Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

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Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews Page 14

by Amazon Reviewers


  To wrap this up, this is DEFINITELY the most useful thing I’ve spent my money on, and for 9.5 quadrillion dollars or so, (the prices go up sometimes) you could live in the luxury that I now bathe in thanks to my new Elegante Fixed Frame Screen.

  Ghirardelli Chocolate, 10-Pound Package

  Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001G604YE

  4.6 out of 5 stars

  Name: Ghirardelli Chocolate Sweet Ground Chocolate & Cocoa Beverage Mix, 10-Pound Package

  ASIN: B001G604YE

  Price: $42.57

  Ghirardelli is the premium baking brand in the U.S. because we use our expertise in chocolate to create high quality baking products that have luxuriously deep flavor and smooth texture.

  With Ghirardelli, you can create impressive, yet easy-to-make deserts; 100% all Natural; 100% Impressive

  Made with real chocolate

  Pack of 1 - 10 pound package

  Gluten-Free; Made in USA

  Most Helpful Customer Reviews

  taste like chocolate

  By Leeann Lattimore, April 26, 2013

  I like it in the morning and in the evening. It goes well with a huge marshmallow on top. smiley face

  3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

  Oh. My. Goodness.

  By yumyuminthetumtum, November 8, 2012

  Wow. Just, wow. All I have to say about this delectable product is that before I had 10 lb. of hot chocolate mix in my possession, I was like a lost puppy. I would come home from school and wander from cupboard to cupboard opening them up, staring inside for 20 seconds followed closely by shutting them, still empty-handed.

  This lack of postclass structure and substance was what was ruining my social life and just life in general.

  None of my friends wanted to walk the 5 blocks to my house because it was “too far,” but now that I have all the hot chocolate and all of its magical remedies such as limb regeneration and mild anesthetic I could ever dream of, I am meeting more attractive women, feel more confident, started wearing stylish flannels, and can now hold my breath for over 74 seconds.

  If there is something that I’m missing in my life right now, I am blissfully unaware. Thank you, Ghirardelli, for providing an excellent product at such an affordable rate. I shall be reaping the marvelous benefits for weeks and months to come. Everything about this product is better than I could have hoped for.

  Mizuno Women’s Wave Rider 16 Running Shoe

  Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008KFY53K

  4.4 out of 5 stars

  Name: Mizuno Women’s Wave Rider 16 Running Shoe

  ASIN: B008KFY53K

  Price: $99.95–$115.00

  Since our founding in 1906, we at Mizuno have taken special pride and pleasure in being able to participate in the exciting world of sports and in making the entire globe the stage for our activities. Each and every one of us is guided by the ideal of true sportsmanship. That was true nearly 100 years ago and is still true today. It is evident in our corporate philosophy, which, simply stated, is, “Contributing to society through the advancement of sporting goods and the promotion of sports.” This philosophy is clearly reflected in our strong support of numerous worldwide sport events and in our dedication to advancing sports through cutting-edge technology and research. Our product development strategy is to create products with features that enhance athlete performance and are unique to only Mizuno. These technological advancements make our sporting equipment and apparel go the extra mile and keep you in tip-top playing form no matter the sport nor the conditions. Whether it’s our Breath Thermo line of clothing, which generates heat from the absorption of moisture to keep you warm in cooler temperatures, or our line of Arctic Touch garments that expels heat and moisture generated by the body during exercise to keep your body cool and comfortable, your comfort and performance are at the forefront of our innovation. From the diamond to the track, from the court to the fairway, Mizuno’s commitment to serious performance shines through. Today, the high quality equipment that only Mizuno can produce is relied upon by athletes throughout the world. We produce superior quality equipment for serious performance through the artful combination of technology and craftsmanship. Because at Mizuno, your passion is our obsession.

  The Wave Rider delivers a harmonious balance of lightweight feel, sculpted fit, and exquisitely smooth ride. By maximizing the responsive action of Mizuno’s innovative Wave plat technology, the Wave Rider continues to define and create the brilliant run experience.

