Sounds of Yesterday

by Pacheco, Briana

  “It’s fine.” Jenn picks at her salad while eyeing us. “You’re not hungry?”

  Alex taps his fingers against the table lightly. “I was actually planning on taking Em somewhere.”

  I take the last bite of my sandwich and turn to him. “I accept!”

  “You don’t even know where we’re going.”

  “I trust you. As long as I don’t end up dead, I’ll go wherever you want.”

  He looks at me with bright hazel eyes and a lopsided grin. I just want to kiss his face. Hard.

  “She sure knows how to sell it,” Jenn adds. “Well, since we’re basically done, you two can go.”

  I look over at her with a sheepish smile. “You don’t mind?”

  “Not at all. Go.” She waves us away in a shooing motion.

  Alex and I stand. He grabs my hand and pulls me out of the food court. I narrow my eyes at his teasing ones. “So…where you taking me?”

  “My room.”

  Oh. My. Hell.

  Two words and my body heats up immediately.

  All the possibilities.

  All the things I want to do. All the things I’m scared to know.

  Is he ready? Like, really ready. For sex. With me.

  Because I am.

  “Are we…?” I let my eyes roam over his body seductively. Well, I hope it’s seductively or I look completely stupid right now.

  “Going to eat?” Alex asks, his eyes roaming my body now.

  “Me?” Did I…yes, yes I did just say that.

  His eyes land on my bare shoulder and travel along my exposed collarbone. I look for the hungry look in his eyes that disappeared the moment he found out I was violated. His eyes flick to mine briefly and I see it. There’s a spark in them again. Please stay.

  “This was supposed to be innocent,” Alex murmurs, pulling me against his side. His hand lands on my hip and I feel claimed. I smile. I haven’t felt like I belong to someone in months.

  We walk faster and it isn’t until we’re in Alex’s dorm room that I see he actually has food. Donuts to be exact. From Dunkin’.

  “You didn’t!” I turn to face him when he shuts the door.

  “Did you know Liam’s parents live five minutes away from here?” I shake my head. Liam doesn’t really talk much. I haven’t gotten his full story. I only know what he and Tyler shared. And what Alex told me about them when we first started dating. Which isn’t much. “Well, they have a driver and they like me.” He throws in a cocky grin. I roll my eyes. “I stood outside of your door like a loser when I texted you. Totally was going to surprise you but you weren’t even in there.”

  “Aww, I’m sorry!” I walk over to the box of donuts on his desk and open it. I legit have a fat ass moment and pick the four that I’m going to shove down my throat in a matter of seconds. I pick a strawberry frosted and turn my back to Alex. “Don’t look. This won’t be pretty.” I take a bite and savor the delicious goodness of this little creature. Then I say the hell with it and stuff my cheeks. I haven’t had Dunkin’ in a while. I’m going to binge.

  “I got you coffee too.” He comes up from behind me with an iced coffee and I swipe that from his hand.

  “Thank you!” I try to say around a full mouth.

  When I’m presentable, I turn and grab Alex’s hand. I want to feel him any way I can. His hands are my go-to. I can keep him with me for as long as possible when I’m holding it.

  “I should have stayed in bed longer. You got me donuts and I didn’t have to take the stairs for it.”

  “You took the stairs?” I nod. “The horror!” He clutches his chest with a look of disgust.

  I lean into him and hug him, resting my head against his chest as I laugh lightly. “I love this. Thank you, Alex. Seriously. No one buys me a box of donuts and iced coffee.”

  “Em, that box has twelve donuts.”

  “Don’t judge me.”

  “I can’t even have one?” Of course he can. He bought them. He can have all of them. I’ll just take half. Or eight. I need some sugar for later…

  I pull away and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

  I let my fingers fall down his shirt, feeling every dip and curve of his chest as I go.

  “You can have some only if we move onto your bed.”

  He steps into me, hands on my hips, lips brushing against my ear. “Em.”

  Don’t think negatively. Maybe he wants to wait.

  Make sure you really want this.

