by Alisa Mullen
I approached the worn down duplex looking house. It was only one of two houses on the deserted street. It looked like it had been condemned. The two toned house leaned to the left and the stairs that led up to each of the doors, obviously a duplex, were broken, bent or not even there. I looked up at the number on the house and then back down at my piece of paper.
Son of a fucking bitch. Aoife lived in the slums. No, she lived in the slummiest part of the slums. No wonder she didn’t care that she didn’t have furniture. She didn’t even have steps to get into her front door.
Chapter Thirty-One
Aoife
I didn’t have to think twice when I saw the bruise that was left on his arm. I went into a rage. Approaching my da for the first time ever, I started to beat on his chest. I named him every name in the book until he shut me up with his fist to my eye.
Everything was in slow motion and I felt rather than heard the sobbing. I placed the back of my hand over my eye and swung around to head to my bedroom. I heard his big footsteps coming after me. As if I were back on the mats in Boston, I knew exactly what to do when his arms came around my neck and put me in a choke hold.
I put my hands up to his thumbs and gave them a slight jerk that he hadn’t seen coming. I was able to flip myself around to face him in nanoseconds. He arm went to my throat. I was able to grab his left pinky – like I had been shown at Maverick’s – and with the fan like flick move, which I loved to call it I, was able to grasp his wrists. Then final blow was one place I never thought my knee would end up.
When he went down and started to roll around on the floor, Nigel walked in right at that moment and when his eyes went wide, I scowled at him.
“You bloody help us get the fuck out of here or that will be you next,” I heaved as I pointed down at my da who was still groaning. I had worked on kneeing in the balls at least a thousand times. I knew I had put in all of my body strength.
Nigel and I grabbed what we could – the necessary things to live – and took off out the door. Within a half an hour, my guy and I were going to be reunited because of the bank in Dublin. I never needed money so badly in all of my life. That was really saying something.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sean
The man whom I presumed to be Aoife’s father, stood tall and lean when he answered the door. He was definitely intoxicated but I had assumed he would be.
“Are you here to fuck my daughter because you’re outta luck here, boy,” Aoife’s father spat out at me. He is probably in his fifties but he looked like he lived more decades than that. His dirty fingers found his unshaven face and rubbed. I stood there is a bit of shock. Whether it was at the man himself or the horrendous words he had just spoke, I had no clue.
What did he mean when he insinuated that I was there to fuck his daughter? Was that what she did? Was she a hooker? Did she make extra money so her father could drink?
I think back to the time when she told me that being homeless in Ireland was almost a dream and Americans don’t understand that people will do whatever they have to so that their families can survive. A growing ball of hurt and disgust formed in my throat. My opinion of her housing situation is a moot point. I just wanted to see her.
“I am just looking for Aoife,” I spat back at him. I give him the look that I give most opponents at Kenpo. It is the first sign of strength. Aoife and I had spent so many nights - making our “I’m going to fuck you up” faces in the mirror and to each other. Most times, we ended up laughing but now looking at the fucker that cared the very least about his daughter made my expression genuine and deadly.
“Oh, you are the American boy that taught my daughter how to do that karate shite?” he asked with a sneer.
My sneer was much worse. I nodded once and was so fucking proud of Aoife in that moment. She had done it. She had gotten away. So where the hell was she?
“She doesn’t live here anymore so you are wasting your time in Wicklow. She and the boy took off a few days ago and she hasn’t been back since,” he smiled. I wondered if he ever used a toothbrush before. I also saw that he had a bit of a bruise on his hand when he went to take a drink off his whisky bottle.
Boy? What boy? Did she have another guy this whole time? Was the woman at the convenient store right? Fuck me, Aoife was off with another guy.
“Where? Where did they go?” I growled out in frustration. I didn’t know who I hated more in this moment – Aoife or myself.
“Who knows. Probably Dublin, stupid little cunt,” he answered as he drew his bottle up again.
I flicked the bottle out of his hands and pulled up him so he was right in my face.
“You are a sorry motherfucking excuse for a father. I hope you rot in hell,” I said calmly but so full of animosity. I didn’t even notice when he smiled bright at me and told me to bugger off.
The door slammed in my face and I watched it for a few moments. So, Dublin was the place she ran off to. It made sense, but it really didn’t. Why would she quit work if she was only moving closer? Why would she quit school if she was already right there? I was missing something and yet, it was none of my God damn business.
Aoife gave me the best summer of my life. She went home and never got in touch with me. She left me. I was chasing after the ghost of the woman I had met and fallen in love with. Her feelings for me were not reciprocated and it wasn’t my job anymore to protect her.
The smartest move would be to get back to the airport and get my ass back to Boston where her ghost only lingered a little. Eventually it would fade and just a few pictures would be my proof that I had truly loved a woman once. Once upon a time, there was a dumb ass catching the next bus out of Wicklow, Ireland. He did not live happily ever after. It was the end.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sean
I truly knew what defeated felt like. I should have done a lot more to see if Lizzie and I would have been good together. I didn’t. I let her go and waited for something to happen.
