by Rani Clark
“Not everything, buddy, just a few things.”
Lantern looked back at him before picking up a large plush raccoon. It was nearly half his size. Lantern hugged it close, cooing and flicking his ears. “I guess he wants that. Think I should get him bath toys?”
“Way ahead of you.” Leif picked up a box and held it up, “Do you like these?” The box held a set of ships, airplanes, and sea-life. Lantern nodded, but he hadn’t let go of the raccoon. “I think we’re good.”
“Me too.” Jaska hadn’t realized how much the creature might need. Of course Lantern wanted toys, the creature was a child. Luckily, this shop sold large boxes of crayons, coloring books, and notebooks. Leif began to put the toys on the cashier’s counter as Jaska brought over the art supplies. Lantern didn’t like having to let go of the raccoon and held up his claws for him to give it back when the man finished scanning it.
Leif looked at Lantern who was clutching the raccoon, “He certainly liked the toy store.”
“He did. He was coloring downstairs and I realized he needed this stuff.”
“I’ll bet he’s glad Zachary brought him here.”
Jaska looked down at Lantern who looked up at him with a flick of his ears. “Maybe I should buy him a bed.”
“I wouldn’t. I’m not sure how fast these things grow. Maybe wait. Or buy him a big bed. You can have one delivered.”
Jaska unlocked the door and helped Leif carry the wagon inside. He carried Lantern’s new things into his room while Lantern went into the living room to color with his new raccoon. Jaska stepped out of his room just as Leif was coming out of his.
He was now dressed in a clean pair of jeans, a shirt, and a suit jacket. “Where are you off to dressed like that?”
“I have a date and I don’t want to be late.”
“A date? With who?”
“A girl. I met her at the market the other day. Her name is Emily. If all goes well, I’ll be home late.” He slipped on his coat, “Or not at all,” he said with a smile.
“Have fun, Leif.” Jaska wondered what to make for dinner. Mr. Ragnar hadn’t cooked the entire time he had been here and he got the feeling Leif only did it because he liked doing it. Rather than making something they would both hate, he went downstairs to ask his master what he wanted for dinner.
Mr. Ragnar was lighting candles at his desk. Jaska wasn’t sure if he should interrupt, but did it anyway. “Mr. Ragnar, what do you want for dinner? Leif went out.”
“To do what?”
“He said he had a date.”
Mr. Ragnar chuckled, “Leif is not a charming young man. How did he manage that?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t ask.”
“Hm. Well, I’ll be up to fix dinner in an hour.”
“ . . . You don’t want me to-?”
“Leif makes dinner because he likes to. I never asked him to and I won’t ask you to. You’re a child and I won’t ask you to make me dinner.”
Jaska nodded, “Ok.” He turned to walk up the steps, thinking over what to write in his next letter. He supposed he should put something about Lantern in there. Ty would want to know about the creature he was taking care of.
Lantern was drawing a picture of what looked like the house. Jaska sat down beside him and looked at his knees. There was little to do here beyond reading and he wasn’t in the mood for it. He was in the mood to cry, but that was all he was in the mood to do. It was all he was ever in the mood to do. Part of him felt bad about it. Mr. Ragnar was trying to be as nice to him as he could.
Mr. Ragnar came into the living room, putting his hand on the back of the couch, “What would you like for dinner?”
He jumped at the voice, “Whatever you want. I don’t really mind.”
“Are you alright? You’ve been staring at your knees as I’ve been standing here for ten minutes.”
“No, I’m not.” He sniffled, “I don’t think I ever will be. I’m sorry to bring it up.”
“Don’t be. Grilled cheese and steamed vegetables alright?”
“Sure.”
“Good. Where did Lantern get that raccoon?”
“Oh, I picked him up a few things.”
“Good. What else did you get him?”
“Do you really care what I got him, sir?” Jaska snapped.
Mr. Ragnar nodded, “I suppose not. Well. I’ll go and start cooking.”
“Fine.”
Dinner was awkward. He did what he usually did and didn’t speak; the only noise was the sound of their silverware. Lantern chewed on his sandwich while cooing. Jaska assumed that meant he was happy. Mr. Ragnar sipped his glass of water before standing up and retrieving a container of cherry tomatoes from the fridge. Jaska took a few when he was handed the container, thanking him quietly. He assumed that at some point there would be an easiness between them in the silence.
After dinner, Mr. Ragnar went into the living room with a few books. Jaska followed, Lantern ran to where he had been coloring. Mr. Ragnar sat by the crackling fire and crossed his legs, opening a thick book. Jaska watched him for a moment before focusing on Lantern. The gentle patter of rain hitting the window calmed his brain, made him think less of the nightmare he was in and only of the weird, colorful pictures the creature was drawing.
As he tuned out the flutter of pages the front door opened and slammed. Leif stomped in and went upstairs.
