A feeling of possessiveness swarmed over him. She was so trusting. She'd looked up at him with those dazzling green eyes so full of hope and light and life. He wasn't certain he deserved her trust nor her admiration. All he wanted at this moment was to protect her so that nothing could ever hurt her. Tess. She was safe in his arms. Nothing terrible had befallen her. She was still in one beautiful piece. Suddenly, all was right with his world.
“Sometimes love sneaks up on you. That's what happened to me with your mother. It smacked me right in the forehead when I wasn't looking.” Alec Donahue
Chapter Nine
Never in her life had she ever wanted to be a damsel in distress, but as she was being held in Ryder's powerful and capable arms, she couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be. He was so strong and sturdy, so decisive and masculine. And he'd come to her rescue, along with Remy and Mac. She felt like one of the heroines in an old Western who the cavalry rode in and rescued from danger. It was all Ryder's doing! He'd enlisted his brothers to help find her on the most deserted stretch of road she'd ever been on in her life. She considered herself a strong woman, but she'd been scared to death on that desolate road, with nothing but darkness and the cold night air to greet her.
If her heart swelled any bigger it might just burst out of her chest. This had to mean something. The look of panic on Ryder's face had been epic. His relief upon finding her was palpable. At one point when she'd been cradled in his arms he'd had a strange look on his face when he was gazing down at her. For a moment there she'd thought he was going to kiss her. But, at that very moment they'd heard the tooting of Mac's horn as he and Remy caught up to them.
Ryder had placed her in the passenger side of his Mustang with all the grace and care in the world. She felt like a fine piece of porcelain. There weren't many times in her life she'd felt dainty, but this was one for the record books. After profusely thanking Remy and Mac, she watched as the three brothers embraced and parted ways. Ryder settled into the driver's seat, then swung his gaze towards her. “You shaved about five years off my life, you know.”
She twisted her mouth. It had been a pretty foolish move to try to make it home with no gas in her tank. She had a bad habit of driving around on E and pushing it to the very last drop of gas. Each and every time she'd safely made it to her destination. Tonight she'd learned a very valuable lesson. And with the grace of God she was safe in Ryder's company. “I'm sorry about all this. I would have called Brian since he was in the vicinity, but I don't even have his cell number.”
Ryder frowned. “Brian should have made sure you made it home safely,” he barked.
“Brian isn't to blame for my foolish decision. I knew my car was on E, Ryder. That's my fault.”
“Your date should have seen you home. That's what I would have done.” Ryder's voice rang out in the stillness of the car. His tone was intense. She turned towards him, admiring the strength of his jawline and the proud tilt of his head. He was furious with Brian. She could tell by the way he was clenching his hands on the steering wheel.
“Brian came to pick me up at the house. It was my idea to take separate cars.” She shrugged, feeling a bit sheepish. “I've been on enough bad dates to know that it's a good thing to have your own car at your disposal. If things go badly on the date, I've got my car with me.”
Ryder darted a quick glance in her direction, before turning his eyes back to the road. “So...did things go badly?”
“No, not at all. Brian was a perfect gentleman. He's funny and kind of goofy in a sweet way. He brought me roses,” she gushed. Of course she hadn't felt even a tiny smidgeon of attraction towards him, but Ryder didn't need to know that. Let Ryder Donahue believe she'd had the time of her life.
“So, when's the wedding?” The tone of Ryder's voice cracked like a whip.
Tess turned towards him, noting the way his profile had lost all its soft edges. It looked like granite at the moment. Harsh. Forbidding. Was he angry?
Trying to lighten the mood, she said, “I'll let you know when the invitations go out.”
“All I know is,” he said, turning towards her with a look of raw intensity, “I would have followed you home. That's what I would have done.”
