by S. M. Bowles
Zach appeared in the doorway, “Are you guys coming back or what?”
Dani motioned with her head, “What do you say?”
I looked to Michael, “Lead the way,” he said as he placed my hand in the crook of his arm.
Danielle took Zach’s hand as we reentered the gymnasium. They immediately trotted out onto the dance floor and regained the group of friends they had been passing the night with.
“Well, let’s see what you’ve got,” Michael grinned down at me. I was a mediocre dancer at best and very self-conscious of that fact. Michael saw my hesitance and took the initiative. He put his hands on my hips and a little thrill ran through me as he swayed me side to side. Somehow his touch was encouraging me and I began to relax and follow his lead. We moved around the dance floor and soon I forgot myself completely. We were causing a little scene as the other couples gave us a bit of room and stepped back to watch our little exhibition. As the song ended we got a few nods of approval before the next song was taken up. Thankfully it was another ballad and I had a chance to catch my breath.
“Where did that come from,” I wondered out loud.
“I bring out the best in you,” Michael teased.
He was holding one of my hands to his chest. My other hand was on his shoulder while his free hand rested at my hip. I couldn’t stop smiling and looking up into his eyes, I felt like I had just come home after a very long vacation. It was as though all my favorite things were right before me and I was anxious to rediscover them all again.
“Michael, where have you been? Why have you been gone so long?”
“I promised Margaret,” his voice was full of apology. “It was for the best.”
The song came to an end, “Can we go somewhere and talk?” I asked.
“I would like that, very much,” he took my hand from his chest and brought it to his lips.
“I’ll let my friends know. We can meet up with them later since they are all going out for a bite to eat after the dance.”
I tracked down Danielle and Zach and let them know my plans. Danielle asked me “Are you sure,” she glanced at Michael then quickly back, “are you sure you want to leave so soon?”
I just smiled and turned to Michael. He twined his fingers in mine and we made our way through the crowd and out to the parking lot. Michael was parked some distance from the school since he had come so late. He opened my door and helped me in then made his way around the front of the car and glided into the driver’s seat beside me.
“Where are we meeting your friends?”
“They have a reservation for the Italian restaurant not far from here.”
“Ah, yes, I know it. How much time do we have?”
I glanced at the clock, “About two hours.”
He nodded and pulled the car out. I was too absorbed in my thoughts to care where we were going and let myself sink back into the passenger’s seat. It was nice to be away from the crowd and the noise of the dance. It was nice to be there with Michael, wonderful actually.
“You haven’t changed a bit Michael. You are just as I remember you,” I started the conversation.
“I will always be this way, Elayna, you know that. You haven’t forgotten, have you?”
“No, Michael, I know; I may not have fully grasped the truth at the time but it never mattered to me,” I paused unwilling to admit my full understanding. “We are not so very different though, are we?” My voice begged for reassurance.
He took my hand and gave it a sympathetic squeeze before he brushed a kiss across my knuckles. “We are very different Elayna and I am not sure we will ever…”
He couldn’t finish the thought and I could feel him trying to put up one of those little walls in my mind to keep me from understanding the meaning behind his words.
“Please don’t, Michael.”
“You caught me,” he innocently smiled. We pulled into a driveway and stopped at the front of a sprawling single story home. It took me away from my previous thoughts.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Sometimes it’s my home.”
“You mean you have been this close to me the whole time and I never knew it.”
He laughed, “You weren’t meant to.”
He kissed my cheek and hopped from the car. Hardly a millisecond passed and he was at my door, opening it and helping me out. He unlocked the front door to the house and motioned me inside. The wide hallway was lit with a soft glow that reflected off the tiled floor. I looked left and right and saw that there were rooms in either direction. The floor plan was open so you could see almost the entire length of the house as one room spilled into the next. There were several low, half-walls that gave a sense of separation between the different areas. They were wide enough to act as shelves and many of them were covered with plants and other decorations as well as books and framed pictures.
I tried to take it all in at once. Michael was looking at me clearly wanting an opinion. “It’s very beautiful; simple and elegant and open. I love it.”
“Good, I had really hoped you would one day.”
“So you weren’t going to stay away forever?”
“No, of course not but I wasn’t sure, I wasn’t sure what you wanted.”
“Oh, Michael, you know, you know, how could you not know? There will never be anyone else; there never has been anyone else. I have tried, just to fit in; I have tried to care for someone but now I know why I have never been able to…that I never will be able to.”
I threw my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. He started taking the pins out of my hair and it was falling around my shoulders in little cascades. I savored his touch as he stroked the loose strands and comforted me. Before I realized it I was standing on my toes and kissing him, not the safe, soft kisses we had shared in the past but deep, passionate ones. My heart was pounding and I could feel my insides swimming in an all-encompassing elation.
“Elayna, you need to stop, it can’t be like this, not for us, not now, not yet.”
I refused to accept that, “No, no, it has to be! It has to be like this. It must be! It doesn’t make any sense to wait, not for either of us. I will never have feelings like this for anyone else, I can’t. I won’t,” I insisted.
