by Silk Smooth
“What’s up, Miss Fashionista?” I said to Simone, because no matter where she went, she was always rocking high-priced shit that looked good on her.
“Nothing much, but the question is what’s up with you and all this giddiness? You got that big, bright smile on your face, and I guess it may have somethin’ to do with Honey’s birthday bein’ yesterday.”
Simone drove off, and I just kept on smiling. She shoved my shoulder, begging me to tell her the reason for my demeanor. I broke every detail down to her, and shared with her what I wanted Honey to do going forward.
“That mud sex shit sounds nasty, but it also sounds like somethin’ me and the professor may wanna try. I bet if we put that shit in front of the screen, mofo’s would pay big dollars to see us.”
“So you and him still gettin’ down like that, huh?”
“Almost every day, with the exception of the weekend. And don’t judge me, either, Karrine, because I’m doin’ what I need to do right now to get some for-real paper. I’m still in school too, but right now I’m gettin’ my master’s degree in pimpin’ niggas for they money. Since I added the professor to the mix, I have even more clients. They get a kick out of us gettin’ our fuck on, but then there are those who still prefer to see me all by my lonesome self.”
“Listen, I’m not judgin’ you at all. Your life seems to be waaay better than me and Chyna’s put together, and I don’t suspect that a lot of drama is involved in what you’re doin’.”
“I’m drama-free, nigga-free, and Mama-free. Things couldn’t be better, and I talk to that crazy lady almost every day. She’s real hurt by not bein’ able to spend time with her gangsta baby, but I told Mama that she was too attached. With you bein’ in Chicago, you can do your own thing and get yo’ life back on track. Livin’ with Mama wasn’t a good thing, and the key is to stop dependin’ on her so much.”
I high-fived Simone. “I ditto that shit, and must agree with what you said. One day at a time, though, baby sis. One day at a fuckin’ time.”
I gazed out of the window, thinking about Honey. I wondered what he was doing and what he was thinking. I hoped that I wasn’t wrong about what I suspected he would do, and if I was, I knew that it was going to affect me in a way that was major.
Simone started telling me about how Mama was kicking Chyna out while she was in jail. It wasn’t determined yet where Chyna would have to do her ten-year bid at, but she was now at a facility that only housed a few hundred prisoners. There was no question that she would be transferred soon, and according to Simone, Mama was doing her best to make sure Chyna had everything she needed.
“That’s Mama for you,” I said. “I’m sure she would do the same for any of us, but I’ma do my very best to make sure jail and me never have anything in common.”
“Same here,” Simone said. “I’m done with a lot of the unnecessary bullshit, too. This shit with Chyna opened my eyes. I went home and got rid of all my damn guns, and you won’t ever hear about me shootin’ nobody again.”
“Bitch, please. Yo’ ass need to quit lyin’. I bet you a thousand dollars that if I go to your place right now, I’ll find at least two or three guns.”
We laughed, knowing that what Simone had said was a bunch of bull. If need be, we would always turn to our guns for backup.
About three hours later, Simone, Chyna, and me sat at a table laughing and talking about things that were transpiring in our lives. It was hard on me to see Chyna like this, and I could tell that she was putting up a front for us. Her baggy clothes looked nothing like the bad-ass clothes she rocked when we were all together, and her hair was now without braids. It had grown way past her shoulders, and was parted through the middle, nappy as fuck. We teased her about that shit, too, but she always laughed it off.
“Damn, do y’all bitches think I should be rocking Prada up in here or something? And it ain’t as if I can reach over and grab a relaxer and style my fuckin’ hair. Accept me as is, and when y’all get done talkin’, I still look better than both of y’all bitches.”
We laughed and highly disagreed. As the conversation went on, Chyna mentioned something that caught me off guard.
“What you mean that Desmon has disappeared?” I questioned.
Chyna gave me a funny look and she smirked. “Have you spoken to Honey lately?”