“I guess his date didn’t go well,” Jaska said. “Does this happen often? You don’t look surprised.”
“Leif hasn’t had many dates, but the dates he has had all end the same.” Mr. Ragnar sighed and stood, setting the book on the coffee table, “I’m going to comfort him.”
“Wait. What way do they end?”
Mr. Ragnar frowned and looked at him, “Do you remember what I told you about Mr. Kircher?” Jaska nodded. “This is a ramification of that.”
Jaska could only guess at what he meant. He supposed if you had some sort of half-memory of something like that you would have a hard time being with another person. Leif wouldn’t have understood why he was feeling bad and it must have been hard. Jaska stood from his place on the floor with a yawn. He was ready for bed. His depression was getting tiresome in more ways than one. Lantern walked upstairs with him. He stopped by Leif’s door to hear what was being said like the nosy person he was.
“Why do I feel like this?” Leif was saying.
“Some people just have a hard time dating.”
“When she touched me I wanted to throw up.”
“I know. Leif, calm down. Maybe you just haven’t found the right person. Perhaps you should try dating another young man.”
“I don’t think that’s the problem. Leave me alone, please.”
Jaska went into his room before Mr. Ragnar left Leif’s room. Lantern climbed into bed as Jaska flopped down. He never bothered with his pajamas since all he wore were hoodies and sweatpants. Much to his surprise he heard a knock on his door. “Come in.”
Mr. Ragnar stepped in, “May I talk to you about Leif?”
Jaska sat up, “Yes.”
Mr. Ragnar nodded and closed the door, “Jaska, this is becoming harder and harder. With Leif I mean. I would like an opinion.”
Jaska shrugged, “You know him better than I do.”
“If you were in my shoes, would you tell him why he’s experiencing this?”
“No. He’ll hate you.”
Mr. Ragnar stared at him, “Flat out no. I don’t know how to make him feel better.”
“He’ll be better in a few days. Maybe stop telling him to date boys. From the amount of time I’ve spent with him, if he was gay he would be open and comfortable with it.”
“I know. Every time I say it . . . I wish he would feel better.” Mr. Ragnar raised an eyebrow, “You were listening?”
“I heard it when I was heading in here.”
Mr. Ragnar tapped his hand on the door, “He’ll forget this in a few days. Go back to his talkative self.”
“That do
esn’t seem like something you should be saying. You should want to help him, but I have no room to talk about any of this. I don’t know him as well as you do.”
“But you’re closer to his age.”
“Barely. I don’t feel comfortable giving advice to you about Leif. Please, leave.”
Mr. Ragnar nodded and left him in peace. Jaska didn’t want to help him with Leif. He felt bad that Leif was feeling awful, but there was little he could do. He lay in the darkness until he was aware that he couldn’t sleep because he was worried about his new friend. With a groan, he stood and walked quietly out of the bedroom so as not to wake up Lantern. It wasn’t surprising that Leif was still up. He knocked on the door and waited for the alright to come in.
Leif was wiping his eyes, “Can’t sleep?” he automatically turned the attention away from himself.
“Not when I’m worried a bit about you. Are you alright?”
“No. What did Mr. Ragnar tell you?”
“He told me that every date you have ends like this. You keep trying, but it always ends the same.”
“Yeah. We start kissing and touching and I freak out. My heart starts pounding and I have a panic attack. Every time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He sniffled and looked at his hands, “I really liked her too.”
“Why do you have panic attacks? Maybe you just aren’t ready to kiss someone.”
“I don’t know.” Leif smiled, “It doesn’t really matter.”
Jaska didn’t know what to say. He wished Leif were alright, but there would be no making him feel better. “If it makes you feel any better I don’t have romantic feelings for anyone.”
Leif glanced up, “At all?”
“My friend is coming to grips with who he is and has kissed me many times even though I told him not to. I don’t like it, but I don’t feel much about it.”
“Oh.”
“I know. It isn’t awful though.”
“Vladimir always asks me if I should date a guy. I think he thinks my panic attacks are due to the fact that I don’t like girls. I like girls. A lot. I just wish one of them liked me.”
Jaska sat next to him, “You’re very nice. You just need to work on controlling your panic attacks. How do you manage now?”
“I freak out. I start breathing heavily and I run.”
“When I get on planes I have panic attacks. Ty told me to count. It helps. A lot. I thought it was dumb, but it isn’t.”
“Counting huh?”
“Yes. It helps, I promise.”
Leif nodded and looked at the window, “I love it here. I hope you will too. I know it’s hard and I know I’ve said it a million times, but it isn’t that bad.”
“I don’t mind hearing it. I hate it here to be honest. I’m depressed all of the time. I’m never hungry, I cry every night, and I don’t think I’ve smiled once since being here. Well, genuinely smiled.”
