She glanced at Buddy, and he stepped forward, gently pushing the door open.
“Who the fuck are you?!” Alec shouted from the sofa.
Mirabell quickly stepped around her protector and glared at Alec. “He’s Buddy. He’s with me. Who the fuck are you?!”
Alec’s eyes widened. “Oh, Mira,” he said, reaching out to her, “Mira, I’m sorry.”
Both Buddy and Mirabell took a quick scan of the immediate vicinity, then he looked down at her just as she looked up at him. “Pissed!” they declared in unison. Buddy closed the door, and Mira strolled to Alec’s side, standing just out of his reach.
“How much have you had to drink?”
“Not a lot.”
She looked around and noted two wine bottles on the coffee table. One had a tiny bit left in it, and the other had a broken, but still secure cork.
She swung Alec’s legs off the sofa and took a seat. “But, love, this is a lot when you’re not a tosspot like me.” Buddy stepped forward and collected both bottles, carrying them into the kitchen. “Are we going to keep drinking?” she asked Alec.
Alec shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m not feeling so good.”
“Tell Mirabell what happened,” she said as she helped him sit up.
With a fond smile of remembrance, he told her all about the evening he’d had with Eli, and then with a frown he told her about Dray and about Eli’s confession. Mirabell nodded slowly.
“I see.” They stared at each other for a few moments. “Do you love him?”
“Of course I do!”
“So what was this ‘I give up’ bollocks on the phone?”
She could see Alec trying to remember, trying to understand what she was talking about.
“I… I remember thinking that….”
“But you don’t remember dialing my number and saying it into the phone.”
He shook his head, then his eyes rolled back in it. “I’m dizzy.”
Mirabell could smell coffee brewing from the kitchen. She smiled, realizing, not for the last time, that Buddy was a dream. “Alec, why were you thinking of giving up on Eli?”
“I suck!”
“I’ve heard that about you.”
He sat forward on the sofa so quickly that she almost lost him to the floor, but she steadied him. “No, no. You don’t understand. I’m a lousy psychologist.”
“Since when?”
He looked into her eyes, and she could see the tears in his. “I didn’t see it. I didn’t see the guilt… or, or how deep it went. Don’t you understand? I thought he was lingering at the house, clinging to Bennett because he didn’t love me as much.”
“But… you were wrong?”
Alec nodded rapidly, then swooned. “Oh… uh, I’m not feel—” He leaped to his unsteady feet and rushed past Mirabell to the guest bathroom. She watched him go, then Buddy entered the living room, his arms full.
“What’s all that?”
He looked innocently down at the tray he was carrying. “Just coffee and croissant for us and bottled water for—” Buddy looked around. “Is he—?”
She nodded as they both waited until the retching paused.
“So no club tonight?” she asked.
Buddy set the tray on the coffee table. “I thought we might have this and watch a movie or something. I didn’t think you’d want to leave your friend unattended.”
Mirabell smiled, kicked off her shoes, and stood on Alec’s sofa. “Come here, love.” Buddy walked over to her, and she kissed him long and deep, stroking his hair. His long arms went around her tiny frame, and she felt him shiver. When they parted, and before she could stop herself, she said, “I love y—” Buddy grinned, but she looked horrified, hopping quickly down from the sofa. “Uh, can you come help me get him into bed?”
Buddy grabbed the bottled water and followed her obediently to the guest bathroom. They found Alec on his knees in front of the toilet, his face resting on the cool porcelain seat.
“Alec, hon?” she said, sweeping a lock of his hair off his face. “Buddy’s going to put you to bed.” Buddy stepped around Mira and grabbed Alec under the arms, lifting him effortlessly. Mirabell flushed the toilet and left the room, turning left. Buddy, with Alec, followed. They got him in bed, Mira stripping off his pants and shoes and rolling him under the comforter.
Alec came around a bit. “This is Eli’s side of the bed,” he said. “I can smell him.”
“I know, love.”
Alec looked Mirabell up and down. “You don’t look like a kaleidoscope today.”
