by K. A. Linde
But it would be so dumb.
“What should I do? We’ve had the conversation about Parker more than we’ve had conversations about you.”
“He trusts you,” Jack all but whispered.
“I know. I know.”
“That’s pretty valuable…as long as you trust him.”
“What if he’s not over her?” she asked, staring up into those blue eyes. She just wanted an answer. She wanted someone to tell her what to do—even though she knew she was the only one who could decide.
“I think you’re asking the wrong person…”
Of course she was. She dropped her head down between her hands resting on the railing. What was she supposed to do? Even though Jack hadn’t been over her, he had still married Bekah—not that she wanted to compare their relationships at all. Still, Ramsey might not be over Parker, but he wasn’t pursuing anything with her. They had their differences—the abortion—but it didn’t mean that he was going to run back to her.
She didn’t feel like she was overreacting. She felt that she was enduring the byproduct of too much emotional buildup. All this time, she had been worried about Parker, and then she had been right. She had wanted to be wrong.
“Lex,” Jack said, reaching forward and tucking her hair behind her ear, “are you happy?”
“Right now?”
“In general. Does Ramsey make you happy?”
“Yes,” she whispered, straightening up and looking back at Jack. “He does.”
Jack swallowed and nodded. “Then, we should go back. I bet he’s worried. I’d be worried.”
“Jack Howard worrying? Now, I’ve seen everything.”
“I was worried when I saw you run out of the house.”
“Thanks for coming after me. I don’t know where I’d be…” she said, shuffling her feet.
“And you’ll never have to know because I’d do it every time.”
Lexi smiled shyly off into the distance. She couldn’t meet his eyes. She was grateful to have him in her life in that moment. She wished it had always been this way…that things had been different. But they weren’t, and she just wanted to appreciate it now.
“Thank you,” Lexi said.
Jack nodded and then guided her back off the pier. They walked through the sand, back to the beach house, together in silence aside from the waves crashing against the surf and seagulls in the distance. It was peaceful and helped to calm the nerves flitting around in her stomach from the prospect of having to talk to Ramsey when she got back.
When the beach house was in sight, Lexi felt her feet dragging, but Jack held her to his pace. It was almost completely dark, and if they slowed any further, they would have to walk the last leg at night.
“You’ll be fine,” Jack encouraged her. “This is not the worst confrontation you’ve gone through. Imagine what it felt like when Clark cornered you in your apartment.”
Lexi’s anxiety spiked. “Why would you bring that up?”
“Because there’s no way it’s going to be that bad. You haven’t done anything. It’s your call about Ramsey. If he really makes you happy, I’m sure it will be an easy decision,” Jack said.
She could see that the porch light was on as they drew nearer. Then, Ramsey’s frame came into view. He was sitting in a chair, staring out at the ocean. She wondered how long he had been there. She wondered why he had never come after her—not that she had wanted him to at the time, but still…
They reached the porch, and Ramsey stood hastily, staring down at Jack and Lexi standing together. Jack squeezed her arm and then disappeared inside with a backward glance for reassurance. The distance between her and Ramsey kept her feet planted in the sand and him standing on the porch.
“You were gone a long time,” he finally said.
“Yeah.”
“Where did you go?”
Lexi just shrugged and pointed in the direction they had come from. She didn’t know where they had gone. She just remembered the sand, the ocean, the pier…and Jack.
“I was worried.”
Jack had called it.
“Yeah.”
“Lexi,” he said, walking down the steps and into the sand, with his hands splayed out before him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened with me. I love you. It shouldn’t have happened. You just overreacted—”
“Don’t,” she said, holding up her hand. “Don’t tell me I overreacted.”
“Okay. You didn’t. I was in the wrong.”
“Yes, you were. You want me to be okay with Parker, with you working with Parker, after everything we went through. Then, you have a conversation like that with her…and you…” Lexi shook her head. The very thought still made her angry. “Then, you call me her name.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know! I really, really want to be okay with Parker because this is the real deal, Ramsey. Jack asked me if you made me happy. If you did, then he said we should come back because you would be worried. Well, I’m back because you do make me happy. I just can’t figure out what to do with this relationship while Parker is still in love with you.”
“But I don’t love her. I love you,” he said earnestly, taking another step toward her.
Lexi sighed heavily. She stayed in place and allowed him to approach, but she didn’t move toward him. “Then, how can you tell her that you’re not over it?”
“Because what happened between us fucked me up for years. Not knowing still kills me. It’s not her. I don’t want her. I want you. There’s just history between us. Surely, you can understand how hard it is to let go.”
“I understand how hard it is. I don’t understand why you would then blame me by saying I’m insecure about our relationship. I think I’ve been pretty fucking understanding.”
“You have been, and I’ve been an idiot,” he said, reaching out for her. He ran his hands down her sandy arms. “Two years ago, you put your trust in me again, and I have been a hundred percent honest with you since then. I shouldn’t have had that conversation with Parker, but I didn’t say anything that meant I didn’t love you or that I didn’t want to be with you. Please let me continue to show you that I do.”
