Now she looked like what she was. A mom. She supposed it was her own fault for being late. If she’d gotten to the park ten minutes earlier, this never would have happened. Not that Jairus wasn’t still going to have to pay.
She came out of the bathroom to find the party moving outside. The counselors had set up several tables with balloons and goody bags, along with a big cake. All part of the prize package. Not only were the kids being given a special afternoon with Jairus, they were taking home an advance copy of his next book. Oh, joy. She knew what she and Tyler would be reading before, during and after dinner. For weeks. Damn Jairus and his ridiculous creation.
Tyler ran up to her. “He’s here!”
“I know. I met him.”
“He’s nice and funny and he told me secrets about Brad.”
“No way.”
Tyler nodded earnestly.
She dropped to her knees and took her son’s hands in hers. “I’m so proud of you. You worked hard to make this happen. You and your friends are having a great day and it’s because of you.”
He hugged her. “This is the best day ever, Mommy. You helped, too.”
“I know, but you’re the one who believed. I love you, big guy.”
“I love you, too.”
Tyler ran back to where Jairus was sitting on the grass talking to the kids and answering their endless questions about Brad and why things had turned out the way they had in his various stories. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying the kids. When it was time for the cake to be cut, he did that himself and served it to all the kids and counselors.
Nicole wanted to say it was because she’d frightened him, but she had a feeling his actions had nothing to do with her. He was too easy with the children. Too comfortable. He must do these parties a lot, she thought, wondering if they were part of his deal with his publisher, or if he chose to interact with his littlest fans.
The afternoon wore on. She kept to the fringes of the event, watching but not getting involved. This was Tyler’s moment. He reveled in the joy of being close to Jairus. The questions never let up, but the man took them in stride. Despite their disastrous meeting, Nicole had to admit Jairus was good at what he did.
Probably because he was so rested from counting all his money.
After about an hour, the goody bags were passed out. Jairus read the new book to everyone, then patiently signed every copy. Parents started arriving to pick up their kids. A few went over to meet him. He shook hands and posed for pictures.
One of the camp counselors walked over to join Nicole. “He’s so hot,” the twenty-year-old said with a sigh. “I tried to give him my number, but he wouldn’t take it.”
“You’re probably too wholesome,” Nicole muttered.
“What?”
“Nothing. Sorry. I was thinking of something else.”
“He’s been so great with the kids.”
“He has.”
She said the words reluctantly, but there was no denying the truth. Either Jairus truly liked children or he was the best actor on the planet. And as she refused to give him any credit for talent or ability, she was left with the uncomfortable fact that he seemed to really like children. And didn’t that suck?
She wanted him to be pure evil. Or just slimy. Except for the hooker thing, he’d done well.
As the campers left to go home, the crowd around Jairus shrank. Tyler lingered and Nicole didn’t hurry him, knowing this was important to him. They would leave when Jairus did. Tyler would want every second with his hero.
As she watched, Jairus said something to Tyler, then walked toward her.
“You look less hostile,” he said as he approached.
“I didn’t want to scare the kids.”
“You’re still mad.”
“No. I appreciate you did a good job here.” Man, that was hard to say.
“Thanks. I am sorry.”
She looked at him without speaking.
He shoved his hands into his jeans front pockets. “This is the part where you say it was pretty funny and no big deal.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Can I buy you a cup of coffee by way of an apology?”
His eyes were beautiful, she thought absently. He was obviously of mixed race—kind of a common thing in LA. She wondered about his heritage. A little something of everything, she would guess.
“Nicole?”
“What? No.” That sounded rude. “Um, no, thank you.”
“Can I get your number?”
She stared at him. “Why?”
He smiled. A sweet smile with just a hint of sexy. A smile that made her insides feel funny and her knees go just a little weak.
What? No! No way and no. She was not attracted to the evil, awful author of Brad the Dragon. She hated him. Hated. There was no way she was interested.
“To go out? I don’t know you and you have friends who send you hookers.”
“I only thought they did. There’s a difference.”
“Not much of one. The fact that you thought they did means they’re capable of it. Those are not people I want hanging around my son. You did good here today. That’s all I wanted. The rest of it doesn’t matter.”
“So that’s a no?”
“That’s a no.”
“You’re tempted, though. A little?”
“Don’t you have to be somewhere?”
“Not really. And you do know me. Through my work.”
She thought about the endless hours she’d spent reading his books aloud. “That doesn’t recommend you.”
He surprised her by chuckling. “Not a fan?”
“You have no idea.”
He leaned close. For a second she caught a scent of something woodsy and clean. Nice. “I get that from a lot of parents, but the kids love me and I love them.”
“Don’t try to be nice now.”
“I’m always nice.”
And highly verbal, she thought. “You’re a writer. I don’t like writers. Look, you really have to go.”
He studied her for a few seconds, then nodded. “It was nice to meet you, Nicole.”
While she was happy this was over, a teeny, tiny part of her was sorry he was giving up so easily. Was it a writer thing? Because Eric had sure given up on them. Not that her marriage could be compared with her five minutes with Jairus, but still.
