He stepped back. "You're a green-eyed sorceress and you've dominated my life far too long. I want you. God, how I want you. But I shall not be a slave to love or be caught in parson's mousetrap," he said. "I know what a woman can do to a man. I'm leaving Willowmede as soon as Robert is well. If I stay, I won't be held accountable for the consequences."
Damien left her at the door, and Alex stared after him through tear-misted eyes as he headed for the stables.
****
That evening, Alexandra stood before the full-length looking glass in her bedchamber as her maid fastened the tiny buttons of her pale amber evening gown. Maggie adjusted the silk skirts and placed a Norwich shawl across her mistress's shoulders.
"Thank you, Maggie," she said. "That will be all." Alex sat by the window until it was time to go down to dinner.
Why had Damien kissed her at the waterfall? Up until that moment, he'd kept a cool distance as they worked night after night in the observatory. The awkwardness between them had lessened. Alex had finally started to feel comfortable with him again. Sometimes she'd catch his hot gaze on her, his eyes burning golden brown, but the look would quickly be replaced with a hard, almost impersonal light.
Their special bond seemed to be resurrecting itself. She began to see the side of Damien she'd known as a child. She enjoyed working with him again as they had with her father so many years ago.
Damien was as enthusiastic about her project as she was. His examination and analysis of her data on the George was invaluable. Every night, he tracked the planet's orbit and plotted its course, making notes and calculations in her journal. She wrote her thesis and together they carefully analyzed every word. With Damien by her side, Alex was sure she could submit a truly remarkable treatise to the Royal Society.
But why had he kissed her? This afternoon, when she'd opened her eyes and found Damien standing there, her pulse had raced, thrilled with knowing he'd followed her to the waterfall. For one terrible moment, he had looked like he despised her--as if he didn't really wish to be near her. She thought she must have imagined his contempt, because in the next instant she was clasped against his hard body.
Alex shook her head. None of it made any sense.
When he took her in his arms, Damien seemed to be fighting an inner struggle. One moment, he was cursing her and the next, passionately kissing her. She traced her lips with her finger. They still felt tender and bruised. He had kissed her as if he wanted to hurt her.
And just as suddenly, the kiss had changed. Alex remembered feeling Damien's body meld with hers. Her cheeks grew hot, when she recalled their intimate embrace.
Alex jumped to her feet. Surely, she couldn't be in love with Damien? He was a hardened rake. He had little respect for women. When she was a child, she had easily dismissed his past and reputation because it had nothing to do with their friendship. Love and friendship were two different things. She couldn't dismiss his past now. It had everything to do with her if she loved him. No, she must be mistaken--she wasn't in love with Damien.
Then why had she responded to his lovemaking? Carlisle had stolen several kisses throughout his persistent courtship. He was good and honorable, yet his kisses left her cold. They were nothing compared to Damien's.
Alex picked up her handkerchief from the dressing table. She could never marry Carlisle now. Not after the way she'd responded to Damien's kiss.
Did he feel any affection for her? Sometimes, she felt he didn't even like her. His moods often shifted from warm and friendly to forbidding and cold.
I know what a woman can do to a man. Had Damien suffered at the hands of another woman?
Alex clenched the handkerchief in a tight fist. She wanted to wipe the memories of past lovers from Damien's mind. She longed to soothe the hurt that tormented him.
My God! Maybe she did love him.
With cheeks hot, Alex remembered clasping her arms around Damien's neck, boldly pulling him back into the embrace. He had relaxed and the wall he'd built between them had suddenly given way. He'd been so tender and gentle when he'd carried her in his arms across the stream. Then, as soon as he had set her on the bank, the wall was instantly raised again.
Impossible man. Half devil, half . . . what?
Alex reminded herself that Damien had many good qualities. His friendship with Robert ran deep; staying to help him through his convalescence had proven that. And she appreciated Damien's help and support with her project. He had a brilliant mind.
Alex recalled his urgency when he kissed her. Could she break through his barriers and make him love her just a little? Did she really want to?
Glancing at the ormolu clock on her mantel, she saw it was nearing six. If she didn't hurry, she'd be late for dinner. It would never do to keep the guests waiting. Rearranging her shawl across her shoulders, she left her room.