That's what I would have done. His words made her want to sigh with pent up longing. If only she'd spent this evening with him instead of Brian. Brian was a nice man, but he didn't give her butterflies. He didn't make her laugh until her stomach ached. And Ryder was right. He hadn't followed her home. In truth, he wasn't Ryder Donahue. She wasn't passionately, wholeheartedly, desperately in love with Brian. For now, and perhaps for always, there was only one man who she considered the love of her life. And there was no doubt about it. It wasn't Brian Tolleson. Truly, it could never be anyone other than Ryder.
*
By the time he pulled up to Tess' house, she was fast asleep. Just the sight of her curled up next to him, her beautiful features placid and angelic, caused a storm of emotions to swirl through him. There was something fierce brewing inside him, some wild emotion he couldn't seem to put a lid on. It had been ratcheting up for days now. Before he could second guess himself, he leaned over and pressed a tender kiss against her forehead. Sleepily, she murmured his name, making it sound like an endearment. He reached out and pushed her hair off her face, drinking in the sight of her like a man who was dying of thirst. Sweet, wonderful Tess!
“Ryder,” she murmured. He had no idea of whether she sensed his presence or she was just dreaming. Suddenly her eyes fluttered open. They were glazed over with fatigue, as if she were still half asleep. They kept closing, then fluttering back open.
“Tess, we're here,” he said in a low, firm voice. He placed his knuckles on her cheek and gently rubbed against it.
“I love you, Ryder,” she murmured. Her lids pressed closed and her head lolled to the side. The sound of her light, even breathing convinced him she'd fallen back asleep.
Everything went completely still for a moment. She loved him? Tess was in love with him. Or had she been rambling in her semi-conscious state? People didn't usually just blurt out lies in their sleep. Tess loved him. On some level he'd known it for a long time. He'd sensed it, but had pushed it to the back of his mind for fear of messing things up between them. Deep down he'd been afraid that he wouldn't know what to do with such knowledge. Act on it? Or push it to the background?
He'd been put through the ringer emotionally this evening. For most of the night he hadn't been able to breathe properly because he'd been afraid for Tess. He now knew what it meant when people said their hearts were in their throats. His heart had been bruised and battered tonight. With that knowledge came a burst of fear tempered by understanding. He was in love with her. Maybe he had been for a very long time. Only he'd been too shell shocked from losing Lena to process these new, fragile feelings. He'd been afraid.
Look on the bright side. His mother's optimistic voice buzzed in his ear. Tess was fine, with not a scratch on her. Her sprained ankle shouldn't hold her down for more than a few days.
But what about next time? He couldn't make sure she was safe every second of every day. What if something happened to her? He didn't think he would be able to lose another woman he loved without losing his sanity.
Love? The knowledge crashed over him with the force of hurricane winds. He loved Tess. Not just as his colleague and best friend. He loved her with all his heart and soul. He loved her zest for life and her passion about everything under the sun. He adored her can do attitude and her desire to break away from her painful past. He was in love with Tess Dailey. And because of those sacred feelings burgeoning inside him, he was scared to death of losing her. There was no way in the world he could climb that mountain again. He'd lived through losing the love of his life once, barely surviving the trauma. He'd watched another woman he loved stricken with a ravenous disease that came out of nowhere. And his entire world had turned upside down when he'd lost her. No! He couldn't travel that dark, lonely road again. It was
way better to love Tess from a distance rather than putting it all on the line and risking his sanity and his peace of mind.
Before he stopped himself he leaned down and pressed a tender kiss on her forehead. He smoothed her hair back and whispered, “My dear, sweet Tess.” He wanted to say ‘I love you’, but the words stuck in his throat like lumps of coal.
The events of tonight had helped him make up his mind. He'd been like a madman when he thought something might have happened to her. What would happen if something took her from him? Loving Tess wasn't something he could do.
