They Were The Best of Gnomes, They Were The Worst of Gnomes (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 1)
Page 34
Finally, Corporal Gigantus and his men reached the top of the hill.
“Any news on who started the fire?” Colossus asked.
“Oh, I know who started it. That I know for a fact.”
Corporal Colossus raised an eyebrow at his fellow Corporal, “Who?”
“It was this Gnome. This crazy Gnome. We were at the Jamboree, pushing around people when he started it.” Corporal Gigantus got a far-away look in his eye, “I’d swear he was half Halfling with how he acted. Right there in the middle of the entire town, innocents everywhere, he started the blaze. Panic ensued. People were trampled.” He looked at Corporal Colossus, “It was glorious.”
Corporal Colossus shoved his fellow Corporal. “GLORIOUS? Some Gnome burned the town to the ground instead of us and you think it’s glorious? Wait till the Lord High Priest hears this.” He shuddered involuntarily, “You won’t think it was glorious then.” There was a CIA in his future, and it would leave a bad taste in his mouth. There was no avoiding it; that’s just what a CIA did.[32]
“Only if he finds out,” offered Gigantus, “if we get to this Gnome first and shut him up. No one will be the wiser.”
The two Halflings turned and watched as Aution burned. “Fine. Fine. We’ll find that Gnome and he’ll be sorry he ever crossed a Halfling,” said Corporal Colossus.
Chapter Forty Five
Wherein the Group Arrives at Displane’s School for
Young Wizards and Witches
They all continued in silence as the wagon bounced down the road toward Big Julies. Occasionally, they would turn to look at the receding inferno that once was Aution. Soon, only a thick black column of smoke was visible in the sky. Even as they approached the school, it was still visible. They rolled to a stop in front of the two Gargoyles. They were both facing the pillar of smoke that once was Aution.
A familiar Dwarfling came out one of the doors onto the flagstones. He appraised the motley group for a moment. “Ya got an appointment?”
Without missing a beat, Drimblerod smiled and answered, “Of course we do.” He moved the wagon beside the double doors and the group all got out.
“Rat, watch the wagon while we talk to Big Julie,” said Grimbledung after he changed him back. “We’ll come get you before we go eat. Promise.”
With that, Drimblerod, Grimbledung and Nulu followed the Dwarfling into the school (through the left door because that was the Gargoyle that had stopped looking at the pillar of smoke long enough to tend to its duties) towards Big Julie’s office.
Grimbledung glanced down at the Dwarfling and smirked. “So what are you in for this time?” He asked in a conspiratorial tone.
The End
Will the Gang be welcomed by Big Julie?
Can Aution be rebuilt?
How will Grimbledung act with two curvaceous women nearby?
Find out in the next exciting story in the Tales from a Second-Hand Wand Shoppe series - Book 2: Gnomes, and Halflings, and Assassins! Oh My!
Available NOW on Amazon!
If you enjoyed this story, please leave a review on Amazon. If you didn’t, forget we ever met!
About the Author
(Robert in his natural habitat)
Robert P. Wills is a newly retired U.S. Army, Chief Warrant Officer Four. He and his long suffering wife have retired to Kissimmee, Florida where they are spending far too much time walking around the various theme parks in the area.
Except Sea World.
The employees there tend to yell at Robert for petting the dolphins. At the dolphin petting pool. No, he doesn’t understand it either. He wasn’t even dressed like a pirate at the time!
(Have Parrot. Will Travel)
He plans to continue his writing antics with several books in the works. Book five in his wildly popular Tales from a Second Hand Wand Shop series, Grimbledung and the No Good, Terrible, Horrible Mine, will be published in late 2015 with Book 6- Game of Gnomes It’s the Election Stupid moving along with a publishing date in Septemberish 2016.
Unless he is eaten by a shark first.
Other Stories by Robert P. Wills
Fantasy
Next in this series are:
Book 5- Grimbledung and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good Mine (out now!)
Book 6- It’s the Election, Stupid (mid 2016)
Book 7- Killing Grimbledung (mid 2017)
Horror
Diary of a Madman- The Haunting of Terrance Brushwood. Young Terrance is worried he is going crazy. No one else is seeing the things he is. Are they in his mind? His doctor thinks so. This is a 5,000 word short available on Amazon. Suitable for ages 13 and up due to language.
Easy Street Unpaved- A Vampire’s Change of Fortune. Hugh has been a vampire since the early days of the Jamestown colony. He has seen fortunes come and go throughout the centuries. None of that will prepare him for what happens to him next. Suitable for ages 16 and up- Hugh isn’t a friendly vampire. This 20,000 word short available on Amazon as a prologue to a three-part series; Hugh – ‘Vampire’; ‘Hunter’; ‘King’. Coming in late 2017. If it goes well, the following three books Hugh – ‘Emperor’; ‘God’; and finally ‘Damned’ will finish up this ten-thousand-year saga.
Adventure
The Sailings of Pirate Nonn. Pirate Nonn and his crew sail the Caribbean in search of treasure. Ruthless and cunning, Nonn and his crew are in search of a missing treasure with Her Majesty’s Navy in pursuit. This story is suitable for ages 14 and up due to violence. Nonn isn’t a loveable pirate. Coming mid-2016.
