One of the girls locks eyes on me then quickly looks away, focused on Alex again. She just dismissed me as a threat. Well, I take offense to that. I am a threat. I will kill a bitch if they even think of touching Alex when I’m standing right here.
Her friend walks with her head down but she’s saying something because the other chick rolls her eyes and says something back.
“Did you know I actually dissected a heart before?” Alex asks. I look up and shake my head. I never heard that story. But I’ve lived it. The day Alex walked into my life, he cut into my heart and planted himself in there, poking and probing, filling every space with so much happiness. When we became distant, he ripped himself out of my chest and left this big gaping hole that never seemed to stop bleeding. I didn’t want it to heal because I left. I felt like I deserved every ounce of pain.
“Yeah, my dad was into bringing out the geek in me at an early age so he asked a biology friend of his if he had any extra hearts. It’s sick.” Alex cringes and shakes his head. But his eyes glow. “I was fourteen when I stepped into the lab and I fell in love with it on the spot. And cutting into that heart, as creepy as it sounds, was exciting.”
“Do not tell me the details of how that went,” I say. “Please.” I remember dissecting a frog a few years ago. I cried halfway through and had to have Sophie finish it.
Alex chuckles and brings our joined hands to his lips for a quick kiss. “Fine. But I’ll let you in on a family secret.” He drops his head next to my ear. “My mom totally thought I was going to be a serial killer for the first year after I did it.”
“Really?!” I jerk my head back, eyes wide.
Alex nods and tries to hold in his laughter. His cheeks are spread wide as he goes on, “The heart is really hard to dissect. You have to feel your way around it so you know where to cut. I watched a lot of videos and talked about it endlessly. She was terrified until I told her biology was my thing. And so was becoming a doctor.”
I hold onto Alex’s arm as I laugh. I can imagine Gwen fearing that she created a little psycho monster. Any parent would, I guess. If your child is seeing videos of how to cut into a heart, well, that should raise some flags until you find out more information on it.
“I feel so–”
“Hey, Alex,” a voice says, interrupting me.
Alex and I stop short, causing me to almost trip on my own feet.
I look up and curly brown hair is all I see. It’s her! I knew she wasn’t going to just walk by us.
“It’s Magda.” Alex nods, waiting for her to continue with what she needs. Magda shifts on her heeled toes, Gwen Sawyer’s heels, if I might add. I know because I have last year’s pair in my closet at Mom’s. “From Chem for Biosciences?”
“Yeah, do you need something? We’re kind of busy.”
“Oh.” She blushes. She freaking blushes! Are you shitting me? Don’t blush at him! “I was wondering if you wanted to study together, say…tomorrow. For the lab next week. You’re acing that class so far. I thought you’d be perfect.”
“I can’t.” Alex offers up a small smile. “Sorry.”
“Oh, o-okay.” She steps to the right and seems to understand. “What about tonight?”
Seriously?
“We’re kind of on a date,” I add. And it’s almost seven. He’ll be with for the rest of the night. I hope.
“Yeah, I figured. Afterwards.” Um, bitch! Don’t give me attitude. And second, who in his or her right mind would willingly study with someone else after a date?
Alex looks at me and before he can say a word, I blurt, “He’ll be busy afterwards. With me. Obviously.” Obviously.
Magda pierces me with her dark eyes. If looks could kill…
“Alright, we really need to be somewhere.” Alex walks past her, pulling me along with him. “Sorry I can’t help!” he throws over his shoulder. “Well, she’s persistent.”
“It was like I was invisible,” I comment, staring down at my feet moving with every step. “Is it really hard to believe that we’re together?” And here is Emily’s rambling self-conscious thoughts, everyone. What perfect timing for them to appear.
Alex steps in front of me and tilts my chin up. “It’s just you and me. Two normal people dating.” I lower my eyes. “You are never invisible to me.”
“Even when I was starting to fade away?”
