument over where Shania would live, and Mama was fucked up in the head because Shania wasn’t with her anymore. The shit messed me up too, and every time I called Karrine about seeing my daughter, she wouldn’t answer the phone. She never told me where she lived, and I had to get one of my boys on it to find out where in the fuck she was. He gave me her address, and I went to her crib that day and clowned on her. I threatened to take her to court, just so I could have some kind of time with my daughter. I hated that she was trying to keep Shania from me, and I knew exactly why Mama was so upset about the situation, too. It was wrong on so many different levels, but when I broke that shit down to her, Karrine agreed to Shania staying with me every other weekend.
I was on my way to Karrine’s crib to pick up Shania. My family, on Ray’s side of the family, was having a reunion at the park. I asked Mama if she wanted to go, but she cussed me the hell out for asking. I saw it as an opportunity for her to spend some time with Shania, but she didn’t see it that way. She had so much animosity against Ray’s side of the family, so maybe it was a good thing that she rejected my offer. I didn’t ask Karrine because I already knew what her answer would be. So it was all about me and my baby girl today, and I was pleased about that.
With hanging cargo shorts, a wife-beater, and clean white tennis shoes on, I stood on Karrine’s porch and rang the doorbell. The ranch-style crib she lived in was just enough for her and Shania, but it was nothing compared to what she was used to living in. I was surprised that she’d chosen this place, but she had probably chosen it because it was almost an hour away from where I lived.
Karrine opened the door looking sexy as fuck in a purple tank shirt with thin straps. Her tiny nipples left imprints in the shirt, and the stretch shorts she wore melted on the curves of her hips and ass. My heart raced every time I saw her, but like always, our conversation was short. Shania was on Karrine’s hip, and she handed her over to me right at the door.
“Let me go get her overnight bag,” Karrine said. “I’ll bring it out to the car.”
She walked away, and I gazed at her ass cheeks that the shorts weren’t big enough to hide. Trying to get my mind out of the gutter, I kissed my baby girl on the cheek and carried her to the car. As I was securing her in the car seat, she was all smiles and was playing with a Barbie doll. Karrine had Shania dressed in a colorful sundress that matched her sandals. White framed sunglasses covered her eyes, and her long hair was combed into a sleek ponytail held by colorful ribbons.
“Girl, I’ma have to keep my eyes on you,” I said to Shania. “You gon’ be a heartbreaker like yo’ mama.”
“You mean like her daddy,” Karrine said as she walked up to the car. I moved aside as she put the overnight bag into the car and bent over to give her good-byes to Shania.
“Have fun today, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Be good, and I want another big ole kiss before you go, okay?”
Shania nodded and kissed Karrine. She also made her Barbie doll kiss Karrine too, and they both laughed.
As Karrine was bent over, I stroked the minimal hair on my chin and studied her ass. It had been a long time since we had fucked, and my hard dick was stretching the shit out of my shorts, trying to get at her. I didn’t want her to know how eager I was to feel the warmness of her pussy again, so I didn’t make a move. But when she leaned further into the car to move Shania’s bag to the other side, I stood behind her. I wanted her to feel my growing muscle, but she hurried to back out of the car.
“Let me help you with that,” I said, trying to play it off.
“I got it. Now, move back and please don’t get that close to me.”
I backed away with my hands in the air. “Damn. Sorry. I was only trying to help.”
“Sure,” she said, then waved good-bye to Shania.
She didn’t say anything else to me. Just walked away and headed inside. I continued to stare at her ass, and it was one beautiful sight. It was as if Karrine was purposely swaying her hips from side to side, just to give me a fucking heart attack.
“I see you, ma. But it’s okay. Play a nigga all you want to . . . I’m good.”
She didn’t bother to turn around. All she did was go inside and close the door. I got in the car, but on the drive to the park I couldn’t shake Karrine from my thoughts. I paid no attention to the ringing of my cell phone, which was probably one of those bitches who could never steal my heart from Karrine. I don’t know why I kept depriving myself of her, but then again, I knew. She wanted me to choose. I did, and since my decision had been made, I had to fight my feelings for her and deal with it.
