by Lily Harlem
“Towels are there,” I said, pointing to the stack on Coben’s lounger. “If you’re going for a swim.”
“I’ll get one when I come back up.” He gripped the base of his t-shirt with both hands and peeled it over his head. He did it tantalizingly slowly, almost as if knowing he was teasing us both. Revealing first his navel, then his flat stomach that held the hint of a six-pack, and finally his pecks. He had a scribble of dark chest hair that fanned outward to his nipples and as the material went over his head he exposed his damp, jet-black underarm hair.
He tossed the t-shirt aside and swiped his forearm over his brow. “Think I’ll take a dip.” He turned and strode down toward the sea.
Coben was staring at him the same way I was sure I had been. I wondered what he was thinking. Were memories washing over him, bombarding him, or were thoughts of the future stealing his mind? Could he recall the feel of Ed’s skin against his? The taste of him on his tongue? How it felt when their bodies had been connected.
I shifted on my seat, feeling turned on as all those curiosities flooded my mind.
Coben glanced at me. He had a little color on his cheeks that hadn’t been there before Ed had arrived.
“You okay?” I asked.
He nodded.
“I don’t think you could have picked a sexier guy to have an affair with.”
He sat opposite me, our knees almost touching, and looked out to sea again. “Mmm.”
Ed was walking into the waves. He didn’t hesitate, kept on powering forward. Once it reached his thighs he dived expertly into a swell of rolling water. For a moment he disappeared. Then he surfaced and struck out into a fast crawl.
“What are you thinking, Coben?” I asked, gently resting my hand on his knee.
He didn’t look at me. “Why has he come here? All this way on a hot day in leathers? He must have other things to do. Leave is so precious.”
“Because he wants to be with you.” I gave a small shrug. “It’s not rocket science.”
“But…there’s nothing between us.” He spoke slowly as if the words in his brain were only just formed as they came out.
“There’s something still there. You can’t deny that.”
“And you?” He looked at me, a slight frown in place. “You really mean everything you say about threesomes? About not being bothered about mine and Edward’s history.”
“You know I mean it. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I’m not happy with something I’ll tell you. If I want something I’ll tell you.” I rubbed his knee. “So don’t look so tense. Life is meant to be fun some of the time, you know. Just go with the flow. Enjoy your day at the beach.” I hesitated. “Look, turn around, face the sea and I’ll do your back.” I reached for the lotion. “You can admire Ed as I do so.”
He said nothing but duly sat on the end of the lounger facing the horizon so I could set about rubbing protection onto his broad back. His skin wasn’t as dark as Ed’s but still held a healthy golden glow that went with his blond hair perfectly. Today, with his hair a bit over long he looked more like a surfer dude than a world-class computer expert and fully trained fighting machine. But unlike a chilled surfer he was tense beneath the surface of his flesh. I eased out a few knots beneath his shoulder blades and ran the tips of my fingers down his spine.
He groaned quietly, then, “That’s nice.”
“Let it go, the tension,” I whispered into his ear, then kissed his temple. “Forget work, it’s just here and now. Nothing else but the sun, the sea, the waves…us.”
“I know.”
“And Edward is pretty good at switching off by the looks of it.”
“He never switches off.”
I watched Ed emerging from the waves, shiny and sleek and his body hair flattened to his chest and legs. The swimshorts were plastered to his groin, the half-leg tat seemingly extra dark now the sun was making the un-inked skin gleam. He was a vision of perfection for a girl like me who had a fondness for the military type whose bodies looked like they held more opportunities for sin than was humanly possible. “Bloody hell,” I muttered.
“Fucking hell,” Coben said quietly.
“He’s doing it on purpose.”
“What?”
“That, this…fucking Daniel Craig thing, Bond, walking out of the sea looking irresistible.”
Coben chuckled and I finally felt him relax a fraction beneath my palms.
“Yeah,” he said, “he always was good at playing the game.”
“What game?”
