Sounds of Yesterday

by Pacheco, Briana

  Alex licks his lips and sits up straighter, scratching the back of his neck before looking at me. His hazel eyes dance over my face and I smile. I can’t help but smile every time he does that. Which has been a lot. Ever since he started school here, he’d just wave and smile at me. He never said a word, just graced me with that smile and those eyes. “I don’t know but I’m glad they picked here.”

  As I’m about to say something, Sophie walks up to Alex’s desk with a scowl on her face. “You’re in my seat.” Gone is my happy friend. She’s currently channeling her inner bitch. She’s not really fooling me because I know deep down, she’s having a cheerleading moment, jumping and squealing with the fact that Alex is in her seat.

  A defeated sigh leaves his lips as Alex runs his hand down his thigh. He starts to get up before he surprises me and sits back down. I see his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallows. He’s trying really hard to do something he doesn’t normally do. I’ve people watched for a long time. I can tell. “Can I have this seat for today? I promise I won’t steal your best friend.”

  I sit here, immobile, with a look of awe on my face.

  He noticed enough to know that Sophie and I are inseparable. I admire that. Some people don’t get us. The last time some guy took Sophie’s seat to talk to me last year, he ended up with a bloody nose. It was his fault though. He bluntly said, ‘get a new one, I’m trying to get laid.’ What an asshole.

  “Um, that’s if Emily wants you there,” Sophie says, eyeing me with a cocked brow. She tries to act like the tough friend but she knows I have been too scared to utter a word to the new guy. And here he is.

  “I guess I can deal with it for today,” I reply, shrugging like it’s no big deal. I glance at Alex and watch the corner of his lips curl up again. “There’s one rule though.” His smile starts to fade so I quickly add, “You have to talk to me. Mrs. B makes me fall asleep.” She’s a cool teacher but damn, can she talk.

  “Deal.” Alex leans back into his seat and gets comfortable. The soft sigh that leaves his mouth makes my heart race and my body gets all tingly. It’s a happy sigh. He’s happy to sit beside me. And I am too.

  Sophie winks at me as she takes the seat two rows in front of me. She’ll make me tell her everything next period.

  I don’t get any work done for the rest of the class. Hazel eyes and a deep, sexy voice are to blame. His voice is like music. I don’t want it to stop playing. And as we sit here, whispering to each other, I can’t help but think, I wish the school year goes by slowly.

  Chapter 2

  The first month of school is almost over and instead of looking out the window to see the different colored leaves that fall brings, I end the day staring down at a huge red C written on my calculus test. Underneath said C, is Mr. McAllister’s note saying, ‘see me after class’.

  Sophie tried to help me with my homework last week but my older brother, Declan ordered Chinese food and well, we stuffed ourselves and then Soph had to go home. We tried studying every day since but Zach would goof around, Sophie would get annoyed then join him, and then it’d be too late for real studying.

  I’m determined to pass this damn class. I can do it. I will freaking do it!

  Once the bell rings, signaling the end of class, everyone gathers their things and gets prepared for the last class of the day. Sophie isn’t in calculus with me. Alex is. I’m pretty sure he’s the only person in this class to get A’s. I’m bringing down the class average with all my C’s. Every week, McAllister hands us a test to see that we’re learning what he’s teaching. I’m clearly having difficulties.

  Mr. McAllister calls out Alex’s name and waves him over to his desk. His meaty hands then snap at me to get my attention.

  I get up slowly, not wanting to be there while he has to speak to Alex.

  “Come on, Emily. We don’t bite.” Dammit. So much for that plan.

  I hug my books to my chest and breathe deeply. I stop at the wooden desk, Alex to my right, waiting for whatever is to be said.

  McAllister leans back into his chair and eyes the two of us. “Do you two get along?”

