by Jillian Hart
“W-wife?” Agony filled her. She clamped her lips together, set her chin and braced herself for the sorrow.
As much as she longed to be the woman who could marry him, his happy future mattered more. Her sadness faded away like one last long note, leaving only peace in her soul. “You are ready to settle down. You must have someone in mind.”
“I’ve got my eye on a real nice lady.” His baritone warmed gently. Perhaps he was worrying he was hurting her feelings.
Her love for him shone so strongly within her that she felt as if she were glowing, too. Happy for him, deeply and truly happy, she leaned back in the seat, sure, so completely sure, that God would bless Thad in this new part of his life. “Do I know her?”
“I think you do. Maybe you might offer your opinion on the plans for this house. I want her to have a roomy place to do all the kitchen work easily and not so close that she catches her skirts on fire on the stove.”
“Very easy to do,” Noelle agreed.
“And a sunny spot for the kitchen table, a place where you just want to sit over a cup of tea and spend time jawin’.”
“I can imagine it. A lot of cabinets and a roomy pantry—you could spend some of your winter months making them for her. A round table between the corner windows and a place for boots and coats to dry.” The future she could see might have once been her dream, but it felt right sharing it with him. “There will be children one day who will need a place to come in from playing in the snow and warm up.”
“Children.” His baritone dipped intimately. When he spoke next, his voice vibrated with emotion. “Now, I hadn’t quite got that far. Except for four upstairs bedrooms.”
“Four sounds like a nice number.”
“It surely does.” His heart was full to bursting as he nosed Sunny off the main road. “I’ve been thinking about building a little cottage behind the main house for my ma. Aiden’s taken care of her all this time, and I feel as if it’s my duty now. What do you think of that?”
“As long as she would want to move. She has her own house.”
“Yep, and with both of my brothers there, too. It’s my hope Aiden will come to marry again one day, and then she’ll be feeling in the way again.” He gripped the reins more tightly. He could feel his dearest hopes ready to come true, and it was so much to lose. “I would like her close. I’ve missed her, and she can feel good helping to take care of things at my place. She likes taking care of the people she loves.”
“Then it sounds like a good solution. She would be closer to any future grandchildren.”
There she went, mentioning children again. Thad couldn’t say what that did to his heart, but he was fairly sure it would never beat normally again.
“As long as she got along well with your wife,” Noelle pointed out sweetly, “it sounds perfect to me. Does this mean there will be another wedding soon?”
“I’m praying that’s the truth.”
“Praying? Does this mean you’re a praying man again?”
“Maybe. You never know.” The Worthington manor came into sight, windows ablaze with golden lamplight. It looked like the family was already home. “About this wedding of mine. Think you’d like to attend?”
“Absolutely beyond a doubt. It’s what I’ve been praying for.”
How about that. Thad reined Sunny to a stop outside the porch. He climbed out from beneath the snug buffalo robe and circled around the sleigh to help Noelle out. Powerful love for her broke him wide-open, and it was greater than anything he’d ever known. Incapable of speech, he simply took her hand in his, and led her with care up the porch steps. Joy lifted him so far up, he couldn’t feel the boards beneath his boots, for there was only her. Just her. In his thoughts, in his heart, in his soul.
She broke the silence between them when they reached the door. “You will let me know how tomorrow goes with the land agent?”
“I will. The moment the land is mine, you will be the first one I tell.” He acted on impulse and again cradled her face in both his hands with all the tenderness in his soul. He wanted more than anything to tell her he would take care of her, that he would do his best for her, and how great his love was for her.
As if she realized that he intended to kiss her, she tipped toward him an infinitesimal amount. Her eyes widened with such honesty, and they were the color of his dreams. Her smile was every last piece of his heart.
“Good night, Mr. McKaslin.” The serene notes of her voice blew through his spirit like the rarest of joys.
He opened the door for her. “Good night, Miss Kramer. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Good.” Her smile was the last thing he saw as he tipped his hat to her and left her in the care of her aunt, who was in the act of charging toward the door.
