Love.
14
Than watched the reunion between Marissa and her husband with a smile. They’d had no news from him since bringing Marissa to the center. Elliot had left a note in the family’s home with information on where Marissa and the children were, but they’d had no idea how long it would be before he showed up.
When the man moved to take his daughter from Lindsay, it was her face he focused on instead of the continuing reunion. Her lips were drawn tight as she watched Marissa with her family. When he saw her swallow and blink rapidly, Than knew she was fighting hard to keep her emotions in check. That seemed such a strange idea when it came to Lindsay Hamilton.
From the moment he’d first met her, she’d struck him as being self-assured and in control. This trip had torn layers off her and left her with emotions that bubbled so much closer to the surface than they likely ever had for her. He wondered what Lucas was going to say about the changes in his sister.
For himself, Than felt privileged to have been able to witness this change in Lindsay. Or maybe not really a change so much as a deepening awareness of who she really was. He’d always known she was a caring person—he had seen that with her family—but what she’d experienced on the trip seemed to have widened and deepened what she felt. And he knew that was true for him as well.
As he listened to Elliot speak to the couple, he realized that they were asking to be taken back to their home. He walked over to where Lindsay sat and dropped down on his haunches.
“They’re telling him they’d like to go home,” Than said, his voice low.
Lindsay’s head whipped around. “They want to go back there?”
“Of course. It’s their home. Elliot made sure that any damage from the storm was taken care of. Their house is safe for them.”
“But what about the baby?”
Than looked into her gray eyes and, seeing the worry there, wished he could gather her into his arms and assure her everything would be okay. Instead, he just said, “She’ll be fine. Babies are born every day in this country—some in worse conditions than this—and they survive. They love her. They’ll make sure she’s okay.”
Lindsay’s brows drew together as she looked at him. It was almost as if she was searching his gaze to make sure he was telling her the truth. “You can’t guarantee that.”
“You’re right. I can’t. But I do know they love her as much as they loved their son who was born in similar conditions and look at him. He’s a happy, well-loved child.” Than motioned toward the family. Lindsay looked over, and he knew she saw what he did. Marissa now held the baby while her son was in his father’s arms. “They may not have what you and I do, but they do the best they can with what they have, Lindsay.”
“I know. It just seems…wrong.”
“It seems to me they have something more precious than wealth.”
Than was surprised when Lindsay nodded and then softly said, “Yeah. That love they have for each other.”
Was that longing he heard in her voice? Did she want a love like that for herself?
Before he could respond, she spoke again, her voice so low Than almost didn’t hear her words. “I guess when you have basically nothing, you know the person truly loves you for who you are, not for what you have.”
Than sat back on his heels at her comment. A shaft of pain went through him at the emotion he heard in her words. Than had never considered that there might have been a man in her life who had used her like that. It would certainly explain the distance she tended to keep from most people—particularly men. He never considered her money when he thought of her. That was something she had, not who she was. It was how he viewed his friendship with Lincoln as well. He had no expectations of them when it came to their wealth. He had his own money and paid his own way.
He was still searching for a response when Marissa walked over to them, a smile on her face.
“We have decided on a name for the baby,” she said in her accented English.
Lindsay smiled up at her. “Really? What is it?”
“We are so thankful for what you and mum Barb did for us that I wanted to name her Lindsay Barbara. My husband has agreed. We will call her Elbee.”
“The initials LB?” Lindsay asked.
Than looked at Marissa. “I think she means E-L-B-E-E.”
Marissa nodded. “Elbee. In thanks for what you have done for us.”
Lindsay leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the baby in Marissa’s arms. “Nice to meet you, Elbee.”
Marissa then bent over and hugged Lindsay. “Salamat po. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
As Marissa turned from them to her husband, Lindsay’s shoulders slumped. Than touched her hand, wanting to comfort her in some way. “We’ll see them again before we go.”
Lindsay nodded but didn’t look at him. “How did you know about the name?”