As she turned the corner near the stairs, Alex saw a flustered chambermaid emerging from Damien's rooms. It was Lucy, the buxom little maid who had helped her dress that first day Robert had returned to Willowmede. The maid's cap was askew, her cheeks flushed. She seemed highly agitated and angry.
"Is something wrong, Lucy?" Alex called.
When Lucy spied her mistress, her blue eyes widened. Whether from surprise or fear, Alex couldn't tell. Holding the back of her fist against trembling lips, the young maid burst into tears.
Alex guided the whimpering servant back to her own bedchamber. She handed her the handkerchief and waited until she'd quit blubbering. "Now, what is this all about? What were you doing in Rochdale's rooms?"
"Oh, Miss!" sniffed Lucy. "I was taking his lordship his shaving water and Mr. Ellis left to remove a spot from Lord Rochdale's jacket." She sniffed again, shifting her eyes from side to side. Alex had the impression she was stalling for time.
Lucy twisted the handkerchief and suddenly looked straight into her mistress's eyes. "I was about to leave when his lordship told me the water was cold. I went over to the shaving stand to get the pitcher and. . . and he grabbed me by the waist . . . and kissed me." Lucy buried her face in her hands and her shoulders shook with sobs.
Alexandra felt as if she'd been plunged into an ice-cold abyss. She stared blindly at Lucy's bent head. The maid was young and pretty, though her eyes sometimes held a calculating look.
Helping Lucy to her feet, Alex heard herself apologizing for Rochdale's actions. "I'm sorry you've been exposed to this sort of thing in this house. You're very young and men sometimes take advantage of servants' situations. But not at Willowmede. Dry your eyes and return to your duties."
"Thank you, Miss." Bobbing a curtsy, Lucy handed the ravaged handkerchief to her mistress and returned to the kitchens.
Alex followed, watching the pert sway of Lucy's hips and her jaunty descent down the stairs. There was something about the new maid she couldn't quite like.
But Rochdale should never have kissed the girl. Robert once told her Damien didn't have female servants in any of his holdings. No wonder, if he went about seducing them all.
Alexandra felt weak with a pain she couldn't deny. She'd always known he was a libertine. How could Damien kiss someone else so soon, after what had passed between them this afternoon? Obviously, it meant nothing to him that he had held her, ravished her mouth. Her face burned--how she had wanted him! And she had let him know just how much.
Straightening her shoulders, Alex started down the stairs. She was determined to banish her feelings for Demon Avenall and give Sir Howard Carlisle another chance.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Alexandra paused in front of the closed door to the Crimson Room, where everyone was assembled before dinner. She took a deep breath and summoned up her most charming smile.
Upon entering the room, she saw Robert standing near the hearth, a strained look on his face. Aunt Haygood, in her favorite chair, spoke earnestly to Lord Thane. Lady Felicia, with her pug in her lap, sat next to her father on the sofa and Jenny worked busily on her tambour frame. There was no sign of Rochdale yet
.
Aunt Haygood beamed at her niece. "Alexandra, dearest. I was just telling Lord Thane how he would benefit immensely from my peppermint teas. They're just the thing to rejuvenate him and put life into his soul."
Alex sat in a chair next to her aunt. Lord Thane's eyes bulged and his numerous chins quivered. Somehow, she didn't think he relished the thought of drinking anything weaker than wine.
"How was the fishing today, my lord?" Alex asked.
"Ah . . . fishing," the earl sighed in relief. "Now that puts life into a man. The trout were hitting splendidly, just as you promised. Remarkable sport. I gave the day's catch to your cook, and left instructions on how best to prepare it. Hope you don't mind, my dear."
Alex smiled. "Not at all. I hope Mrs. Abernathy will not disappoint you."
The doors opened and Sterling showed Carlisle in. The squire came to stand near Alex's chair.
"My dear Miss Turlington," he said softly. He took her hand in his and Alexandra clung to him like a lifeline.
