Hayley turned the pages of the scrapbook and watched herself grow up. There were copies of her report cards, certificates and various awards and even a few cards from her parents. There were also photos, some posed, some candid. The last one had been taken at Christmas, a few months before their parents had been killed.
Hayley touched the smooth surface of the picture, wishing her mom were still with her. She would know what to say about the situation with Rob. She would have good, solid advice about everything. She would hug Hayley so tight that for those few seconds, she could believe everything was going to be okay.
But there had been so many times when her mom had been too busy dealing with Morgan to bother with Hayley. Silly things, really. Like when it was Hayley’s birthday, Morgan got a present, too. Otherwise, she would make everyone miserable with her crying when she was young and later her complaining. But on Morgan’s birthday, Hayley was expected to simply watch her sister be the center of attention.
Morgan was always seen to first, whether it had been shopping for school clothes or when they’d both come home sick from school. It was never Hayley and Morgan—it was always Morgan and Hayley.
She looked at the pictures and notes and cards and wondered how she was supposed to reconcile what had happened. Her sister told her to suck it up and get over it. Was that good advice, or just Morgan once again protesting at not being at the center of the universe?
When their parents had unexpectedly died in a car crash, Hayley had been devastated. She’d barely held it together. Rob had been upset as well, but he’d taken care of so many of the details. At the reading of the will, Morgan had thrown a fit when she’d found out that their parents had left them each half of their modest estate. Morgan had argued that she had three kids and Hayley didn’t have any, therefore she should get the lion’s share. But the attorney had been firm. The will was not to be contested. If it was, Morgan would get nothing.
In her head, Hayley could justify every action her parents had made when it came to their daughters. But in her heart, she was unable to reconcile the love they proclaimed with how she had often felt. Second best. Less than. Yes, she was an adult and she should get over it. But looking back, her eight-year-old self hadn’t understood why Morgan got more presents every Christmas. Why Morgan’s demands for a new dress were answered with a new dress while she was told to make do. Why Morgan got two bedtime stories and she was read only one. Why Morgan wasn’t punished for some things when Hayley was. Whatever message they’d meant to send, the one that had been received had been clear—Morgan mattered more. And Hayley had only ever come up with one explanation.
Somewhere in all that, a need had been formed. The burning desire to have a baby of her own. One she would love as he or she should be loved. A child who would never lie awake and wonder why Morgan was cared about so much more.
Rob had tried to understand, but to him, adoption was an easy solution. They wanted children. There were thousands of children looking for families. Problem solved.
But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t risk having anyone feel the way she had. It had hurt too much. What if her parents hadn’t acted the way they had because Morgan was a difficult, demanding kid? What if it had been because, in the end, it was easier to love Morgan?
Hayley supposed that was at the heart of it. The fear that if she adopted she might find out that she really hadn’t been loved simply by virtue of not truly being theirs. What if she, too, couldn’t love a child she adopted? If she didn’t know for sure, she could maintain the illusion, but if she found out that horrible truth, she risked losing everything.
She closed the scrapbook and placed it on the floor next to her, then curled up in the sun and closed her eyes. She hurt all over. She was so very tired, and she was alone. There was no possible way out of this, she thought sadly. No happy ending. Just long, lonely days and the looming possibility that she would never, ever have a child of her own.
* * *
Tyler practically danced from the car to the entrance of the hotel. “Can we get another copy of the book?” he asked. “Do you think Jairus will remember me? Can I have his autograph?”
Nicole held his hand as they went through the double glass doors. “Yes, yes and yes,” she teased. “But first we have to find out where we’re going.”
One of the bellmen approached. “You’re here for the signing?” he asked. “The ballroom is that way.” He pointed.
Nicole pulled tickets out of her bag. “We’re here for the pre-event,” she said. “In the Blue Pacific Room.”
“That way.” He pointed to the left. “Follow the signs. You’ll see a long line. You can ignore that and keep going.”
“Thanks.”
Nicole followed his instructions, then saw the arrows that pointed her in the right direction. At the next corner they saw the long line of families waiting to get into the signing.
There had to be a hundred people there, she thought, looking at all the kids holding Brad the Dragon books and dolls. There were tweens and toddlers and every age in between. It seemed that business in Brad’s world was very, very good.
“Whoa.” Tyler clutched his Brad stuffed animal more tightly. “That’s a lot of people.”
“It is. Come on, big guy. We have a party to get to.”
As promised, Jairus had sent over VIP tickets. The start time for that event was an hour before the signing. Nicole was curious as to what would happen. Did he speak at both functions? Circulate? Well, not at the second one, she thought. Not with a hundred people already in line.
She and Tyler found the Blue Pacific Room. Two hotel employees stood at the entrance.
“Your tickets, please,” a young woman said with a smile.
Nicole held them out.
The man winked at Tyler. “Excited to meet Jairus?”
“I’ve met him. He came to my summer camp and signed a book for me.”