With Aoife, I had exhausted all avenues of being with her and she lived in a different country for fuck’s sake. I fell in love with her. I told her. I wanted to be with her every day she was in Boston. So I made that happen. I missed her hard when she left. I called nonstop like a stalker. I wanted to feel her in my arms again. I flew to Ireland and came up empty. There was not one more thing I could do to fight for Aoife. I thought about Lizzie and wondered if she felt defeated like this. Going to her home in Ireland, only to find out that she moved out with another guy with no forwarding address where I could beat his ass Kenpo style was the end.
The. End.
I was fucking exhausted. Seven hour flight with the time difference had my whole time and space reality warped. I was surprised I had found my truck at Logan and made it back to Newburyport in one piece. It was late afternoon and the fall sun was going down. The leaves were on fire with color and another pang of pain hit my gut. I wish Aoife were here to see the leaves turn. I would take her to the White Mountains and we could hike and kiss and laugh.
I pulled into my driveway and turned off the truck. I pulled my phone from out of my pocket and turned it on. That selfie picture of Aoife and I laughing at a Red Sox game was the one of the best and fucking worst photos I ever had. It almost pushed me to keep going, to find another way. My eyes are started to tear up. I knew it was coming now. I had lost her. As I flipped through photos of us, I finally landed on pre-Aoife photos and found a picture of me and the smokes at The Ink Shop posing for a picture. I wiped the tears away as I pressed okay to make it my new screenshot.
A text came through and saw it was from Lizzie.
Lizzie: Hope you made it home okay. Do what is right for you now, friend. I love you and am here anytime you need me.
I intently looked at the message for a long time, through blurred vision and as I tried to hit reply, my fingers slipped on the wetness of my tears. I wanted to find a hidden meaning in her words. Did Lizzie have the answers to happiness after life tank
ed into misery? I didn’t know what was right for me anymore. I didn’t want to booze it up. I didn’t want a different woman in my bed every night to help me forget. I accidently clicked off the message and looked at The Ink Shop guys again. That was what worked before. That was right. I needed to get my ass back into my chair and start tatting people again. I needed to focus on marketing for more clients and that was where I would find my peace. I needed accomplishments. I would laugh if it didn’t hurt so much to.
I knew in that moment that I would be alright. I would keep breathing. I had to thank a higher power or something bigger than me for blessing me with real heart-stopping love. Yes, I had a broken fucking heart but at least I fought for it. I wiped away all the tears and got out of the truck. I slammed my door and walked around Todd’s car, noticing that he needed a serious rust removal job done on the hood. I flew up into the house and headed straight for my room, not to show Todd – who was obviously watching television in the living room – that I had been a big fucking blubbering wreck. I almost made it to the hallway when he called my name with a question inflection in his voice.
“Not now, dude. I am wicked fucking tired and need to head to The Ink Shop in a while.”
“Sean.” It wasn’t a question now. It was a command. I turned around to see that we weren’t alone.
She was standing in the middle of the living room with her hands on her stomach, tears running down her face. I stared at her, couldn’t move, and yet my whole world righted itself in seconds. I was mystified. She was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen. My jaw went slack as I took in the black eye she was sporting. It looked like it had been there for a few days. I directly went to her and grabbed her up into my arms.
“I thought I lost you, baby. Where have you been? I went to Wicklow. I went to your father’s house and he said you moved out. Baby, what happened? Jesus. I can’t breathe without you.”
She just sobbed into my chest, trying to grab at anything she could to hold on. Neither of us said anything for a few moments. Her cries and my heavy breathing of relief and excitement to have her in my arms again were interrupted.
“Mammy? Why are you crying?”
My eyes flashed so fast to a little brown haired boy. He was about four years old and the cutest little thing I had ever seen. He was so small, underweight, and he was also trembling – clearly worried about his mom. I tried to pull away from Aoife to go to him but she wouldn’t let go.
“Mam is fine, sweet boy. I haven’t seen my friend in a long time. I missed him,” she reassured the child. I watched him head back over to the couch where Todd patted the seat next to him so they could continue to watch a cartoon show.
“He is yours.” I said into her hair, slightly gruff, more from shock than anything else.
She nodded her head into my chest and whimpered.
“You never told me,” I cried.
She nodded again.
“Why?” I whispered.
Her head slowly shook side to side as her forehead remained on my chest. “Would ya still have wanted me if I told ya I had a son? It didn’t matter. We weren’t ever going to see each other again.”
“What happened in Ireland?” I asked and remembered her father saying she had moved out. “Left with that boy of hers,” he had said. It was his own fucking grandchild and he couldn’t even show empathy for her.
I was crushed all over again. I looked over Aoife’s shoulder to find her son staring at me. He was looking at my tattooed arms. He followed each one with his eyes as they widened. I flexed my forearm and his eyes flew to mine. I winked at him and the smallest of small smiles came to his lips. He was her. He was beautiful.