Rochdale arrived at this moment and strode quickly toward the hearth. Alex wondered if his face was frozen in a permanent scowl. His penetrating gaze held hers for a brief second, then he turned his shoulder and conversed with Robert until Sterling announced dinner.
****
Damien sat at the long dining table and sipped his wine. The first course had passed smoothly, though he'd noticed a certain tension among the diners. He covertly watched Robert at the head of the table. This was his friend's first time to dine among guests.
When the second course was served, Lord Thane bestirred himself. "Miss Turlington, I hope you enjoy the trout. I told your cook to use lemon-butter and rosemary for garnish, then broil them for twelve minutes. No more, no less." He allowed a footman to place a generous helping of the trout on his plate, with a serving of boiled potatoes and asparagus on the side. "Only one thing better than catching fish and that's eating 'em," he said, his mouth partially full and his fat cheeks rolling.
Damien was served a portion of the roasted round of beef, and realized there were none of the usual stews or puddings which had previously graced the dinner table since Robert's accident. He hoped Mrs. Abernathy wouldn't send his meat in, already cut.
He'd caught an unusually determined light in Rob's eye tonight. Something was in the wind. At that moment, Robert pulled out a gold and jeweled dirk.
The shining hilt caught Lord Thane's eye. "Pretty knife, Turlington. Antique, ain't it?"
"Yes," Robert said, "it's been in the family for quite some time."
Alexandra stared at the knife. "Isn't that the dagger from the armory? The one we always begged to hold when we were children?"
Robert smiled. "The very same." He glanced at Jenny. "Someone decided it was undignified for the master of Willowmede to have his meat cut for him, so Mrs. Tolles dug this up. She and Sterling helped me learn to manage it without feeling too clumsy."
Lord Thane nodded. "Smart thinking. Never hide a weakness when you can pull the thing off with style, as Brummel says. May start a new fashion, m'boy. If you go to Town and eat with that elegant little knife, bet you a pony, you'll have some of the young bucks aping you."
Robert laughed. "Lucky for me and the ton, I don't go to Town often." He proceeded to do a credible job with the roast beef.
Damien covertly watched Lady Felicia. She had stared once at the knife, then pointedly ignored Robert. She devoted herself to Carlisle, who was seated on her left. So much for true love. He caught Jenny casting several furtive glances at Robert. Her gray eyes beamed with a hidden pride even though Damien thought she seemed on the verge of tears.
Alexandra smiled at her brother. "You're doing remarkably well, Robert. You must have been practicing for days."
Taking a drink from his wineglass, Robert looked at Jenny over the rim. "Actually, I've only had the knife a short while. You see, I was issued a personal challenge."
Jenny caught Robert's intense stare and her cheeks grew pink.
Alexandra's brow creased in thought. "Now, what can you mean by that cryptic remark, I wonder?"
"I don't think I'll tell you just yet, sister dear."
Aunt Haygood interrupted. "I wish you two would quit talking in circles. My mind's in a whirl trying to follow. I'll have to brew some Roman chamomile to soothe my aching head." She turned to Thane. "And don't think I've forgotten you, my lord. I'll make my special peppermint tea tonight and soon you'll be right as rain."
Lord Thane grunted and applied himself to his food. Damien thought the earl would manage to avoid the tea tray tonight.
He wondered if Alex planned to work in the observatory later. Would she allow him to help? Or would she spurn his company because of what happened this afternoon?
As the fruit was set on the table, Damien thoughtfully peeled a peach. Against his will, the soft pink skin reminded him of the feel of Alexandra in his arms. Her response to his kisses was more than he had bargained for.
He'd been a damned fool to kiss her. He shut his mind to the memory of her body. He must maintain control of his emotions as well as his life. He would not be ruled by a woman. He remembered how his father had suffered at the hands of his beautiful wife. He remembered his own pain at his mother's hands.
Carlisle's voice jerked Damien back to the present.
"The trout were a delectable treat, Lord Thane," said the squire. "My compliments to your cook, Miss Turlington. Mrs. Abernathy outdid herself tonight. I enjoy angling, myself," he said to the earl. "Perhaps during your stay, you might like to visit Bramble Court and try your luck in the bass pond."
