Greg Iles wrote Robert Johnson's Flat-Top.
At that point in the tests, the stylistic tools had done a good job of correctly selecting Stephen King when he was the actual author. Assuming he hadn't tried to hide his own style, we expected him to appear pretty clearly in the four stories. Of the four, there was only one that the stylistic tool thought was clearly more likely to be King than any other author, and that was In the Woods. The stylistic method thought it was 78.67% more likely to be written by King. If another author wrote In the Woods, then he did a very good job of imitating King’s stylistic tells even over a relatively short 500 words.
And while it wasn't the closest King story in terms of theme, it was still closer than 91.21% of other books in our test corpus, which is within the range of other known King books.
Our second guess, then, was that In the Woods was likely written by the real Stephen King.
This left us with Black Mambo and The Rock And Roll Dead Zone.
Both were difficult. On one hand, the Book Genome's thematic approach suggested that Black Mambo was more similar to Pearson's writing (62.05%) than it was to Barry's writing (25.67%). But stylistically, it was the other way around. Since the stylistic method was really better suited for picking out someone trying to hide their writing “fingerprint,” we went with the stylistic approach and rolled the dice on our final guesses.
Black Mambo was written by Dave Barry.
The Rock And Roll Dead Zone was written by Ridley Pearson.
Book 'em, Danno. That's our final answer.
The Report Card
So who won the competition? Who wrote the most like Stephen King? Well, if In the Woods was written by anyone other than Stephen King, then they win, enough so that we think they are Stephen King. If you combine both stylistic and thematic scores then Black Mambo seems to be overall next in line on the grading curve.
Yet there's an argument to be made that Robert Johnson's Flat-Top actually was the most successful in writing like Stephen King, if Stephen King were writing about the themes in Flat-Top. Length is likely having a large impact on our results. Putting aside In the Woods, Flat-Top came the closest to having an overall “King” style – and it did so over a full 11,000 words.
The Results
Which story did Stephen King really write? And who wrote what?
The correct story-author pairing is:
Black Mambo by Ridley Pearson
In The Woods by Dave Barry
The Rock And Roll Dead Zone by Stephen King
Robert Johnson’s Flat-Top by Greg Iles
A Final Word from Dave Barry
Letter sent:
June 14, 1993
Dear Kathi—
This is a pantie exchange. A what? That’s right, a pantie exchange!
Send one new pair of pretty and/or interesting underwear to the person listed #1. Send a copy of this letter to 6 of your friends, or just people that you suspect could use new underwear. Only your name and mine should appear on the letters that you send out.
Move my name to #1 and your name will be #2. Do not forget to list your size. This is not a chain letter. This is just fun and you won’t find a better deal. You will receive 36 pair of fabulous new undies.
Don’t wait. Mail a pair today to:
#1 The Rock Bottom Remainders
822 College Avenue, #584
Kentfield, CA 94914-0584
(all sizes welcome)
#2 Dave Barry
One Herald Plaza
Miami, FL 33132
(size 32)
Dave Barry
not responsible for wording or anything else.
THE END
Acknowledgements
We start with Kathi Kamen Goldmark, of course.
This was all her idea, this wondrous contraption of a band, and from the beginning to the end it was infused with her joy, her humor, her warmth, her what-the-hell spirit, her fantastic sense of fun. The Rock Bottom Remainders did little to advance the cause of music, but we did usually manage to be entertaining, and along the way we became the kind of friends who are closer than family. And, damn, we had a good time. All thanks to Kathi.
We miss you, Kathi.
We remember two more who are gone now: Warren Zevon, who was willing to play with the band on one condition—that Stephen King would sing “Werewolves of London”—and the unforgettable Frank McCourt, who kept us on our toes by never singing the song he said he was going to sing in the key in which we rehearsed it.
We miss you, Warren and Frank.
We’ll never forget the members from the early days who had the good sense to know when to stop: Barbara Kingsolver, Dave Marsh, Greil Marcus, Joel Selvin, Robert Fulghum, Tad Bartimus, and our first musical mentor, Al Kooper.
