Chapter Fifty-five
Brooke
I watched his shadow creep across the wall. When my body returned to normal I could feel the sting from the rising whelps on the back of my thighs. I reached up to my neck to massage the throbbing bite marks. Pulling my hand away, I saw the slight glisten of ruby red blood.
My head was whirling. Had that really just happened, that almost Jekyll and Hyde transformation in Gavin?
The loud music was still blaring through the speakers and I walked to the kitchen to turn it off. I flipped the light on and glanced down at my shoulder. My hand ran along the wound on my neck, feeling the deep, rigid indentations from his teeth. The tissue around the bite burned with pain.
I pressed the silver button on the iPod and then I made my way toward the hallway. I glanced down to his bedroom; the lights were off. Peering through the doorway, I found Gavin lying on his bed, still naked, with his hands folded behind his head. He was staring blankly at the ceiling. I watched as he pulled his bottom lip in under his teeth, letting his lip slide slowly out from underneath the white enamel only to pull it back in and repeat the process.
Shame washed over me as I watched him. I was ashamed that I’d asked him to do it, ashamed that I’d enjoyed it.
“Gavin,” my voice was hushed as I wasn’t sure what thoughts were running through his head.
He turned his head toward me and raised his eyebrows to acknowledge my presence.
I walked quietly into his room and sat down on the foot of his bed. He pulled one arm free from his head, placing his hand on my foot. Gavin sat up and brushed my hair away from my shoulder, closing his eyes slowly when he saw the marks he’d left all over my neck and shoulder. His fingers traced over them slowly as he inspected the wounds.
“Stand up.” His voice was soft and remorseful.
He pulled my arm toward him and I stood up. Placing his hand on my hip, he gently pushed for me to turn around. His hands grazed over the tender areas caused by his hand and belt. Gavin spun me back around, pulling me down to him. He placed his elbows on his knees and tented his fingers, resting them over the bridge of his nose.
Taking in a deep breath, he traced his fingers down the sides of his nose and under his lips, resting his fingers on his chin. “You liked that?” he asked, staring into my eyes.
I focused my gaze on the sheets, my fingers drawing circles across the satin.
“Brooke,” he said, “you liked that?” I felt as though he was pleading for me to tell him I didn’t.
I nodded without making eye contact.
He sighed heavily. “You really have no idea. That was nothing, nothing!” He paused and I looked up at him. Gavin shook his head as he continued, “That life, it’s not what you think, love, not what you want.” He leaned his head back against his smooth, black headboard. “It’s not meant for you.”
Who was he to tell me what I wanted?
“How would you know? I guess you have experience in that area? Is that your dark side you keep mentioning, huh? Before me — you were into that?” My tone was hostile.
His head bent forward. He never blinked, just sat there carefully choosing his words. “Yes. That’s a part of me that’s not meant for us.”
I turned my head away from him for a moment and blinked my eyes furiously to make the tears dissipate. If it was a part of him, I wanted it. I wanted all of him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked and turned back around to look at him.
Gavin narrowed his eyes as his brows drew in. “Seriously? Why didn’t I tell you?” He sat up and I heard anger beneath his voice. “What should I’ve said to you? That’s not something you just disclose to anyone, Brooke. You just don’t understand.”
“Why do you like it?” I asked, desperately wanting an answer.
The image of Amy kept wading into my mind. How deep was he into it, I wondered, had he gone to those parties in the past, bound women to bars, cracked whips across their backs? I just couldn’t imagine him doing those things; it didn’t fit into this image of him that I’d had. Was that where he went off to suddenly in the middle of the night when he told me he had to go to the hospital? I felt lost.
His eyes shut tightly from his frustration with my naivety. “Love, it’s much deeper than a simple answer.” He paused. “Sex to me was just — just an action, just something that felt good. I’d no desire to be ‘intimate,’ I didn’t want — didn’t need the closeness with anyone. I never intended on falling in love with someone. Love was something I never imagined myself needing.” Gavin’s hand rested on my thigh. “At least not until I met you. I was wrong with my thoughts because I need that with you.” He shook his head. “I just can’t explain it.”