I nodded, but wasn’t sure where she was going with this. “Yeah, I have, but what does he—”
My stomach tightened when Simone asked if she needed to spell it out for me. I didn’t say another word, and right then, I knew that Honey had done something to Desmon, probably per Mama’s request. I’d thought about calling him to find out, but I meant what I’d said about allowing him time to correct all that was going on with him.
Like always, when it was time to leave Chyna, my eyes watered. Simone and Chyna were never as emotional as I was, but I’m sure that Chyna understood how difficult this was for me too. We gave our good-byes, and as Simone and me left, I walked away thinking that I couldn’t wait until the day came when my big sis would be set free. She definitely deserved better than this bullshit.
HONEY
13
The celebration had been over with for about two weeks now, and I was ready to make some moves that needed to be made. Mama and I were supposed to meet with some Mexicans about a major deal they wanted to swing our way, but I had been feeling real uneasy about it. While the deal was worth millions, whenever my gut told me something wasn’t right, I tried to listen.
Besides that, I wasn’t feeling none of this shit anymore. The day of reckoning had arrived, and like it or not, I was prepared to spill my guts to Mama. There was no doubt that I was making this move because of Karrine, but I was also doing it for myself. Some niggas did it just to make the bitches in their lives happy, but I was doing it because I was tired of living like this. I was sick of Mama depending on me so much, and my baby girl needed a daddy that was smart enough not to put her life at risk. Shit happened, no matter what, but it didn’t make sense for me to continue on the path I was traveling.
When I arrived at Mama’s house, she was chilling by the poolside with a wide-brim hat on that shielded her face from the bright sun. Sunglasses covered her eyes, and a fishnet wrap covered part of the one piece swimming suit she wore. Several drinks with umbrellas in them sat next to her, and she had a book in her hand. I walked up and sat down in the lounging chair next to her.
“What’s that you’re reading?”
“I don’t know what the title of this book is, but this damn author got my head over here spinning. There’s too much bullshit going on, but I must say that I’m loving the drama this nigga cooked up.”
Mama laid the book on her lap and removed the hat from her head. She fanned herself with it, then tossed it like a flying saucer into the blue water.
“You’re early,” she said. “I thought you weren’t coming here until tomorrow.”
“I wasn’t, but I’m here today because I’m turning in my resignation. I need to pull back from this shit and be done with it. I’m well aware that I made some serious promises to you over the years, but I just can’t do this shit anymore. I’m stressed the fuck out, and this shit ain’t fun like it used to be.”
Mama looked at me without a blink. She sucked in a deep breath then released it. “So, is this really Honey talking to me, or are you Karrine in disguise?”
“Don’t go there with this. This is more about me wanting to do something different than it is about anything else.”
“Something different like what? Work at a fast-food restaurant, wash some cars or become a bellhop? Honey, please. Get out of my face with this mess. We’ve come too far together, and there will be no turning back. I expect for you to pick me up tomorrow about eight in the evening. If you’re not here, you know what happens.”
Mama lifted her glass and sipped from the red straw. I didn’t expect for this to be easy, and I put forth every effort not to disrespect her.
“Unfortunately,
I’m gon’ have to turn back, and it’s yo’ choice if you want to proceed. I don’t know what occupation to pursue, but you are speaking to a nigga with a college degree, who may have some options. What I expect is for you to respect my wishes, salute me for all that I’ve done, and make peace with this situation so that we can continue on loving each other as mother and son.”
Mama sat up and saluted me. “You can take that college degree that I paid for and shove it clean up yo’ ass. Nigga, I am in disbelief that you have allowed a piece of pussy to come between what we built together. You gon’ let that shit destroy everything, and you know damn well, Honey, that you were made for this shit. It’s in yo’ blood, nigga, it’s in yo’ blood! You will never be satisfied playing house with Karrine, and if you think that I’m going to make contributions to muthafuckas who continue to stab me in my back, you are sadly mistaken. If you walk, you walk as a broke nigga. I want all of my shit back, and there is no damn way that I’m going to reward you for walking out at a time like this!” Mama pounded her leg with her fist and shook her head. “I can’t believe I got this deal going down tomorrow, and you’re out here talking crazy!”