And since we’ve mentioned Warren and Al, we should also include some other genuine rock stars who performed with us despite the damage it would inflict on their reputations: Bruce Springsteen, Lesley Gore, Judy Collins, Darlene Love, and, of course, Roger McGuinn. We also want to thank rock-star author Carl Hiaasen. Carl connected us with many of the rock stars mentioned above. He also played guitar with us at the Miami Book Fair International, one of our favorite venues. This brings us to the always-generous Mitchell Kaplan, co-founder of that wonderful book fair—thank you for giving us a place to play year after year.
There were a lot of other folks who helped make the Remainders fun (at least for us). Many of them were, more or less, members of the band. In fact, we may be, when you tally us all up, the largest rock band ever. We can’t possibly name all the authors and other folks who jumped on stage with us. It is possible that one time or another half of the authors in the United States joined in with the Remainders.
We appreciate all of Ted Habte-Gabr’s hard work. Ted took up the torch of managing the band and led us, only to discover, too late, how unmanageable we were.
The Remainders couldn’t have sustained an entire show without the help of some professional musicians—especially Janine Albom on vocals, Josh Kelly on drums, and Erasmo Paolo and Jerry Peterson on saxophone—who were willing to make fools of themselves in order to make us sound better. We also thank our ever-patient sound technicians, Gary Hirstius, Chris “Hoover” Rankin (who may have driven the crew van well above the speed limit on I-95 while Roy Blount Jr. urinated, for the sake of rock and roll, resolutely out into the night.), and the late Danny “Mouse” Delaluz. Thank you, also, to driver Bob Daitz for his rock and roll wisdom (“sleep fast”) and Dave the bus driver.
Hard Listening could never have happened if it weren’t for the creativity and dedication of the team at Coliloquy, especially Jennifer Lou and Lisa Rutherford. Also, we haven’t forgotten about the crew behind-the-scenes: Waynn Lue, Shayan Guha, Melanie Murray Downing, Kaamna Bhojwani-Dhawan, and Aimee Radmacher.
We are grateful to the many companies and individuals who supported our shows, enabling us to have fun while we all raised money for some very good causes. (We did not raise money to kill the whales. That was a joke.)
Finally, we want to thank all the people who came and actually stayed to the end of our shows, including the girl who lit her fingernails on fire, and the manufacturers of all the instruments we profaned.
Twenty years. And we still aren’t that good.
Rock on.
—The Rock Bottom Remainders
About Coliloquy
Coliloquy is the first digital publisher to focus on active and interactive storytelling, leveraging advances in technology to create groundbreaking new forms of digital content. Originally developed as part of the Kindle Developer Program, Coliloquy’s books and apps are now available across all tablet, phone, and e-reading platforms, including iOS, Android, Kindle, NOOK, and Kobo. Based in Palo Alto, CA, the company was founded by Lisa Rutherford, an AlwaysON “Top Women to Watch” award winner, and Waynn Lue in 2011. For more information, please visit www.coliloquy.com.
About the Author
Mitch Albom (keyboards)
is an author, playwright, and screenwriter who has written seven books, including the international bestseller Tuesdays with Morrie, the bestselling memoir of all time. His first novel, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, was a #1 New York Times bestseller, as were For One More Day, his second novel, and Have a Little Faith, his most recent work of nonfiction. All four books were made into acclaimed TV films. His latest bestselling novel is The Time Keeper. Albom also works as a columnist and a broadcaster and has founded seven charities in Detroit and Haiti, where he operates an orphanage/mission. He lives with his wife, Janine, in Michigan.