Maybe it wasn’t so polite to run off, he thought, as he took the steps two at a time, but he wasn’t a parlor-sitting kind of man. And he wanted to end the evening when it was perfect. Just perfect.
The snow fell soft and airy as an answered prayer. His boots sank up to his ankles in the new blanket of snowfall and he rubbed Sunny’s nose before he slogged back to the sleigh. Funny how it did feel as though God had been watching out for him in the end. That He hadn’t forgotten a simple hardworking man after all.
Thad settled on the seat, pulled the robes tight and gathered the reins in his gloved hands. Snow tapped on his hat brim and slapped his cheek as he turned Sunny in a lazy half circle, nosing him away from the bright lights of the Worthington home and into the cloying darkness.
Maybe things just take time to work out for His good; that’s all. Maybe that’s what he’d lost sight of when he was so far from home and everyone he loved, his heart dashed. Faith had been a painful thing for a long spell, and now it was hurting in a whole new way.
The wind kicked up, cold and shrill, so he knuckled down his hat against the stinging snowflakes. That pain seemed to spread through his chest like wildfire. For whatever reason, he was being given a second chance with Noelle. What he didn’t know was that gratitude could hurt, too.
Noelle’s words tonight came back to him. It’s easy to fall into the habit of walking through life. It’s safer. Because you don’t have to risk as much. You don’t have to really feel. Maybe that had been his problem more than he’d realized. He’d gotten awfully used to walking through his life instead of feeling it. That made it tough to know anything much of value, including God’s presence.
You didn’t give up on me and I thank You for it.
Thad gave Sunny more rein, but the mustang already knew where he was going, heading toward the falls, toward home.
In the bedroom she shared with Matilda, Noelle carefully poured the pitcher of warm water and measured the rise of the water level in the porcelain basin. The pitcher clinked gently onto the stand, and she felt the curls of heat from the water’s surface against her face.
Happiness still strummed through her, and it was a good feeling, and a welcome change. She splashed water on her face and reached for the bottle of soft soap she liked so well. The lilac scent always reminded her of late spring, when the earth was warm and the sun’s warmth a welcome friend.
She lathered and scrubbed and rinsed, going over the evening’s events in her mind. Whatever God’s purpose in all of this—her blindness, Thad’s coming back to Angel Falls, his plans for a ranch and a home and a family starting to come to fruition—she could not know. She could only trust that He was bringing them both to the greatest good for their separate lives.
She patted her face dry in the soft towel and rehung it on the bar. Footsteps marched down the hall like a division of soldiers coming closer.
“Angelina!” Henrietta’s voice echoed above the strike of her shoes. “I am shocked. Simply beside myself with agitation at what I’ve only just heard from your father.”
And what shocking behavior would it be this time? Noelle wondered as she sprinkled tooth powder onto her toothbrush. Knowing Angelina, it was bound to be most entertaining.
Robert’s cane tapped after Henrietta. “Now, now, dear, it’s not as bad as all that—”
“Not that bad?” Henrietta’s outrage echoed in the corridor. “Caught smoking behind the outhouses! I cannot think of why Clarissa Bell would accuse you of such a thing!”
Poor Henrietta, Noelle thought in turn, for it was not easy being a general in charge of such troops. It took a lot of internal fortitude to stay in denial about Angelina’s rebellion, which was not acceptable for a Worthington.
Matilda’s steps padded a little heavier than usual down the hallways. “Uh, I don’t know why Mama is going on about Miss Bell. You know that Angelina was smoking behind the outhouses. The more Mama refuses to see it, the more outrageous she behaves.”
Noelle heard a muted clunk, realizing that Tilly was carrying the warmed flatirons for their beds. She rinsed and dropped her toothbrush into her cup by the basin. “Henrietta loves her daughters so much, she cannot find a single flaw in any of you.”
How she wished she still had her own mother to do the same.