Buddy chuckled behind her, and she grinned at him against her will. Turning back to Alec, she said, “Don’t I?”
“No, you look like a—where’s James?” Alec asked, chuckling quietly to himself.
Buddy bent over to her ear. “James?” he asked softly. Mirabell smiled and glanced down at her outfit.
He was right. She was apparently going through a monochromatic phase: shoes, stockings, dress, sweater, handbag, and hair clip—all peachy. One would be surprised to reach out and stroke her and not find her fuzzy.
“I’ll explain later, dear.”
“I should call him,” Alec said suddenly, his face growing terribly serious.
Mirabell removed the phone from its cradle before Alec could, passing it deftly to Buddy. “Not yet, Alec. Sleep for a bit first. You don’t want to make a call you can’t take back.” She watched him relent and relax against the pillow once again. “Remember: drunk dialing can be fatal.” She pulled the comforter up to his neck, tucking him in properly. “Alec, you said you were wrong about Eli not loving you as much as Bennett. What did you mean?”
“He’s hanging on to the past because he doesn’t think he deserves a future.” Alec fought to keep his eyes open. “He cheated on Bennett, then he lost him.” Alec yawned, and Mirabell and Buddy smiled warmly at him, much like parents would smile at their child as they put him to bed. “I think Bennett forgave him, but… Eli… he….” Alec fell asleep.
“Can’t forgive himself,” Buddy whispered, and Mirabell nodded. They left the room, leaving a lamp on in the corner and the water on the nightstand.
Chapter 26
ELI’S hand shook as he tried to fit his key into the lock. The horrid end to his night with Alec, followed by hours at the hospital at Brad’s side, had left him exhausted and rattled. He stopped, took a deep breath to steady himself, and then the key slid in perfectly. He unlocked the front door and slipped quietly into the house. A pale, white light emanated from the kitchen at the end of the long entry hall, but there was no sound of movement, and he hoped Ilsa had gone to bed.
He leaned back against the door and closed his eyes, just wanting to crawl into bed. He headed toward his bedroom door, but before he reached it, he heard Ilsa on the next landing above him.
“I knew you’d be spending the night at Alec’s, but I had no idea you’d be so late in coming home today.”
He could hear the smile in her voice, and he so wanted to match her tone so she wouldn’t worry, but he couldn’t bring himself to, so he simply said, “Ilsa… I need to talk to you.” He continued into his bedroom. Seconds later she was standing in his doorway.
“Sugar, what’s wrong?” He sat on his bed, toeing off his shoes. “You look awful.” She came over and sat next to him. “Didn’t the date go well?”
“It was spectacular,” Eli sighed. “But I left Alec’s this morning.”
“Where have you been?”
He told Ilsa about Casey’s call for help and how he’d sat with Brad until his concerned grandparents had shown up, cooing over the boy and looking in on their daughter and son-in-law.
“You’re a prince, sugar,” she said, smiling. “Sorry Casey’s call ruined your date, though.”
He looked into her eyes and grinned weakly. “It wasn’t Casey who ruined the date.”
“Huh?”
“Dray came by this morning and—”
“Son of a bitch!” Ilsa rocketed off the bed, but
Eli raised his hand to calm her. She fell silent, pacing back and forth a few times, watching him, and then she gradually settled back down on the bed. “Sorry, what happened?”
“Me… I happened.” Ilsa just stared at him. “I exploded and tore into Dray. You know I promised Alec I’d keep that in check.” He looked at her, and she nodded. “But last night… it was so amazing, and then there Dray was this morning with coffee and schemes—and I just lost it.”
“Understandable.”
Eli hesitated. He wasn’t sure how he’d continue, but he knew he had to. “Alec told me he loved me.”
“Eli, that’s wonderful.”
He closed his eyes, remembering. “It was, Ilsa. It was,” he whispered.
“Then Casey called?”
His eyes popped open, and he swallowed nervously. “N-no….”
“Eli?”
“Dray told Alec that… years ago… I slept with him.”