Alex cups my face and doesn’t speak until I look up at him. “You could never disappear from me, I see you everywhere. I feel you everywhere.” He takes one of my hands and places it over his heart. “Do you feel that?” His heart beats against my hand, fast and strong. “You do that. No one else can. In this world, there’s only you, Em.”
This coming from the biology nerd who knows that it’s impossible for another person to keep someone else’s heart beating. It’s just a saying. But those words coming from Alex, he makes them seem true.
I try and blink away the tears but it’s pointless. They want to escape so they do.
“Damn you for making me all mushy and blah,” I say into his chest.
“Do you want to eat your feelings now?” I pinch his hard stomach and he laughs. “Come on then.”
I wipe my face and let myself be taken away. We finally enter the student center and we head straight for the Rathskeller. There’s a live band playing tonight. Alex didn’t have much time to plan this date and he didn’t need it.
“Like I said, it’s perfect,” I say. “There’s food. There’s music.” I hold his eyes for a few seconds before I add, “and there’s you. My three favorite things.”
Chapter 19
It’s been a few days since Alex and I went on our date and I can’t stop smiling. Sophie thinks there’s something wrong with my face but she loves that I’m smiling. She’s still worried though.
It’s been a really busy week for Alex so I go over to his room for a few minutes and spend some time with him. He never wants me to leave and says he studies better with me around. He’s a liar. He gets nothing done.
As I find a comfy spot on my bed and start typing away on my laptop, trying to get some English homework done this weekend, my phone vibrates on my desk. I contemplate whether or not I should get up off my bed and answer it. I eventually do. I see the picture I took of Sallie and her little munchkins and I smile even wider before answering. They’re all smiles and covered in pancake batter. Their mom was not happy when she realized we had to clean it up afterwards.
“Hey, Sallie!” I drop into my desk chair and set my laptop down. “What’s up?”
“Please tell me you’re not busy. Please!” Her words get muffled when she calls out something and then she’s back. “Michael lost the stuffed bird you brought him and he won’t stop screaming. Is there any way you can pick up another one? I’m about to go crazy soon.”
Oh, Sebastian the Ibis, I knew I shouldn’t have given you away. Sebastian is the U’s mascot and when I found some stuffed Sebastian’s at a football game that I walked with Sophie and Zach to, I decided I’d get one for Michael because he’s obsessed with birds. I think his dad got him into it. They would go to the park and watch birds all day. When I’m with him and he’s looking up at the sky to see them fly, my heart cracks into a million tiny pieces knowing his father won’t come back.
“Damn.” I look around the room to see if Soph has one because I don’t. “The Hurricane’s aren’t playing today.”
“Shit.” Sallie sighs into the phone. “I’ve tried just about everything. Charlie doesn’t have a spare bird either.”
“I’m sorry. Let me see if anyone in this building has one. I know there’s some football fans around here.”
“Oh, Emily, that would be awesome! If you can’t find one that’s okay. I’ll see what I can do.”
“I’ll call you back in a few.”
“Thank you!”
I hang up and search Soph’s side of the room. I know she has one. I saw Zach give it to her. He can buy her another one. I’ll even give him the money for it.
I just need that bird!
When I come up empty-handed, I throw on some shoes and head out of my room, taking a right. I knock on Alex’s door and wait. The door opens and I’m honored with the pleasure of seeing Zach wiping sleep from his eyes. He yawns and takes forever so I shove past him and zero in on the bird standing on his desk.
Alex isn’t in here, he could be in the bathroom or out somewhere. I haven’t talked to him yet.
“Oh, hi. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”
“No problem. Sleep fine?” I grab the bird but stop short when I see a big red lip stain on its face. “She kissed it?”
Zach stands behind me and looks at the bird, smiling. “Yeah, she said it freaked her out so she gave it back to me. Soph didn’t want me to feel bad so she kiss–”
“Do you have another one?”
Zach shakes his head. I put the bird back on his desk.
I grab my phone and text Tyler and Liam asking if they have one. They get back to me with a no.