I took the pin from the rose he gave me and watched the flower fall to the floor. I pricked the tip of my finger, held it to his lips and whispered in his ear, “It must be.” Michael sighed with a sudden disregard to propriety and effortlessly swept me up and carried me to the nearest bedroom. As he put me back on my feet he turned me away from facing him. I could feel his fingers brush my back and the pressure of his lips on my neck as he slid the zipper of my dress down. He was so careful, so gentle, I always thought I would be terrified no matter whom I shared this experience with but every fiber of my being seemed to be at peace and was welcoming everything as it happened to me. He brushed the straps from first one shoulder then the other and my gown fell to the floor.
I stepped out of it and turned to face him. He fumbled with his jacket and let it slip off his arms as my fingers found his tie and stripped it from his neck. He unbuttoned his shirt while I fumbled with the belt he was wearing. We covered one another with kisses until I stepped back to admire him. He was so beautiful, every single feature beckoning me, inviting me to touch and smell and taste him. I ran my fingers through his hair and across his shoulders and over his chest.
He smiled, lifted me and gently laid me on the bed. We lost ourselves in our ecstasy and passion for one another and it was so much more than I ever imagined. When it was over I felt as though I were drifting in a sea of happiness and sighed contentedly.
“I love you,” I thought to myself, fearful to say it out loud as I drowsed beside him.
“I love you,” he said putting his voice to my thought.
He pressed his lips to mine and for a moment it was as though I could see clearly into his mind and knew that what he said was true.
“Your friends are going to wo
rry about you,” he suddenly steered me back to reality.
“Oh, God, what time is it?”
“Don’t worry, there’s still time. Here,” he stepped up and handed me out of the bed. He gathered my dress and shook it out. He stood behind me and bent down while holding it for me to step back into. The caress of his fingers as they zipped the dress back up made me want him all over again.
“There’s no time for that, though” he admonished. He slipped first one leg then the other into his pants. I bent down and retrieved his shirt. I tossed it over his shoulders and slowly buttoned it back up as I gazed into his smiling eyes.
Once we were dressed he began pinning my hair back up. He was surprisingly dexterous and did an unexpectedly good job.
“Do this often?” I asked half-jokingly, jealous of the thought that he might have had a practiced hand at it.
“First time,” he assured me and kissed me on the cheek. He stood me before the mirror to admire his handiwork.
“Well, thank goodness for professional make-up,” I grinned, “no one will ever know.”
“Oh, they’ll know,” he teased, “that glow is unmistakable.”
I pretended to be shocked, “Michael?!”
“What? It’s true,” he was laughing.
I had never seen Michael really happy, not like this. In all the memories through all the years of knowing him, something had always seemed to be hanging over him and keeping his emotions in a rigid check.
“We need to hurry,” he said and motioned me toward the front door.
“A bit eager to get rid of me, huh?”
“I would keep you if I could; you know I would but if you don’t make it to dinner, what do you think will happen?”
I imagined Danielle and her frantic fingers calling Margaret to tell her I was kidnapped by some guy named Michael who went to obedience school with me, “Yes, let’s go, go, go.” I practically ran to the door.
Michael was there before me and graciously opened it for me, “After you,” he bowed.
There was no traffic and we arrived just as the others were stepping out of the limo. I was surprised to see Brooke and Jake were still in the party. At some point after Michael and I left they must have managed to make-up.
“Hey,” I caught Dani’s eye as Zach was handing her out of the limo.
“Oh, good, you made it.”
“Yeah, we just drove around for a bit and talked,” I was desperately trying to suppress my guilty grin. I was certain that it was telling a very different story.
Brooke, though Jake had his arm around her shoulder, was studying us with a look of wonder, “You’re that guy from the dance, the one that nearly knocked me over. You two know each other?” She asked me with a rather repugnant look which just evaporated when she glanced at Michael.
“Brooke, Jake, this is my, Mi…” I wasn’t sure what to say, my friend, my boyfriend, my lover, Michael, I almost giggled.
“Michael, just Michael,” he said as he took Jake’s hand, then Brooke’s. He brushed the back of her wrist with a kiss, which made my skin crawl with revolt. He turned his back to them and flashed me a devious little grin and I realized that there was something more taking place than just an introduction. I was dying to ask but held my tongue hoping for a later explanation.
We all headed into to the restaurant and let the hostess know we were there for our reservation. She eyed the party and guessing correctly that we were all fresh from the formal started scanning her seating chart. It looked to be a dry erase map of the dining room. She took a little chamois cloth and removed some notations from one section of the dining room and scribbled them down in another. I suspected that she was moving us to a different, less desirable part of the restaurant either near the restrooms or in a high traffic area near the kitchen. Or maybe she had some preconception that we wouldn’t tip well enough and was giving us to one of her least favorite servers.
Michael stepped up and politely asked where the restrooms were. The hostess looked up and smiled, “Oh, they are all the way to the back of the restaurant and to the right.”