The sudden change of subject surprised Than, but he assumed she was searching for something that didn’t take such an emotional toll on her. “It’s not uncommon for Filipinos to combine names and initials for names. I’m sure you’ve already figured out that a lot of them have nicknames.”
She glanced at him. “Did you have a nickname?”
Than grinned. “Yeah. Everyone called my older brother Jun because he was a junior. Steven Miller Jr. Then when I came along and looked a whole lot like him people said I was a junior of Jun. Everyone started calling me Junjun.”
Lindsay’s eyebrows rose. “Junjun? Seriously?”
“You bet. Thankfully, by the time I turned ten, I’d managed to convince people to stop using it.”
“How did you manage to do that?”
Than shrugged. “I simply didn’t respond when they called me Junjun. My mom was the lone hold-out, but even she got tired of having me ignore her.”
A small smile played around the corners of Lindsay’s mouth, and Than felt the tightness in his chest ease. He was glad to see that she’d been able to pull back from the emotional cliff she’d seemed to be standing on.
“So your mom calls you Than now, too?”
He shook his head. “Nope. She calls me Nathaniel. After I managed to get them to stop calling me Junjun, my brother followed my tactic—even though he’s several years older than me—and got them to stop calling him Jun. No one would think twice about those nicknames here, but man, Jun for a boy just didn’t go over well in Minneapolis.”
“I imagine not,” Lindsay said, a quick smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “Kind of like a boy named Sue.”
“Johnny Cash fan?”
“My mom is. I heard a lot of his music growing up.” Lindsay’s gaze left his. “Looks like maybe our work here is done for today.”
Reluctantly, Than looked away from Lindsay and saw that she was right. The babies were either napping or playing quietly on the big carpet that covered the middle of the floor.
As he got to his feet, Than said, “I think Elliot said that the rest of the afternoon was downtime. And tomorrow there’s nothing on the schedule except church.”
Than had been inside a lot of places—even churches—for a lot of different reasons over the years, but he couldn’t recall ever having been in church for an actual worship service since becoming an adult. Weddings and funerals, sure, but a worship service? Just one more unique thing about this job.
A breeze greeted them as they left the orphanage, and there was a quietness in the air that allowed him to hear the rustle of the leaves on the trees around them. There were no sounds of work like there had been most other afternoons.
“I think I’m just going to get a drink and then lie down for a nap,” Lindsay said as she moved in the direction of the dining room.
The roof of the building had been repaired, and the tables that had been damaged by the water were being refinished. Though the main power was still off, the lines around the center had been checked and the generator now powered all the buildings. Thankfully, they’d been okay for
food due in large part to the planning of the missionaries to have a fully stocked pantry and two large freezers. Even though the power had been off for a few hours, the frozen food had still been fine when they’d fired up the generator the next morning.
As they got to the building, Than reached out and grabbed the handle of the door to open it for Lindsay. He caught the whiff of her shampoo as she walked past him and he knew that he would forever associate that light musk scent with her.
“Hey, you guys,” Barb called out as they walked into the room. “They’ve made us an afternoon snack. Banana lumpia. You need to try them, Lindsay.”
Lindsay had been a trooper with most of the food they been served, so Than wasn’t too surprised when she made her way over to the counter that separated the dining room and kitchen. One of the kitchen staff met her there and explained what it was.
“If you decide you don’t like it, just pass it my way,” Than said as he peered over her shoulder.
Lindsay glanced at him, a glint of humor in her eyes. He knew that she’d snuck food onto his plate on more than one occasion. Though they had had a few nights of more American type food—fried chicken and lasagna—for the most part, the food had been Filipino. Even his sisters didn’t like everything their mom served, so Than hadn’t expected Lindsay to enjoy it all, but she’d surprised him with how much of it she’d eaten without passing it on to him.
She would be well prepared food-wise when she met his family.
The thought stopped him in his tracks. It was the second time something like that had shot through his mind. There was really no denying that at some point in the past week that desire for a second date had morphed into something much more serious.