“Sorry for waking you up.”
Zach shrugs and climbs back into bed. “Goodnight.”
It’s morning.
I head out of his room and stare at the door in front of me. The whiteboard has the names of Ashton and Kellan written on it. I say why not. It’s not even that early. Sophie is out getting food. When she’s up, the rest of the world is.
I knock on the door softly and step back when I hear footsteps and grumbling behind the door. The door is thrown open and a guy barks out a, “what?” When he takes a second and notices that I have boobs, he perks up, a lazy smile forming on his lips. “Hey.”
“Hey. I was wondering if you have a Sebastian plush toy.”
He furrows his blonde brows. “Does it look like I play with toys?”
Looks like he plays with lots of things, one being drugs, by the smell coming out of his room.
“Yo!” a guy calls out from behind him. “I’ve got one.”
Oh, thank you Jesus!
The guy at the door stares me down while his roommate knocks things over. He finally comes to the door and hands me the plush toy. YES!
“Thank you! I’ll pay you back–” Words are frozen in my throat as I stare at the swastika drawn on Seb’s head. My eyes dart to the guy who handed it to me. “Never mind.” I hand it back and shake my head. I have no words.
“Some guy gave it to me for a dollar,” he answers, his cheeks flushed. He should feel embarrassed. He should burn the damn bird.
“Buuuut, why would you get it?”
“It was a dollar.”
His roommate rolls his eyes and turns his sleepy green eyes on me. “Why do you need one?”
“This kid I babysit lost his. There’s no game tonight so I’m fucked.”
They stare at me. I stare back.
I tap my fingers against my thighs.
I should go.
“Fine. Hold on.” Ha! I knew he played with lots of things.
The cheap racist stays at the door, flapping the bird’s wings.
The fake tough guy walks back and hands me Seb, who is in mint condition and doesn’t have any odor. “Seriously, thank you. I’ll pay you back when I get back. I have no cash.”
“How about dinner instead?”
I hug Seb against my chest and give him my best easy let down look.
“She has a boyfriend,” a sexy voice says to my left.
Oh, it feels like I’ve just heard the most beautiful song ever played.
My head snaps up to find Alex eyeing the guy. He stands beside me and I reach for his hand automatically.
“Sorry.” Tough guy holds up his hands. His eyes drag back over to me, and he smiles. “You don’t have to pay me.”
“I’ll take it,” the cheap one offers.
“Shut up, Ash.”
Kellan, semi tough guy nods my way and grabs the door to close it. “You never have any luck with the hot ones,” I hear Ash chuckle before it closes.
“What was all that about?” Alex asks me as we turn around to his door.
“Who cares? He called me hot,” I whisper. Alex raises an eyebrow and I laugh. “That sounds so wrong coming from me. I can never be conceded.” I shake Seb in my hand. “I have to bring this to someone.”
“Want company?”
“I don’t know. My boyfriend might get jealous.”
Alex opens his door and looks at me over his shoulder. “I felt like I had to define the relationship for us. It makes me feel like a man.” Alex grabs his sunglasses off his desk, tells Zach we’re going out and when all we get is snores, we head out.
As we make our way to the bus stop, I call Sallie and tell her we’ll be there in thirty to forty minutes. She told Michael that I found his bird and am bringing it over right now. He finally stopped screaming.
I ask Alex if he’s okay with taking the train to the bus stop. It’s literally just a two-minute ride from University Station to South Miami Station. He seems unsettled by it but I tell him he’s going to be okay. I’m here with him. He accepts. I think he doesn’t want to walk the extra ten minutes to the bus because I’m with him. Once the train drops us off at South Miami Station, we get on the bus.
“Do you want to know a random fact?” Alex asks me when we find two seats.
I cross my legs so my knee bumps against Alex’s every time the bus makes a sudden movement. His hand falls onto my knee and he shakes his head softy with a small smile on his lips. Whatever he’s going to tell me makes him think of something joyous.
“A year ago today, I started tutoring you.”
