She added, “If you can do something for someone else, you do.”
“Lily, don’t make so much of setting up a monitoring system.”
Telling herself she should stay right where she was, she didn’t listen to her better judgment. She advanced closer to Mitch and this time didn’t look away. “You’re not just helping me. It’s sort of an attitude with you. If someone has a problem, you take time to listen.”
Maybe he could see she was serious about this topic. Maybe he could see that she was trying to determine exactly how much help she should accept from him. Maybe he could see that this conversation was important to her. Nevertheless, by his silence he seemed reluctant to give away even a little piece of himself.
“Does it have something to do with being in Iraq?” she asked softly.
The flicker of response in his eyes told her she’d hit the mark. She saw one of his hands curve into a fist and she thought he might simply tell her it was none of her business. Instead, however, he lifted his shoulders in a shrug, as if this wasn’t important. As if he didn’t mind her asking at all.
“I survived,” he told her calmly. “I figured there was a reason for that. I returned home with a new understanding of patience, tolerance and simple kindness.”
Although Mitch’s expression gave away nothing, Lily knew he was holding back. He was giving her an edited version of what he felt and what he’d experienced.
“Have you ever talked about Iraq?”
“No.”
“Not even with your buddies?”
“They know what it was like. I don’t have to talk about it.”
She supposed that was true. Yet from the tension she could sense in Mitch, she understood he had scars that were more than skin deep.
With a tap on the control sitting next to the monitor on the table, he suggested, “Let me show you the remote and what the lights mean.”
Discussion over. No matter what she thought, Mitch was finished with that topic, and he was letting her know it. She could push. But she sensed that Mitch wasn’t the type of man who could be pushed. He would just shut down. That wouldn’t get her anywhere at all. Why was she so hell-bent on convincing him that the bad stuff would only damage him if he kept it inside?
She’d let the conversation roll his way for now. For the next few minutes she let him explain the lights on the remote and how she could carry it into the kitchen with her and upstairs to her bedroom. When he handed it to her, their fingers skidded against each other and she practically jumped. She was so startled by the jolt of adrenaline it gave her, she dropped the remote.
She stooped over to retrieve it at the same time he crouched down. Their faces were so close together…close enough to kiss…
They moved apart and Lily let him grasp the control.
After Mitch picked it up, he handed it to her and quickly stepped away. “I’d better get going,” he said. “Do you want me to turn off the system?”
“I can do it.”
He nodded, crossing to the door, picking up the toolbox he’d set there.
She followed him, feeling as if something had gone wrong, yet not knowing what. “Thank you again for the monitoring system. I really appreciate it.”
“Are you going to be alone tomorrow?”
“No. Raina’s coming to visit. She’s going to drive me to the hospital so I can spend time with the twins while she makes rounds.”
“That sounds like a plan. I’m glad you have friends you can count on.”
“I am, too.”
As their gazes found each other, his dark brown eyes deeply calm, Lily felt shaken up.
“If you need help when you bring the babies home, you have my number.”
Yes, she did. But the way she was feeling right now, she wasn’t going to use it. She couldn’t call on him again when she felt attracted to him. That’s what it was, plain and simple—attraction she was trying to deny. Oh, no. She wouldn’t be calling his number anytime soon. She would not feel guilty believing she was being unfaithful to her husband’s memory.
Maybe Mitch realized some of that, because he left.
Even though a cold wind blew into the foyer, Lily stood there watching Mitch’s charcoal SUV back out of the driveway. When his taillights finally faded into the black night, she closed the door, relieved she was alone with her memories…relieved she might not see Mitch for a while.
Then everything would go back to normal between them.
Over the next few weeks Mitch didn’t see much of Lily, though he stopped in at the hospital NICU almost every day. A few days ago, the twins had been moved to the regular nursery. This morning he’d run into Angie, who told him they’d gone home. Lily hadn’t called him. Because she was overwhelmed with bringing the twins home and everything that entailed? Or because she wanted to prove to herself she could be a single mom and manage just fine?
He was going to find out.
When Mitch reached the Victorian, he scanned the house and grounds. Everything seemed normal—until he approached the front door. Although it was closed, he could hear the cries of two babies inside. New mothers had enough trouble handling one, let alone two. But where were Lily’s friends?
With no response when he rang the doorbell, he knocked. When Lily still didn’t answer, he turned the knob—no one in Sagebrush locked their doors—and stepped inside.
Immediately he realized the wails were coming from a room down the hall from the living room. Turning that way, he found the room that had been the women’s exercise room. Now it looked like a makeshift nursery. There were two bassinets, a card table he assumed Lily used for changing the twins, and a scarred wooden rocking chair that looked as if it could be an antique. His gaze was quickly drawn to her. He knew he should look away from Lily’s exposed breast as she tried to feed one baby while holding the other. Respectful of her as a new mom, he dropped his gaze to an odd-looking pillow on her lap, one of those nursing pillows advertised in baby magazines. But it didn’t seem to be doing much good. Lily looked about ready to scream herself.
