His heart hurt at the thought, but he’d come to realize that he wanted Lindsay to come to him on her own terms. It was the only way for it to work. She knew who he was. She had to decide on her own that he was what she wanted. He didn’t want to flirt, cajole or plead for her to give him that second chance anymore.
The ball was in her court now.
Not that it had ever really been in his court, Than realized with a wry grin. From the moment she’d dictated what type of date he was going to take her on and what he’d wear, she’d been in control.
~*~*~
Lindsay was surprised her legs didn’t give out from under her as she tried to make it to the dorm before Than caught up with her. She was still trying to catch her breath, too. Who would’ve thought a kiss could be like that? She hadn’t experienced anything like that with any of the guys she’d previously kissed. Not that there had been that many of them, but even her most serious relationship—the one that had gotten as far as an engagement—hadn’t held that kind of spark.
She had always thought Than was attractive physically—that had really never been in question—and recently she had come to see he had a lot of other attractive qualities, but this had been totally out of the blue. And she didn’t quite know what to do with it. She’d been looking for an escape from the pain of having said goodbye to Maya, but she hadn’t expected that.
When she reached the room, she slipped inside, shut the door and leaned back against it, her palms flat on the smooth wood surface. Barb was sitting on the edge of her bed, and her eyes widened.
“Something chasing you?” she asked.
Lindsay looked around the room and noticed that Amanda wasn’t there. She pushed away from the door, dropped down on her bed and stared at Barb. This was so unlike her. Lindsay Hamilton did not get shaken up like this. She might have controlled the start and the end of the kiss, but everything in between had been in Than’s control.
“I kissed him.”
Barb’s brows rose. “I suppose I don’t really have to ask who him is.”
Lindsay lifted her hand to her lips. “It was way more…than I expected. Is that wrong?”
Barb didn’t reply right away, almost as if she was trying to figure out what to say. Finally, she said, “No, it’s not wrong. God created us with emotions, feelings, passions. Experiencing that passion isn’t a bad thing either, but you have to realize it can lead to places you need to steer clear of if you’re not married.”
Lindsay nodded. “I don’t even know what made me kiss him and then bam, it was like a match had been tossed on dry kindling.” Her cheeks flushed at the memory. “I didn’t expect anything like that.”
Barb chuckled. “Well, dear, you must be the only one who hasn’t seen the chemistry between the two of you. You just have to be sure that a relationship isn’t based solely on that. Physical attraction can be a good thing, but it’s only one part of a relationship because if it’s based only on that, it can burn out.”
Lindsay knew what Barb was saying, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to look that far into the future with Than. That kiss had just served to complicate things more than anything. But if she was honest, it had started even before the kiss. That he’d come to her, held her and offered her comfort had already touched her heart. The kiss had just kind of been the icing on the top of a very emotion-filled cake.
“If you want a little advice…” Barb began but then didn’t continue.
“Sure. When it comes to this stuff, I think I need all the advice I can get.”
“Don’t rush into anything until we get back home. This has been a very unusual set of circumstances that has pushed us all together in ways things might not have at home. Give yourself a little time to get back into life there and then see where things go.”
“Say yes to that second date?” Lindsay asked.
“Yes. I think you’ll find that just as this trip has changed you, it has also changed Than. Pray about it and then spend some time together.”
Lindsay bit her lip and frowned. “What if he’s decided he doesn’t want a second date?”
Barb laughed. “Oh, honey, I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about.”
Taking a deep breath, Lindsay stood up. “Okay. I’ll figure it out once we get home. Now…packing.”
~*~*~
If Than had been a betting man, he would have said it was a sure bet that Lindsay would ignore what had happened between them with that kiss. And he would have been right.
When he’d seen her at breakfast the next morning, she’d said hi and smiled, just like normal. If the kiss hadn’t been seared into his memory, he might have questioned if he’d dreamed the whole thing.
The kiss had actually confirmed something he’d suspected from the moment he’d felt a spark of attraction for Lindsay. Yes, it was true he’d been attracted to her physically first, but he could honestly say that there was so much more to how he felt about her now. And he had a feeling that was why the kiss had packed the punch it had for him.
He could have sworn Lindsay had been as impacted as he had, but watching her act as if everything was the same between them had him wondering. Than had always prided himself on being able to read women, but Lindsay definitely confounded him. Just when he thought he’d figured her out, she threw a curve ball at him like that kiss. But then he had known that she’d ignore it just like she had, so he wasn’t completely clueless.
After they had loaded up the bus that had returned to take them back to Manila, Than hadn’t bothered to try to sit next to her. He had thought maybe he’d try to talk to Mark a bit about some of the questions he had, but in the end, Than realized he felt more comfortable with the idea of talking to Eric or even Lucas about them. They knew enough about him to know where he was coming from.
As the bus left the center and wound its way through the streets to the highway that would take them back to Manila, the damage done by the typhoon was still evident in places, but more apparent was the resilience of the Filipino people who had picked themselves up and moved forward with their lives. He was proud to be able to claim his Filipino heritage even if it only made up half of who he was.