He walked back over to Tyler. They talked for a few minutes, then hugged. Jairus whispered something to the boy before leaving.
Tyler held his new book tight. “This was the best day ever.”
Nicole brushed his hair out of his eyes. “I’m glad. He spent a lot of time with you.”
“I know. He said he had fun.”
“I’m sure he did. Want to get your stuff so we can go?”
Tyler nodded and ran back the room where he’d left his lunch bag. The camp counselor moved next to Nicole.
“He was asking about you.”
“Tyler?”
“No, Jairus. You know... Were you single? Did you have a boyfriend? I think he was interested.”
There was a distinct fluttering right below her rib cage. Nicole told herself it was because she’d missed lunch. She was hungry—nothing more.
“I hope you didn’t tell him anything.”
“Just where you worked.”
Nicole groaned. “Why?”
“Did you see his butt? Plus, he’s successful.”
“Nothing will come of it.”
“I don’t know. He seemed pretty interested to me.”
“You say that like it’s a good thing.”
“Are you kidding? He’s so sexy.”
“Not what I’m looking for.”
�
�Uh-huh. Keeping telling yourself that and maybe it will be true.”
Chapter Six
The waiting room was familiar. Hayley couldn’t guess how much time she and Rob had spent here. Talking. Hoping. There were also the appointments she’d had on her own. While it would never be a second home—no one would want that—it was familiar. Sometimes the news was good and sometimes it wasn’t. She’d cried here, hoped here.
She knew every painting on the walls. All landscapes. There were no pictures of families in this waiting room, no children. That would be too hard. The magazines were related to travel or cooking or sports. No smiling babies on parenting magazines.
Appointments tended to last a long time so it was rare to run into another couple. The process of having a baby when science had to get involved wasn’t easy.
Rob sat next to her, his left ankle rested on his right knee. His foot bounced as he stared unseeingly at the magazine he’d opened. She might be the one going through the procedures, but he’d always disliked Dr. Pearce’s office. Or maybe he disliked the reason they had to be here.
For the past four years, this place had defined their life. She’d been referred after her second miscarriage. There had been tests and discussions. It wasn’t that she couldn’t get pregnant, it was that she couldn’t stay pregnant. Her body rejected the fetus and while there were many explanations, there didn’t seem to be any solutions.
“It’s okay,” she told Rob. “You can relax.”
“Not here.”
She took his hand in hers. “We’re going to have a good appointment. I can feel it.”
He looked doubtful, but didn’t say anything. Alice, one of the nurses, called them into Dr. Pearce’s office.
“How are you feeling?” the nurse asked as they walked down the hall.
“Good. Taking my iron every day.”
She had to. She’d lost so much blood with her last miscarriage. She was also bleeding on and off. If it were Halloween, she could easily do the vampire thing and be plenty pale without makeup. The thought made her smile, but she doubted Rob would appreciate the humor.
Dr. Pearce was already waiting for them. She was tall and in her early forties, with short red hair and a lot of freckles. She looked like what she was—a sensible, compassionate woman. Hayley had liked her from the start. She kept current on the latest infertility research and was willing to discuss unconventional therapies.
Dr. Pearce shook Rob’s hand, then hugged Hayley.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Good. Strong.”
Dr. Pearce raised her eyebrows. “You don’t look strong, Hayley.”
“Okay, I’m better than I was. I’m eating right and taking my vitamins.”
“Good. Your body has been through a lot. It needs time to recover.”
Time was not Hayley’s friend. She knew that fertility started a steep downhill slide and with no information on her family’s medical history, she didn’t know if she came from a long line of fertile women or those who had gone into perimenopause at thirty-five.
She and Rob sat in the comfortable visitor chairs. Dr. Pearce slipped on reading glasses, then typed on her computer.
“We have your blood work from your last visit. It’s better than it was.”
Hayley pulled some papers out of her handbag. “Good, because I want to talk to you about this.” She passed over the sheets. “They’re doing great work in Switzerland. The clinic has had incredible success with women having trouble carrying to term. There’s a new drug therapy and special monitoring. It’s expensive, but we’ll find a way. We always do.”
She spoke quickly, careful to keep her attention on the doctor. Next to her, Rob stiffened. She knew why—this was the first he’d heard of the clinic in Switzerland. She hadn’t mentioned it because she didn’t want to hear all the reasons why it wasn’t a good idea. Rob didn’t get it. He thought they’d done enough. Been through enough. He wanted to give it a rest. Or adopt. No matter how much she explained neither option was possible, he didn’t want to listen.
Dr. Pearce ignored the material and took off her glasses. She looked between Hayley and Rob, then drew in a breath.
“No,” she said quietly. “I can’t recommend you, Hayley. The reason I wanted to meet with you today is because you’ve reached your limit. Your body simply can’t handle this anymore. The last bleeding episode was the worst, by far. I’m concerned about your health.”
“No. I’m fine. I feel great.” An exaggeration, but she did feel better.