When she raised her head and saw him, she practically had to yell over the squalls. “I couldn’t come to the door. I can’t seem to satisfy them,” she admitted, her voice catching.
Without hesitating, Mitch took Sophie from her mom’s arms, trying valiantly to ignore Lily’s partially disrobed condition. He had enough trouble with the visions dancing through his head at night. Concentrating for the moment on Sophie, he flipped a disposable diaper from a stack, tossed it onto his shoulder and held the infant against him. The feel of that warm little girl on his shoulder blanked out any other pictures. Taking in a whiff of her baby lotion scent, he knew nothing in the world could be as innocent and sweet as a newborn baby. His hand rubbed up and down her little back, and miraculously she began to quiet. In a few moments, her sobs subsided into hiccups.
Lily, a bit amazed, quickly composed herself and tossed a blanket over her shoulder to hide her breast. Then she helped Grace suckle once more. This time the baby seemed content.
“Did your friends desert you?” He couldn’t imagine them doing that.
“No, of course not. Gina and Raina were here most of the day. When Angie got ready for work and left, Sophie and Grace were asleep.”
Mitch watched as Lily took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But they woke up, crying to be fed at the same time.”
“Do you have milk in the fridge?”
“Yes, but—”
“Breast-feeding two babies is something that’s going to take practice. In the meantime, I can give Sophie a bottle.” He gestured to her lap. “Nursing pillows and experts’ advice might work for some people, but you’ve got to be practical. There is no right way and wrong way to do this, Lily. You just have to do what works for you and the babies.”
“How do you know so much about babies?” Lily asked in a small voice, looking down at her nursing child rather than at him.
His part in the practice was science-oriented and mostl
y behind the scenes. “Training,” he said simply, remembering his rotation in obstetrics years ago.
That drew her eyes to his. He added, “And…sometimes in the field, you have to learn quickly.” In Iraq, he’d helped a new mother who’d been injured, returning her and her newborn to her family.
Before Lily could ask another question, he gently laid Sophie in one of the bassinets and hurried to the kitchen to find her milk. A short time later he carried one of the kitchen chairs to the nursery and positioned it across from Lily. Then he picked up Sophie again and cradled her in his arm. They sat in silence for a few minutes as both twins took nourishment.
“What made you stop by today?” Lily finally asked.
Lily’s blond hair was fixed atop her head with a wooden clip. Wavy strands floated around her face. She was dressed in a blue sweater and jeans and there was a slight flush to her cheeks. Because he was invading private moments between her and her babies?
“I was at the hospital and found out they were discharged today.”
Lily’s eyes grew wider. Did she think he was merely checking up on her so he could say he had? He wished! He was in this because she’d gotten under his skin.
“Feeding these two every three hours, or more often, could get complicated. What would you have done if I hadn’t arrived?”
“I would have figured something out.”
Her stubbornness almost convinced him to shock her by taking her into his arms and kissing her. Lord, where had that thought come from? “I’m sure Gina and Raina never would have left if they knew you were so overwhelmed.”
“Raina and Gina have families.”
“They also both have nannies,” he reminded her.
“They also both have—”
Mitch knew Lily had been about to say that they both had husbands. Instead, she bit her lower lip and transferred Grace to her other breast, taking care to keep herself covered with the blanket.
“I’m sorry I just walked in on you like that.” He might as well get what happened out in the open or they’d both have that moment between them for a while.
“I’m going to have to get over my privacy issues if I intend to breast-feed them for very long. I sat down with the accountant last week. I can take a leave for seven or eight months and be okay financially. My practice is important, but I really feel as if I need to be with them to give them a good start in life.”
Since she was the only parent they had, he could certainly understand that.
“Do you think the practice can do without me for that long?”
“We can manage. You know our client list is down because of insurance issues. This could work out to everyone’s advantage. We can always consult with you from home if we need your expertise.”
Suddenly remembering the need to burp Sophie, he set the bottle on the floor and balanced the tiny baby on his knee. His hand was practically as large as she was. What would life be like taking care of them every day? Being able to watch their progress and all the firsts? Keeping his palm on her chest, he rubbed her back until she burped.
Smiling at Lily he said offhandedly, “She’s easy.”
Lily smiled back.
In that moment, he knew being here with Lily like this was dangerous.
What he was about to suggest was even more dangerous.
Chapter Four
“Do you want me to sleep on the couch again tonight?” Mitch asked as he cradled Sophie in his arm once more and offered her the bottle again. He couldn’t help studying her perfect baby features. He was beginning to recognize a warm feeling that enveloped his heart when he was around Sophie and Grace.
After a lengthy pause, he cast a sideways glance at Lily to gauge her expression. As long as she was upstairs and he stayed downstairs, he wouldn’t worry her with the restlessness that plagued him at night.
She looked somber as she debated with herself about what to say. He could almost hear her inner conversation because he’d already had the same one. If he stayed, they’d connect more. If he stayed, they might get to know each other better.