“Making everyone want him, for their own reasons of course.”
“But he hasn’t always had everything he wants.”
“Why do you say that?” Coben half turned to me, squinting in the sunshine.
“Because he didn’t get you.”
“He did for a while.”
“But not forever. Not the way I have you.”
He smiled. “You certainly do have me. I’m all yours.”
“And a little bit his.” I twitched my eyebrows and looked up as Ed’s shadow engulfed us.
“That was good,” Ed said, reaching for a towel. “Been in warmer seas but I’ll take the English Channel over them all.”
“Why?” I asked, moving back to my own lounger. “When you could be anywhere.”
“It’s home.” He held my gaze for a moment, then buried his face in the towel and rubbed.
“Yep, something nice about being on home ground when you’ve been away,” Coben agreed.
“Too right.” Ed dropped the towel on his lounger and sat.
“Want a drink?” Coben asked.
“Sure.”
Coben passed him a can of Coke.
“Did you only pick up Coke?” I asked.
“Er…” Coben looked in the coolbox. “Shit, yeah, sorry.”
“Oh bugger. I put lemonade out too.”
“You don’t like Coke?” Ed asked.
“No, it gives me palpitations.” I tutted. “Silly really when I can drink wine like it’s going out of fashion, but give me a cola and I’m fluttering like a butterfly.” I laughed. “It’s okay, I’ll go for a wander and buy myself something.” I indicated up the beach.
“No, I’ll go.” Coben stood. “It’s my fault. I should have picked it up.”
“I think maybe I forgot to get it out of the fridge, thought about it but didn’t do it.” I stood too, my feet sinking into the fine sand. “It’s okay, though. I don’t mind a stroll. We’ve been sitting in the car for ages. You two start on the sandwiches. I’ll be back soon.”
“You sure?” Coben asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll go if you want,” Ed said, giving a nonchalant shrug.
“Seriously, I’m quite capable of wandering up the beach and getting a drink.” I reached for my purse. “Anyone want anything?”
“I think we’re good,” Coben said, indicating the full picnic basket. “Everything I can think of is in here except for lemonade.”
“Okay, see you in twenty.” I donned a straw hat, then wandered down to the shoreline, planning on walking on the harder sand that would be easier for my journey.
I didn’t glance back. I wanted the men to have a few minutes together. I felt Coben needed to assess the lay of the land, find out why Ed had agreed to join us—if he was brave enough to ask, that was.
It took me a while to find a shop that sold what I wanted but soon I was wandering back to our little hideaway with the sun beating down on my shoulders. The crowds thinned as the dunes came into sight and I was glad of the dulling of the sounds of the busy promenade and the excited children. I was lost in my own thoughts, enjoying the feel of the waves washing rhythmically over my feet, tickling my ankles and fizzing around my toes.
When our windbreak came into view I angled away from the shore and headed back to the men. The breeze caught my hair and I enjoyed the freshness of the air after a week in the city. As I rounded the end of the windbreak I paused.
Coben and Ed were si
tting on the same lounger, mine, the one in the shade. They were side on to each other, their feet in the sand, their shoulders just touching. Beside them lay the remnants of some of the savory snacks I’d added to the picnic basket.
Ed had his head bent low, apparently absorbed in burying his toes. Coben was looking at him.
Something had just been said.
I had no idea what.
“Hey.” I held on to the pole that supported the windbreak. “Things get too hot in the sun?”
Both men looked up quickly.
Coben unknotted his fingers.
“Yeah,” he said, “hot.”
I took a seat opposite them, mimicking their position. “So what are you chatting about?”
Ed studied me, a steely look in his eyes.
I held his gaze. “Something you can’t tell me, right?” I smiled. “I get the picture.”
“Sian,” Coben said with a frown.
I popped the ring on my can of lemonade and took a long drink. Once I’d swallowed the refreshing liquid I smiled, hoping to lighten the situation I’d walked in on. “There’s a lot to admire here.” I pointed to Ed’s tattoo. “So much going on. Everything is significant, you said.”