“Me?” Ramsey whispered. “I’m what’s wrong?”
“Yes. No. Yes. I don’t know,” she said, storming away from him.
“I’m not following. That asshole had you pinned against a wall, and you looked scared out of your mind. Somehow, I’m the problem?”
“It has nothing to do with John or this moment. I’m just freaking out.”
“About what?”
“The wedding. It’s not you. It’s me. I know that sounds stupid and cliché. God, it sounds cliché,” Lexi said, pacing. “But my head isn’t on straight. I keep freaking out about it, and I try to keep it under wraps, but I can’t. It’s all coming up so soon, and I feel like I’m not doing anything for it. I can’t find a dress, and I didn’t want to find Chyna’s bridesmaid dress when I was up here. I feel stupid for being so messed up about it, but I can’t seem to make it stop. What’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Lexi,” Ramsey said softly. He kept her from continuing to pace and held her gaze. “I love you. If that means that I marry you in October or I marry you next October or the one after that…it doesn’t matter to me. You matter to me. Marriage is a piece of paper. You’re my lifetime.”
“I know.”
But still that feeling crept through her. She just imagined standing behind Chyna, being so happy for her friend and feeling absolutely none of it for herself.
“If it’s just the wedding, then we can postpone. I don’t care that we’ve already sent save-the-dates. We can retract them. We can say fuck it to a real wedding and go to the courthouse or Vegas or wherever and just make it official.”
“But you wanted a wedding.”
“I want you. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I want you to be mine. I want you to be Mrs. Bridges.”
She h
ad known that he wanted to marry her. It wasn’t like this was all a secret or a big surprise to her. Ever since that night last June, when he had made the mistake of calling her Parker, Ramsey had been the perfect boyfriend. They had never discussed marriage in much detail, but she didn’t completely cringe away at the thought. She loved him. They were happy. That was what was important. That was what had encouraged her to tell him yes.
“That’s what you want, right?”
Lexi opened her mouth, ready to tell him yes. She was ready to confirm that and clear away his doubts. But how could she clear his doubts when she had so many of her own?
The wedding planner poked her head in at that moment with a smile. “Time for pictures.”
“Thank you,” Ramsey said tersely.
“I’ll see you later,” Lexi said, reaching up and kissing him lightly on the lips.
He tried to pull her in to deepen it, but she had already backed away and turned to walk out of the room. As she walked back to the rooftop, she couldn’t believe that they had just had that conversation. Were they postponing the wedding? Was that even what she wanted?
The rest of the wedding had gone off without a hitch. John had been cleaned up, and luckily, there was only some swelling, and nothing was broken. The wedding planner had rushed him an ice pack as soon as the pictures were complete. Lexi had apologized about a thousand times over even though he had told her repeatedly that it wasn’t her fault. He had said it was her “psycho boyfriend” that should be held responsible.
Chyna had laughed when she heard what had happened. Quintessential Chyna. She had told Lexi that John had probably had that coming for a long time. While likely accurate, Lexi had still felt so pissed about the whole situation that she couldn’t join in with her friend’s laughter. Chyna had been in such a state of bliss with Adam that someone getting punched at her own wedding hadn’t even affected her.
Lexi hadn’t been able to talk to Ramsey at the reception, and even after that, the anger had just festered inside of her. He had suggested pushing back the wedding again, but she had just waved him off. She hadn’t wanted to make a decision when she was this angry. Sleeping on it would be a better alternative to making a quick decision now and regretting it later.
Ramsey had tried to make it up to her, but she wasn’t having that either. Mostly, she had just wanted to be alone…and call Jack…and sleep.
She didn’t get to do any of those things though.
The workdays after the wedding were some of the worst Lexi had experienced since she had closed the Bryant case last year. Months of work had come to a head during the weekend, and she hadn’t been there for any of it. That meant her life when she came home at a reasonable hour was nonexistent. It also meant that the time that she really needed to be spending with Ramsey was nonexistent.
When they returned to Atlanta, she spent all Sunday night and Monday preparing for a rushed court date. Then, the next two days, she had awoken at the crack of dawn and spent all day in the courtroom and her office before collapsing back into bed, exhausted.
She was so excited when court released early on Thursday. After spending a few more hours preparing for the next day, Lexi’s boss finally allowed her to leave the office. It was already getting dark outside, but at least it wasn’t approaching midnight. That had been her hell week.
“Lexi,” her boss called, turning the corner into her office.
She tried not to cringe as he said her name.
“Yes, sir?” If he asked her to stay late another night, she might have a meltdown.
“Stay on call tonight, okay?”
“Do you think I’ll be needed?” she asked, hoping and praying that she would get a few moments to breathe.
“We’re waiting on some last-minute sensitive material to show up, and if it comes in tonight, we’ll need you here to review it before the morning.”
“Yes, sir,” she said, wanting nothing more than to turn off her phone and pretend like she hadn’t heard any of that.
He left the doorway, and she sagged into her chair. Great. If that information came in tonight, then she was screwed. Tonight was the one night this week that she knew she wouldn’t be working until all hours of the night before still coming in bright and early.
