The brick hostel was a quintessential seventeenth century Amsterdam-style house: tall and skinny, but thick on charm. It sat across the street from a canal and overlooked the Jordan River through its massive windows. Wooden flower boxes adorned the windows and overflowed with sleeping tulips. The sweet smell from the flowers mixed with the salty scent of the canal, resulting in a soothing aroma that wafted through the air.
A bicycle built for two was parked in a rack outside the hostel. The whole scene reminded me of a postcard. It was somewhere I really wanted to be.
Tess and I were both tired and decided to go right to bed. The lack of sleep I’d accumulated had started to take a toll. I listened to the rhythmic sound of water lapping against the canal as I drifted off to sleep.
We woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and ravenous. Since we both agreed one of the first things on the day’s agenda was to eat a hearty breakfast, we wandered next door to a diner.
“So how are you?” Tess asked me, her eyebrows knitted together in a concerned expression as we waited for our waitress to bring the breakfast we’d ordered. Her head was tilted to the side, and she looked at me expectantly.
“Good,” I shrugged. “We have our own room for now, so let’s just hope the other two beds stay vacant.” I crossed my fingers in the air and cleared my throat. I had a hard time meeting her gaze.
“And hopefully we’ll get used to the timed showers,” I continued, forcing a chuckle. “I probably could have bucked up for the extra shower token. As you know, it is my wedding day.” I pressed my lips together and gave Tess a half-smile, mid-babble. “We would’ve been blowing a load at the salon anyway, right?”
“Oh, Aunt Lu.” She looked at me with sympathetic eyes as she reached across the table and squeezed my hand.
“Sorry.” I cringed.
“Sorry? Are you kidding me?” Tess held my gaze as she slipped an elastic hair band from her wrist and twisted her honey-colored hair into a knot on top of her head. “I didn’t want to bring it up, but I didn’t want to not bring it up either.” With creases of worry deepening on her forehead, she sunk back into the booth and cradled her coffee cup, resembling a therapist waiting for her patient to speak.
I nodded and poured some sugar in my coffee, stirring it. A lump rose in my throat and made me avoid looking her in the eye. When I drew in a breath, I could actually taste the sweet smell of syrup that wafted throughout the diner. I continued to stir.
“Do you want to talk?” she asked.
I whisked the coffee fast and furiously, making it splatter on the table. “Oh, shoot.” A few of the hot drops soaked through my shirt to my skin. “This was my good tank.” I blotted at my shirt with a wet napkin.
Tess grabbed a napkin and wiped up my mess while I sat staring into my coffee cup. She reached across the table and placed a gentle hand on my arm. Tears instantly clouded my vision, and even though I tried not to blink, they spilled over on their own.
“I’m sorry, I just feel so ... so ... empty,” I admitted, surprised by how hard it was to get the words out.
“That’s normal, Aunt Lu. Today was supposed to be a big day for you.”
“I just want it to be over,” I sighed, pressing my fingers under my eyes. “This day has been hovering over my head like a black cloud.”
“Actually, that’s pretty ironic. I talked to my mom this morning and, if it makes you feel any better, New York’s having the storm of the century. There are power outages all over the city.”
“So, I’ve heard,” I replied dryly. Morgan had already left me several voicemails and text messages. “But isn’t rain on your wedding day supposed to bring you luck?”
“Oh come on. That’s total bull. Someone must have fed that line of crap to a lunatic bride when it rained on her wedding day. What else were they supposed to say?”
“Good point.”
“No, really. How can a torrential downpour bring you luck? Your hair would’ve been a disaster and the reception would’ve sucked.”
“I’d have taken that bet.” I leaned my elbows on the table and rested my head in my hands.
The waitress appeared with a massive platter of Dutch pancakes, causing me to sit up and collect myself.
“Eet smakelijk,” the waitress said with a smile before she disappeared.
Tess looked at me quizzically.
I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. “I have no idea. She could’ve just said ‘eat shit’ for all I care.” I unfolded the napkin and placed it in my lap.
“Oh. My. God. These pancakes look amazing.” Tess drooled. “Cheese, bacon, brown sugar...”
“Pretty lethal. Well, it’s not like I have a Vera Wang tank dress to squeeze into.” I forced a smile as I helped myself to a pancake.
“Now that’s a plus,” Tess said, her mouth already full. “Because, let me tell you, these are to die for.”
I took a big bite and closed my eyes as the flavors melted in my mouth. “Yum. You know what?” I paused to swallow. “Let’s talk about something else. We need to enjoy this breakfast.”
“Yeah, but...” Tess paused and rocked her head from side to side, “I feel like it might be good for you to...”
“Indulge me. Please.” I leaned on the table and gave Tess a closed-mouth smile. “Plus, I’m dying to know. Have you talked to Mark?”
“Yeah, he called this morning when you were getting ready,” Tess said with a wave of her hand. “It’s no big—”
“Hey, I’m offended.” I clicked my tongue and frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Tess looked down and shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not a big deal,” she said nonchalantly. “I didn’t want to make you feel any worse than the way I figured you were already feeling.”