After taking the plate the woman behind the counter handed him, Than followed Lindsay to the table where Barb sat with Amanda and a couple of the other team members. Once seated, he watched as Lindsay took a tentative bite of the banana treat. When her eyes widened slightly and she went back for another bite, Than sighed. He wouldn’t be getting any extras from her plate this time around. Too bad. He really liked banana lumpia.
He finished his more quickly than Lindsay and was taking a long swallow of cold water when Amanda said, “Um…Than, could I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure thing.” He leaned back in his chair. “What’s up?”
He saw her gaze shoot to Lindsay and then back to him. “Alone? Please?”
Though Lindsay didn’t appear to look at Amanda, he saw her body stiffen. Why did this have to happen now? “Okay. Shall we step outside?”
Amanda nodded and left her half-eaten banana lumpia to join him as he led the way out of the building. He didn’t go far from the door and positioned himself so Lindsay could observe them through the window and see that nothing untoward was going on.
Than put his hands on his hips and looked down at the petite blonde. “How can I help you?”
She ducked her head and seemed to be intent on staring at her hands where her fingers were clenched together. “I need to ask a…um…favor. You can say no…I just thought maybe… I mean, I’ll understand if you don’t want to.”
“Amanda.” Than said her name firmly, waiting for her to look up. When she did, he continued, “Just spit it out. What do you want? I can’t say yes or no without knowing what you need.”
He saw her take a deep breath. “Can I use your phone?”
Than stared at her for a moment. “My phone?”
Amanda nodded. “Your satellite phone. You see, it’s my boyfriend’s birthday today, and I really miss him.” Her blue eyes suddenly went liquid, and it took her a few seconds to compose herself. “I just wanted to call and talk to him for just a couple of minutes. I know it costs money. I’ll pay you.”
Than bent his head toward her. “Let me get this straight. You want to use my sat phone to call your boyfriend and wish him a happy birthday?”
Tears again filled Amanda’s eyes. “It’s okay to say no. Mark said you might, but I just had to ask.”
“You talked to Mark about this?”
She nodded again. “He said not to ask you in front of anyone so you didn’t get a whole lot of people asking to use it since this wasn’t an emergency.” Her shoulders slumped a little as her head dipped. “It’s okay to say no. I’ll understand. He’s not expecting me to call anyway.”
Than reached out and tapped her lightly under the chin. When she looked up, he said, “Far be it from me to interfere with love.”
Her eyes lit up as she clasped her hands under her chin. “Really? You’ll let me?”
“Sure.”
Before he could say anything more, she threw her arms around him. “Thank you. Oh, thank you.”
Than returned the hug quickly and then stepped back. He had a feeling the damage had already been done though, and even if he tried to explain, Lindsay would likely just brush it aside.
Trying to keep his frustration from showing, Than said, “You do realize that with the time difference it’s like two in the morning back home, right?”
“Yes, but I thought maybe I could use the phone around eight or nine tonight? Then I could be the first to wish him happy birthday.”
“Okay. Come find me around eight thirty. And it would be best if you could keep it to yourself.”
She laid her hand on his arm and looked up at him. “Thanks, Than. I really mean it. You don’t know how much better I feel now.”
As he looked down at her, Than realized that in the past, even though he knew she had a boyfriend, he’d probably have flirted with her a little and spent some extra time chatting with her. He didn’t feel that urge now—and not just because of the wager—but because Lindsay was the only woman he wanted to coax a smile from. She was the only woman he wanted to make feel good about herself.
She was the only woman who mattered.
Slightly stunned at the path his thoughts had taken, Than managed to say, “Uh, you’re welcome. Glad I could help.”
Amanda spun away from him and practically skipped back into the dining room. Knowing that Lindsay would be safe with Barb there, Than turned toward the dirt road that led down the hill. He didn’t plan to be gone too long, but he just needed a little space right then.