  “We don’t…we don’t have to have sex. Just…” I tilt my head back. “I miss you.” I press my lips against his. “Touch me. Please.”

  He rests his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “What if I can’t stop?”

  That’s better than not starting at all.

  “Then don’t.” I’m waiting for him to be ready. I haven’t seen or been around him in months. I need to know that he’s changed. That he left the same man I left behind. I want the old Alex back. The Alex whose girlfriend wasn’t raped.

  I use his dark eyelashes as a focal point. His breathing is my guide. I want to watch him decide what to do next.

  His breathing deepens as his fingers grip my hips harder. I give them a little shake, causing my body to brush against his. Yes.

  His eyes snap open. His pupils dilate. Yes.

  There is no sadness present. No anguish.

  Only hunger. For me.

  Yes!

  His lips capture mine and I’m lifted into his arms. He drops me onto his bed slowly, climbing on top of me. I part my legs until he’s snugly fit in-between them. I squeeze my thighs and love the groan that vibrates from him.

  After assaulting my willing lips, his mouth moves to my neck. He hooks a finger under the top of my shirt and tugs it lower, his lips traveling down my skin. His eyes are on me a second later, and I watch his tongue brush against the top of my breast. Only one bra-covered boob is out of my shirt. The playful smile appears when he holds himself up and looks down at my bra. The clasp is on the front. I swear if I didn’t know better, it’s like I knew this was going to happen. I dressed for the part. The play-with-me-and-see-how-far-we-can-go part. I fucking love this shirt.

  Alex reaches for the clasp and raises an eyebrow at me.

  “If you’re planning something, you better do it,” I breathe out.

  He pops open my bra and drops his head, his lips capturing my nipple.

  Oh, this is going to be fuuuuuun.

  Ten minutes later, we’re tangled up in each other, or clothes twisted every which way, our heavy breathing filling the room. Jesus, I’m so turned on and focused on grinding my hips against Alex that I don’t hear the door open.

  Alex turns his head, breaking our lips apart.

  I look up. Zach is standing at the door, his eyes on us.

  “Zach!” I try to adjust my shirt and clasp my bra together at the same time. There’s a fifty-fifty chance Zach just saw my boobs.

  Zach stares at us without saying a word then steps out into the hall, closing the door. He looks freaked the fuck out but I’m so turned on I can’t think straight. I don’t care that he was in here. I want to continue what we were doing and go further. God, I want Alex inside me right now!

  “Do you think he’ll mind if we finish this?” I ask, sitting back against Alex’s legs. His jeans are popped open and he’s definitely not comfortable still being trapped in them. I was just about to free him.

  Damn Zach.

  “Who cares. Come here.”

  With a squeal, I’m pulled forward until our mouths are connected again.

  “Do you have a condom?” Alex nods and sits up, not once breaking apart from me, and reaches into his back pocket for his wallet. I fall back against the bed, pulling him on me.

  This is going to happen.

  Holy fuck, I’m freaking out in a good way.

  Alex pulls off my yoga pants and underwear in one swift motion. They should have been gone long ago but we agreed on some ‘over the clothes’ act
ion for a few minutes. I reach for his jeans and tug hard. His boxers are the only barrier left between us. I take care of that obstacle next.

  “Are you sure about this?” Alex asks, pulling away briefly, eyeing me with genuine concern.

  “Yes. Are you?”

  His eyes stay on my lips, he shifts between my legs. When he looks up, all worry is gone. I pull him closer and kiss him hard when he grins at me with a twinkle in his eyes. He’s ready. Finally.

  The condom is on, we’re both watching him guide himself into me, and the moment we’re connected, I’m transported to a different world. It’s a world full of light and laughter. It’s a world I never want to leave.

  I’m home.

  It feels good to be back.

  ***

  I stare at the small red marks scattered on my neck and boobs. The boobs are fine but come on, I can’t hide the neck ones that easily in this Florida heat. Alex should know better. And everyone thinks he’s so smart.

  I walk out of his bathroom and grab the rest of my clothes from the floor. He’s sound asleep, still in the position where he’s hugging a pillow. I had to climb over him like a ninja because he didn’t want to let me go so I had to improvise.