And I knew in that moment what it must have felt like for Nick when he said he instantly knew he needed to be Niall’s father. I fell in love with a woman and anything she has, you instantly fall in love with that, too. Like Nick loved Lizzie hard, I loved Aoife just as much. And now…I loved that nameless boy watching me with admiration and wonder.
Finally, I had to physically wrench Aoife away from my body.
“Baby, why don’t you introduce us?” I said, motioning my finger between me and her son.
I saw her eyes light up as she processed my question. This was unconditional love for her. For the both of them. I would love that boy like no one has ever loved another and she saw it in my eyes. She knew I was all in. She smiled just a bit and held out her hand.
“Sean, I would like you to meet my son, Sean,” she said, watching the two of us look at each other and then to her with our mouths both dropped open.
She giggled a little and I shook my head.
“Mammy, he isn’t Sean. I’m Sean.”
“Yeah, Mammy if he is Sean, who am I?” I tried to recover first to show that this not only knocked me off my axis but fucking felt more right than anything ever had.
“Sean, this is my boyfriend, Sean. Sometimes, they call him Reds,” she said as she patted my chest.
Little Sean looked at me up and down and shook his head. “Reds isn’t a good name for you,” he said in his little Irish accent.
“That’s cool, little man. Just call me Sean.”
I put out my hand and he put his little, amazing fingers into mine. We shook and he smiled up at me.
“Mam says you are going to take us to see a baseball game,” he smiled.
“I am,” I said, agreeing because I would always fucking agree to anything that little kid asked.
He was her.
They were so precious to me and my heart.
They were both mine forever. And ever.
EPILOGUE
THREE MONTHS LATER
Sean
I buckled little Sean in his seat and made sure Aoife got into the truck safely. She looked beautiful in a pretty long green dress she had bought one day out with Lizzie in Boston. She had secured a work visa and was trying to get back in school for the following fall. I was so damn proud of her. She worked so hard and never took advantage of what I did and gave them.
Sean and I went bowling the day that Lizzie and Aoife went shopping. We laughed at each other’s inability to actually bowl properly. He didn’t know it but I was really grateful that we got the bumpers because my score would have been in the toilet without them.
“You guys ready to go see Aunt Lizzie and Uncle Nick?” I jumped up into the driver’s seat and winked at them both.
Even after three full months of my spoiling the shit out of them, they were still shocked when they got to go do things. I never asked much about what life was like back in Wicklow but it wasn’t much as far as I could tell. Sean soaked up every bit of information I gave to him. He tried every food, every child activity, and the kid never complained – not fucking once.
Todd took the unspoken hint and found another place to live about a month ago so we had spent time decorating our apartment. Even Sean loved picking out the choo-choo trains that he could paint on to his walls. They weren’t proportionate by any means but it did make Aoife cry one night. I made sweet love to her and promised her forever with a one carat diamond inside the Claddagh ring as a proposal. We chose a date for the wedding so she and Lizzie were beyond ecstatic about the planning process.
Nick and I rolled our eyes and watched sports or played with the kids when they were being girly girls.
Today we were heading to their house for an engagement party for Aoife and me. I put on a suit and when Aoife saw me, she scoffed and literally undressed me. As I stood there in nothing but my briefs, she threw clothes out of the closet that I was to put on.
My old baggy jeans landed at my feet. My belt that was on death’s door landed on top of the jeans. My green Henley landed somewhere behind me. I fucking loved that shirt. My worn Red Sox hat got tossed clear across our room and hit the wall. My converse sneakers were chucked one at a time at my head. I moved just in time to escape a black eye or missing tooth.
“What? Why?” I asked her.
She smirked at me. “Those were
the clothes you were wearing the night I realized there were good people in the world.”
“Mammy,” little Sean asked. “What’s an engagement party?”
“It means that Sean is going to be my husband and he will be your new Daddy,” she explained with the biggest smile on her face. I touched her cheek and started to put the car into drive.
“What happened to Nigel?” Little Sean asked.
Silence.
I looked over at Aoife who was biting her lip and looking out the window. Who the fuck was Nigel?
“He is back in Ireland, honey,” she explained, flashing me a look. “He couldn’t come and be part of our new family here in America. Sean is your new Daddy now.”
Little Sean thought about it a minute and then started making car noises with the matchbox cars I had bought him that past week.
I thought about Aoife’s answer and wasn’t going to let it go that simply. Sure, she had talked about her father and how he “punished” her for not being on time so he could start drinking but I knew she was leaving a lot out of the picture. I imagine that this Nigel guy was the boy who got her pregnant – as she had called him.
I gritted my teeth and squeezed the driving wheel a little more than I should have because Aoife noticed me tense up. I fucking despised secrets.
Yes, I accepted Aoife for who she was and her history didn’t matter anymore but if there was a chance that I could lose what I had gained over the past few months, I wasn’t going to sit back and watch.
She sent an apologetic look that was laced with a plea not to ask me about this Nigel guy. Fuck that noise. I would find out who and what this Nigel person meant to Aoife and Sean. Then I would then destroy the harsh memories of their living arrangements back in Ireland. They were with me now. Nothing would take that away. I would fight until my death - Kenpo style.