I stare out at the window, thinking, reminiscing.
“You remember the date?” is all I can manage to say.
Alex looks up at me through his lashes, he looks so much like the guy he used to be back in Boston. It makes my heart happy. If someone once told me I’d meet a guy on Newbury Street and fall in love with him, I would have laughed in their face. But it happened. That dreadful school gave me Alex.
“How can I forget? I’d planned on asking you out that Friday so many times in my head that today’s date is etched in my brain forever. I’m grateful I was thrown in your path because I was such a pussy last year.”
I reach for his hand on my knee and I squeeze. And I smile. And I believe Alex’s words about how I keep his heart beating because right now, I feel it. He makes mine beat. He pumps blood through my veins and makes my heart want to explode in happiness. He makes me feel like music. His words are the notes that keep my heart playing its song.
“It’s already been a year,” I say to myself. In December…when I turn nineteen…it will be a year. “We spent more time apart then we did together.” I latch onto Alex’s arm and press myself against his side, holding on tight. “I love that random fact.” I love that you remembered. I love…you.
“Not as much as I do.”
I stare at our reflections in the window across from us. Our eyes meet and his unspoken words are all I hear. I feel them through his stare. We’ve never said those three words to each other. We never spent that much time together as a couple before I was pushing him away then trying to pull him back but it was too late. The damage was done. We became different people that couldn’t understand each other.
We went off tempo while playing our song.
My feelings for Alex were complicated.
But now, they’re taking form and becoming something I can understand, like notes on sheets of music.
We spend the rest of the bus ride talking about that first tutor session and how I almost kissed him. And then Alex kisses me because he can.
When we hop off the bus on SW 8th street, we set off for our adventure up the street to Sallie’s place. Alex comments about the ‘long’ walk so I hop on his back and make him carry me the rest of the way after I tell him he can stop once we reach the house. He groans the whole way there but he does it with a smile on his face. Every time he looks back at me, I peck his cheek.
When we reach our destination, Alex sets me do
wn then removes his sunglasses.
“You lived here?”
“Yup, on that side. Isn’t it cute?” I point out the small one-bedroom apartment to the left, which is now occupied. It’s much smaller than Salle’s side, obviously, but it was enough for me. It was what I called home for the first few months of living in Florida. Trees and bushes surround the house, keeping the sun out. It’s a two-story house with a big backyard. Sallie has full reign of this place. The kids have their own rooms. It’s paradise. I miss it.
We walk up the walkway and Sallie is already opening the door with Michael in her arms. His cries are back. I wave Sebastian at him and he looks out at me, eyes transfixed on the bird. His mouth closes and Sallie breaks out into a smile. She wipes a few loose strands of her dirty blonde hair off of her face.
“Emily! Come in, come in.” She waves at us frantically so I walk faster because I understand what she’s not saying. Get the fucking bird in my son’s hands right now.
“Hey, buddy. Look who I found.” I hold up Seb and Michael reaches for him, taking him from my hands. He cradles it against his chest and laughs.
“Down, Mommy!” Sallie puts him down and he runs into the house.
“I’ve tried every stuffed animal he has and he wouldn’t budge.” Sallie pulls me into a hug and lets out a deep breath. “You’re a life-saver.” When she realizes she’s been hugging me for longer than normal, she pulls back and covers her cheeks with her hands. “Sorry. It’s just…I’ve had a long morning.”
Looking at Sallie with her disheveled hair, make-up free face, and wrinkled weekend clothes, you’d never guess she was only twenty-five. She once confessed to me that after the kids’ father left, she’s never felt beautiful again so she doesn’t bother anymore. If only she can see how beautiful she is for staying strong for her kids.
“Holy shit.” Sallie looks at Alex then at me. “Where have you been hiding him? He’s cuuuuuute.” I’m pretty sure she has no idea who he is. She’s not really stalking the fashion industry at the moment. Or for the past few years.
Sounds of Yesterday Page 17