“All the drugs and treatments have taken a toll,” Dr. Pearce continued. “I’m sorry. I know how badly you want to have a baby. There are other options that don’t include carrying a child to term.”
Hayley went cold. She couldn’t be hearing this right. “I have to,” she whispered. “We can’t use a surrogate.”
They’d tried, but her ovaries didn’t respond to the drugs. The attempt to harvest had failed.
“Hayley, listen to her,” Rob said, reaching for her hand. “That bleeding last time was scary. You can’t risk your health, your life. I don’t want you to die.”
She pulled her hand free and stared at the doctor. “I want to go to Switzerland. They’ll make it work. You’ll see.”
“That’s not an option. Not for you. Hayley, this is so hard to say and I know it’s going to be hard to hear. You need a hysterectomy. You’re at risk of bleeding. I’m afraid the next time it starts, we won’t be able to stop it.”
“No.” Hayley wanted to cover her ears. She wouldn’t hear this. Couldn’t. She wasn’t giving up. She was never giving up. There was an answer. There had to be. “No. You don’t understand. I have to have a baby. I have to.”
“Sweetie, don’t.” Rob reached for her again. He touched her arm. “It’s okay. We’ll get through this—”
She pushed him away and stood up. “A hysterectomy? No. I won’t.” That would be the end. She could never have a child of her own. Never have a family of her own. Something that was her. She needed that. Needed the connection, the belonging. Why couldn’t they understand? Why were they ganging up on her?
She turned to Rob. “Did you know about this? Did you talk to her?” She spun to the doctor. “Did you go behind my back?”
“No,” Dr. Pearce said quickly. “Of course not. Hayley, I know this is awful for you. I wish I could help you, but I can’t. Let me be clear. If you get pregnant again, you will bleed out and die. I strongly recommend you go to the hospital today for surgery, but I understand you have to think about this. Process it.”
“I want to go to Switzerland.” She had to focus on what was possible. Otherwise she couldn’t get through it.
Rob stood and faced her. “You’re not going anywhere,” he yelled. “You’re not getting pregnant. Let it go. Dammit, Hayley.” Tears filled his eyes. He shook his head, then walked out of the office.
Hayley stared after him, but didn’t follow. She sank back into her seat. “There has to be something,” she whispered. She was cold. Desperately cold. Her stomach churned.
Dr. Pearce came around the desk and took Rob’s seat. She reached for Hayley’s hand.
“This sucks,” she said bluntly. “You have done everything medically possible to carry a baby to term. I know how important this is to you. I wish you could know how I hate telling you this. I’m sorry, Hayley. If it’s this painful for me, I can’t imagine how awful it is for you. But you have to get through this. The surgery is necessary to save your life.”
She reached for a card on her desk. “I’d like you to see another specialist. She’s at UCLA. Talk to her. Get a second opinion and a third. But please, don’t wait too long.”
Because time was never on her side, she thought, the cold deepening until she couldn’t feel anything else.
Hayley nod
ded. “Okay. Thanks. I get it.”
She stood and collected the material she’d brought with her. She could feel herself moving, but something wasn’t right. It was as if she were underwater, or fighting through being slightly out of space and time. The cold was the only constant.
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Pearce repeated. “Hayley, you have my cell number. Call me anytime. I mean that.”
“Sure. I will.”
She walked out of the office and back to the waiting room. Rob stood there.
“Are you going to listen to Dr. Pearce?” he asked. “Did you hear what she was saying? I don’t want you to die. We have to stop. You have to schedule the surgery.”
As cold as she felt, she was surprised her teeth weren’t chattering. She couldn’t feel her hands or her feet. Her heartbeat sounded loud in her ears, making it difficult to hear what her husband was saying.
Maybe this was shock, she told herself. Maybe it was a bad dream.
“We should go,” she said. “We’re done here.”
He looked at her for a long time. “I wish I could believe that.”
* * *
Gabby had met Nicole over a year ago through Shannon, Gabby’s sister-in-law. Casual conversation had turned to going to Supper’s in the Bag together which had morphed into friendship. Gabby knew in her head that Nicole ran an exercise studio that specialized in Pilates. She’d seen her friend in various outfits and knew the other woman was in great shape. But all that intellectual knowledge had not prepared her for a class at Mischief in Motion.
Mat Pilates had sounded easy enough. The mat part implied lying down. At least she wouldn’t be running and jumping. But halfway through her first class, she realized that the mat was just there to taunt her. There might not be running and jumping but there was more pain than she’d ever thought possible. Nicole wanted her to do things that the human body just wasn’t meant to do. At least hers wasn’t.
“Five more seconds,” Nicole said, sounding more like a drill sergeant than a friend. “And hold. Three, two, one and relax.”
Gabby fell onto her back. She was sweating and quivering. The sweating was gross but expected. What she objected to the most was the quivering. Even though the exercise was over, her stomach muscles continued to tremble. That couldn’t be good.
The Friends We Keep (Mischief Bay) Page 7