  Alex and I glance at one another then back to the teacher. We both say yes. We’ve hung out a few times since we’ve started talking. Every time ended when the softball team would flag down Alex and whisk him away within ten minutes of being seen with me. I’m grateful yet angry when that happens. I want to get over my fear of having a real conversation with him. We’ve only talked about what we were doing after school on the days we met up. I barely get four words out before he’s gone. He always looks uncomfortable when one of the players links her arm through his and starts making plans to see Alex later. He’d give me this look somewhere between ‘I don’t want to go’ and ‘I’m sorry’. It’s confusing sometimes. Sophie and Zach say it’s because he likes me. I stick to it’s because he doesn’t want to be manhandled by a chick like Sierra. She’s tough as shit and more on the tomboyish side. She’s scary, I admit it.

  “What are your plans for Friday?” McAllister asks, scratching his jaw.

  I could say ‘nothing, probably reading a book and eating then getting lost in music’ but being put on the spot for my laziness is kind of making me squirm. McAllister’s dark eyes land on me. He quirks a brow when I shrug. He sighs.

  “Alex, will you be free?”

  “I guess.” Alex adjusts the strap of his backpack. “I kind of already have something planned but–”

  “Awesome! You can help Emily on Friday then.”

  Hold up! What?

  “No, I don’t–”

  “Yes, you do.” McAllister cuts me off and rolls his chair forward, propping his elbows up on the desk, looking at me like I did something wrong to him. “You keep failing my tests.”

  “I get C’s,” I whisper. Jeez, make me look stupid why don’t you.

  “Alex knows this stuff. He’s the only person I see you interacting with.” Ohmygod. Please stop talking. “If you want to graduate, you need to pass this class. My tests will only get harder. I see you failing if you keep this up.”

  I look off to the side and pray that I can disappear at this moment. Teachers are supposed to help and guide you not make you feel worse about yourself.

  “I’d love to help.” Alex tutoring me will not work. I will get distracted. I know myself! “Is that it?”

  “Emily?”

  “Yeah, whatever.” I stare down at my feet and wait to be dismissed.

  “Good. Glad I could help.” McAllister gets up and starts erasing the board. “You two can go now.”

  I walk my ass out of the classroom as fast as I can go. I bump into a student walking in the hall. I throw a ‘sorry’ over my shoulder but she rolls her eyes and continues walking.

  “Emily, wait up!” Alex grabs my arm and I stop walking. Every time we’re together, he finds a way to touch me and I always end up blushing, stammering or stuttering.

  “You don’t have to tutor me. You’re busy anyway. Sophie can–”

  “I want to help.” Alex’s hand slips from my arm and he bites his lip, looking around us. “I’m not busy…I was actually hoping we could go out on Friday…before all that happened.”

  His eyes meet mine again, inviting and bright. Hopeful.

  He wanted to go out with me on Friday.

  My brain has officially turned off.

  See, that’s what will happen if he tutors me.

  “I’m not stupid.” Why did those words leave my mouth? Why?! “I just…I get distracted easily.”

  Alex nods slowly. “I get it.”

  “No, you don’t.” Word vomit. It’s going to happen. I feel it. Oh, god. “I won’t be able to think if you’re there. Talking. Breathing.” My eyes widen when I hear myself. “You’re…distracting.”

  He smiles and I melt. Not good! Melting at the sight of a smile is not a good thing, that’s a fact.

  “It’ll be my greatest challenge then because you distract me too.” His fingers graze my cheek a
s he brushes looses locks of my hair back. “So after the tutoring, how about we go out and–”

  “No dating!” He never mentioned dating, you idiot! Just. Stop. Talking. “I…I mean…” My heart beats wildly in my chest. I’m going to die of embarrassment. “Just tutor me. Please.”

  He leans into me and I stop breathing. “You’re cute when you’re blushing.”

  I. Just. Died.

  Breathe!

  Is it hot in here or is it just me? No, really. I need an answer. My insides have liquefied and I’m worried.

  His lips meet my cheek and I sigh. I freaking sigh! And I know he heard it. He steps back and I see his damn smile. It warms my skin. It makes my stomach feel weird. It makes me smile. I’m still not thinking this through. My brain has lost connection with my body. I’m just standing here, doing whatever it is I’m doing.

  “My place on Friday?”

  “Fuck me,” I breathe. Why is this happening to me? Please make it stop.