“You’re joking?” She was off the bed again before Eli could stop her. “Dray accused you of cheating on Bennett—with him?” She paced around the room looking as though she wanted to break something, and if Dray’s neck had been handy at that moment, he might not have gotten out alive. “How dare he!”
He watched her pacing angrily back and forth in front of him, so filled with righteous indignation. Eli didn’t know where he found the strength to continue.
“Ilsa—”
She stopped in the middle of the room and glared at him. “What you and Bennett had was—”
“It’s true,” he whispered.
They stared at each other in silence for a good thirty seconds.
“What do you mean ‘it’s true’?”
“I cheated on Bennett.” Ilsa’s mouth worked without producing anything more than a strangled squeak. Eli nodded. “Dray shagged me—shagged me rotten… in the gents’ at Rocko’s.”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
She didn’t move any closer to him, just stood there, hugging herself and letting her gaze wander around the room. Eli waited, but when nothing more seemed forthcoming from her, he continued getting undressed, tugging his jumper off over his head.
“Alec and I are done, and I’m going to bed.”
The note of finality in his voice jarred Ilsa into speaking. “Are you certain? That doesn’t sound like Alec.”
He pulled the covers back before shedding his jeans. “It’s been a very long day.” He fell in the bed and tugged the covers up to his neck.
“Eli, did Alec actually end it?”
“Good night.” He rolled over to face the wall. “Turn the light out when you leave, please.”
“Oh no!” She yanked the covers off him. “You don’t drop something like that on me and think you’re going to just roll over and go to sleep!”
“What do you want me to say?!” Eli shouted, bringing Ilsa up short. He struggled off the bed and glared at her. “It’s quite simple. I cheated on Bennett! I dragged Dray Jenkins into the loo! I let him press my face against that cold tile and fuck me!” Eli gasped, his eyes clamping shut.
“That… that doesn’t sound like you.”
“I was drunk. I was angry. I was selfish. I… I… Bennett….” He choked up, tears coming to his eyes so quickly that Ilsa instinctively stepped forward to embrace him as she’d done so many times before, but she stopped herself. “I… hurt him. I h-hurt him so badly and… and then he was gone.”
Then she did try to wrap him up in her arms, but he didn’t want comfort and shoved her away. “You can’t make this better,” he said, holding up a hand to keep her back, his eyes flashing angrily. “Not with a hug or freshly baked bread or chocolate.” She looked affronted, and the strength went out of him. He dropped back onto his bed, staring at the floor. “I did this.”
He felt her eyes on him for more than a minute, then she took a tentative step forward. “Bennett…,” she began in a whisper. “He loved you, Eli.” She came a bit closer. “He knew, and he forgave you—” He looked at her sharply. “No, Eli. I saw the two of you together before we lost him, and he must have forgiven you.” She sat next to him, reached out, and lifted his face to hers. The depth of his guilt and grief was etched on his face. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
He pulled away. “I was ashamed. We—Bennett and I—we’d had a fight. He was working all the time, and I was just angry.” A few tears had spilled onto his cheeks, and he roughly wiped them away. “I just wanted him to spend more time with me.” A bark of bitter laughter escaped him. “More time,” he mumbled, shaking his head.
Suddenly he gripped Ilsa’s hand tightly. “I didn’t storm out planning for that to happen. I just wanted to go out dancing, just a couple of hours… the two of us dancing like we used to. But he had an important project to complete and refused. The next morning… I knew I had to tell him.” He looked at Ilsa with haunted eyes. “I couldn’t not tell him.”
“And he forgave you, right?” Eli nodded and shrugged. “Sugar, I remember those months before we lost him. You two couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You were closer than ever.” His gaze returned to the floor, and she reached out, taking his chin and lifting it again. “He forgave you. He loved you.” His tears came heavier now, and he couldn’t stop them. This time he let her hold him—briefly. “You need to talk to Alec.”
“I can’t face him.” Eli shook his head.
“Do you love him?” He nodded. “Then face him. Fight for him.”
“I don’t suppose he’s called?”