The trip back to Manila took longer due to damage on the road, but they finally pulled into the mission house compound shortly after two o’clock. Than knew from the announcements that morning at breakfast that they had set aside time that afternoon and evening to do some shopping if people wanted. He wasn’t surprised at all when Lindsay told him that she wanted to do a little shopping, which meant, of course, he was also doing a little shopping.
After dropping their bags in their rooms and grabbing a quick lunch, they were taken to a huge mall. Than hoped that the women didn’t plan to hit every store or they’d for sure miss their plane the next day. Thankfully, the driver who dropped them off arranged to meet them at seven.
Than half expected Lindsay to ask him to give her some space to shop—which he wouldn’t have been able to do—but instead, she asked his advice on a few things she was considering for her brothers and Danny. In return, she offered some thoughts on the things he was looking at for his nieces and sisters. Lindsay had insisted that Barb join them, and Than enjoyed seeing the two of them interact.
After having completed their lists, they found a restaurant and Than was as glad for the food as he was to be off his feet for a little bit. He was surprised that neither Lindsay nor Barb was complaining, but then he’d been the one carrying all their bags. If he’d had to go for his gun at any point, he would have definitely been slowed down by the mountain of plastic bags he’d been carting around. They were all piled up in the booth next to him as they ate. He hoped there was enough room in the vehicle that picked them up since he was pretty sure Lindsay and Barb weren’t the only ones who’d bought out a store or two.
Once they got back to the mission house, Than had hoped to have a little time to talk to Lindsay, but she took off with Barb to their room and then he had to wait for his aunt and un
cle to stop by again. This time he’d be returning the items Alberto had gotten him. His aunt came with a bag with things for his mom and sisters. And thankfully there had been no beauty queen in sight.
Knowing they’d be up early the next morning, Than decided to call it a night. He’d have a good stretch of time during which to talk to Lindsay on the plane, so he figured he’d just leave her be for the evening.
Eventually though, she’d have to talk to him.
He hoped.
~*~*~
To say Lindsay was relieved when the plane landed in Minneapolis would have been an understatement. Almost twenty-four hours of trying to keep the conversation from veering in the direction of the kiss had just about stressed her out of her mind. But planes and airports were the last places she wanted to have the conversation she knew they needed to have. And Lindsay knew Barb was right when she’d said that she needed to allow herself to process everything from the trip before jumping into anything.
Than’s frustration had been very evident, but she’d just ignored it. And the one time he had dared to ask outright if they could talk about it, she had just said, “Not right now.”
Thankfully, they’d gone through customs in Detroit so it was just a matter of deplaning and getting their bags once the plane landed in Minneapolis. She was thrilled to see her mom waiting for her along with Lucas, Brooke, Danny, and Lincoln. When she wrapped her arms around her mom, she thought she’d never let go. She couldn’t wait to share everything with her family.
As they moved to the baggage claim area, her gaze drifted around to see who else had come to meet the team members. Her gaze snagged on Than as he stood with a woman Lindsay was sure was his mother. He’d mentioned she had been a beauty queen back in her day, and Lindsay could see that she was still a beautiful woman. A large man stood on the other side of her and, even though his coloring was Caucasian, Lindsay knew immediately that it was Than’s dad.
She looked away from him when Lucas asked about her bags. When she spotted her first bag, she pointed it out to him and then pointed out the other one when it appeared a few bags behind the first. As Lucas and Lincoln loaded them onto the cart, it dawned on Lindsay that for the first time in two weeks, she wouldn’t be seeing Than on a regular basis once they left the terminal.
Her gaze went back to him as he reached for a bag, his shirt stretching taut across his shoulders.
“Ready to go?” Lucas asked once the bags were on the cart with her carry-on.
With one last look at Than, she nodded. “Just let me say goodbye.”
She quickly found Barb and moved in her direction. She was surrounded by two young women and a young man. The older woman held her arms out to Lindsay as she approached. Lindsay went into her embrace without hesitation. Her heart was aching as she realized she was being unplugged from this great group of people who’d shared experiences with her that no one else in her life in Minneapolis had. She was going to miss them. Particularly Barb and Than.
“Thank you for everything, Barb. This trip wouldn’t have been the same without you.” Lindsay smiled and blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling. It was silly really, since they lived in the same city and attended the same church. It wasn’t like she was saying goodbye for a long time.
“I feel the same way, honey.” Barb reached out and cupped her cheek. “I’ll be praying for you and for Than. Let me know what happens.”
Lindsay nodded. “I will.”
Barb introduced her to her children and then Lindsay looked around for Mark and Mel. When she found them, she gave them both a hug. “Thank you for taking a chance and letting me come with you. The things God has shown me on this trip have been life-changing.”
“You touched lives, too” Mel said with a wide smile. “And we’ve all experienced things on this trip I don’t think we’ll ever forget.”
Mark reminded her of their final mission team meeting on Sunday after church. “Food will be provided.”