  I lean down and kiss his cheek.

  We’ve been sleeping for the past two hours and he’s not getting up anytime soon. I, on the other hand, am too energized to go back to sleep. I grab a notebook of his desk and write out a note telling him I’m not sorry for stealing the donuts and I’ll see when he wakes up.

  Once I open and close his door, making sure the donuts don’t fall out of my hands while I juggle my coffee, phone, and keys, I walk toward my room. It’s eerily quiet with no Sophie or Zach around. I set my donuts down and decide on a shower. As much as I want Alex’s scent to linger on me, I need to be clean if I plan on focusing on homework.

  By the time I’m sitting at my desk, half a donut lying on a napkin near my empty coffee cup, and half my homework done, Sophie waltzes into the room with a knowing look. One glance at my neck and it’s clear something happened.

  Zach is standing by the door, avoiding my eyes.

  Yeah, he definitely saw my boobs.

  “Fun day?” I ask them.

  “We went to an art museum,” Zach answers, swinging his leg back and forth.

  I look at Sophie for an answer to why he’s acting like this even if I have a pretty good idea.

  “It was fun until Zach saw a painting and blurt out it looks like your boobs. Then it was just downright hilarious.”

  I can’t hold back my laughter when Zach stands as straight as a statue, giving Sophie a look which I think says, ‘you promised not to mention it!’

  “It’s okay, Zach. I did see your dick so we’re even.”

  “I don’t want to be even. I don’t want to know what your boobs look like. You’re like a sister to me. It’s really freaking weird for me to have that imagine in my head.”

  I grab my donut and take a bite. “It’s just a boob. Go fondle Sophie if you need to. You’ll forget about it soon enough.”

  Zach shakes his head and stares at the floor, brows furrowed. “I should have knocked. I didn’t think… I feel like I violated you in some way.” I stop laughing when I notice how serious Zach sounds. Sophie does the same. Zach was always on edge whenever the rape was brought up. Him thinking he violated me in any way is no joke. He’s taking it way too hard.

  “Zach.” I stand and walk over to him. “Trust me, you shouldn’t feel like that.” Now try and lighten the mood. “If I’m being honest, you should be proud that you finally got to see boobs bigger than a B in how many years?”

  “Hey, don’t mock my boobies!” Sophie says, grabbing hers. “They’re a good size. Zach, they’re a good size, right.” She did not leave that open for question.

  “They’re prefect.” Smart answer.

  “Because they’re small and perky,” I add. Zach chuckles and winks at Sophie. That’s better. “Now, I’m going to hug you and rub my boobies all over you.” I throw my arms around Zach and do just that. Just not as creepy as it sounds. “Don’t ever feel like you violated me in some way. We literally forgot you even came into the room. It was nothing.” That should mean something coming from me.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay. Now I have to finish homework so you two either stay silent or you go to your room.”

  Sophie runs over to Zach and kisses him quickly. “I have to catch up on homework too! You need to go or that won’t happen.”

  “I feel so wanted,” Zach mutters, turning to the door.

  “Oh, babe you are. So much. Now go away.”

  Sophie shuts the door behind him and hops toward me with a cheeky grin that screams, ‘gossip time’. I quickly shut that down by handing her a donut. We’re so alike. Just distract us with food and we’ll do whatever.

  Chapter 17

  It’s some time after one when I’m dressed for my self-defense class. Sophie’s coming with. I don’t know if it was a smart decision yet because she hasn’t stopped asking me questions. “Okay, the suspense is killing me. Kill-ing me. I need to know what happened last night. You need to spill. This is just cruel.” Sophie skips backwards as we head out of Eaton and walk toward the nearest bus station. Landon said he’ll pick us up if we’re heading to the gym. You know me and my lazy legs never turn down a car ride. “Can you at least tell me if he used a condom?” Such a weird friend I have that I love so much.

  “Yes. He did.”