I wasn’t down with her tone, so I snapped. “Jus . . . just get somebody else to do it! You act like can’t nobody else do this shit, and I know several niggas right now who would love to take my damn place and deal with yo’ shit!”
Mama looked like she wanted to slap the hell out of me, but when she lifted her hand, all she did was squeeze her fist. “I don’t trust those muthafuckers, and I told Fernando and Luis that they would meet you. They want to meet you, and they do not trust no one else! I would look like a fool if I have to tell them somebody else is coming, and they may call this shit off!”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I can’t do it, Mama, and I honestly do not feel right about meeting with those niggas. I heard some bad shit about them, and while you may trust them, I don’t.”
Mama’s jaw dropped. “I’ve heard some bad shit about you, too. Tell me what that means, and when did you start doing business dealings with church folk only? I . . . I just don’t know what else to say to you, Honey, but I will say that I am highly disappointed. All that loyalty talk was a bunch of bull, and I never expected for you to do me like this.”
Mama was putting on the guilt trip, but I wasn’t buying it. I stood and looked up at Trice staring out of the huge picture window from afar. I figured that Mama would go to her to handle the business now, only because she was the only other person who Mama trusted.
“I hoped that you would understand this, but I figured that you wouldn’t. When the dust settles, you know where and how to reach me.”
“When the dust settles, I hope you rot in hell. My hope is that you fall flat on yo’ face and have to come crawling back to me. Then I will spit in your face and send you running back home to that heifer Karrine, who has no clue what you’re made of. I told you to never bite the hand that feeds you, but my hand has now been chewed off, and my business will be left on life support until I can figure out what to do. Thank you, Honey, for fucking me over! Now, get the hell off my property before I splatter your goddamn brains all over the place, you punk-ass nigga!”
It took a lot out of me to walk away from Mama, but I did, not knowing if I would catch a bullet in my back today or on the days following. Mama being this mad was never a good thing, and there was always a price to pay when she felt betrayed. It wasn’t wise to fuck up her paper either, and I knew the risk I was taking for cutting this shit short.
For the next few days, I stayed in California. I wanted to see what kind of damage Mama would do, and it appeared that she was really trying to shut me down and put me out of commission for good. I couldn’t say that I didn’t expect this, but my name had been removed from all of the bank accounts, the house no longer belonged to me, my cars had been taken away, and my phones had been disconnected. Some of the friends I had, I had no more, and Mama already had them on her team. The word was that Mama’s deal turned out to be a huge success. By sending Trice, she wounded up negotiating more than what was originally agreed upon, but two niggas on Mama’s team were shot dead during negotiations because one of the Mexicans thought he’d had beef with them before.
It was that kind of shit that made me nervous. The money was good, no doubt, but there were so many risks. Risks that I didn’t want to take anymore, although many did pay off. Like the one I took by being in charge of the books. Mama didn’t actually think that she could leave me high and dry or broke as shit, did she? I knew she was smarter than that, and so was I. So smart that over the years, I had stashed enough money aside for rainy days. I knew this day would come, and even though I hadn’t put aside enough to keep the same lifestyle flowing, I did put aside enough. Enough for me, for my woman, and for my baby to live on comfortably.
I left Cali feeling so-so. There was a delay with my plane, but within several hours I was back in Chicago. Without any further delays, I rented a car and drove it straight to Karrine’s crib. When she opened the door, all we did was stare at each other. I then cracked a tiny smile, one that let her know that everything was final. She threw her arms around my neck, expressing her enthusiasm for the one she now recognized as a changed man. A nigga could do that shit if he wanted to, but it took the right kind of chick to elevate him to the next level in life. As for now, the shit felt good.