A brave man might go all in and lead with his heart. He couldn't do that. Not when the stakes were so high. Not when his very soul hung in the balance. So much for being labeled a hero. At the moment he felt like a huge coward. Once upon a time he'd thought he could never love anyone as much as he loved his wife. Now he knew that wasn't true. The love he felt for Tess was different than what he'd felt for Lena, but just as powerful, equally as meaningful. His love for Lena had always made him feel strong, but his love for Tess made him realize his human frailties. It made him fear the loss of her. How could he give everything he had to someone who might be here one day then gone the next? It would be impossible to live a life with someone, all the while waiting for something to take her away from you. His agony was profound. His soul was bursting with love, yet he couldn't rejoice about it. He couldn't even confess it to Tess. Not when he knew how much she wanted to hear those three little words tumble off his lips.
Suddenly, Tess stirred beside him. She raised herself up to a seated position then yawned loudly and stretched. She placed her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, Ry. I was knocked out.” She looked out her window. “How long have we been sitting here in my driveway?”
“Not long. I tried to wake you, but you were in a dead sleep. Everything's probably just catching up to you.”
Tess frowned. “What's wrong? You seem as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
He faked a smile. “Nothing's wrong. The moment I realized you were safe all my worries were laid to rest.” He placed a tender kiss on her forehead. When he pulled away Tess reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, entangling herself with him.
For a moment he was too stunned to do anything more than allow her to kiss him. Then, knowing this might be a once in a lifetime kiss, he gave in to it. It was impossible not to give in to the power of his newly realized feelings for Tess. His lips moved over hers with a gentleness he knew conveyed all his feelings. Even though he couldn't tell Tess he loved her, he was hoping this kiss might do the talking for him. If nothing else, he wanted Tess to know she was valued and cherished. He cupped his palms on either side of her face, his lips exploring her own with a conviction that came straight from the deepest regions of his soul. He reined kisses down the side of her neck and across her face, caught up in the moment. As the kiss ended they were both breathless. Tess' eyes were glazed over with a look resembling contentment.
He carried her in his arms to the house, bracing her against the siding as he opened the door with his right hands, using Tess' key. The house was quiet, save for the muted sounds of the television in the living room. At Tess' insistence he placed her down on the hardwood floor, watching intently as she tested out her ankle. “It's not too bad,” she said as she hobbled to the living room, with him following right behind her.
“Take it easy there,” he advised. “You don't want any more swelling.”
Seth was asleep on the couch, snuggled under a patchwork quilt. A textbook was propped up next to him. Ryder smiled, wishing he could snap a photo as a blackmail picture. A textbook and a patchwork quilt! Two things no seventeen year old boy wanted to be photographed with. Knowing it was better not to wake him, he reached out and snapped off the light and the television.
“I can't believe he studied tonight,” Tess whispered. “I'm impressed.”
“I swung by earlier and we hung out for a while.” He rubbed his belly. “We had pizza and watched a movie. He's really trying, Tess. He's a good kid.” Her face went flush with pleasure. She was practically beaming. “Thanks for saying so. And thanks for hanging out with him. I know it meant a lot to him.”
“Can you make it upstairs?” Ryder asked.
“Yeah, I think I can hobble up there,” she joked. “I'm going to make some tea before bedtime an ice my ankle. Would you like to stay for a cup?”
Would he like to stay? The question was a no brainer. He felt so comfortable in her warm, cozy home. Being here made him realize how right it all felt. Although there was nothing more he would like than to stay with Tess, he realized he needed to go home. He needed to put some distance between himself and Tess so he could process the events of this evening. It was all still whirling around in his head like a runaway locomotive.
“Nah, I better get home. Why don't you sit down and I'll put the kettle on for you and get the ice.” He pushed Tess gently by the shoulders until she was sitting comfortably in one of her butcher block chairs. He walked over to the stove and grabbed the kettle, filling it up with water before lighting the burner and settling the kettle back down. Knowing her kitchen like the back of his hand allowed him to quickly find a plastic bag. He shoveled ice into the bag, filling it to the brim. When he turned back towards Tess she had a huge grin on her face.
“What?” he asked, feeling slightly self-conscious about her probing gaze.
