He’d missed her so much, and she sat there as though he was lying just to have something to say.
They’d never had a chasm like this between them before, but it had been so long, maybe they weren’t them anymore. Though he thought that through logically, he couldn’t make the feeling of having been socked disappear. “I don't understand.”
He didn't. What had been easy, and sexy, and fun was suddenly difficult. Awkward.
Hailey didn’t seem to have problems though. Her tone wasn’t dreamy or wishful; it had sharp edges that he tried to back away from. “What exactly did you miss about me, Adam?”
He understood she meant it. But her saying practically the same thing again didn't really clarify what she wanted from him. Still, he tried. “I missed the sound of your voice. I missed seeing your texts in the middle of the afternoon. I missed…”
What else was there to say?
Just when he was about to open his mouth, her words flowed into the air between them.
“You missed sleeping with me?” Though the words themselves were polite, the question reeked of accusation. It was a rough question from a woman who'd suggested they could be friends with benefits and that it would be fine. Clearly, something about it was not. But if there was one thing he’d learned before, being less than honest wouldn’t get him anywhere.
“Sure, that too.” But even as he said the three short words, he knew they were the wrong ones. Instantly, he felt himself begin to backpedal and try to defend what he’d said. “Isn't that what we agreed on? Were exclusive and we’re having sex. Right?”
“It is.” Her voice and her tone were agreeable. The clipped nature of the words wasn't. He knew there was something more and he tried to be patient. What he got back instead was, “I guess I missed you, too.”
It didn't sound like the declaration he'd hoped for. He’d missed her, badly. Hell, he'd missed her for eight long years, but he was pretty sure that wasn't the right thing to say either. So he tried one last time. “I miss talking to you. I missed hearing how your day went. I missed…”
Just then, he paused, unsure if he was going to play this card. It felt big, but then he thought, What the hell! She couldn't break his heart as badly as she had the last time. Could she? “I miss knowing that, at the end of the day, you are still mine.”
He heard the words only after they were out. He heard that it sounded angry, but it was too late and there was nothing he could do about it. Besides, she was the one who started this conversation. They had been having a good time. In fact, there was going to be a knock on the door from room service at any moment, and what should have been a happy, go-lucky scene was now filled with terse words.
He let it all sit for a minute while Hailey visibly absorbed what he said. He could tell she was making decisions about how to respond. If he was betting on the outcome, he’d put his money on “wouldn't like what he got.”
“The thing is Adam…”
Yeah, he shouldn't have played that last card.
“—I don't know how you missed hearing my voice when mostly you texted me. And I don't know how you missed hearing about my day, when we never talked about it. And I don't know how you missed knowing that I’m yours at the end of the night. I don't think you’re mine or I’m yours. We had a pretty clear agreement. But you’re right that I shouldn't have asked.”
“That is what we agreed. I agreed to it too, but I don’t know that I still want that.” They’d had all of three rendezvous between them, and he was already failing miserably. He was failing at the rest of it, too, since it didn’t seem he could stop his mouth from confessing everything. He was handing her every tool she needed to break him, but he just kept going. “It's just that we used to talk about everything. Now it's only about sex. I guess that's a harder adjustment for me than I thought it was going to be.”
He was failing at “keeping it light.” This was not the way friends-with-benefits was supposed to go. He’d had a friend with benefits once, and she’d told him she found someone new and Adam had just wished her luck. With Hailey? Even this conversation—where she wasn’t leaving him…yet—everything felt like a punch to the gut.
Sure enough, the knock came at the door right then and neither of them had any clothes on.
Popping up, Adam motioned for her to step into the bathroom, where she could at least hide from the hotel employees. Calling out for them to wait, he hopped around for a moment as he pulled on pants and a T shirt before inviting the server in. A beautiful table was carefully set in the middle of the tiny space in the hotel room.
Well, Adam thought, the food was prettier than their relationship right now.
When they were alone again, he knocked on the bathroom door and was surprised when Hailey emerged dressed. But then he realized that she’d pulled on a pair of her own jeans, but she was in one of his shirts. It took him a moment to place how she'd gotten it. He’d ducked into the hotel, gotten his room key and even changed after the drive in from Knoxville before heading down to the Heart Beats parking lot to meet her. He must have left the shirt in the bathroom.
And here was Hailey, just like old times, looking like she was his.
It hit him hard as he stared at her. Maybe he didn't miss hearing her voice or hearing her talking about her day—not recently—because they hadn’t been doing that. She was right. But he did miss those things. Maybe missing her wasn’t something new. He’d missed all of her for so long already.
After laying so many of his cards on the table tonight, he decided to hold that one closer to the chest. So instead of telling her, he did the second dumbest thing he could do. He reached out, took her hand and pulled her over to the table. Playing the gentleman, he pulled out her chair for her as though they were in their prom gown and tux rather than the discarded clothing they’d scooped off the hotel room floor. Once he was seated, he said, “You’re right. We're not doing those things. We don’t talk enough, and we don’t tell each other about our days. And yet, somehow, I still miss them.”