“I’ll be there,” Lindsay assured him and then headed back to where her family waited.
They were walking to the exit when Lindsay heard her name. She turned to see Than jogging toward them. He greeted her family before looking at her. “Can I talk to you for just a minute?”
When Lindsay nodded, he laid a hand on her back and led her away from her family to a spot that wasn’t as crowded with people. Keeping his back to both their families, he looked down at her. “We need to talk.”
“I know,” Lindsay said. “I just need a little time.”
His brown eyes seemed to look right into her heart. “I can give you that as long as it’s not a no.”
“It’s…not.”
Then, before she knew what was happening, his fingers lifted her chin, and he bent to press a soft kiss to her lips. Though it was nowhere near as intense as their last kiss, Lindsay reached for his waist to steady herself.
He lifted his head and stared down at her. “I know I lost the bet, so the ball is in your court now, sweetheart.” His gaze darkened. “Please give me…us a chance.”
Lindsay couldn’t seem to make her vocal cords work. Her hand slipped from Than’s waist as he stepped back. Feeling bereft, she could only watch as he turned and headed in the direction of his mom and dad. She quickly became aware of the fact that they had been the subject of curious gazes from both their families.
Taking a deep breath, she headed to where her family waited. All of them were looking at her expectantly, but all she said was, “Ready to go?”
“Anything you want to share with us?” Lucas asked as they headed for the exit.
“No,” Lindsay said as she noticed Than’s mother turn around to look at her as they walked out of the terminal. She wondered if she would be telling Than he could do better than her. After all, she didn’t have any Filipino blood in her, even though she did have a profound love for the Philippines and its people.
Lucas had brought his large SUV so after loading her bags, they all climbed in and headed for the mansion. As she stared out at the city that had been her home for her whole life, Lindsay braced herself for the return to her old life and all that would mean.
~*~*~
With a sigh, Lindsay shoved back from her desk and walked over to the window that looked out over the sprawling metropolis. The clouds hung low in the sky as they dumped heavy rain across the Twin Cities. As the rain ran in streaks down the large glass window, a bolt of lightning shot across the sky. These were the kind of storms she liked. Although she did prefer to view them sitting on the porch of the cabin at the lake.
The rumble of thunder reminded her of the noises that had come with the typhoon. Not for the first time since returning home, her thoughts went to the people she’d met there. Marissa and her family often came to mind, along with Maya and Benjie. She’d asked Mel if there was any way to get news about the center and was pleased when the woman had directed her to a blog that one of the missionaries kept updated with news of what was happening on the center.
The first time she’d visited the blog, she’d been surprised to find pictures of the mission team trip even though she remembered a couple of people with cameras, and they’d had a couple of posed photos of the team members. Her breath had caught when she’d seen the picture of her holding Maya with Than seated near her with Benjie. She’d saved that one to her computer along with the one someone had taken of her flat on her back with Than kneeling next to her after their collision. Than had taken plenty of ribbing about that throughout the week that had followed. Lindsay was pleased that they’d identified him as part of the team, because in every way that had mattered, he had been.
She pressed a hand to the glass and sighed again. Somewhere out in that wet city was Than. She’d asked him for time. There had been so much to process after the trip. Not just what she felt about him, but also her outlook on life in general. She’d wondered if she’d slip back into her old ways once immersed in her life again, but from the responses of her family, she’d have to sa
y that wasn’t the case.
Her mom and Brooke had both commented that she smiled more often and more easily. Lucas and Lincoln had mentioned that she seemed a lot less uptight since her return. Danny was the only one who hadn’t said anything about the changes in her. At first she’d wondered about it, but then she’d realized that he was already used to seeing her that way because she was always like that with him. That made it easier for her to hold onto those changes and now, a week after her return, it felt more natural to be this way.
Lindsay had never realized how stressful it was to keep so much of herself hidden from the world. Or even more stressful was trying to keep parts of herself from certain people while sharing them with others. Letting go of the masks had been incredibly freeing. The emotions that had risen to the surface while in the Philippines had stayed there and she relished having them there. Laughter, tears, joy and sadness…giving herself permission to experience each of the emotions as they came was so much better than trying to keep everything bottled up until she could process it when she was alone.
The only thing missing now was Than, and she really couldn’t explain why she hadn’t gone to him yet.
When her cell phone rang interrupting her thoughts, Lindsay left her place by the window to pick it up. She smiled when she saw Barb’s name on the screen. She had called her several times since their return, and Lindsay didn’t know what she would have done without those conversations.
“Hi, Barb.”
“My last patient of the day cancelled so I thought I’d give you a call and see how you’re doing. Is this a good time to chat?”
Lindsay sank into her chair and turned it so she could still watch the storm beyond the window. “It’s perfect. I’m working late so I could use a break.”
“Still catching up from being gone?”
“A bit, but I’m also trying to learn a more about the foundation Hamilton Enterprises has. I told Lucas I want to join him in running it.”
Guarding Her Heart: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 1) Page 21