Science Fiction
The Prodigals - A post-apocalyptic inspirational science fiction series.
Book 1 Apple Declined. Earth is dying. In a last ditch effort to save humankind, probes have been sent to search out viable planets for colonization. Several are found that will support a portion of Earth’s inhabitants- Humans will continue to live, but scattered across 40 light years of space. Then a planet is found that will accommodate everyone. The only problem is that Arcturus already has an indigenous population. A peaceful one where their version of Eve declined the apple; the planet has no wars, no violence, no military. Now Earth has set their sights on this paradise.
For more information visit www.RobertPWills.com
or his Amazon page amazon.com/author/robertwills
About The Illustrator
Rio Taylor studied Illustration at the University of Hertfordshire in England. The purpose and drive behind her art is to tell stories. She loves chocolate, wolves and traveling. Rio currently lives in Loveland, Colorado. She is related to Robert by marriage on his wife’s side, so he didn’t have to pay her anything for her illustrations.
After working on book 1 and before working on book 3, Rio got married. The author would like to think that her future husband saw her artwork in his stories and fell madly in love with Rio. That’s the author’s story and he’s sticking to it!
Rio is currently living in Colorado while she and her (also very talented) husband try to figure out the United Kingdom’s absurdly unfair green-card policies.
View more of Rio’s art at
https://www.facebook.com/rioillustration
You can also see (and purchase?) her art at-
http://rioburton.storenvy.com/
To see her work on The Fairy Tale Games the Battle Royale, hop over to www.thefairytalegames.com
Print out this page to make a shopping list
___ Bread
___ Eggs
___ Stuff that Vegans eat (if appropriate)
___ Stuff that Carnivores eat (if appropriate)
___ Neccos (best candy ever!)
___ Frozen Waffles (they are part of a balanced breakfast)
___ Stuff to complete a balanced breakfast (optional)
___ Flowers for your significant others (not optional)
* * *
[1] Field Scroll 3.0
[2] Testy School Teacher + Four Foot Katana = Let’s capitalize the ‘A’.
[3] It’s a thr
ee-star affair. We recommend it if you’re in the neighborhood. We highly recommend it before the events in Chapter Forty take place.
[4] 1-3 Orcs is a Band. 4-9 =Party of Orcs, 10-20=Orc Troop, 21=49=Heal of Orcs, 50-00=Massing of Orcs. 100+ = Tolkien of Orcs
[5] Right??!!
[6] Never have more wrong words been spoken.
[7] Honestly, there’s already going to be too many moving parts to include the Gremlins. Maybe next time.
[8] Yes, that is a standard unit of measurement. Pumpkins are routinely sold using this scale, in fact.
[9] Twenty-One was before Twenty (part three)- don’t get confused now; it only gets worse later on.
[10] For goodness’ sakes; it just means twenty! Twenty of anything.
[11] For the sake of good taste, that Halfling word will not be translated. Use your imagination if you must. If you’re a minor, just substitute ‘going shopping’
[12] Nope. That’s all you get about him. He’s like those Gremlins. Maybe someday there will be Tales from The Mora Tau Bar and BAR. Some day
[13] The collective for Elves- all numbers of Elves. Honestly, you would never confuse any number of Elves with 10-20 Orcs.
[14] That’s it, sorry. This incident will probably end up in Tales from The Mora Tau Bar and BAR. You won’t want to miss it
[15] Look it up. We’re not making these collectives up you know!
[16] Yes, any grouping of Brownies; either the mischievous or the chocolaty baked variety are called a Batch
[17] Listen, we’re tired of justifying our collectives here: 2=Couple, 3-9=Gang, 10-25=Gross, 25+ = Heaps. (As in ‘I hear there’s Heaps of Ogres in the Deeping Comb. That can’t be good.’)
[18] Legitimate, that is
[19] The roof held up all the floors above the first. Of course.
[20] At an early age, while his schoolmates studied ‘The Three R’s’, Vera busied himself with ‘The Three M’s’.
[21] Hey- at least they’re in order!
[22] See? Once they’re dead, they’re Saints. Even unstable, Pixie-crazy Gnomes.
[23] Well, at least until the next book. There will be extenuating circumstances but they still won’t be happy to see him. Honestly, would you?
[24] Mark I can’t talk, Mark II can talk, and Mark IV are mounted troops.
[25]Since the wrestling match in Grimbledung’s mind was not sanctioned, there was no one to complain to about the highly illegal (yet effective) move
[26] Actually, it was our editor that said we needed one
[27] Not even one of the ends- even in the middle, one never wants their hand inside a Thrak.
[28] Not since his parents died, anyway.
[29] For aesthetic reasons, they split their operations between two floors; neither the sick nor the dead wanted to hear screaming newborns…
[30] It is now officially too late to visit the Sliced Unicorn Restaurant and Ice Cream Parlour. Sorry.
[31] The painful blood sucking variety of Shambler Flies- not the friendly yellow ones that are fun to chat with.
[32] Hah, hah, just kidding guys!