  Alex winks again and I turn around abruptly.

  All I remember is power walking to class with a huge smile on my lips.

  Two days. I have two days to calm myself down.

  Yeah, that’s probably not going to happen.

  Alex Sawyer likes me. At least…I think he does. He could be playing with me because well, he’s Alex and I’m me. No one likes me because they actually like me. Everyone has an opinion of me because I don’t put out. And I’m weird. And I’m a loner. And everyone knows people want to fuck the loner because the quiet ones are always the freakiest.

  Damn. I so want Alex to play with me though.

  “It’ll be my greatest challenge then because you distract me too.”

  I’ll think about that over and over again until Friday finally comes.

  Chapter 3

  “Em, text me as soon as you get in the house. I want to make sure you don’t pass out or something,” Sophie says, leaning against Zach’s black Honda. The early October air whips around us, causing Sophie’s hair to blow in my face. It’s not too chilly or warm. It’s perfect, like a beautiful spring day only in the fall. The cold front is moving in, the meteorologist on the news said this morning.

  My anxiety has reached a whole other level today. I’m going to Alex’s house. I’m going to be in his car. Alone. He makes me nervous but at the same time, enthralled. I want to be alone with him. I want to know who he is. I just freak out when he’s near me because I feel like I’m going to say something stupid.

  “You’ll be fine. Soph is just jealous. You’re going to be in their house.” Zach tries to calm my nerves but it’s clearly not working. He steps forward, confident. He grabs my shoulders and makes me stare into his green eyes until I see the protectiveness of them lying within. “You’ll be okay.” I nod a few times because his tall, built frame is not helping me right now and I want some space to think and breathe.

  Sophie and Zach look at each other worriedly before glancing at me again. Alex is waiting by his car for me so we can head to his parents’ place and get started on tutoring. I thought it’d be a one-time thing but McAllister pulled us aside after class today and handed me a huge packet full of calculus problems he wants started over the weekend. Alex said he’d tutor me until the packet’s done. It will take days or weeks.

  “I’m really freaking out, guys!” I cross my arms over my chest and squeeze myself tight. “I’m going to be alone with him. Like, we literally have to speak.” What the hell do we even talk about besides calculus? I can’t be a mute. I don’t do small talk. Ohmygod, he’s going to think I’m not normal. I’m not. I’m so weird. I’m clumsy and quiet and love tiny objects to the point of squealing out loud if I really love them. I sing every song I hear on the radio. I eat a lot. I–

  “Maybe I can come with and keep–”

  “No!” I shake my head rapidly, cutting Sophie off while I stop my rambling thoughts. “You need to stay away from his family until your fangirl moment is over.” Sophie flips me off but nods in understanding. The second week of school, she asked me if I wanted to creep on Alex’s house just to see what’s going on inside. She asked that with a straight face. I hit her with my pillow and made her promise to never do that while I’m alive.

  “Okay, he probably thinks you’re planning his kidnapping. Go over there already,” Zach says, grabbing my shoulders again, this time making me move. “Text us every twenty minutes. We’ll pick you up afterwards!”

  They walk with me and I know they’ll literally stop at Alex’s car just to make sure I’m seated inside.

  “Don’t come with me!” I shoo them away then start walking toward Alex’s black BMW.

  The school parking lot is almost empty so there’s no one hovering around him, wanting his attention. It’s a breath of fresh air to be honest. I don’t know how he can be surrounded by a flock of people who want nothing but to gain the attention of knowing him.

  Alex hears me walking up to him so he steps forward and offers me a smile as he opens the passenger side door. “Ready?” I nod and try to be normal. I’m thinking of a musical piece I’m working on just to get myself in a happy place instead of freaking out over being somewhere I’ve never been.

  Alex shuts the door and walks over to his side of the car. Once he opens the door and plops down on the seat, he starts the car and turns on the radio. “Any preference?”

  “I like everything.”

  He tunes into a station playing the regular top hit songs of the week.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see him glance towards me. I stare straight ahead and hope I don’t start turning red. Being around people is always hard for me. Being around the opposite sex, well, let’s just say I’m single for a reason.