He paused, but Hailey just looked at him with those big blue eyes he knew so, so well. This would be up to him, so he put it out there.
“Do you want to be something more?”
26
Hailey woke up at midnight, in her own apartment, under her own fluffy comforter. Alone.
There was no cat to curl at her feet or greet her at the door. But she'd known that would be the case. There was also no Adam sleeping beside her, not like he’d been last night. For today, she thought that was probably a good thing. Even if it didn't feel as good as having him curled up next to her did.
They'd asked each other some hard questions, which was her own fault. She had herself a good setup with Adam. She had a friend with benefits that she trusted. But she'd gone and gotten angry about him doing exactly what she told him to.
Not very mature, she chastised herself as she rolled over, tangling the covers around herself.
He’d asked if she wanted them to be something more to each other and she’d told him she didn't know.
It wasn’t a lie. She didn't know if she wanted to be something more. That it was the truth didn’t change the fact that it was a shitty answer. On the one hand, she did want more. She missed him, too, despite the fact that everything she said was true. They didn't talk. But she understood what he meant: she missed hearing his voice, too. She’d told him she didn’t know, because she wasn't sure if following her feelings headlong down this steep hill was the right thing to do. It certainly didn't seem the smart thing to do.
At least he’d let her non-answer stand. “Then we go on as we are, and if you find you want to change things, let me know.”
It was all he’d said as they finished their middle-of-the-night breakfast, crawled back into bed, and curled into each other’s arms. She'd been falling asleep when he reached for her again.
This time, when they made love, it was slow and sweet. Hailey felt as if she was making promises with her body that her brain and her hea
rt wouldn't quite commit to. Was Adam doing the same thing?
It felt like he was, but she couldn’t be certain.
After, when they fell into a deep sleep, their limbs were entangled and she could feel their hearts beating next to each other, almost as though they really meant it this time. But she'd woken abruptly to the harsh mechanical beeping of his phone.
He’d smacked it off and rolled back into her, but Hailey had already asked what it was for.
“Checkout time is eleven.” He’d mumbled it into her hair, already falling back asleep even as he volunteered to pay for the extra day at the hotel.
It was Hailey who wasn't sure if she could handle it. So she told him she had to leave. She said she had a meeting, and she was pretty sure he saw right through the lie.
In fact, the only meeting she had was her head meeting this pillow in this bed.
She’d slept all through today and on into the middle of the night, when she finally woke up. After a few minutes, she found herself standing over her stove in her underwear. Still groggy from twisting her schedule and her heart into knots, she scrambled an egg from the carton she’d picked up after he dropped her at the apartment.
She’d gone on long trips before, left her place empty for several weeks at a time. But she couldn't remember the last time it had felt quite so cold coming back. The place had been stale and empty and musty.
She'd been smart enough to turn right around after Adam dropped her off. Freshly showered and with her hair up in a ponytail, Hailey had headed straight for the grocery store.
Even though she’d snagged a few essentials, her food supplies were lower than usual. She’d eaten everything perishable before she left. Now, she looked around wondering what else she could make to eat. In one cupboard a small blue box of cornbread mix caught her eye. She only needed one egg and some water.
The mix was in the bowl and the egg cracked before she realized she didn't have any bottled water. For a moment she ran the tap and contemplated using the city water, but the tap never ran quite clear enough for her. It was why she always—well, almost always—had bottled water in the fridge.
Then she reached into her suitcase. Hell, she thought, she’d already drunk the True Springs fountain water. She might as well make Mabel happy and use it. Surely there was a half cup in there. She eyeballed the jar, opened it and sniffed.
It certainly looked clearer than what the sink was providing. Hailey scowled at it. Was it really from the fountain? Had it been in there with the pennies and nickels and whatever else the town children threw in? The water in the jar looked far too clear. It was probably just filtered tap water from True Springs. Mabel likely sold these for cash, wishing each person luck from their adorable little Mason jar as she pocketed the change…not that she’d asked for any from Hailey.
Whatever. If anything about the town name was accurate, then this had to be better than what was coming through her pipes in East Nashville. She dumped the water into the bowl and stirred, reminding herself that she didn't believe it, so it didn't matter anyway.
Mabel had already slipped her some fountain water in her cocoa earlier. So if it was going to have any effect, wouldn't she have seen it already?
Hailey contemplated that as she stirred, then poured the batter into little paper cups in her cupcake tin. She popped the whole thing into the oven, still wondering if she'd done something ridiculous. But then she thought back to last night, to how she’d felt, how she and Adam had stared at each other, not knowing what to say or do if they weren't having sex. If True Springs, fountain water was the miracle the town claimed, last night should have gone dramatically differently.
Clearly, it was all a hoax to bring in tourists. Hailey added “bottled water” to her growing grocery list and waited for the timer to ding.
27
Hailey was trying and Adam had to give her credit for that, he thought as she asked him, “So did you buy the projectors?”
She looked up at him from where she stood at the stove.
“I did. I bit the bullet. It was a lot of money.” It was the kind of money neither of them had ever expected to see. At least not until Hailey made it big. He laughed. “I don’t have that kind of money just sitting in my pockets. The debt on the business is huge.”