Dave Barry (lead guitar) has been a professional humorist ever since he discovered that professional humor was a lot easier than working. For many years he wrote a newspaper column that appeared in more than 500 newspapers and generated thousands of letters from readers who thought he should be fired. Despite this, Barry won thePulitzer Prizefor commentary, although he misplaced it for several years, which is why his wife now keeps it in a secure location that he does not know about. He’s written more than 30 books, including the novelsBig Trouble,Lunatics, Tricky Businessand, most recently,Insane City. He has also written a number of books with titles likeI’ll Mature When I’m Dead, which are technically classified as nonfiction, although they contain numerous lies. Barry lives in Miami with his family.
Sam Barry (harmonica) is the author of How to Play the Harmonica: and Other Life Lessons and coauthored Write That Book Already! The Tough Love You Need to Get Published Now with his late wife and founder of the Rock Bottom Remainders, Kathi Kamen Goldmark. Sam writes the Author Enabler column for BookPage, in which he offers information and encouragement to aspiring authors. He is also marketing director at Book Passage, a contributing editor at the literary magazine Zyzzyva, and serves on the board of San Francisco’s literary festival, Litquake. Although he has played harmonica, piano, and sung with the world’s most famous mediocre rock band for many years, Sam really is a musician. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Roy Blount Jr. (emcee) is the author of twenty-three books about everything from the first woman president of the United States to what barnyard animals are thinking. He is a panelist on NPR’s Wait, Wait...Don’t Tell Me, ex-president of the Authors Guild, a member of PEN and the Fellowship of Southern Authors, a New York Public Library Literary Lion, a Boston Public Library Literary Light, a usage consultant to the American Heritage Dictionary, and an original member of the Rock Bottom Remainders. He comes from Decatur, Georgia and lives in western Massachusetts. In 2009 he received the Thomas Wolfe Award from the University of North Carolina.
Matt Groening (cowbell) changed television forever when he brought animation back to primetime with his immortal nuclear family, The Simpsons. He is also creator and executive producer of the FOX animated series Futurama. In addition to producing his weekly strip, Life in Hell, that currently appears in more than 250 newspapers worldwide, keeping on top of the ongoing production demands of the weekly television series, and meeting regularly with the Bongo team, Groening oversees all aspects of the licensing and merchandising of The Simpsons. He is the author of many bestselling books, including The Simpsons: A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family, Love Is Hell, Work is Hell, School is Hell, The Big Book of Hell, and many others. Groening, a native of Portland, Oregon, resides in Los Angeles.
Ted Habte-Gabr (manager) is founder/producer at Live Talks Productions. Annually, he curates 40-50 onstage conversations in various venues in Los Angeles featuring writers, actors, musicians, humorists, artists, and thought leaders in science and business. He is a graduate of the University of Iowa in engineering. His father is Eritrean and his mother is Palestinian. He emigrated from Ethiopia to the US, and calls Los Angeles home. He has also sold elevators and escalators, and worked in the online learning space. Musically, he has no talents.
Greg Iles (lead guitar) was born in 1960 in Germany, where his father ran the US Embassy medical clinic during the height of the Cold War. After graduating from the University of Mississippi in 1983 he performed for several years with the rock band Frankly Scarlet and is currently member of the band the Rock Bottom Remainders. His first novel, Spandau Phoenix, a thriller about war criminal Rudolf Hess, was published in 1993 and became a New York Times bestseller. Iles went on to write ten bestselling novels, including Third Degree, True Evil, Turning Angel, Blood Memory, The Footprints of God, and 24 Hours (released by Sony Pictures as Trapped, with full screenwriting credit for Iles). He lives in Natchez, Mississippi.
Stephen King (rhythm guitar) is the author of more than fifty books, all of them worldwide bestsellers. Among his most recent are the Dark Tower novels, Cell, From a Buick 8, Everything’s Eventual, Hearts in Atlantis, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, and Bag of Bones. His acclaimed nonfiction book, On Writing, was also a bestseller. He is the recipient of the 2003 National Book Foundation Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters. Stephen and his wife, novelist Tabitha King, provide scholarships for local high school students and contribute to many other local and national charities. They live in Bangor, Maine.