  Sophie nods a few times, thinking of other questions I might not answer. I don’t know why I don’t just tell her. We had sex, like we used to do all the time. Soph and I always talked about our sex lives with each other. Now, it’s just…something I did and she doesn’t know about.

  “Is it hard being around him?”

  It was. I was confused, angry, and scared the moment he appeared in that elevator with me. I didn’t know what would happen between us. I didn’t know if he was going to scream at me for being a cold-hearted bitch and leaving him. I didn’t know if he was going to be terrified of touching me like he was before. I was scared of the unknown.

  We’re still working on things. We’re starting over again.

  We’re making progress!

  “It’s so easy, Soph. He makes me happy. He always has.”

  Sophie offers me a lovely smile that I know as the ‘she’s so cute and mushy’ smile that is reserved for me. I am standoffish and don’t let anyone in but deep down, I feel. I feel so much it pores out of me and is made into music.

  “It’s so nice seeing him smile again.” Sophie bites her lip and looks away from me quickly. I don’t like knowing what I’ve done to him. I used to pretend that he was happy and found a girl to be with to get over me. It’s actually less painful than knowing what he went through. How he shut out the world and became…vacant. Alex was so full of life, I feel guilty for murdering that part of his soul. “He was annoying to be around after you left.” I wasn’t any better. It was a constant sob fest for weeks until I found Christine, and I started helping Sallie with the kids.

  “Thanks for taking care of him. I owe you and Zach the world.”

  “You can probably cash in your payment soon.” Sophie bounces up on her tiptoes with a Cheshire smile planted on her face. “My birthday is on Friday…” And Alex’s is next Monday. I don’t see him making a big deal out of it. September fourth should really be declared ‘Sophie’s Day’. She takes her birthday seriously and makes sure everyone knows it. It’s the only day she can really be conceded for coming into this world.

  “I’m not having sex with you,” I deadpan.

  Sophie bursts out laughing, bending over and holding her stomach. She knows she wants me.

  “God, I love you!” She rights herself and wraps her arm around my waist, pulling me into her side. “No sex. I promise.” She holds out her pinky and I wrap my own around it. “This girl in my chem class mentioned going to Key West during the weekend. She asked if Zach and
I wanted to join them.” Them? “She’s going with a few friends.” She’s a damn mind reader! “I want you to come too. Celebrate my birthday and then have some fun.”

  “It’ll be awkward though. I don’t know–”

  “She’s super friendly! Her name is Tara. She reminds me of you, actually.”

  I’m not friendly…

  “Come on, it’s the perfect place for my birthday.” Soph bats her lashes at me. “Alex said he was thinking about it. He wouldn’t mind a mini vacation.” Now she’s using Alex to get me to go. Smart. “How about if we don’t hang with Tara’s group? It can just be the four of us. Like old times.”

  That does seem more appealing.

  “Really?”

  “If that makes you comfortable, then yes.”

  I think about it while I spot a black car slowly approaching us. Landon’s car. He creeps along the sidewalk until he’s almost in front of us.

  “Okay,” I answer. A trip to Key West shouldn’t be that bad.

  “Yeah? AHHHHH! Emily Rose Spencer, I could kiss you right now!” Soph starts planning what to pack and what we’ll do once we get there. She sounds crazy mumbling to herself but I don’t stop her. She’s in her zone.

  Landon’s shiny Maxima comes to a stop and he rolls down the passenger side window. He lifts his sunglasses and his green eyes zero in on my neck. My tank top does nothing to hide Alex’s bite marks. I want to hide them and show them off at the same time. People think hickeys are trashy. I find them sexy. Only when they’re in places other people can’t see them. I’m currently sporting two along my neck so I’m not really sure how to feel about it.

  “What the hell is that?” he questions.

  “A hickey. Duh.” You’d think a twenty-three year old guy that looks like Landon would know what a hickey is. I mean, the dude is good looking with his ‘just fucked’ brown hair and piercing hazel eyes. He has some scruff going on that makes his jaw look like it could cut glass. And his half sleeves of tattoos add to the allure. Any warm-blooded person will agree with me. What I’m saying is he looks like a guy who gives hickeys.