Hailey nodded and stirred the chili she was heating up for them. She had invited him over for dinner and that was a first. He’d accepted, thinking it was almost like a first date, but it had been difficult not to pounce on her when she opened the door. His only effort of restraint was to give her a deep kiss and step quickly away.
He was going to do this, he told himself, they could do this. So he hung back, set the table, and watched her stir chili and heat corn bread. It wasn't anything fancy. Hailey was no great cook, but it meant more to him that she was doing the work than if they just ordered out somewhere. So he could try to stick to his part—his part was keeping his hands and his tongue to himself.
“I think if you look at the finances of the company, you would think I'm a lot better off than I am. Right now, it’s running more like a farm where there's a lot of money that goes through, but not much actually filtering into my hands.”
She smiled at him. “But you've got your own place now.”
“An apartment. Yes. It’s in a nice building.” Then he went and said another dumb thing. Just threw it out there like he’d thrown out the dumb thing last time. Well, maybe it was paying off? “You could come up and see my place. Hang out on my patio and watch the fog settle into the mountains. Enjoy Knoxville. Maybe you can think up a new song.” Adam threw the last part in there, as though he could save face by suggesting his overly-lyrical invite would be ‘work’ for her.
At least she said, “That’s a good idea,” as though she would actually consider it.
Maybe miracles did happen.
Hailey stopped stirring and began to serve the chili with Fritos, onions, black olives, sour cream and grated cheese. She placed a little basket of cornbread in the middle of the table. He’d considered bringing a bottle of wine but was glad he’d brought beer instead.
As Adam dug in the first bite hit his tongue, impressing him. “Oh, this is good.” He realized this clearly wasn't the same recipe she'd been using in high school. Things had changed, and he needed to keep that memory firmly planted at the front of his mind. He tried to pull the conversation along. “What about you? What did you do in the last three days?”
“Let's see... I wrote a new song. I reworked an old song and did headshots.”
“Do you still need headshots? I thought those were for auditions.”
“Nope. I don't think I ever get to quit doing headshots. As much as I would like to.” She chewed for a moment, then went on. “We do them for advertising and posters. Sometimes they’ll use a head shot on a demo.”
“They should put one on the side of your bus,” he offered, thinking it was a good idea. Instead his suggestion was met with laughter and an exaggerated roll of her eyes.
“If only. My bus is as plain as the day is long. No headshot on the side for me.”
He picked up one of the corn breads, peeled the cupcake paper off and cracked it in half. Only, as he buttered it and stuck half of it into his mouth at once, Hailey looked at him with a slightly odd glint in her eye. Hailey moved on to a new subject before he could ask, changing the topic fast enough to make his head spin.
“So, what's this Hilton gig you keep talking about?” She posed the question as she leaned forward and took several dainty bites, as if one could be dainty while eating chili.
This new Hailey was slightly more refined than the older one, as though she'd been trained to wink for the camera and always have that megawatt smile ready for everyone. But underneath, she was still his Hailey. And wasn't that the problem? His Hailey had packed up and left him the last time.
Maybe she'd never been his. Maybe it was all his mistake. Adam quickly finished the other half of the cornbread and told her how this new job would t
ake his company all over the country. “I’m renting trucks. That’s a big expense. I don't own the trucks yet.”
“So, once you get the projectors paid off, you get to buy trucks? Is it one of those businesses?” She took a bite of her own cornbread, though she didn't shove half of it in her mouth at once. “One where the technology always changes and you're constantly upgrading and spending money.”
“Pretty much.”
She’d hit the nail on the head and summed up why he was up to his ears in mortgages and loans. “Do you ever earn it back?”
“Oh, absolutely. Right now, it's the debt of buying the company that’s the biggest cost. The pieces rent out for far more than the payments. In the end, you can sell off your old tech for even more profit. If you do it at the right time.”
“Interesting.” She shook her head and he wanted to ask what? But she answered before he could get the words out. “This just isn't where I thought you would wind up. It suits you, though. You look good as a company owner—as the boss man.”
Adam couldn't help but smile. But, right then, his phone chimed. For a moment, he entertained the thought that he shouldn't look at it. He was at dinner with Hailey. But maybe he should keep things casual. So he pulled the phone out and checked the screen.
As soon as he did it, he wished he hadn't. It was a message from his mother.
– Come tomorrow. I've got news.
Given that the last time she’d said she had news for him, she's had cancer, it wasn't surprising that his stomach twisted into a cold hard knot.
28
“What?” Hailey asked as she felt concern wash through her.
Adam had looked at his phone briefly. He'd been smiling when he pulled it out but, in a heartbeat, everything about him shifted.
She pushed again, “What's wrong?”
Adam only shook his head, as if to say he didn't want to talk about it. But wasn't that the whole point of cooking him chili and keeping her hands to herself? He'd asked if she wanted to be something more but now—when it counted—he was holding back. Suddenly, even though she knew he was upset about what he’d seen, she was angry.
That Night in Nashville (Ticket to True Love) Page 9