James McBride (saxophone) is an author, musician, and screenwriter. His landmark memoir, The Color of Water, is considered an American classic and read in schools and universities across the United States. He is also a former staff writer for the Boston Globe, People , and the Washington Post. His work has appeared in Essence, Rolling Stone, and the New York Times. James toured as a sideman with jazz legend Jimmy Scott among others and has written songs (music and lyrics) for Anita Baker, Grover Washington Jr., Purafe, Gary Burton, and even for the PBS television character Barney. James is a native New Yorker and a graduate of New York City public schools. He studied composition at The Oberlin Conservatory of Music in Ohio and received his Masters in Journalism from Columbia University in New York at age 22. He holds several honorary doctorates and is currently a Distinguished Writer in Residence at New York University.
Roger McGuinn (special guest ringer) is a popular American rock singer-songwriter and guitarist. He is best known for being the lead singer and lead guitarist of The Byrds, the pioneering folk-rock band he co-founded in the 1960s. Roger also toured and performed with the Limeliters, the Chad Mitchell Trio, and Bobby Darin. He has collaborated with a wide variety of artists, including Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, Elvis Costello, Chris Hillman, David Crosby, Pete Seeger, Joan Baez, Judy Collins, and Odetta. Roger was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1991.
Ridley Pearson (bass) is a New York Times best-selling author with more than 40 novels published in 22 languages in 70 countries, including over a dozen co-written with Rock Bottom Remainders lead guitarist, Dave Barry. His novels have been adapted to both network television and the Broadway stage. Ridley also wrote, pseudonymously, The Diary Of Ellen Rimbauer, a NYT #1 bestseller, a tie-in to Stephen King’s ABC mini-series, Rose Red. After college Ridley began his career as a singer/songwriter for an acoustic rock band and spent over a decade on the road. In 1991, he was the first American to serve as the Raymond Chandler Fulbright Fellow in Detective Fiction at Wadham College, Oxford University, England.
Amy Tan (vocals and the whip) is the New York Times bestselling author of The Joy Luck Club, The Kitchen God’s Wife, The Hundred Secret Senses, The Bonesetter’s Daughter, The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life, and two children’s books, The Moon Lady and Sagwa, which has now been adapted as a PBS production. Tan was also a co-producer and co-screenwriter of the film version of The Joy Luck Club, and her essays and stories have appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies. Her work has been translated into thirty-five languages. She lives with her husband in San Francisco and New York.
Scott Turow (vocals) is a writer and attorney. He is the author of seven best-selling novels: Presumed Innocent, The Burden of Proof, Pleading Guilty, The Laws of Our Fathers, Personal Injuries, Reversible Errors, and Ordinary Heroes, In November, 2006, Picador published his latest novel, Limitations, which was originally commissioned and publis
hed by the New York Times Magazine. He has also written two non-fiction books—One L (1977) about his experience as a law student, and Ultimate Punishment (2003), a reflection on the death penalty, and has frequently contributed essays and op-ed pieces to publications such as the New York Times, Washington Post, Vanity Fair, the New Yorker, Playboy and the Atlantic. Mr. Turow’s books have won a number of literary awards, including the Heartland Prize in 2003 for Reversible Errors and the Robert F. Kennedy Book Award in 2004 for Ultimate Punishment. His books have been translated into more than 25 languages and have sold more than 25 million copies world-wide. He lives outside Chicago.
Copyright
© The Rock Bottom Remainders, 2013
© Mitch Albom, 2013
© Dave Barry, 2013
© Sam Barry, 2013
© Roy Blount Jr., 2013
© Matt Groening, 2013
© Ted Habte-Gabr, 2013
© Greg Iles, 2013
© Stephen King, 2013
© James McBride, 2013
© Roger McGuinn, 2013
© Ridley Pearson, 2013
© Amy Tan, 2013
© Scott Turow, 2013
Hard Listening: The Greatest Rock Band Ever (of Authors) Tells All Page 18