“Mama made comments all through dinner how she thought my wedding should be, much grander, of course, than Lanna’s.” The bedclothes rustled and snapped. “Who does she think I’m going to marry? No one has ever come calling. I’m not exactly pretty like my sisters are.”
“You are lovely in your own way.”
“That’s another way of saying that I’m plain.” She sighed deeply.
“No, dear heart, not at all.” Poor Matilda. Noelle remembered when she had been that naive and young—it had been like walking with her heart wide-open. Fairy-tale love could lift a girl right out of her shoes. She might have walked on thin air for the better part of her courtship with Thad—and probably had for half of this evening, too.
“I’m just starting to fear I’ll have to live with my mother forever.” Tilly sighed again.
Noelle listened to the rustle and chink as the flatirons clinked into place. “I know what it is like to have a heart full of love to share and no one to give it to.”
“Perhaps we shall be old maids together. I’ll read to you at night, and study from the Bible as we do now. I’ll take care of you.”
“I would not wish such a fate for you, to take care of me. You deserve a good man to love you truly.” She went to her bedside table. “I owe you an apology, Tilly.”
“Whatever for?”
“I gave you some bad advice about Emmett Sims.” She pulled open the drawer and felt for her buttonhook. “I should have told you that I hope he feels the same way about you, and if he does, to hold on to that love and protect it from all things.”
“But I thought—”
“I told you that love is frail and not to place all your hopes on it, but there is nothing greater than love. The Bible tells us so. I think I’m finally understanding. God’s love for us is not trifling or fleeting or simple. It is the greatest strength, the greatest loyalty, and it is complex. Love is the only thing strong enough to put your hope on.”
“Is that what you did once? With Thad?”
She had thought it was love—and Thad—at fault, but that was not true. As she unhooked one button and then the next, she thought of all that had happened, all that she had lost.
Oh, Papa, how could you have done such a thing? Her father’s intervention and his stubborn will had changed her life. He had destroyed her one real chance at loving Thad. Now it would be forever too late. Thad was going on with his life. She had to go on with hers. Maybe Matilda would have a better experience.
“Don’t give up hope, Tilly.” She started loosening her other shoe. “Perhaps we ought to have our next dress purchases delivered. What do you think?”
“Oh, Mama would not approve of that.”
“Spring is almost here. You might need a few new dresses and bonnets. I can arrange it when I’m in town next.”
“Oh, I would be too embarrassed. As much as I wish for it, I don’t think Emmett Sims is interested in me.” Matilda, the dear she was, didn’t sound sad, only wistful. Her bed ropes squeaked as if she had sat down on the edge of her mattress. “A few more years, and I’ll be on the shelf. I’m never going to get married.”
I know the feeling. Noelle ached for her younger cousin. “I would hold out hope, if I were you. Something tells me that Mr. Emmett Sims might have noticed you.”
Tilly remained quiet, but there was hope in the air.
The floorboard outside the door gave a tiny squeak. Was it Angelina? Noelle wondered, as bare feet padded quietly into the room.
“Angelina!” Tilly scolded in a low voice. “You are not supposed to be out of bed. Didn’t Mama just hand down a punishment?”
“Yes, but she’s helping Papa, so she won’t know that I’m out of bed unless you tell her.” Angelina’s whisper floated closer.
Noelle felt the foot of her bed dip and turned toward her troublesome cousin. “Do you really think it’s wise to smoke cigarettes? It’s a poor choice for you for many reasons.”
“I know, but I was bored. I told Mama I didn’t want to wear that frilly lacy dress. I looked like I was about to go to a convent. Or get married.” It took no imagination at all to see Angelina rolling her eyes. “She’s really planning them, you know.”
“Planning what?” Matilda asked.
“Our weddings. Meredith and Lydia aren’t home from finishing school yet, and she’s almost planned a seven-course meal for each of them. And a string quartet, but not for dancing. She started to ask what I wanted, and that’s when I needed a bit of fresh air.”
“You mean smoky air.” Noelle couldn’t help jesting.