“Tess, do not, I repeat, do not withhold information from me. Number one, I want to live through you, and two, I’m a big girl. I still have it in me to be happy for others. Especially you.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” She winced. “There’s not much to say though. Other than he’s a really great guy.” Tess looked down and poked her fork into a pancake on her plate.
A smile spread across my face as I watched her swish it around the syrup.
She cleared her throat. “It’s just that...” She paused and placed her fork down.
I raised an eyebrow.
“He kind of has a girlfriend.” She wrinkled her nose and made a face.
“What do you mean, kind of?” I demanded. “He either has a girlfriend or he doesn’t. Is it serious?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t say, and I didn’t ask. He just mentioned he’d been dating someone for a long time, but it wasn’t really working out.”
“You’d make an awful detective, my dear. Well...” I tapped my fingers on the table. ”If it was serious, wouldn’t he be travelling with her?”
Tess shrugged. “I guess. Maybe. Oh, I don’t know. He just finished business school and has pretty much given himself a year to do his thing, get a job, and find himself,” she said.
“Hmph. Aren’t we all?” I stared into my coffee cup for a moment. “Anyway, maybe the quest to find himself has a little something to do with his girlfriend.”
“Maybe.” Tess paused. “Whatever,” she added with a wave of her hand. “I guess it doesn’t really matter, anyway. I don’t think he likes me like that.” She shrugged and took another bite.
I just gave her a look.
“What?” she laughed. “I told you, we’re just friends. We had a connection and to be honest with you, it was nice to be myself with someone other than Jack,” she said rolling her eyes.
“Well, you guys have been together for a long time.”
“We’ve practically grown up together, Aunt Lu. We’ve both changed so much we’ve kind of grown apart. I’d like to think I’ve become more insightful, and he’s become, I don’t know...” She frowned. “Kind of self-centered. He’s been unsupportive throughout my whole job-hunting debacle. He seems to be
more concerned with his own success and fixated on things that don’t really matter in life.”
“Like what?” I said.
“You know, superficial crap,” she said, shaking her head. “He and his friends always seem to be one-upping each other, and to be honest, it’s exhausting to listen to them.”
“Not to mention boring,” I exclaimed. I had to remind myself we were talking about Tess’s boyfriend and not my own ex. Cooper had those same tendencies, and his materialistic ways often got under my skin.
“Sorry. I was engaged to an older version. In Jack’s defense,” I said, with my index finger in the air, “he is a classic case of a young kid making too much money, way too soon.”
“So, what was Cooper’s excuse?’ Tess prompted, covering her mouth with a hand as she chewed.
I rested my chin on my hand and shook my head, affixing my gaze on a photo of a windmill that hung on the wall. “I don’t know. I think who he is stems from his past.”
I turned my attention back to Tess who had raised a quizzical eyebrow. “He grew up very poor, and I think it makes him feel good that he had done a complete 180 degree turn with his life.” I shrugged my shoulders. “All on his own.”
Tess didn’t look convinced, but reluctantly nodded her head, obviously trying to cut him some slack.
“No, really.” I rushed to defend him. “His dad ran off with another woman when he was twelve, his mom worked around the clock, trying to care for Coop and his younger sister, but she was left with very little money and a whole lot of resentment. According to him, she was a bitter woman for many years. He was a good kid, always taking on odd jobs to help out. Paper route, shoveling driveways in the winter, cutting lawns in the summer... You name it. But no matter what he did, there was never enough money and never enough smiles on his mother’s face.”
“Yikes,” Tess said with a grimace.
“I know.” I took a big forkful of my pancakes and shoveled it into my mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
It was hard to believe that Marjorie, the woman whom I had grown to love, was the same woman Cooper had described whenever he recounted his childhood. Whatever she had morphed into during Cooper’s youth, she had morphed out of by the time I came along. She was loving and very proud of her children, and the feeling was mutual. Cooper truly believed that his mother did the best she could as a single parent with zero career skills and a broken heart.
“Anyway,” I paused to sip my coffee, “I guess being abandoned by his dad, growing up poor, and not receiving any appreciation or love from his mom during his formative years, left quite the mark. Still, Cooper rose above it. He became Mr. Successful. Self-made.” I sat up straighter, aware of the pride in my voice, but I couldn’t help it. I was proud.
I leaned forward and stared into Tess’s doe eyes. “I loved his vulnerable side. I saw the little boy in him, the one who just wanted to make his mommy proud.” I paused to swallow, tears pricking my eyes. “I felt really lucky to land the wounded bird. He chose me.” I pressed my hands into my chest for emphasis, simultaneously trying to suffocate the emotion threatening to pour out. “I was never anyone’s plan A before.”
“What?” Tess curled her upper lip, exposing her ultra white front teeth. “Are you kidding me?”
“Um, why are you looking at me like I have a penis coming out of my forehead? Or food all over my face?” I took my napkin off of my lap and wiped my lips, folding the napkin in half and resting it on the table.
“Why wouldn’t you be someone’s plan A?”
I drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Missy, you turn more heads than anyone I know.” Tess rolled her eyes as her cheeks turned pink.