It was like all these little thoughts had been hanging at the edges of his mind, flitting around like little puffs of smoke. Then suddenly, bam, they solidified in his heart, and he couldn’t ignore or deny them anymore.
If he didn’t feel that his current relationship with Lindsay was tenuous at best, he would embrace the feelings. But their presence in his heart and mind only served to remind him that he might just be facing his first heartbreak as an adult. And, unfortunately, it was by a woman he wouldn’t able to avoid. Seeing as he was friends with Lincoln and Lucas, Lindsay was destined to be in his world for years to come, even if it was just on the fringes. It would be close enough to hear about any men she dated and eventually married.
That thought twisted his gut, and Than kicked at a pile of dirt on the road as he made his way down to the gate. Yeah, he definitely needed a little space to get his head back on straight.
~*~*~
Lindsay watched as Amanda returned to her seat, a big smile on her face. When she looked toward the door for Than, she realized he hadn’t followed Amanda back inside. Her gaze went to the window and she spotted him heading away from the building, his head bent.
What on earth had gone on between the two of them that had caused Amanda to return with a smile on her face—after hugging Than—but had sent Than walking away?
“Everything okay, Amanda?” Barb asked.
“Everything is perfect,” Amanda assured her, her face alight with joy. “Than is such a great guy.”
Lindsay turned her attention back to her snack and finished off the last piece, suddenly not enjoying it as much as she had earlier. She felt Barb’s gaze on her but refused to meet it.
“Yes, he is. We’re fortunate that he came with Lindsay,” Barb replied. “You want to
share why you think he’s such a good guy?”
Lindsay glanced over in time to see a small frown cross Amanda’s face. “Oh well, you know. He’s helped a lot. And he was great making sure our families knew we were okay. Stuff like that.”
And so much more.
Lindsay didn’t want to dwell on that thought and quickly pushed it aside. Technically, she probably had a case for saying the bet was over and he’d lost, but for now she was going to hold her tongue. And try to push the image of Amanda in Than’s arms from her mind.
Sitting forward, she reached for the plate Than had abandoned earlier and slid it under her own. She pushed away from the table and gathered up their dishes.
“I’m going to go take a bit of a nap, I think, since we’re having a free afternoon.” She looked at Barb. “Can you let Than know if he asks where I am?”
“Sure thing, hun.” Barb smiled at her, but Lindsay didn’t miss the spark of concern there as well. Sometimes she forgot that Barb had two daughters and was likely to read her emotions better than most.
After leaving the dishes on the counter, Lindsay wandered out into the warm afternoon air and slowly made her way to the dorm. She grabbed a tank top and a pair of shorts and went to the bathroom to change. The room was warm, so she left the door propped open in hopes of getting a good cross breeze.
She slipped her earbuds in and found the playlist she wanted before lying down on the bed, curled up on her side. After what had just transpired, Lindsay wasn’t sure she’d actually be able to fall asleep, but the heightened level of physical activity of the past week plus early mornings dragged her slowly into slumber.
~*~*~
When Than returned from his walk, he had no answer to how to bring about the result he wanted with Lindsay, but at least he felt he was back in control of his emotions. He returned to the dining room and found Barb there talking with some of the team members. Amanda was there as well, but Lindsay wasn’t. His heart sank.
“Lindsay went to take a nap,” Barb said before he could even form the question.
Recalling that she’d mentioned wanting a nap earlier made him feel a bit better. He still didn’t know if he should tell her what Amanda had wanted or just let it go. What he needed from her was trust. If she ever did feel something for him, if it wasn’t coupled with trust, they wouldn’t stand a chance. He was trying to show her that he’d changed, but he couldn’t completely cut himself off from women. They were everywhere in his life, and he was just naturally a friendly person. He wanted Lindsay to accept that and to know that if—when—their relationship became more serious, she would always be the only woman in his heart. That he would be true to her.
Guarding Her Heart: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 1) Page 17