The earl smiled his delight. "I'd love to, Carlisle. Let's say Tuesday, if that's agreeable to everyone." He looked eagerly around the table for consensus to this plan.
Aunt Haygood sniffed at the proposal. "That may be well and good for you, my lord, but I doubt Lady Felicia wants to go fishing. Am I not right, dear?"
Felicia shook her head, her silvery ringlets bobbing with the movement. "Papa always fishes wherever we go. I'm sure there's plenty to occupy me here at Willowmede."
Carlisle protested. "The invitation was meant for everyone, Lady Felicia. There's an orangery at the Court and a labyrinth in the gardens that's famous far and wide. Plenty for you ladies to enjoy." Sir Howard beamed at the treats he proposed. "We shall dine alfresco, after the men finish their sport. Naturally, we won't fish all day and a picnic will be a welcome end to a morning spent at the pond."
Felicia clapped her hands and gurgled with laughter. "You don't know Papa very well. He can fish from dawn to dusk." She looked coyly at the squire. "Your plan sounds wonderful, Sir Howard. I would love to visit Bramble Court."
Carlisle cleared his throat and glanced guiltily at Alexandra. Then he smiled at Felicia.
The peach Robert was trying to cut with his new knife slipped. Damien saw his friend's frustration and was glad when Jenny reached to help. But Robert shook his head and wiped his mouth with his napkin. Pushing back his chair, he apologized and left the table. The clatter and tinkling of china stopped as the dinner guests stared after him in astonishment.
"What in heaven's name?" Aunt Haygood exclaimed.
Alexandra started to rise, but Damien was before her. "I'll go," he said curtly, then addressed the company. "If you will excuse me, I'll see what's ailing Robert." Looking around the table, he encountered a fleeting expression of gratitude in Jenny Sedgewicke's somber eyes.
****
Robert stalked out of the dining room, not knowing where to go. He was ashamed of his retreat and knew he'd hurt Jenny's feelings once again. He decided to go to the stables.
Dismissing the grooms, Robert picked up a currycomb and began brushing Titus's sleek black coat. He had felt like a fool, unable to peel that damned peach. Thank God, he could still ride his horses.
The smell of hay and the warm bodies of the cattle in their stalls were balm to Robert's disheartened spirit. How often had he longed for the peace found in his stables while he lay in hospi
tal? How many times had he prayed to God to let him die? The pain had been unbearable and the realization of his loss consumed him. Much better to die in action, than live half a life.
Then he came home. Suddenly, he remembered waking from his fever and finding Jenny sitting beside his bed. Staring at him with her soft gray eyes, she blushed when he caught her gaze. He had felt a stirring within his heart and the will to continue living.
He had always liked Jenny. She was such a calm little soul, with a dry sense of humor behind all of her practicality. And she'd grown into a lovely, desirable woman. He wanted her so badly, his body throbbed with pain.
Hearing the crunch of straw on the floor, Robert saw Damien enter the stable. He concentrated on brushing Titus's underside until it gleamed. "It's no use ringing a peal over my head, Demon. I know perfectly well I abandoned my manners. I saw Jenny's eyes when I left. Damn it, what a tangle!"
Damien went to the front of the stall and stroked the horse's velvety nose. "I've enjoyed your friendship for many years, Rob. That's the first time I've ever known you to lose your composure."
Robert leaned against the horse's flank and shook his head. "I feel like the devil."
Damien grinned. "I'm the only devil around here, remember?" He took the currycomb and helped finish brushing the big gelding. Hanging the comb on its hook near the stall, he seated himself on a bale of hay. "What's the problem? Dinner was running smoothly. Nice touch, that jewel-embedded knife. Miss Sedgewicke was only trying to be helpful and went about it unobtrusively."
Robert gave Titus a handful of oats. "Yes, I know she did. Only . . . I hate this feeling of helplessness. I don't want to be a damned invalid for the rest of my life."
"Give yourself time," Damien said. "You're making progress--slowly, I'll admit--but progress, just the same."
Robert glanced sideways at his friend. "I'll tell you something, Demon. I don't know if you realize it, but the day I took the gig . . . at first, I didn't care if it did overturn."
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