“You’re a lucky guy.”
“I know.”
The woman handed Nicole back her tickets. “Have fun,” she said, as she held open the door.
Nicole took Tyler’s hand again. They stepped into a big, open room decorated in all things B the D. There were balloons, streamers, piles of books and every possible kind of merchandise. She would guess there were about forty people milling about. An equal number of adults and children. Some of the kids were in wheelchairs. There was a little girl on crutches.
A volunteer in an I Love Brad T-shirt came over with a big tote bag. He handed it to Tyler.
“You can take one of everything,” the teen said with a grin. “There’s a buffet over there, and a soda fountain on the back wall. Jairus will be out in about fifteen minutes.”
“Thank you,” Nicole murmured, blown away by the sheer proliferation of goodies for the kids.
She and Tyler went from table to table, collecting his gifts. One of the mothers came up and greeted her.
“You look shell-shocked,” she said with a laugh. “Your first time?”
“Yes. We had no idea.”
“I know. Jairus and his publisher throw a party like this every time he has a book out. It’s pretty amazing. I’m Veronica.”
“Nicole.” She pointed to where Tyler was studying a Brad the Dragon DVD. “That’s Tyler.”
Veronica waved to the other side of the room. “My husband is with our son. Mason doesn’t do well in crowds. He’s autistic. But wow, does he love Brad. This is our third year.”
“How did you find out about this?” Nicole asked.
“One of Mason’s therapists contacted the publicity firm the publisher uses and nominated him. Jairus has always supported special-needs kids. His foundation is very generous financially, but he does this personally. I’ve heard rumors that he had a family member with special needs, but he doesn’t talk about it much.” Veronica
looked at Tyler. “Your son wasn’t nominated by his doctor?”
Nicole hadn’t been expecting the question. “No. We, um, Tyler won a contest for his summer camp a few weeks ago. Jairus came to see him and the camp group. They all loved it.”
All true, but not exactly how they’d gotten in. Still, she wasn’t comfortable admitting to a personal relationship with Jairus. Not when it was so new and they hadn’t discussed what exactly they were doing. Plus, finding out he kept the information about his sister to himself made her doubly cautious about oversharing.
“He knows how to put on a good show,” Veronica said easily. “He’s so good with the kids. Mason doesn’t like to be close to strangers. Jairus seems to sense that and never pushes. He lets the kids come to him. He’s not put off if they scream at the wrong time or are in a wheelchair. You gotta love that.”
“You do.”
Veronica excused herself. Nicole joined Tyler at the buffet. There were all kinds of kid-friendly foods. Everything from hot dogs to cupcakes decorated in B the D colors, of course.
But she couldn’t seem to summon her general annoyance at the dragon’s bright red universe. Not when it seemed that Jairus wasn’t such a bad guy after all. She’d been enjoying getting to know him, but that was as the man. She still hadn’t been sure what he was like as king of the B the D empire. From what she could tell, he wasn’t half bad there, either. Which meant resisting his considerable charms might turn out to be more difficult than she’d imagined.
“Mommy, can I invite Jairus to a barbecue?” Tyler asked. “You always say that it’s ’portant to invite back. He had us here, so we should have him at our house.”
Talk about a big step, she thought, pressing her hand to her suddenly fluttering stomach. But maybe it was time to walk on the wild side. Or at least stroll very, very slowly.
“I think that would be nice. He’s going to be on his book tour, so it might not be right away.”
“I know he’s busy. He’s got a lot of kids to make happy.” Tyler smiled up at her. “This is the best day ever.”
She laughed. “You know what? It kind of is.”
* * *
Hayley pulled the card out of the printer and handed it to her boss. Steven shook his head.
“How do you do that?”
She smiled. “It’s not hard, but I refuse to show you. I consider my skill with your schedule my job security.”
“You got that right.” He glanced at his list of appointments for the day. “I have a teleconference in ten minutes.”
“Yes, you do.”
Hayley generally gave Steven his appointment card every workday evening, but he’d lost the one for today. The man did a great job running the company, but he couldn’t keep track of his schedule if his life depended on it.
She touched her phone. “I have the phone number right here. I’ll buzz you when you’re connected.”
“Thanks, Hayley.” Steven leaned against the door frame of her office.
He was tall and nice-looking, a lot like his dad. Last year, when Steven had stepped in to take over the company, they’d all wondered how it was going to go. But John had trained his son well, as had Pam. Steven was a fair boss, honest and understanding without being a pushover. From her point of view, the pay was good, the hours completely reasonable and whenever she’d needed time off, he’d worked with her.
She thought about mentioning the trip to Switzerland, but honestly didn’t have the energy. With Rob still gone, there wasn’t much reason to think about getting pregnant. She didn’t want a child on her own—she wanted them to be a family.
But they hadn’t spoken since their meeting at the coffee shop. She’d wanted to call, but didn’t know what to say. She knew that until she was willing to tell him she’d let go of her dream, he wasn’t coming back.