  Most Helpful Customer Reviews

  4,889 of 5,028 people found the following review helpful

  These shoes (and a woman’s body) have a way of shutting the whole thing down

  By Stand with Wendy, June 26, 2013

  An essential tool for running down the clock in a state 773 miles wide and 790 miles long! These shoes are perfect for those days when you must spend 13+ hours standing, not lean on your desk or take any breaks—even for meals or to use the bathroom. The snazzy hot-pink color brings out your inner badassness and helps you to “humbly give voice to thousands of Texans” and stop a “raw abuse of power” in its tracks. Raise a feminist army and lead the charge when your competitors cheat and change the rules on you. These Mizunos are built to protect your feet from mudslinging and add sunshine to the political process. Highly recommended for fierce women and anyone who’s not a Greedy Old Prick (GOP).

  1,465 of 1,529 people found the following review helpful

  You go, girl (in shoes like this)

  By Christine Winslow, June 27, 2013

  I’m not sure I could ever bring myself to buy or wear shoes like this. But you know, I’m so glad I have the option.

  592 of 625 people found the following review helpful

  Stand and Deliver

  By HereComesARegular, June 26, 2013

  The perfect choice for your any-day-now call to stand yourself up, hydrate, strap on some lumbar support, and speak rationally for a rational cause. Be prepared for greatness. Excellent support for your arches and morale. Not the only footwear choice for defending and representing, but their power to distract (Pink? Red??) is amusing. You might welcome the distraction when you find yourself tediously explaining facts or playing along with the student council or the neighborhood association’s rigged games.

  CatGenie—Self-Washing, Self-Flushing Cat Box

  Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000MKHQG4

  3.3 out of 5 stars

  Name: CatGenie—Self-Washing, Self-Flushing Cat Box

  ASIN: B000MKHQG4

  Price: Currently unavailable

  Never touch cat litter again. The new and unique CatGenie—Self-Washing, Self-Flushing Cat Box grants the cat lover’s wish to never scoop, touch, buy, or change cat litter again. Instead of traditional litter, the high-tech CatGenie uses permanent Washable Granules that never need changing. For cats, CatGenie is just like using a clean litter box. The Washable Granules satisfy your cat’s need to dig and cover. When your cat goes, liquids drain through the Granules, which don’t clump or create waste. Touch a button or preset the timer to start the wash cycle. The solid waste is automatically scooped, liquefied, and flushed down the drain. Using water and the veterinarian-approved SaniSolution, the CatGenie scours and sanitizes the Granules and Cat Box interior to eliminate germs and odors. A built-in dryer blows hot air over the Granules to dry them for your cat’s comfort. The CatGenie acts like a cat box, washes and dries like an appliance, and flushes waste out of the home like a toilet. A one-time, DIY connection to a cold-water supply line from a sink, toilet, or laundry, and you’re set. T-adapters for laundry or bath are supplied. CatGenie is the only automatic cat box that’s just like your cat, completely self-washing.

  Most Helpful Customer Reviews

  8 of 8 people found the following review helpful

  Poo Stinks

  By wwiggins, May 12, 2009

  I have had my
unit for a little over a month now. I love it because I don’t have to scoop. My wife hates it because it now resides in our laundry room. I was under the impression that it sensed somehow that the box had been used and then scooped it immediately, like the LitterMaid box does with motion sensors. Nope…the cat can use it, and “it” will sit there until a predetermined time. That depends on the setting, 1, 2, 3, or 4 times a day. I think this is a ploy to sell the SaniSolution, because to keep the smell down the user is forced to run it four times a day automatically and then to start it manually every time the cat creates the offensive smelling poo. Come on, CatGenie, make it motion sensing so the thing doesn’t have to scoop unnecessarily and use up so much solution, and so my wife doesn’t have to smell it and complain once again about the expensive smelly cat box I wasted the money on. Like I said, a love-hate relationship with CatGenie. I wish I could tie a motion sensor on it. Also it does bake poo. Not all the time, but wow, what a smell. IN OUR LAUNDRY ROOM. Do I smell like poo?