  Being near Alex, I suffer from sensory overload. He just speaks and my muscles tighten, I can’t concentrate on anything, and I feel like my organs have left my body and decided to present themselves around me. Alex is terrifying but also captivating.

  Stop overthinking. Just be yourself, Emily.

  He puts the car in drive and from the side mirror, I watch Zach follow us out of the parking lot. Alex takes a right at the end of the street. Zach does the same. I narrow my eyes and watch him following us closely as we continue down the street and take another right on Commonwealth Ave. Zach does the same. He’s supposed to go left. We live in Mission Hill, a fifteen minute drive from school. I’ve heard Alex lives in Beacon Hill. A fifteen minute drive in the opposite direction.

  Zach is clearly following us. I grab my phone and text Sophie to go home. She doesn’t respond. I’m going to strangle her when I see her.

  “My mom’s home,” Alex starts, when I put my phone away, “and she can get a bit…handsy. So, just giving you a heads up. Is that okay?”

  I rub my hands down my thighs and shift in my seat, turning toward him. “I don’t like hugs. They make me uncomfortable so…if she stays clear of that, I’ll be fine.”

  Alex cocks a brow. “You don’t like hugs?” He looks at me quickly before looking back at the road. “Can I ask why?” I blink for several moments, not knowing how to answer that. “You don’t have–”

  “No, it’s fine.” I bring my fingers to my lips then immediately drop them. I don’t need to be biting my nails in front of this guy. “When I was younger, I hugged my neighbors dog too hard. It died.” Alex hits the brakes a bit too hard when a car pops out of a parking spot along the street and I slam back into the seat. “And everyone I used to hug always mentioned me squeezing them to death.”

  “You killed a dog?”

  I look up and find him smiling, on the verge of laughing. “It’s not funny!” I say, throwing my arm out to swat his stomach and holy shit, it’s hard as rock. Don’t touch him! Rule number one of this tutoring thing working out is ‘no physical contact’. I haven’t had sex in a really long time. I might do something embarrassing, like, attack him and not let go.

  “Emily, I’m pretty sure you didn’t kill the dog.”

  “I’m prett
y sure I did. I hugged it and then it dropped dead. I cried for a whole month. My brother thought it was funny so he brings it up every year around the time Lucky died.”

  Alex finally lets it out and has to slow down his driving. “His name was Lucky.” His laughter fills the car and I can’t help but start a low laugh with him. If you really think about it, it is a somewhat funny story. But I killed him! That part isn’t funny. “I’m sorry, it’s not funny but I’m picturing this and I…I just can’t…” He laughs for a full minute before he’s holding his stomach and slowing down to a stop. He’s a good driver because as soon as he’s driving again, his laughter drops to just a smile, his attention fully on where he’s going.

  “Do you like driving?” I ask, looking around the black leather interior. The dark wood trim adds to the car’s beauty and I know Declan would love to have this car. He’s a fan of BMW’s and this 535i Sedan would most likely have him begging on his knees to take it for a ride.

  “To be honest, not really.” I tear my eyes from the center console and furrow my brows. “Driving is kind of terrifying. There’s only so much control you have, and then there’s other drivers to think about. Some are crazy as fuck.”

  “Yes! I tell my brother this all the time. I have my license just in case of an emergency. I’d much rather walk or take the T. I’m too cautious behind the wheel that I’ll focus too much on one thing and possibly hit something else.” I reach out and touch the dashboard. “But this car is beautiful. If I had it, I’d think of driving it.” I would be scared the second I’m on the road but I’d love to sit behind the wheel and look out the windshield if given the chance.

  Alex chuckles while he merges onto the Storrow Drive exit.

  “This was my sister’s birthday gift to me. I still wish it was an Audi though.”

  Everyone and their mothers were talking about his eighteenth birthday on social media two weeks back. It landed on a Sunday and I honestly think that was a good thing for him and his family. People at school made a big deal out of it the following day. They act like he’s not a human being sometimes. It’s disturbing.