“You're pretty amazing, Donahue. You rescued me tonight. You hung out with my kid brother. And now you're taking care of me yet again.” Her voice softened. “What would I do without you?”
Gently, he raised her leg up and propped it on another chair. He placed the bag of ice on top of her ankle, earning a shudder and an exclamation of surprise from Tess.
He rubbed her leg to ease the shock of the ice bag. He swung his gaze up to meet her emerald eyes. “Good thing you'll never have to find out.” And he meant it. He'd always be in Tess' life no matter what.
The high pitched wail of the kettle gave him an excuse to turn away from a tender moment. His emotions were all over the place tonight and he needed some peace and quiet in order to hear himself think. He had no business standing in her kitchen making goo-goo eyes at her. After rummaging in her cabinet he came upon a box of chamomile tea. Knowing it might help her sleep he prepared a cup of it for her, adding the amount of milk and sugar she preferred. It never failed to amaze him how well they knew one another. How many times had he watched her prepare tea for herself in both of their homes?
When he placed the tea in front of her he noticed the slight bags under her eyes and the look of fatigue etched on her face. “Here you go. I'm taking off now. I suggest you hit the hay as soon as you finish your tea.” Unable to stop himself he reached out and pressed his fingertip under her eye, softly stroking the skin. Abruptly, he stepped away from the table, overwhelmed by the strength of his emotions. “Night, Tess,” he muttered before beating a path to her front door. “Don't forget to lock up behind me,” he called out as her words of goodbye were swallowed up by the shutting of the door behind him.
For a while he sat in his car and watched all the lights go off in the house. Knowing she was safely snuggled inside was a comforting feeling. More than anything in the world, he wanted her to be whole and happy and content. If she was ever in harm's way, he knew he would move heaven and earth to help her. But loving her was a different matter. That was the problem. He didn't want to feel helpless under the weight of something he couldn't control. He was terrified of the feelings roaring through him like a freight train. Never again did he want to ache with the loss of losing someone. It hurt to know he wasn't brave enough to reach out for the brass ring. Even though everyone hailed him as a hero, at the moment he felt like anything but a brave, strong man. Protecting his heart felt wrong. But, losing someone he'd loved had altered his capacity to put his heart on the line and love with abandon. He wished it could be different. He wished he were different
.
Even though he loved Tess, he didn't want to be in love with her. And so he would stuff these feelings down and consider himself lucky that at least once in his life he'd been blessed with love and been brave enough to risk it all.
“I've been in love dozens of times. It just never stuck.” Wyatt Donahue
Chapter Ten
The dawn of a beautiful May morning greeted Tess with the promise of new beginnings. By the time she woke up and made sure Seth was ready for summer school, he'd already been awake, had eaten breakfast and was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt promoting his favorite band. It was kind of cool, she thought, to see him raring to go. The tow service had dropped her car off this morning after filling it up with gas. She was feeling very blessed.
“That must have been some kind of date,” Seth cracked as he pointed at her swollen ankle. She'd hobbled downstairs with the use of the railing and was scooting from room to room on her good foot. “Good one,” she laughed, “although I can't blame Brian for this. It's a long story, but my car broke down and I twisted my ankle in the woods.”
He held up a note with Ryder's hand writing. “I know. I saw this note from Ryder this morning. So I guess he's now officially your knight in shining armor, huh?”
Tess blushed. She didn't want to be presumptuous, but after last night, she was definitely feeling as if things were moving in the right direction. The kiss they'd shared had proven that his feelings for her were way deeper than he'd ever let on.
“Ryder is pretty amazing, Seth. I can't tell you how great it felt to have him come and rescue me. For most of my life I've been fending for myself...and it's not like I need a man to rescue me on most occasions. But—”
“But it's nice to be able to lean on someone, right?”
“Yes, it is.” Of course Seth understood. For most of her life she'd wanted desperately to feel safe and secure. The first time she'd ever felt those feelings was when she moved to Breeze Point. “I hope you know that you can lean on me. For whatever. I'll be here for you. Always.”
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