Leif looked at him for longer than he was comfortable with. Jaska shifted, “What did you do when you first got here?”
“I cried, but it was because of my parents. I saw them die. Vladimir helped me through it. I felt awful for weeks. I got over it eventually and started getting along with him. It helped that I was young and he hadn’t taken me away from my family like he did with you.” He pulled his knees up to his chest, “Tell me about your family.”
“If you want me to. My mom is a very strong person, she raised me and my sister by herself. My father is an asshole. My parents divorced when I was eight and my father is only allowed one supervised visit a month.”
“Wow. Alright.”
“My sister is quite smart and going places, I’m not obviously. If I don’t fail at this I suppose necromancy will be my life.”
“Being a necromancer is fun. It’s a good way to make a living. Plus, you seem to like Lantern.”
“I do like Lantern and I like you. I don’t like Mr. Ragnar.”
“Why not? He’s a perfectly nice person.”
“He forced me to come here.”
“To protect you. Someone would have hurt you.”
Jaska stood and went to the door. He gripped the doorknob, “I don’t like him and I don’t think I can ever like him.”
“Fine, but for the record he’s a good guy.”
Jaska left the room and went to his own. Lantern was still sound asleep, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to get right to sleep so he sat at the desk and began to write another letter to Ty.
Ty, I don’t know if I can ever like Mr. Ragnar. He took me away from my home, but Leif loves him. Leif loves everything about him and I can’t see anything worth liking. He shot me. However, he let me keep a new friend. His name’s Lantern. He’s a . . . I don’t really know how to describe him. I’ll bring him when I visit. I’m sorry Mr. Kircher is the one delivering my letters. I hope he won’t bother you. I don’t like him any more than you do. Just be careful around him. I hope you’re doing alright with my mom and sister. Margo’s a bit of a handful sometimes, but I know that she thinks I’m a weird freak.
Jaska yawned. Writing the letter was making him feel better. He found himself falling asleep at the desk. With another yawn, he stumbled to his bed and flopped down next to Lantern. The creature snuggled up to him, warming him in the darkness of the room. Something else was in the room, he felt it watching him, but he was too tired and depressed to care.
* * *
When he woke up in the morning he had a headache. It wasn’t different from any other day. He always woke up with a headache, always woke up with a stomachache. Lantern woke up and waited patiently for Jaska to dress so that they could go downstairs and eat. Leif was making breakfast, he seemed to be back to his happy self or was faking it. Mr. Ragnar was setting the table. Lantern jumped up onto one of the chairs as Jaska went into the kitchen to make him his breakfast of fruits and vegetables.
“Good morning,” Leif greeted him. “You look tired.”
“I always look tired.” He took Lantern’s breakfast from the fridge before taking a sippy cup from the cupboard. “How are you?”
“Fine I guess. This kind of thing happens all of the time, so it doesn’t matter.”
Jaska took Lantern his breakfast before going back into the kitchen. “It matters a lot.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. Relax, Jaska.” He smiled, “I’m making waffles.”
Jaska nodded and went back into the dining room. Lantern was chomping on one of the apples from his plate. Mr. Ragnar glanced at his young apprentice. “Today I thought we could work on talking to the dead. I think you’re ready for it.”
“Without my Spirit Guide will I be ok?”
“I’ll be there and so will Mads. Don’t worry.”
“Ok.”
“Feeling any better?”
He glanced at Mr. Ragnar. The man knew he was depressed and that made him extremely uncomfortable. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Alright.”
As usual, he didn’t talk during breakfast. Leif was chatting about something, but Jaska stared down at the remainder of his meal with a frown. He stood to clean up his spot, Lantern followed him with his own plate. “Think you can hang out with Leif today?” Lantern turned his head. “I can’t watch you today.” Lantern nodded. “Good.”
He went back into the dining room, “Leif, can you watch him today while I work?”
“Yeah, no problem. What do you usually-?”
“He likes to draw. That will occupy him for a few hours.”
“Great.”
“Thanks, Leif.”
Mr. Ragnar smiled, “Now that that’s settled, we can head downstairs. We should be up for lunch.”
“Good luck, Jaska. You’ll do great!”
Jaska doubted that. He followed Mr. Ragnar down to their workspace, thinking over the last time he had been told he was doing anything. “You’re not going to shoot me again, are you?”
Mr. Ragnar chuckled, “No. We do need to set up a circle though.”
&nb
sp; “Circle?”
“Yes. For this kind of communication we’ll need one.”
Five black candles were placed where they had been the day Jaska had been shot. Mr. Ragnar began to move the candles so that the circle was made big enough for two. Jaska sat down as Mr. Ragnar drew symbols with white chalk. He sat across from Jaska when he was finished. Jaska fidgeted as Mr. Ragnar scooted close to him.