My baby girl and I kicked it at the park with family. My uncle, Ned, was barbecuing, my Aunt Betty was clowning on people with jokes, and plenty of my relatives sat on benches getting their grub on. Some were playing volleyball, while others were dancing to the loud music that was booming through two big speakers. Shania was moving from one person to the next. My aunts and cousins were all over her, and everybody wanted to hold her.
“She is so damn pretty,” my cousin Anna said while holding Shania. “Nigga how did you pull this shit off?”
“That’s what I’m sayin’,” one of my cousins from Mississippi said. “I mean, yo’ ass fine as fuck, but that chile must’a got mama’s genes.”
“She look just like Honey to me,” another aunt said in my defense. “He spit her out, so I don’t know what the hell y’all talking about.”
“Thank you,” I said to my aunt. “Shania looks more like me than she does Karrine.”
I had a picture of Karrine in my wallet, so I pulled out her picture to show it to my peeps. Some said Shania looked like me, while others said Karrine.
“I don’t give a shit who she looks like,” my cousin Ricky said. “She’s adorable and her daddy is loaded with cash. Nigga, why don’t you lay a little somethin’ on me? At least a grand, so I can get this car I’ve been havin’ my eyes on.”
As Ricky held out his hand, all I did was slap it with mine. My family knew what time it was, and I wasn’t giving nobody shit, unless they worked with, or for me.
My cousin’s thirteen-year-old daughter, Tracy, ran off with Shania on her hip. Tracy took Shania over to her other cousins, and they began to blow big bubbles in the air and try to pop them. Shania was having herself a good time and so was I. I sat down to play cards, drink whiskey, and get high as fuck with several of my uncles and cousins. The game kept getting delayed by the ongoing conversation about finances, jobs, and pussy. Everybody was broke, nobody liked their jobs, and the bitches on their teams weren’t worth two cents.
“Sounds like you niggas need to take a new path and try door number two,” I advised. “It couldn’t be that bad, is it?”
“Nah, it ain’t that bad,” my cousin Jake from St. Louis said. “Niggas just makin’ bad choices. I’ma try door number three, in hopes that when I open it there is a wad of cash waitin’ for me, a good payin’ job, and two or three more bitches to add to my collection.”
I shrugged, some laughed, and some added their wishes for what was behind door number three. My cousin, Ruby, brought each of us plates piled with barbecue. As I got ready to get my grub on, I looked around for Shania. She was still running around with Tracy and her other cousins. I watched from a short distance as my baby girl fell a few times but got right b
ack up. She turned in her pretty dress, and kept picking up a huge ball, trying to throw it high in the air. After that, I saw her dancing to the music. I wanted to get up and dance with her, but my head was spinning from drinking so much, and I felt kind of woozy.
“Muthafucka, play what’s in yo’ hand and stop lookin’ at what’s in mine,” Jake yelled at another one of my cousins.
“I don’t give a fuck what’s in yo’ hand, nigga. This game belongs to me.”
Those niggas started arguing over a stupid game, and I couldn’t believe how serious the argument had gotten. It was obvious that they were beefing about something else, and when Jake started cussing about the money that my other cousin owed him, the argument made sense.
We all had to sober up and break them apart from each other. But as we were trying to calm the confusion between them, the sound of a bunch of firecrackers popping rang out in my ears. My vision was slightly blurred from being so high, and the smoke from the barbecue made it hard to see what was going on. It didn’t take me long to figure out that the firecracker sound was actually gunfire. Everybody was running, people were dropping to the ground, and several of my relatives were firing shots at two cars that rolled on the set, spraying bullets. The cries of children rang out in my ears, screams could be heard miles away, and the ongoing sound of gunfire made me dizzy. I could see my baby girl on the ground, right next to Tracy, who was holding Shania in her arms. I felt like I was running in slow motion as I rushed over to them, and as they were clearly in my sight, I could immediately see that several of the bullets had hit Tracy in the head. Blood covered her and Shania, but as Shania lay there crying I snatched her up and touched all over her body with my trembling hands. From all of the blood that was on her, I was so sure that she had been hit, but it appeared that all she had was a scarred face from falling and bloody knees.