Quietly, she responded, “If you stay, I think I can keep Sophie and Grace happier. The two of us are obviously handling them better than I was handling them alone. I have to learn what works and what doesn’t. That will just take time. In the meantime, I want to stay calm. I want to enjoy both of them. I can’t go into a panic just because Grace and Sophie are crying at the same moment.”
“Why did you panic?” Extreme reactions weren’t at all like Lily. But she’d never been a mom before. She bit her lower lip and he found himself focused on her mouth much too intensely.
“I have these two little beings depending on me twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week,” she attempted to explain. “I don’t want to let them down. I don’t want either of them to feel neglected.”
It was easy to see Lily had already bonded with her daughters and she wanted nothing to interfere with those bonds, not even another willing pair of hands giving her aid. He attempted to be reasonable, realizing he wanted to stay more than he wanted to go. “Right now, they need to have their basic needs met—feeding, changing and cuddling. They’ll learn to know you,” he reassured her quickly. “They won’t mind if someone else gives them what they need. In a few months, they’ll both be more particular. They’ll want you when they want you. So for now, take advantage of the fact that someone else can help.”
“You make it sound so simple,” she said with a wry smile. “And we know it isn’t.”
No, nothing was simple. Besides the sheer enormity of the twins’ birth, other feelings besides affection for Sophie and Grace were developing between him and Lily. However, neither of them were going to mention those. No. They wouldn’t be having that discussion anytime soon…which left the door wide open for his desire to cause trouble. Yet he still wanted to be close to her.
As he set Sophie on his knee to burp her again, he asked, “Will you take the babies upstairs to sleep tonight?”
“Yes. I want them to get used to their cribs. I’ve got to get the hang of breast-feeding both of them, but that might be easier to juggle during the day. I thought I might put a small refrigerator upstairs for night feedings.”
“That sounds like a good idea. Maybe I can go pick one up for you tomorrow.”
“But I’m paying for it.”
“Okay, you’re paying for it.” He knew better than to argue.
With her gaze locked on his, he felt a turning so deep inside of him that he had to stand with Sophie and walk her back and forth across the room. She’d drunk three ounces of the bottle and that was good. Taking her to the card table, he unsnapped her Onesies so he could change her.
“Mitch, you don’t have to do that.”
He glanced over his shoulder while he held Sophie with one hand and picked up a diaper with the other. “I don’t mind changing her. But if you’d rather I didn’t, I won’t.”
Mitch guessed Grace was still locked on Lily’s breast. Just imagining that—
“As long as you don’t mind,” Lily finally said.
He seemed to be all thumbs with the small diaper, but he hoped Lily wasn’t noticing. The tiny snaps on the Onesies were a challenge, too, but his left hand had almost become as proficient as his right hand had once been—before shrapnel had torn into it.
Finally Sophie was ready for bed. Her little eyes were practically closed and her angelic face was peaceful. “I’ll carry her upstairs and lay her in her crib. You can come up when Grace finishes.”
“I have receiving blankets up there on the side of each crib. Can you swaddle her in one? They’re supposed to sleep better if I do that.”
“I’ll try it.”
“And you have to lay her on her back.”
“I know, Lily.”
She flushed.
“After I put her to bed, I’ll pull out a blanket and a pillow for the sofa. I remember where you got them.”
Lily nodded, but dropped her eyes to Grace and didn�
��t look at him. If they didn’t admit to the intimacy developing between them, then the intimacy wouldn’t exist, right?
Right.
They were tiptoeing along a line in the sand, hoping neither one of them fell onto the other side.
He let out a pent-up breath he didn’t even know he was holding when he left the downstairs nursery and headed up the steps, Sophie sleeping against his shoulder. The hall light guided him into the babies’ room, where he grabbed the blanket and carefully wrapped Sophie in it on the changing table, murmuring softly to her as he did. Then he gently laid her in her crib and switched on the monitoring system.
After turning on the castle night-light by the rocker, he went to the hall for his bedding. At the closet, he glanced back at the room, almost ready to return and wish the little girl a good night. But he knew he couldn’t become attached, not to the babies any more than to Lily. Nothing was permanent. Everything ended. He had no right to even think about Lily in a romantic way. He had no intention of making life more complicated for either of them.
After Mitch went downstairs, he made up the sofa and sat on it, staring at the monitor. Sophie did look like a cherub with her wispy blond hair, her blue eyes, her little body that seemed more heavenly than earthly. Her tiny face turned from left to right and he wondered if she missed Grace already.
He was so engrossed in his reflections that he didn’t hear Lily come into the living room until the floor squeaked. She was holding Grace in a sling that kept her nestled against her chest.
“Is Sophie asleep?” Lily asked.
“Come see.”
“I have to put Grace down, too.”
“A couple of minutes won’t matter. Come here.”
Lily just stared at Sophie, her sweet sleep as entrancing as her little nose, long eyelashes and broad brow. “The monitor is wonderful, Mitch,” Lily said in a low voice. “But they’re so small. I’ll probably be going in every fifteen minutes to check on them.”
“You need your sleep. I’ll be watching from down here. How about if I stay awake until the first feeding?”
Twins Under His Tree Page 5