“Yes, it all means something to me.” He hitched the hem of his shorts a fraction, revealing the full wingspan of the bird I’d added. It wasn’t quite healed but it looked as though it was doing fine.
“The M and D,” I said, “Mum and Dad, am I right?”
He smiled. “Yeah, that’s an easy one.”
“And this,” Coben said, hovering his index finger above what looked like a tornado with palm trees on either side, “is a reminder of Afghanistan.”
“You have a good memory,” Ed said, looking at him.
“Yes.” Coben paused. “I have.”
Where you’re concerned, Coben, I wanted to add but held myself back. “And this new one, the one I did?” I asked instead.
“A recent…expedition.”
“I like it,” Coben said. “Couldn’t have been easy.”
“Never easy, but always possible.” Ed leaned back, his hands behind him and his elbows locked.
I wanted to ask what hadn’t been easy, because it obviously meant more to Coben than it did to me, but I knew they weren’t likely to explain. Instead I allowed the C above Ed’s knee to catch my eye. It was nestled in ivy leaves and beneath them was the image of a heart broken in two. The halves had jagged edges, like a jigsaw pulled apart.
A C? With a broken heart? Was it a symbol of having loved and lost Coben?
Curiosity ate me up. I suddenly had to know. “What does the C stand for?” I almost but not quite touched it as I once again pointed.
Ed was silent. I thought he wasn’t going to answer, then, “Someone.”
“Someone you loved and lost,” I said, purposely not looking at Coben.
“Why would you say that?” Ed asked, the barest trace of a frown etching across his brow.
“Because there’s a broken heart beneath it, wrapped up in these ivy leaves and tendrils. It’s like the C and the cracked heart are bound together by the branches.”
“Perceptive,” Ed said, the right side of his mouth twitching into a half-smile.
I swallowed. My heart was pounding. I was going to do it. I was going to lay the cards on the table, point out the elephant in the room. It had to be done. “Does the C stand for Coben?”
Chapter Six
“Sian,” Coben snapped, his eyes narrowing.
I swept my tongue over my bottom lip. I’d said it now, put forward the question. It couldn’t be taken back.
“Why would you think that?” Ed asked, looking as cool as ever and not glancing at Coben despite the fact Coben was also staring at the C and the heart.
Is he making the connection as well?
“I just…sense something between you two.”
“Oh?” Ed raised his eyebrows.
“I really think—” Coben started.
“I really think I need to be in the loop here, guys.” I shrugged. “You’ve got to admit, you’ve acted pretty strange together.”
“What do you mean?” Ed gave a small laugh.
“Well, at the Sterns’ you acted like complete strangers, more than strangers, like two men who held contempt for each other, but then yesterday you were best buddies drinking beer around a BBQ. And now…” I paused. “I come back and find you all cozy and close and sharing a picnic.” I tried to keep my voice soft and understanding because I did understand. Equally I recognized the need for Ed to only tell me if he wanted to.
“I don’t know about cozy. We were just sitting in the shade…” Coben said, his words trailing off as Ed reached for my hand and pressed it between his.
He stared at our connection and sighed. “Tell me, Sian. What loop do you think you’re being kept out of?”
I tipped my chin. “You and my husband. There is something going on that’s more than ex-comrades.”
“Like…?”
“Like that C on your leg. It’s not for Caroline or Catherine or Carrie, is it?”
He gave me a look that I would imagine, for anyone being interrogated by him in a hostile situation, would have been terrifying. But for me it was intriguing. I was the interrogator, not him, and I wanted him to open up and be honest with me, because he could. I was safe territory.
“I think it represents my husband,” I went on, “who I love with all my heart.” I glanced at Coben. He had his head tipped and wore a deathly serious expression. I wondered if he wanted the conversation to continue or stop. I calculated he wanted it to continue otherwise he would have drawn me up before now. He knew me well enough to know what I was alluding to and what I would soon be saying. Maybe he wanted me to be the one to say it. Perhaps that’s how it had to be.