“So, it meant nothing to you? You just wanted someone to fuck?” I glared at him. “Is that what I am to you, just something to entertain you?” I knew how immature I sounded, but I couldn’t help myself. I felt hurt twisting deep inside my chest when I stared at him.
Gavin reached toward me quickly and gripped my shoulders. “Did you not hear what I just said? You’re different!” He closed his eyes. “It’s so much more with you. I’ve meant everything I’ve said to you. I love you!” Leaning close to my face, he said, “You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. I love you desperately, and that’s why I can’t do that with you.” His hand traced over the teeth marks on my skin once again and his voice softened as he said, “The repercussions if I lose control – they’re unfathomable, love.”
“What are you talking about, Gavin?” I closed my eyes tightly, grabbing my face as I tried to understand what the hell he was talking about. “If that’s what you’re into, why can’t we do that?” I lowered my voice, “I don’t like that you’ve done things with some other woman that you won’t do with me. I want all of you. I want to make you happy.” I feared that this was something Gavin had an innate wiring for, and if I wasn’t able give it to him, I knew I’d end up without him.
His eyes shot a pleading look for me to understand, to just let it go. “I can’t go down that road with you. The association I have with that,” he hesitated, “I’m terrified it will cause — issues. You tempt me so deeply.” His tongue skirted across his lips. “That won’t make me happy with you.” His mouth trembled and a look of utter desperation veiled his eyes as he whispered, “There’s a darkness to this world you could never imagine. Things that…” Shaking his head, he let out a growl, balling his hands into fists as he rose from his bed. Reaching down to the floor, he grabbed his jeans. He jerked them up around his waist and fastened them as he walked out into his hallway. Moments later I heard the front door open and slam shut.
I was perplexed.
Climbing off the bed, I ran out into the living room. I grabbed my jeans and quickly yanked them up around my waist. My thighs still throbbed and the brush from the material sent pain radiating across me. I pulled my shirt down over my head as I walked toward the door. The night air hit me, it was unusually cold for that time of year and the chilliness of the air took me by surprise.
Gavin was pacing in his front yard. The fog from his heavy breath created plumes of white mist. He placed his hands on the back of his head and pulled his elbows in tightly, turning to face me. He released a deep and irate scream that bounced from the brick houses.
Taking large, angry strides toward me, I saw a pain radiating from his eyes that profoundly cut into me. Stopping in front of me, he grabbed onto the back of my head. He pulled me in and kissed me, a tormented kiss full of penitence and regret. The sheer emotion in his embrace terrified me. It felt like he was kissing me for the last time, like he was trying to burn the memory of my lips into his soul, trying to savor the feeling of my heart beating against his.
He pulled slowly away from me. “I’ve been so wrong,” he said, pausing as he cut his eyes down to the damp ground. Gavin shook his head, his voice escalating into a yell. “I was so wrong, so damn wrong! I’m not in control with this.”
“I’m so sorry, love, I really am!” His gaze moved from my eyes to my lips, and then back up to my eyes. He blinked and it looked as though tears may seep out from his thick lashes at any moment. “I love you so much. I’ve never cared for someone the way I care for you.” His breath caught his voice and he cleared his throat to continue, “I knew after the first week that you were different, that I’d absolutely no power over my feelings for you. There was something so much deeper than physical attraction. I wanted you, wanted to be with you, wanted to know you, I wanted all of you. I needed you to want me, to feel the same way I did about you.” Gavin paused, his eyes narrowing as he said, “Had I only known that you would possess me the way that you have, complete me in the most beautiful way. I swear to God I would erase it all!”
I could hear the slight tremble in my voice as I asked him, “Erase what, Gavin, what have you done?”
