by Mara McQueen
Ava stopped squirming and looked up at him, confused. She yanked his hand from her mouth.
"What are you—" Her eyes went wide. She disentangled herself from his arms, turning them quickly so his face was away from the window. She licked her lips, holding onto his shoulders for dear life.
Kimbra was right. Ava was precious. She was worried he might find out his "wife" was cheating on him. Much too precious for all the shit she'd had to go against all her life.
"So…" Her mouth strained into a half-hearted laugh. "Out for a stroll?"
Raiden laughed and peeked at the window over his shoulder, in time to see Kimbra wink at him as Bethany pulled the drapes. They'd planned this, hadn't they?
"No, no!" Ava yanked his chin back. "At me, you're looking at me."
"I am," he said softly. He wanted to keep looking at her for the rest of his life. He leaned closer, whispering against her forehead, "I know about them."
Ava's hands dropped at her sides as she gawked up at him. "You—you do?"
He grabbed her hand and started for the one place in this town where they couldn't be overheard.
It was time he told her everything.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
RAIDEN
The steps near the waterfall were slick and shiny, with small purple flowers peppered between them.
Raiden and Ava made their way up, guided by the moonlight. He hadn't let go of her hand—he wasn't letting her go, period—and felt her getting antsy.
She wanted answers. She deserved all of them.
At the end of the stairs, a small opening awaited, right behind the waterfall. The water had carved it for millennia, Raiden had found it when he was seven. Before the assassination and kidnapping attempts had made him wary of delving into dark caves alone.
As soon as the wall of water shielded them from view, Ava yanked her hand away from his and glued her back to the smooth stone wall. She eyed the waterfall like it was going to bite her.
"Are you okay?"
"I just don't like being so close to water," she mumbled, before shaking her head and spearing him with her gaze. "What the hell is going on?"
Raiden barely heard her. The waterfall drowned out all other sounds—and it would conceal his.
He rushed to her side, longing to have her close to him again.
Raiden leaned down, face in the crook of her neck. He inhaled deeply. Heavens, he'd missed her. She shivered and exhaled, her hot breath tickling the shell of his ear.
"How long have you known about Kimbra and Bethany?" she asked.
"Officially? About a year. But I'd had my suspicions. Kimbra and I used to bet on who got most girls' phone numbers when we went to parties. After Bethany appeared, she stopped doing that. It was only a matter of time."
"Who used to win?"
"Usually me." Barely. Kimbra had to be careful news didn't reach her parents, and his title had always attracted too much attention.
He nuzzled Ava's neck, right hand wandering to the back of her neck. His fingers tangled in her soft hair. He relaxed as he molded his body to hers. He'd missed her so fucking much.
Ava turned her head to the side, warm cheek touching his. Such a small touch, and it blazed straight through Raiden.
"If you knew...why did you marry her?"
He exhaled deeply, delighting in the way she trembled as his breath ghosted across her skin.
He told her everything.
How Banu and Dima had raised Kimbra to be Queen. How he suspected they were behind the accident with Azor, the bridge collapse, and so much more. How he wanted to bring them down. Why he'd been forced to wait. Until now.
The words slipped off his tongue like in a trance. As if he was slowly leeching out the poison from his soul.
"I had to." He cupped her face. He wanted her to see the truth in his eyes. "I had to keep you safe. I would've carved my heart out onto a platter if it meant they wouldn't harm you."
She had to believe him. He would've gone to hell and back to keep her safe.
Ava inhaled a stuttered breath.
"We'll be safe now," he went on, voice almost pleading. "I'll eradicate them like the vermin they are and we can start living. You'll never want for anything. I'll protect you with my life."
She kept staring at him, silent. Tears crowded the corners of her beautiful eyes and Raiden wanted to beat himself bloody for causing them.
"Don't cry." He rested his forehead against hers. "Please don't cry. I'm so sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how sorry I am."
"Why didn't you tell me?" she mumbled.
"I was a fool." He swallowed deeply and kissed her forehead. "I didn't know if I could trust you at first. You could have been a spy, an assassin, a Syndicate plant." He took a deep breath, hating himself for even thinking it, let alone saying it out loud. "Or that you only agreed to come with me to become Queen and destroy us all."
"And then? After you realized you could trust me?" she asked, voice sad and small.
It broke him to hear her like that.
Raiden engulfed her in his arms. "I couldn't risk you telling your cousins. The entire Elite swore to protect the secrets until we found out who'd ordered the wedding massacre—and why. One mistake and the entire plan could fall apart."
Even to his own ears, the excuse didn't sound right. But it had felt right in his mind.
"I swear." He released a stuttered breath. "I swear on my life, I never wanted to hurt you."
Ava looked up at him, gaze searching. He let her trace every single inch of his face.
Raiden didn't move. Let her see the truth of his words. Finally.
"After you get rid of the advisors, you'll divorce Kimbra?" she asked, right hand snaking to the nape of his neck.
His heart soared. If she was talking about the future, there was still hope for them.
"Yes," he breathed out as fast as his lips could form the words. He wouldn't need to pretend any longer.