Epilogue
Karrine
Eight months later, our wedding day had finally arrived. Honey and I stood in front of a Justice of the Peace, confessing our love for each other at the courthouse. The only person that we had invited to come was Mama. In our hearts, we truly wanted closure with her crazy self, but by the time the ceremony was over, it was obvious that we wouldn’t get it.
At least we tried. Honey couldn’t be mad at himself about that, and neither could I. Our relationship had changed in so many ways, but there were a few times when Honey would speak about how much he missed having so much power, and about the many millions that he’d made. I realized that he was still a work in progress, as we all were. But the one thing that I was sure of was that he would never go back to “That Life.” The life that gave him wealth, but delivered so much pain. It almost caused him to lose out on everything, and he just didn’t want that for himself. Some niggas did. Including Mama, who was the real Money-Makin’ Mama in all of this. She would maintain her status until the day she died, but by then I hoped that we would one day settle our differences.
Honey and I sat in the car kissing each other as if the world was ending today. He looked so handsome in his black suit, and the white, baby-doll dress I wore was fit for the occasion. I scooted over to sit as close as I could to him, and right after he started the car, we saw a fat black dude rushing our way. Honey squinted and quickly reached underneath the seat to retrieve his Glock. We both panicked, but I thought the nigga looked familiar. As he smiled at me and Honey and walked up to the car, Honey lowered the window. His finger was on the trigger, and I was sure that the fat dude saw the gun in Honey’s hand.
“Easy,” he said to Honey with his hands open so we could see them. “All I came to do was give you this, compliments of yo’ Mama.”
We didn’t know what the hell the nigga had reached into his jacket to get, but Honey lifted the gun and aimed it, ready to shoot.
The dude pulled out a card and carefully eased it through the slightly lowered window. “Have a good day,” he said to us. “Congrats.”
The card dropped inside of the car, and the dude backed away with his hands still in the air. After he disappeared, Honey laid the gun on his lap and held the card in his hand.
“Can a bomb fit in here?” he asked, then moved his ear close to the card. We laughed.
“No, but that ricin and anthrax shit can. Open it slowly and be careful.”
We laughed again as Honey opened the card. It was a beautiful wedding card, congratulating us on our special day. Mama had written something special, and there was a five-dollar bill
inside:
Tell that bitch Karrine that she’d better take good care of you, and nigga you’d better do your damnedest to see about her ass, too! Give gangsta baby a huge kiss for me, and I will see her when she turns sixteen. By then, I’m sure she’ll need someone for-real guidance. As for the five dollars, take yo’ wife to McDonalds and buy yourself a Big-fucking-Mac! I’m sure it’s all y’all broke asses can afford right now, but nonetheless, there is still some love left in my heart. Not much, so maybe I’ll see y’all in about fifteen years, or when Chyna gets out. Until then, stay the fuck away from me, and don’t bother to call and thank me, please!
Mama
We cracked up. Honey tucked the five dollars in his pocket, and pulled the car away from the curb. When I asked where we were going, he was seriously on his way to McDonald’s.
“Nigga, please. You’d better take me somewhere extravagant and wine and dine me all night. McDonald’s ain’t gon’ work, and you’ll be in there eatin’ that Big Mac all by yourself.”
“If I can’t take you to McDonalds, then I’m going to take you to a hotel room right now and fuck you until my dick falls off. You won’t be eating shit, because I’ma wear that ass—”
My body quivered, and I welcomed his bright idea. “Stop talkin’, nigga, and speed it up, then. Unless you want to pull the car over, again, and give me a quick tease of what I can expect.”
Honey swerved the car over to the side and turned to me. I could tell something was on his mind, and of course it was Mama. “Don’t know love or show love, unless it’s for the love of family,” he said. “I guess that shit really does apply, and I hope you appreciate all this brotherly love I’ve been giving you.”
I pursed my lips and teased him. “I guess. It’s been a’ight, and you need to step up yo’ game, cause I know some niggas whose head game be on fire! On a scale from one to ten, I give you about a two!”