My breath became heavy as I waited for his answer, my heart felt like it was tearing away from my veins. I’d never been so in love, so defenselessly in love with the mere idea of someone as I was Gavin, and I was terrified that the way I viewed his love was about to be eternally tainted.
I stood still, my throat burning and tightening as I tried to contain the urge I had to scream at him.
He refused to look me in the eyes. “I never meant to fall for you, never thought it was possible for me to fall for anyone. When I first saw you I knew I had to have you. I’ve kept things from you. I’ve lied to you, love.” Taking back several breaths, he hung his head. “I’ve never known a weakness like the one you’ve caused me.”
“What?” I asked. His confession that he’d lied tore me, and the hurt from his confession was evident in my tone. “What are you talking about?”
Gavin leveled his eyes on mine. “I should’ve told you, but I liked you, Brooke. I was terrified you’d think I was some deviant.” His eyes finally met mine. “You were so damn gorgeous. I’d never had such a strong attraction to anyone before… I never…” He stared at me, noticing the amount of pain his words were causing me.
“What did you lie to me about, Gavin?”
“I just shouldn’t have kept things from you, by avoiding disclosing them to you — I’ve lied to you. Obviously, I’m not exactly the person you’ve thought I was. There’s no way you could’ve known what monster I really am. What would you have thought of me had I told you? The lifestyle I live is not one someone such as yourself would be able to handle. It’s not at all fair that I’ve done this to you, love.”
Bringing my hands to my face, I let out a breath of relief. “I understand why you didn’t tell me.” I felt sanity wash over me as I realized his “lie” was simply him not telling me he was into those things. I started to walk back inside his house. “You didn’t lie to me, Gavin.”
He followed me up the stone stairs and onto his porch. Reaching up to my shoulders he said, “I just hope you’ll forgive me.” His voice was thick with regret.
Stepping into his foyer, I turned to face him. “I don’t think you did anything I have to forgive you for.” I made my way back to his bedroom, glancing over my shoulder at him. “Please, don’t ever scare me like that again. I was terrified that you were about to tell me something horrible, like that you had a wife I didn’t know about.”
His eyes focused on me, his lips didn’t curve up in the slightest at my attempt to make light of the situation. “No, nothing like that,” he said coldly and brushed past me to walk down the hallway.
Chapter Fifty-six
Gavin
I was a damn coward. An immortal creature with powers unmatched by any other creation, a creature that not even death could touch, and a mortal woman was my weakness. I was certain if there was ever something that could bring death to an angel, it must be contained within a woman.
I stood there fully prepared to tell her everything and I couldn’t make myself follow through with it. I felt as though I was deteriorating, falling to pieces. The moment I saw a way around it, I took it, allowing her to believe that a taboo sexual preference was all I’d been hiding from her. I had no control anymore. Every emotion was erupting inside of me like a volcanic explosion; regret, fear, hate, sadness, all from the need to keep her love — and then the anger which had swelled within me with such vengeance it swallowed every other feeling whole.
I laid perfectly still in my bed, my hands folded over my chest as I stared up at the ceiling.
“Gavin?” Brooke turned her head toward me. “You asleep?”
I laid there silently for a moment. “No,” I growled. The anger I was feeling toward myself made me lash out at her.
She fell completely silent and I heard her head slide across the sheets as she turned her face back to the other side of the bed.
We lay in the pitch black silence for several minutes before she spoke again. “I want that with you,” she whispered. “I’ll do whatever you want. Let me have that piece of you too, Gavin, please.”
Her pleas did nothing but fan the flame of anger that was seething inside my chest. Closing my eyes, I inhaled to keep from yelling at her. She’d no idea the thoughts that were haunting my mind.
“This is not up for discussion. Let it go!” I said.