She returned her attention to her boss. “You’ll need the notes on the contract,” she told him. “Let me grab them.”
She rose so she could cross to the file room just off her office. She knew she made it to upright, but wasn’t completely sure she got past that before the room started spinning.
How strange, she thought, more confused and intrigued than scared. This wasn’t like when she stood up too fast and got light-headed. It was completely different. Almost a kind of slow motion. As if everything were turning and turning, like the carousel at the park. She’d always liked the carousel. The white horses, especially, with pink ribbons and—
Something hot and wet dripped down her legs. The sensation surprised her. She glanced down and saw her jeans were stained. She touched her hand to her thigh and then looked at her fingers. Blood, she thought with surprise. That was strange. So very strange.
“Hayley!”
The frantic voice came from far away. Steven, she thought as she crumpled to the ground. He sounded worried. She needed to tell him she was going to be all—
Chapter Sixteen
Gabby carefully pulled up the zipper of the black Akris pants she’d bought. They were ridiculously expensive—even on sale—but so gorgeous, she’d been unable to resist. They were also a size smaller than she’d been this time last month which made buying them with her shiny gift card even more exciting.
“Yay, me,” she whispered as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She still had a ways to go, but considering everything going on in her life, she was doing great.
Andrew strolled into the walk-in closet. Normally he would have been long at work, but he had a flight out later that morning and had decided to not go into the office first.
With the kids off at camp already, they’d had a rare couple of hours to sip coffee and talk about their upcoming week. Now he looked at her as she turned in front of the mirror.
“Very sexy,” he said.
She grinned. “They’re black pants, honey. That means they can’t be sexy.”
“They are, on you.”
“Sweet man.” She studied her reflection again. “Only four more weeks. I can’t believe it. Four weeks from tomorrow I’ll be walking into my new office. It’s going to be exciting.”
She shimmied out of the pants and carefully hung them back on the hanger, then pulled on her jeans. Andrew watched her. His dark eyes filled with something awfully close to sympathy. Or was it regret?
“What?” she asked.
“I’m sorry.”
“About?”
He put his arms around her. “All you’re giving up. I’m glad you’re excited about work. You need to enjoy it as long as you can. You know if there was another way, we’d find it. Gabby, you can’t know how much I appreciate this and how bad I feel.”
She pulled out of his embrace. Their closet was spacious, with plenty of light and lots of storage space, but right this second, it felt small and stifling. Maybe it was the apprehension tightening her chest.
She moved into the bathroom and faced him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He tilted his head. “Your job.”
“Yes. I start in four weeks.”
“I’m saying I feel badly that you’re so excited about going back to work when you’ll only be there a few months. I appreciate everything you’re giving up for the family and I’ll do my best to make it up to you in any way I can.”
Heat burned through her. She knew she was way too young for her first hot flash, but even as the thought formed, she was suddenly cold. Nothing made sense—certainly not Andrew.
“Why will I only be working a few months?”
His look of genuine confusion matched her own. “Because you’ll be staying home with Makayla’s baby, after it’s born.”
Gabby reached blindly for the counter behind her. Stay home? Stay home? “No, I won’t. Why would you think that? I’m not staying home. Even if I didn’t want to go ba
ck to work, which I do, by the way, Makayla is going to give up her baby for adoption.”
Andrew shook his head. “She’s not. She’s keeping the baby. I don’t understand. We’ve talked about this more than once. Even if she and Boyd don’t stay together, she’s going to keep the baby. She’ll need our help.”
“No.” She couldn’t breathe. Panic threatened. A to-the-bone fear that made her tremble. “No, that’s not what we discussed. We talked about her and Boyd being too young. That they were both too young to deal with a baby. You said it and I said it.”
“They are too young. That’s why she needs our help. Gabby, this isn’t hard to grasp. Why are you acting like this?”
“Me? This isn’t about me. I never said I would stay home with her child.”
“You have to. Honey, I don’t get it. We talked about this. We both agreed that we wanted life to get back to normal.”
“Right—after the adoption.”
“No, with the baby. Makayla can’t do it herself. I love my daughter, but we both knew she’s nowhere near prepared to be a mother. She’s only fifteen. She has to have the chance to be a kid. She needs to be going to school, preparing for college and her future.”
“So she gets to have a life, but I’m supposed to give up mine? She gets to have the baby and walk away without any consequences, but I’m supposed to give up everything to take care of it?” Her voice tightened.
“I don’t understand your reaction. We talked about this so many times before we had the twins. That a child needs a parent at home during the first five years of life.”
“A parent. That would be Makayla or Boyd. Not me. I’m not the parent.”
“But she can’t do it. You have to see that.”
No, she didn’t, she thought, wondering how he could sound so calm. As if she were the irrational one. Nothing about this was right. Or fair. Or reasonable.
The Friends We Keep (Mischief Bay) Page 18