“Ha-ha.” Angelina was probably rolling her eyes again. “Noelle, you’ll be the next to marry, anyhow.”
“Me? Why would you say such a thing?” She tugged off one shoe and then the other. “I’m the last woman any man would marry. Men are looking for a helpmate, not someone they have to steer around the parlor.”
She set the buttonhook inside the drawer, careful to keep a smile on her face. “Matilda’s will be next.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Tilly’s voice sparkled with humor. “We all thought Mr. McKaslin was rather devoted to you throughout the evening.”
“Devoted?” Angelina sounded equally as amused. “Now tell the truth, Tilly. That handsome cowboy of Noelle’s isn’t merely devoted. He is utterly in love with her. He is a courting man. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. I would bet—”
“Don’t bet, Ange,” Tilly argued.
“I would bet,” Angelina emphasized, her rebellious streak showing, “that he proposes before tomorrow is done.”
Noelle’s jaw dropped and she sputtered for air. Thad, propose to her? For one brief instant, joy flooded her soul. Then drained away, leaving her in shadows.
No, he would need a wife who could help him with his dreams and not keep him from them. She remembered his plans for a wife, a wife who could cook, a wife who could tend children and, she figured, who could work alongside him with the horses.
It hurt, she couldn’t say it didn’t.
Somehow, she kept the smile on her face. “What an outrageous thing to say. Angelina. This is how you get into so much trouble.”
“What? I’m telling the truth. The way he looked at you wasn’t like anything I have ever seen before. Tell her, Tilly.”
Matilda sighed. “I didn’t want to mention it. I know it will make you sad. But it’s true. All through the wedding ceremony and the dinner at the hotel, his gaze never faltered. He adores you, Noelle, and in the right way. The real way. The loving way that lasts forever and nothing can break.”
Noelle opened her mouth to argue.
Angelina was already talking. “He doesn’t seem to mind that you can’t see. Something like that doesn’t stop true love.”
“What am I going to do with you two?” She could only shake her head, doing her best to hold down the sorrow that was hers alone. She was no longer an idealistic girl seeing romance and fanciful poss
ibilities instead of practical, real life.
Somewhere deep inside her she wished she could.
“I hear voices, Matilda and Noelle!” Henrietta called from down the hall. “It’s well past your bedtimes. In my day, a young lady was asleep before nine or it wasn’t proper!”
“We’ll say our prayers now, Mama,” Matilda promised earnestly over the nearly imperceptible pad and rustle of Angelina tiptoeing from the room.
Noelle pulled her nightgown from her bureau drawer, listening to the squeak of floorboards as Matilda knelt down to pray. There was a damp chill in the cold that crept through the walls and she shivered as she unbuttoned her bodice. She wondered if a change in the weather was coming.
Good. The sooner this snow melted, the quicker Thad could start building his dreams. For that was her most cherished dream, she realized as she stepped out of her dress and untied her petticoats. Her only dreams were now for him.
She was starting to see that life, like music, was a careful balance of melody and harmony, of sweeter notes and deeper ones. As she slipped her nightgown over her head and knelt beside her bed, she thanked the good Lord for both.
Chapter Sixteen
This had to be the best day of his life, family problems aside. His troubles at home seemed manageable from his current outlook, Thad thought as he dismounted in front of the Worthington stables. The sun was shining, he was the proud owner of a real fine spread and was carrying an engagement ring in his shirt pocket. Knowing that she would say yes just made it easier to feel on top of the world.
“Howdy there, McKaslin!” Eli Sims came through the open stable doorway to take Sunny’s reins. “Good seein’ ya. Looks like you beat the storm here.”
Thad hadn’t noticed the dark clouds overhead. He was in too good a mood to let them trouble him now. “Guess so. How’s things going for you here?”
“I can’t thank you enough for finding me this job.”
“I’m glad it suits you.” Thad grabbed a package from his saddlebag before Eli could take Sunny in out of the cold. “How’s that stallion treating you?”