Ilsa shook her head, and then she quickly added, “But maybe he just needs time to digest things.”
Eli rolled himself back into bed, once again facing the wall. “Yeah, he needs time to digest that I lied to him. He needs time to decide if he wants to waste his time on some bloke who cheated on his lover, some git who’s too fucked up to—”
“To what?” Ilsa whispered.
Eli rolled over to look at her. “To love him the way he should be, the way he deserves to be.” He turned away from her again, and she left his room, turning out the light and closing the door.
Chapter 27
THE phone was ringing. Right. Inside. His. Skull. Alec blindly reached out for it, knocking it off its cradle and onto the floor. He felt like it was trying to escape him, but with a sudden, rapid, painful, concerted effort, he captured and answered it while hanging halfway off the side of the bed.
“Uh….”
“Alec?”
“Mm.”
“It’s Mira, love.” She fell silent, waiting. “How are you today?”
“You should have smothered me with my pillow last night.”
She laughed. “Couldn’t, love. Your man would never forgive me.”
“Mira—”
“If you tell me you don’t love him, I’ll leave you be.”
“I can’t say that.”
“I know. Fix it, Alec. Get up, drink plenty of water, shower, make yourself bloody beautiful, and go collect him.”
The line went dead, and Alec struggled to place it back in its cradle before rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. Collect him? Would it be that simple? Not a chance. He threw the comforter back and forced himself to sit up.
“Oh my God!” he said, clutching his head.
Alec took several deep, cleansing breaths, grabbed the bottled water, and struggled to open it as he stumbled to the bathroom.
TWO hours later, he was parking in front of Ilsa’s house. His headache was on the wane, thankfully, and he had mentally prepared himself for battle—yet again he’d have to try and convince Eli he wanted to be with him. As he approached the house, he thought about what he’d told Lincoln: Trust in your love for the man, and he’ll come to trust in it too.
He was about to unlock the door and simply walk in, but thought better of it. After all, he didn’t live here anymore, even if he still had a key. It felt wrong just to walk in, so he knocked and waited. He glanced around his old neighborhood, spotting Mr.
and Mrs. Brandt, the next-door neighbors, working in their front yard together.
“Ah, Mr. Sumner,” Mr. Brandt shouted, his wife smiling and waving also.
“Hi, sir. Ma’am. How are you today?” Alec rang the doorbell, shifting nervously from foot to foot.
“Fine, fine,” Mr. Brandt said. “How are you liking your new flat?”
“Oh, it’s fantastic. Just what I was hoping for.”
“If you’re looking for Ms. LaCoste, she left earlier,” Mrs. Brandt said.
“Oh, uh… actually I was hoping to speak to Eli… uh, Mr. Burke.”
“Sorry, we haven’t seen him today.”
Alec nodded and reached out to knock a bit louder, but then Casey opened the door.
“Whuh?” she asked as she leaned against the doorframe, her eyes barely open.
“Casey,” Alec said, stepping up eagerly. “I need to see Eli.”
Without a word she stepped back, allowing the door to swing wide and revealing the simple oversized nightshirt and socks she wore.
“Knock yourself out. Ilsa’s doing early prep for the lunch crowd at Peaches.”
Alec entered the house, shutting the door behind him as Casey shuffled away, heading for the stairs and mumbling something about “nutters next door and yard work.” He watched her go, then went to Eli’s bedroom door.
He knocked gently. “Eli? Eli, can we talk?” There was no answer. He hesitated a moment, took a deep breath, and opened the door a crack. “Eli?” The room was dark and silent. Alec swung the door wide and flicked on the light. The bed was empty but had obviously been slept in. He turned and glanced back at the stairs before stepping into the room and softly closing the door behind him.
Part of him felt terribly naughty being in Eli’s room while he was out, but a bigger, stronger part of Alec had missed the room and the time they’d spent together in it. He went to the shelves on the wall just outside the bathroom and looked over the photos there. The first time he’d ever been in the room was to help Ilsa pour Eli into bed, and while she undressed her friend, Alec had distracted himself by looking over these photos.
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