"So you're not in love with her?"
"Never. Since the moment we met, it's been you. Only you. I want you by my side. Forever."
The words had barely come out of his mouth when Ava captured his lips with hers in a searing kiss.
Raiden might wither and turn to ash. Ava filled him with too much light. After a lifetime in the shadows, he didn't know if his soul could stand so much happiness.
He'd been waiting to kiss her for so long. Really kiss her, with all the cards on the table, all the truth out in the open.
No more secrets, no more half-truths. Just him and her. He'd bared his heart to her and she was finally in his arms.
But it didn't feel right.
She didn't feel warm and loving. There was no inferno taking hold of them like back in his study.
This felt cold. Ava was detached and tense. This wasn't right.
She pulled away abruptly, shoving him away.
Her brows were no longer furrowed, her gaze no longer curious.
She had her mask back on and it was icier than ever.
Raiden swayed on the spot. "You still want to leave."
After she learned the truth. After he’d bared his heart to her.
"Oh, no." Her laugh was sharp, her voice cut deep. "Now that I know I'm going to become the Queen of the most powerful Clan in the world? I'd be stupid."
Raiden felt like someone had sliced his knees open. This wasn't happening.
"What are you doing?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
"You didn't tell me your master plan before you were sure you could trust me? Fine. This is the Underworld, I was a stranger. I can even respect the fact that you put so many other lives before your wants and hopes," she said with a razor smile. "But you not telling me after? You didn't do it to protect me. You trusted I won't stab you in the back, but you still suspected I might screw up your plans. Make a mistake, was it?"
"All of us could have made a mistake." And he might have made the biggest by not telling her. "You're twisting thing
s."
Was she? He'd thought her too pure for this Clan life, and not just once. He hadn't wanted her to see the Underworld ugliness.
She squared her shoulders, looking every bit a Queen. "You thought I couldn't handle it. What good does it do me for you to trust me if you don't respect me? You think I'm incapable of keeping secrets and making decisions. You say you want me by your side. As what? An ornament?"
Her cold laughter filled the space again. It chilled Raiden to the bone.
"I am the Daughter of the Syndicate's First Son. I was born to rule. I've survived the Underworld all my life. I've survived two assassination attempts in the Capital. I'm not some naive little girl that needs to be shielded from the truth. You broke my heart by lying to me and now you expect me to be grateful for it and fall into your arms as if nothing happened?"
Wild with despair, he grabbed her shoulders. He needed to feel her. Make sure she hadn't slipped away forever. "Ava, that's not—"
"Don't touch me!" she hissed, yanking herself away as if his hands had burned her.
Hopelessness clawed at Raiden's soul. "I never wanted to hurt you."
"But you did." She laughed through the tears. "The first week after the wedding, I could barely breathe when I thought about you. I was sick with myself for wanting you. For caring about you."
"I hated myself," he said, pleadingly. "Hated everything I did, everything I said. There has to be a way to fix this. A way for me to fix this."
"You shouldn't have destroyed it in the first place. You shouldn't have filled my heart and head with promises you knew you'd break."
"I knew I could keep my promises once—"
"Once you solved everything after keeping me in the dark." She shook her head sadly. "We could have worked together. We could have trusted each other. But no. The Prince had to show he's the shit and nothing and nobody could stand in his way."
"I wanted to protect you."
"You wanted to win. You can spin it all you want, but that's the truth. At least Darius had the excuse of being a stupid waste of space."
Raiden clenched his jaw as a beast roared inside him. "Don't compare me to him."
"You're right." She drew in a haggard breath. "You're infuriatingly smart. You knew what you were doing. Knew how much it would wound me. But you did it anyway."
Raiden felt the finality of her words. He was losing her.
"I did it because I love you." The words rushed out of his mouth faster than any ever had.
There it was the irrefutable truth—he was crazy about her. Now that it was out in the open, and she knew it, Raiden felt like he could breathe again. He couldn't wait to scream it out to the world.
Ava's head whipped toward him. Her eyebrows furrowed, as if she didn't quite believe what he was saying. He didn’t blame her. He just wanted her to understand.
"I love you," he said again, feeling like he was drowning with every word. "I love you so much—"
"That you can't bear the thought of losing me? That you went mad and couldn't think straight? That you can't imagine a life without me?"
Raiden's shoulders slumped. Yes. Yes to all of that, but hearing it from her made it sound wrong and mangled.
"It's all about you, isn't it? Love? You lied and hurt me because of love?" Her steel laughter was tinged with sadness. "Then your love is a dreadful thing to be on the receiving end of. It's selfish, because you think it's all about you. Your feelings, your fear, you wanting me. You, you, you."
Raiden staggered back. He'd been stabbed, shot, strangled, and poisoned, but nothing—nothing—had ever hurt as much as this. His heart was bleeding.
Because it was true. He'd never been loved unconditionally. He didn't know what true, selfless affection was. His parents had always kept him at arms' length. To protect him, they said. He'd hated that, but he'd fallen in the same trap with Ava, hadn't he? He’d pushed her away, telling himself that one glorious day, he’d tell her the truth and could make up for everything he’d put her through.