She wanted to talk to Ramsey about the wedding. She had decided to postpone. With this brutal schedule, there was no way she was going to be ready for a wedding. Another six months to a year wouldn’t be the end of the world. She needed more time. He was okay with more time. Chyna had done an extended engagement, and that had worked out for her.
Yes, that conversation needed to happen tonight. She couldn’t put it off any longer.
She threw the last of her paperwork into her messenger bag and rushed out of the office before her boss could hold her over any longer. She made it through the elevator and out the front door before her phone started ringing.
“Fuck!” she cried.
No, he couldn’t be calling already. She needed time away. She needed to leave!
Fishing the phone out of her purse, she stared down at the number on the screen and slumped in relief. “Jack,” she said in greeting. “Thank God you’re not my boss.”
“Hey, Lex. Were you expecting your boss?”
“I haven’t gotten a moment’s peace all week. This case is almost as bad as that one from last year. I can’t even see straight. I fear I’ll be back in the office really early,” she told him as she walked to her car.
“That sucks. How long do you think they will keep this up?” he asked.
“Not sure. Last time it was at least two weeks of this hurry-up-and-wait business.”
“We just got our divorce date.”
“That’s great!” she said, not able to hide her enthusiasm because she was too brain dead. She was quite ready for Bekah to stop torturing Jack like this. “When do you have to be there? I doubt it will be like what I’m doing right now. They try to wrap up divorce trials pretty quickly.”
“Three weeks from tomorrow.”
“Three weeks! They gave you three weeks’ notice?” she squeaked, sliding into the driver’s side and pulling out of the parking lot on the way back to her place.
“It seems that Bekah’s father knows the judge and got the date scheduled as soon as possible.”
“Of course he knows the fucking judge,” she grumbled. “Is Richard prepared?”
“Yeah, we’ve been working on it for months now.”
Lexi sighed. At least there was that. She hadn’t heard from Bekah since the mediation session back in February. It had been blissfully quiet, which just made her a bit anxious. Being the masterful manipulator that she was, Bekah being quiet meant that she had more time to plot.
“Okay. Well, I hope that this is as painless as possible, and you can just…move on.”
“Yeah. Thanks for still talking to me after what happened last month. I probably shouldn’t have gotten that drunk and—”
“It’s fine,” Lexi said quickly.
They had never brought up what had happened at his apartment a couple of weeks ago. They had just moved forward.
“All right,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to jeopardize anything for you.”
“You didn’t,” she said. “Please, Jack, let’s just…not do this. I need to go.”
“Okay, Lex. I’ll let you know if I hear anything more from Richard. If you need anything, I’m only a phone call away. Now that tax season is over, I’m not as swamped at work as you.”
“Thank you,” she whispered before jumping off the line.
She didn’t want to have Jack stuck in her head when she was about to go have a serious conversation with Ramsey, one that she probably needed to have a while ago.
Lexi pulled into her spot in the garage and killed the engine. She was nervous about what was to come, but knowing that she was finally going to speak with Ramsey about how she had been feeling gave her more of a clear resolve than normal. She hadn’t wanted things to just implod
e at Chyna’s wedding, and Lexi was glad that she had taken the time to think about what she wanted to do.
She took the stairs up to the front door. She was so happy to be home. It felt like such a long time since she had seen Ramsey for more than the few minutes before she crawled into bed. Things had been rocky lately, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to see him. Her throat constricted as emotions rushed over her. She just wanted to make this all right.
Ramsey wasn’t downstairs, but she knew he was home. She’d seen his Mercedes in the garage next to the Maserati he always kept covered. Lexi dropped her bag on the couch, kicked her heels off, and then raced up to the second floor.
“Ramsey,” she called softly, announcing herself to the quiet upstairs.
When she didn’t get a response, she wondered if he was napping or if he was wrapped up in his work and hadn’t heard her. She shrugged and wandered down the hall.
She toed the bedroom door open and found it also empty. He must be in the office. She pulled off her blazer and tossed it onto the dresser before continuing down to the office. She turned the knob and walked in.
“Ramsey, I’m home early,” she said and then stopped in her tracks. “What are you doing here?” she asked before she could stop herself.
Ramsey sat in his office chair, holding some papers, and Parker stood in front of him. She actually wasn’t in scrubs and just had on a plain pair of light-colored jeans and a polo. Her arms were crossed, and she didn’t look happy.
“Oh!” Parker said, her head snapping to the door. “Lexi!”
Ramsey sat there, staring down at the papers. His face was a mask of shock, and it took him a minute to register what was going on. “Lexi, you’re home early.”
“I said that,” she said hesitantly.
Ramsey placed the papers carefully on the desk, like he didn’t want to mess them up, and then stood. He walked to her and pulled her into a hug. She returned it halfheartedly. She didn’t know what this was all about.
“What’s going on?” Lexi asked, knowing that something was going on.
“I was just leaving,” Parker said. She glanced between them uncomfortably and then walked toward the door.