The sheets pulled off of me as she crawled next to me, positioning her body against mine. Reaching over, she delicately stroked my arm. “But —”
Her plea was interrupted as I reached over my chest, firmly grabbing her arm and pushing it off of me. “I said it’s not up for discussion, do you understand me? Go to sleep, Brooke,” my deep voice boomed from the ceilings.
She quickly rolled back over and faced the opposite direction. I heard her sniff and knew she was crying from my harsh reaction.
I knew she couldn’t handle this.
My initial reaction was to console her, apologize for my tone, promise I’d never push her touch away from me again; but I denied that response and chose to lie there silently, ignoring the fact that I’d hurt her feelings. It was more difficult than I’d expected to lay there listening to her cry, feeling the sheets move each time she’d reach to wipe a tear away, but I wanted her to realize the reality of what she was trying to get herself into. I knew she’d been exposed to the glamorized image of what she thought my secret was, to the only side of it mortals knew of. She didn’t understand why I was involved with it. She had no idea how cold I really was.
I waited until her breath became even and it was evident that she was asleep to place my arm around her. I held her; the warmth of her body satisfied a dormant part of my soul.
Whispering into her ear, I told her, “I love you more than anything in this world, Brooke.”
Her head moved slightly, but she didn’t wake. I leaned my head against the arm I’d propped myself up with and watched her sleeping. The blue light cast from the nearly full moon shone in through the windows and covered her in the most perfect way. I stared at her, studying her face, watching her chest rise and fall as she slept. Tracing my finger very lightly across her supple lips, I drank her in with my eyes as she laid there completely unaware that I was watching her.
“Oh,” I removed my finger from her lips, running my hand along her chest and down her soft arm. I spoke to her lovingly, “What have you done to me, woman, what have you done?” I paused and felt my shoulders fall in a defeated manner. “I fear you’ve bound me to you, haven’t you?”
Chapter Fifty-seven
Gavin
September 13, 2014
I’d never experienced the amount of stress I had over the past week. I found myself questioning my desires. I found myself wondering if I could honestly control myself. I was beginning to see this dark fire rise inside of Brooke, and it woke a primitive need inside me. At moments I found myself wanting to escape, but I was bound to her by something so strong my immortal soul couldn’t even comp
rehend it.
My phone beeped, snapping me out of my tormented thoughts. Picking it up, I opened a text message from Brooke.
Brooke: I love you!
I sat there and stared at those words that I’d once thought would never be able to affect me. The view of her message was obstructed when an email alert popped up on my screen. I opened it and began to read.
To: Gavin S. Hunter
From: Severed Moon
Subject: What would you do to protect her?
* * *
Dearest Gavin,
I’ve heard that your precious little princess has you absolutely enamored. Who would have thought?
So, tell me Sir, is it difficult for you? Do you enjoy hiding who you really are from her? You’re not the only one in that relationship keeping secrets. You better stay on your toes, or she just may very well get snatched up by someone else like you. Several of them eyed her at Raven’s club. That’s right. She’s been to that little club you like to frequent. I’m sure she would enjoy knowing that sometimes when you’re on call you go by and have you a little something extra.
You know, I’ve really been thinking about outing you, telling her that before her you did things with me. Can you imagine how mad she would be at us, especially at you, because after all you’re the one that’s earned her trust.
You’re on service this weekend if I recall correctly. Maybe I’ll drop your name tomorrow night. I was thinking of bringing her with me to Raven’s. I wonder what kind of reaction that would get if she heard someone ask me if I knew why you’d stopped coming.
I think we need to talk, don’t you?
I own both of you right now!
Love,
The one who could destroy everything you care about
~ Ashley
I flung my phone down onto my desk and buried my face in my hands. Leaning back in my chair, I stared at the dropdown ceiling of my office.
I couldn’t hurt Brooke. I couldn’t allow Ashley to hurt her, and I knew it was only a matter of time before Ashley told her things that would absolutely destroy her. I just wanted to protect Brooke.
Bound to the Fallen (Prophecy #2) Page 45