He had been so stupidly selfish.
As soon as the realization hit him, sinking deep into his bones, Raiden, the Brotherhood's Dragon, fell to his knees in front of Ava. The stone bit at his flesh, but he didn't care.
All that mattered was making the woman he loved understand that he'd do anything to make her see how sorry he was.
"Let me fix this. Give me the chance to show you how sorry I am." His hands fisted in her robe. "Tell me how I can win you back."
A lull fell over them as Ava's face softened. But Raiden didn't like the emotions shining through. Hurt and disappointment.
“Please,” he said past the anguish threatening to choke him.
This wasn’t happening. He’d bared his soul for the first time in his life and had gotten only misery in return. Worse? He deserved it.
"Turn back time," she said and Raiden's heart broke all over again.
"I'm glad you're in love with me,” Ava started, a bit shaky. Then her chin rose as far as it would go. “Because I want to make you feel every miserable emotion you put me through."
With that, she turned on her heels and left, head held high.
Raiden watched her go, because what else could he do?
He'd turned the woman of his dreams into his nightmare.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
RAIDEN
Raiden flung open Ava's doors the next morning.
He only found—and startled—Marcella, who was busy fluffing up the bed's silk canopy.
"Where is she?" he ground out.
He'd been waiting for Ava outside, nothing but hurt and fury boiling inside. They had to make an appearance in the town square.
He'd told himself they needed to cool off after last night. If he'd barged into her room, they would've both ended up screaming for the entire town to hear.
But he hadn't cooled off. He'd been stupid to think that once he told Ava the truth, she'd forgive him. At least understand, so he'd have a foundation to start building trust between them.
Maybe she did understand. Maybe she just didn't care, and that thought was slowly killing me inside.
Raiden had never felt so lost. He always had a plan, was always in control. But now, he questioned every step, every thought, every single desperate idea that had kept him up last night.
How could he win Ava back when he’d been the one to drive her away?
Each minute he was apart from her, he got more and more hopeless. When she hadn't shown up in the courtyard, he'd seen red.
"She left for the town square already," Marcella said, not looking all that thrilled to see him. Of course she wouldn't, she was loyal to Ava. "Your Highness."
"When?"
"Two hours ago."
And none of the advisors' guards, who were on duty today, had bothered to tell him. Raiden clenched his jaw. So they were all bought off. He needed to be careful.
"She's with Seleka," Marcella called after him as he whirled around and thundered back out.
At least he could trust the mercenary.
By summer festival standards, the square was almost deserted. Raiden followed the claps and cheers to the edge of the town, where he knew a field spread out.
He weaved his way through the crowd at first, but when people began to notice him, they parted instantly. The Northern town might not have had the city's obsession with deference, but they respected the royal family just as much, if not more.
Raiden stopped in front of the crowd. What, in the whole universe, was Ava doing?
She stood in the middle of the field, wearing her festival phoenix robe on top of jeans and a shirt, arms up high as she directed Azor into bounds and leaps, much to the crowd's enjoyment. Shinzan, Raiden's fearsome steed, had joined in, mimicking what Azor was doing.
Ava laughed as the two horses whipped their manes and galloped, soaking up all the attention. Because the crowd was loving this.
Seeing a Princess, dressed in half-royal, half-normal clothes, running around without a
guard at her heels—nobody was looking at Seleka, waiting by the edge—and smiling at everyone? That was a sight they weren't used to.
Raiden hadn't mingled and his parents only had smiles for each other. This was new and they liked it.
Ava called both horses to her with an effortless wave. The three of them bowed and everyone applauded.
Ava ran her hand through Azor's mane. "Who's the biggest star in the world?"
Shinzan neighed, obviously not happy to be left out.
"Oh, you're a big star, too. Everyone loved you." She patted him too, gaze taking in the entire crowd.
When her eyes found Raiden, her smile vanished. Of course she'd care more about strangers than him.
She brought the horses next to a group of eager kids. "Who wants to comb their manes?"
A chorus of loud me's erupted.
Ava left the giggling children under Seleka's supervision and sauntered to Raiden's side.
"Having fun?" he asked. At least one of them should.
She shrugged. That carelessness didn't fit her; Raiden could see from a mile away she was faking it. But the fact that she wanted to fake it bothered him.
"Just doing what grandpa Baron taught me."
At least she was speaking to him, even if her voice sounded polite and detached.
"Didn't know old Baron was into equestrian demonstrations."
"Oh, no, he was more of a cat person. But he made me promise him one thing." She locked eyes with him, voice low. "That I'll make your people love me more than they love you."
Raiden fisted his palm behind his back. Let her have his Clan's heart; she'd take good care of it. But now she said it to hurt him. It worked. It also wasn’t right.
This is how she wanted their future to be like? One-upping each other until they couldn't stand to be in the same room?
Raiden grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the first building in sight, the festival's ceremonial building.
It was time they settled this.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
RAIDEN