“I’m pleased Coben found a good woman to spend his life with.” Ed filled my pause in conversation, dodging around my statement.
“Thank you, we’ve committed to each other till death do us part. However…”
“What?” Ed asked.
“We both have pasts. We both have desires, fantasies, hopes for the future.”
“That’s how it should be. You’re very lucky to have each other.”
“We think so. But the thing is, Ed.” I turned my hand within his and wrapped my fingers around the edge of his big palm. “Those pasts are colorful. They’re erotic. They’re also not a secret between us.”
“Secret?”
“Yes, we tell each other everything.”
For the first time Ed gave away a sign of discomfort. A small nerve twitched in the corner of his right eye, just once, almost like a wink but not one he’d controlled.
“Edward,” Coben said. “I…”
“What did you tell her?” Ed turned to Coben. As he did so he untangled his hands from mine and placed them on his thighs, fingers spread.
“Nothing…she…” Coben reached for Ed’s hand, the one nearest him. “Guessed.”
“No one has ever fucking guessed.” Despite his harsh words his voice was still low and he let Coben hold his hand.
“No one has ever known me as well as she does.” Coben shook his head. “The moment she saw us together, the moment I saw you in that room…” He shut his eyes and pressed his lips tight. “I knew…”
Ed pulled in a deep breath. “What? You knew what?”
“That this…us…it would get complicated.” He raised their joined hands.
“Us? There is no us.” Ed pulled his fingers away and clenched them.
Coben looked down at the sand. “Yes there is. I can’t be around you and not be affected by you, Edward. It’s the way it’s always been.” He set his attention on me as though judging my reaction to his words.
It wasn’t news to me. Their effect on each other was crystal clear, palpable, as was their unspoken history. But it was obviously still a difficult thing for them to admit to. “It’s not complicated,” I said. “It’s perfectly simple.”
“It’s never been simple.” Ed shook his head.
I was relieved he didn’t sound angry, just resigned.
“This.” Coben traced the letter C on Ed’s thigh. “You didn’t have it the last time I saw you.”
“But you know how I’ve always added to this artwork, so you’re not surprised.”
“No. I’m not surprised.” He touched the broken heart beneath the letter. “And it hurt me too when we had to end it. I missed you. I missed what we’d had, the connection.” He lowered his voice. “I was in love with you.”
My heart went out to my husband. He was being so brave, wearing his emotions on his sleeve, giving permission for the past to be spoken about, not just between them but also in front of me.
Ed frowned. “This is hard, you know.” He looked between me and Coben. “I’m not used to talking about this, about what we had, what we were back then. It’s been locked in here for many years.” He clenched his fist and banged it on his chest. “It’s never been talked about.”
“But you can trust Sian,” Coben said. “We can discuss it openly with her. In fact I need to. She’s my wife. I’ve kept all this buried for years but now it’s surfaced again, it needs to be out into the open, between us three. I’m a package now. That’s what marriage does. It binds two people together, and we, Sian and I, we can’t have secrets.” He paused. “And if it makes you feel any better, I’d trust her with my life. The way I’ve trusted you with my life in the past.”
“Yeah, I saved your ass on more than one occasion.”
“I returned the favor,” Coben shot back.
They shared a look and I wondered what god-awful situation they were remembering.
“You can trust Sian,” Coben repeated. “I give you my word.”
“I give you my word too,” I said. “Besides, I’m not in the habit of discussing intimate details of my life with other people. It’s between Coben and I, and if you’re part of that intimacy then that’s also confidential. My lips are sealed. I understand the need for discretion, especially in the line of work you do and Coben once did.”
Ed was quiet for a moment, then, “Thank you, Sian, that makes me feel better. But I’m not ready…”
“To come out?”
“No, it’s not that. There’s no need to come out. I’m not gay. There’s only ever been Coben. I’ve never…never been with another man.”