“Thank you,” he nodded and stepped away from our group.
The hostess shook her head in a slightly disoriented manner, “Oh, yes, MacDowell party,” Mrs. Mac made the reservation for us, “right this way everyone,” her attitude was infinity improved.
She led us to a group of tables arranged somewhere near the middle of the dining room. They were set a little apart from the rest of the dining area, with plenty of room for anyone who might need to navigate around them, “Will this do?” She looked to each of us for approval. No one objected and she started pulling the chairs out one by one and placing menus in each of our hands as we took our seats “I’ll let your server know you’re here, is there anything I can get for anyone while you’re waiting?”
I was about to ask for some water, “Mineral water and some limes,” Michael was standing behind me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed my cheek as he took the chair beside me. “Did you miss me?”
I could feel everyone’s eyes on us. I was vaguely aware that as far as my friends were concerned Michael and I were practically strangers. I had never spoken of him before that night and having never known me to take a romantic interest in anyone before was causing some curious looks to be thrown my way. Dani looked downright suspicious at the level of affection Michael was showing me and seemed to be about to say something about it.
“So, Michael, where do you go to school?” Charlie was aware of the tension Danielle was obviously feeling and tried to get a conversation going.
The question caught Michael off-guard but the hostess returned with the bottles of water Michael requested and glasses all around. She poured for each of us and placed the limes at strategic locations so we could each reach them from where we were all seated at our tables. The interruption gave Michael half a moment to recover.
“I’m studying economics up North. Math, boring stuff, to be sure but how about you guys. Have any of you thought about life post high school.”
I was the first to speak anxious to keep the conversation going and to steer it away from Michael, “I’m thinking about the Culinary Arts Academy.”
“Culinary Arts?” Clearly none of my friends were familiar with my interest in cooking as I heard it repeated by one or two of the others at our table.
Michael was looking very pleased with this new knowledge of me. I was sure that as Margaret’s son he was quite familiar with her prowess in the kitchen and correctly imagined her influence in my decision.
I fielded a few questions from the group before our waitress came by to introduce herself and she rattled off the evenings specials. Michael turned to me, “As the most expert among us, what do you recommend?”
“Oooh, uh,” I opened the menu and quickly scanned the entrees. I asked what everyone was partial to and made a few suggestions. “I’m partial to you,” I nearly jumped at the sound, it was Michael’s voice but I was sure he didn’t speak out loud. He wasn’t looking at me but I could see the smile playing on his lips and I knew that I was meant to hear it.
“Is everything OK?” Danielle was looking at me oddly and I realized that I had momentarily slipped into a giddy stupor.
“Oh, yeah, just thinking to myself, how nice it is to be here with everyone,” I tried to direct a private thought to Michael, “though I’d rather be almost anywhere else if I were alone with you.”
I saw him raise his brows over his menu and knew that I succeeded. It was an invigorating rediscovery. The waitress excused herself, saying she would give us a few minutes to look over the menus and asked if there was anything she could bring us in the interim. Michael and Charlie each ordered an appetizer for the group to share.
There were a number of minutes of quiet discussion between the various couples as everyone worked out what they would like to eat. I wondered how Michael was going to handle dinner, would he order and not eat, or excuse himself somehow. I hoped whatever he ch
ose it wasn't too obvious. Danielle had not been disguising her curiosity towards the two of us and the connection we seemed to be sharing. Our familiarity with one another appeared to go well beyond being caught up in the moment. We were behaving less than appropriately with the amount of affection we were displaying and for what we had told them of our acquaintance from a number of years back. I could see the distrust in Dani’s eyes and did my best to ignore it.
I put my menu aside and leaned towards Michael. We had our heads bent together as he pointed out a few things on his menu, “You two seem awfully friendly,” there was a bit of a sting to Danielle’s statement that I was not sure she intended.
Surprisingly it was Brooke that came to our defense, “Oh, come on, it’s formal night, they’re just having some fun, right Jake,” she gently elbowed him to back her up.
“Yeah, formal night, fun, nothing wrong with that,” he bent over and kissed Brooke’s cheek. I hadn’t noticed until she spoke up but Brooke seemed to be relaxed, confident and happy. I studied her for a moment and actually believed that I saw warmth in her eyes; when she looked at Jake, or the others or even me. She actually looked friendly and at ease.
“Huh,” I thought to myself.
“You’re welcome,” it was Michael’s voice in my head again.
I smiled and put my hand on his knee giving it a little squeeze. The waitress came back and took everyone’s order. As she scribbled down the last of her notes the appetizers arrived and she helped place them along with side dishes for everyone. It was late and I was not particularly hungry, so I passed on having anything for the moment.
Michael didn’t take anything either but he did sip at his water and managed to maintain a comfortable level of conversation with the others. I decided it was a good time to freshen up and excused myself. Michael stood and helped me from my chair.
“I’ll come too,” Dani popped out of her seat and tossed her napkin on the table.