  Product results: Total contentment for both feline and owner

  32 of 44 people found the following review helpful

  CONFOUNDED CATGENIE! I’M IN ITS SPELL!

  By Beth Phillips, December 5, 2007

  Day 1: IT’S HERE! *jumping up and down* Now how do I put it together?

  Day 2: My wonderful friend Paul is coming over to hook it up! He is an electrician and a plumber—I’m IN!! *jumping up and down* He is SUCH a good friend!!!

  Day 3: Aaaahhh, bliss…I love the CatGenie. It is so cool to turn it on and watch all the scooping and rinsing, and blowdrying…aaahhh…I hope the cats get in it soon. I ran it a couple of time “just in case” they had peed in it, ’cause I couldn’t tell.

  Day 4: I am so excited! There is a big cat poop in the CatGenie! Oh, boy! I get to watch it REALLY work!! OK, here comes the big, flat Genie hand; it is gonna scoop the poo as the bowl is merrily whirling around…yes…uuuhhh. It just SMASHED the poo because the hand and the bowl were not in sync…ick. Now the Genie hand is coming up to deposit the “treasure” but as it goes up the little row of teeth, shaking the loose litter out, the pieces of poo fall off too…I can’t look. I am going back in the kitchen to find a glass of wine. Wine, yes, that will make me feel better…yes.

  Day 5: My new kitten has made another deposit. Did rats get in here, too? What are those little brown pellets? Ohhhh…I see…leftover nuggets from yesterday. Well, the next wash will take care of them, I am sure. Here comes Chai. He sniffs the bowl carefully…jumps in…yowls in annoyance…pisses like a racehorse on a flat rock, then SPRINGS out of the box, scattering the “litter” everywhere. I am not impressed. But, I turn it on, and walk away, and all is well until…what’s that beeping noise?? Three beeps. What do three beeps mean? Luckily, I find the card that says, “Don’t freak at the beep.” So I call tech support. Wine. I need to get a glass real quick…yes…that will help. Tech support: “What’s the serial number on your processing unit?”

  I swallow another sip of wine and say, “OK, it’s 666…” Then I laugh, and say, “AHA! THAT explains it!!!! The unit is POSSESSED!” The crickets chirp…swallowing another mouthful, I say carefully, “Hello??”

  They instruct me that I now have to take the unit apart. These b****** have NO sense of humor…OOkaaaaayyy…I manage that. Lo and behold, there is a baby sock in the impeller. Damn cats and their sense of revengeful humor for forcing them into a clean fresh box every time! CatGenie simply yawns and goes back to its regular mode. I finish the bottle of wine.

  Day 5: All is well!

  Day 6: I LOVE this thing!!!!

  Day 7: Why is the bowl full of water??? Why is there cat crap in my dining room? Grabbing my ever-resourceful bottle of Pinot Grigio, I head back to the CatGenie and wash its butt like it has never been washed. I find no plug, no clog; all parts appear to be working. There is NOTHING wrong. Error beeps continue. Chewing on the cork of the wine bottle in mad frustration, I unplug the unit and go to Lowe’s and buy a cat door. The cats are now going outside in the courtyard to do their “thing,” and I am happy. (I live on a big horse farm waaaay away from any road).

  Fast forward to day 190: It is getting cold. The cats do not want to go outside to do their “thing” anymore. They are more than happy to make their “deposits” on the dining room floor. Again. Aaargh.

  Day 191: I hook up the CatGenie, and I hold my breath…it “seems” to be working. It runs through a cycle, finishes, then the 3 beeps begin again. Tearing open my newly purchased case of wine, I uncork a bottle, put a dispenser top on the darn thing, and head to the laundry room with the phone to my ear, ready to rumble. Operator: “What’s your serial number, please?”

  Gritting my teeth (firmly over the dispenser tip of the wine), I mutter “666…”

  And THEN the WITCH has the NERVE to say, “OH! Well that explains it!!! The unit must be possessed!”

  Day 196: The new processing unit has just arrived…I will have Paul install it for me. Oh yes, they sent me a new impeller as well…seems the old one was not up to par. They can do whatever they like…wine…beautiful wine…I am dozing off…DID I JUST HEAR THREE FREAKING BEEPS??????????????????

  132 of 142 people found the following review helpful

  SAVE YOUR MONEY

  By Kendra Hamilton “kEndrA.”, April 16, 2007

  I have owned this litter box I’d say about 3 months now. I have to tell you, this is such a cool concept! However, I would be happier had I just set my money on FIRE. I’d sure be a lot less stressed at least. The first few days it worked fine. I was so excited. My cats surprisingly used it, and I had no problems at all. I thought I was in heaven. But such is life; all good things must come to an end. It started erroring…EVERY TIME I used it. Sometimes for no reason. It would be all finished drying the granules, and everything would be dandy, and BEEP BEEP BEEP. So then I’d hit the button, and it would start all over again!! To be honest, I think this is a built in scam just so it uses more of that solution, and you have to buy more…which btw, I’m pretty certain that solution is nothing more than a gimmick so they can get more of your money. The 300+ bucks just wasn’t enough. But anyways. Back to the errors. It would error every time I used it. EVERY time. And it would always be a different error. I’d fix it (which btw, it drains like CRAP)…and then go on about my day. Well one day, I forgot it was running and went over to my neighbor’s. I was there about 2 hours-ish. When I walked outside her door, to my annoyance, I could of course, hear my “so awesome” CatGenie beeping in error. And to my even WORSE annoyance, apparently the long-term beeping kept 2 of my 3 cats from ever wanting to go near it again. So 1 of them kept trying to go outside to use the bathroom—and she’s not an outdoor cat—and the other one just took it upon herself to pop a squat wherever she felt comfortable.

  Now fast forward to about 4 days ago. My CatGenie just STOPPED draining. Altogether. Stopped. I walked in and saw that it was about to overflow (the one time it doesn’t give me an error beep!!), so I frantically turned it off and tried to fix it. It didn’t work. I tried again…and tried for about an hour when finally, I accepted defeat and took it apart…and dumped the water. Most of it got on my floor, which I was ecstatic about since that’s what I was trying to prevent in the first place. Went to my computer and e-mailed the company. That was about 4 days ago…and I’ve not heard back from them since. So I assume they’re realizing what a huge piece of crap they’re selling and hopefully they either fix said piece of crap or stop selling it altogether, because I’m not happy that I spent so much money on such a huge worthless piece of junk. Like I said, it’s a cool concept…but it just plain doesn’t work. And for the people on here that it DID work for: Congrats. But 300+ bucks is too much of a gamble for something that just “might not work.” Stick to the regular old litter box for now. That’s where I’m back to…

  11 of 11 people found the following review helpful

  Couple of Issues; Not Major

  By C. Hoffman, April 15, 2008

>   I’ve had the Cat Genie for a few months now and like it.

  It is funny to tell your landlady, after she so graciously agreed to watch your two cats over the weekend, that in this house we clean the litter box by flushing the toilet. That was a first in her book.

  The lack of smell in the house. No cat smell. Except…

  When the Cat Genie misses a piece of poo and bakes it. Then Oust and an open window are your best friends.

  I have mine set on “once-a-day regular,” and then I check and run it when necessary at other times. Like when my female has the stank poo. I can get that out of the house and into the sewer in just a few minutes with the push of a button and a flush. Not like the old days of dealing with liquid feces stuck to the teeth of the LitterMaid.

  You clean a litter box by flushing the toilet. That’s so nice. Just make sure you try to schedule your cleanings for when you are home so if there is a clog, you are on it. Anyone who schedules the automatic cleaning for after they leave for work may come home to problems.

  I am going to plead with them to change their litter. I find it everywhere. On every surface the cats have stepped on. I’ve woke up to it in my bed. The dog has it in his bed. It is a nightmare to keep up with and the main reason this review didn’t get 5 stars.

  Diamond 2-m (6.56-ft) Braided HDMI Cable

  Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003CT2A2M

 

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