“I may look like I have it all to you,” I continued. We locked eyes and began to laugh. “Okay, maybe not now,” I said, wiping my eyes, “but in all seriousness, I was never exactly Ms. Popular with the boys. Glasses, braces, bad hair.” I tugged on my air-dried hair and snickered. “Shocker, right?”
Tess leaned over and slapped my hand.
“No kiss until sixteen,” I continued. “No date for prom...” I trailed off and made a sucking sound with my tongue, feeling sorry for myself.
“I’ll never forget a party at my friend Tracey’s when I was about fourteen. She was one of the cool girls, and we were family friends, so she always included me in everything. Long story short,”—I waved my hand—“we were playing spin the bottle, and Scott Kilogris, my crush of many years, spun the bottle, and it landed on me.”
Tess scraped syrup onto her fork and licked it, her eyes rapt with interest.
“Oh, this is where it gets good.” I made a sinister smile and nodded. “I was so nervous, my legs trembled when I stood up and I could actually hear my heart beating in my ears. Then I heard him say to one of the guys, ‘I am NOT kissing Lucy Banks.’ I stood there grinning like a fool, trying to be the girl with the sense of humor, but I wanted to disappear into the floor. My fake smile shook. Everyone was chanting ‘Go, go, go...’ and one of the cheerleaders actually dragged him to his feet.” The painful memory made me cringe.
“No,” Tess groaned, her hand flying to her mouth.
“Yep.” I took a deep breath and continued. “So, we went into the dark closet, and despite all that drama, I was still excited and braced myself for my first kiss—my monumental moment. Oh, and it most certainly was.”
Tess released her breath and smiled.
“Scott shut the door behind him, turned to me, and whispered, ‘we really don’t have to kiss. Let’s just wait thirty seconds and come out.’”
Tess looked like a little kid who just discovered there was no such thing as Santa Claus.
I paused to sip water, hoping to hide my burning face temporarily behind the glass. I chewed on an ice cube and nodded.
“Yep. Heartbreak number one,” I said, knowingly.
“Wow.” Tess cleared her throat and shook her head.
“At the time it felt like the ultimate. Who knew that years later I would be faced with this gut-wrencher? Which leads me to the point of my humiliating story. The fact that someone who has it all actually chose plain ole Lucy Banks to be his wife, really made me feel like a million bucks.”
“Okay ... totally get what you’re saying, but Aunt Lu, that was like thirty years ago,” Tess said. “Shouldn’t you be a little more secure by now?” she said in a gentle voice.
“First of all, twenty-eight,” I corrected. “But can you at least try to understand what I’m saying? Cooper had sky-high standards. So if he picked me, then wow, I must be something special.”
“You are something special.” Tess hit the table with her hand, making a saucer rattle on the table. She made a grimace and massaged her palm.
“Well, he ditched me, so clearly I’m not.”
At the same time, we both let out exasperated sighs.
“Tessie, you can’t relate to this. You’ve had an easy go at life.”
Tess, who had been taking a sip of orange juice, snorted, causing a little juice to trickle down her chin. “Oh yeah, and that served me well. Now look,” she said, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. “My mom took care of everything for me. ‘Oh, you don’t like your science teacher? I’ll switch classes for you. Having a problem with one of your friends? I’ll talk to her mother.’” Tess looked at me with exasperation. “She even made you take this trip with me.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but she silenced me with her hand.
“I don’t know how to figure it out on my own. I never had to. I can’t get a job, so what do I do? Get depressed. It’s like I can’t handle the fact that I, or my mommy, can’t fix this situation for me. The unknown with me in command has never been part of my life. I have followed all the steps I was supposed to, even as a child. I was a Brownie, then a Girl Scout, played sports in high school, went to the college Mom and Dad wanted me to attend, then to grad school. I did all the things I was supposed to do. All the things I was told to do. Now what? I’m trying, but...�
� She trailed off, looking miserable.
I reached over and covered her hand with my own. “There are no more mapped out turns on our GPS’s of life,” I finished. “It’s like a car GPS. ‘You have reached your final destination,’” I said in a computerized voice, “and are now on your own.’”
“The highway to nowhere,” she muttered.
“Or the parkway to possibilities?” I offered.
Tess took a sip of her coffee, and I absently popped a blueberry into my mouth, sharing a moment of silence with my niece. I had never realized that despite our age difference, how similar we were. One generation apart and we were both kind of in the same place. Two structured women starting over.
“Well, Tess, you’re paving a new route and giving it your all, honey. That’s all you can do. All we can do.”
I playfully slapped the top of her hand. “Hey, here’s something that will make you feel better. Your situation could be worse. You can be forty-two and starting over.” My stomach ached. “Forty-freakin-two and starting over...” I cleared my throat and waved my hands frantically, like I was shaking a heinous picture off of an Etch-a-sketch.
“What happened to ‘parkway to possibilities’?” she demanded dryly.
“Touché. I guess it’s easier to be the one giving the pep talk. Let’s talk happy thoughts. Back to Mark.” I swallowed hard and smiled. “Hopefully he’s a little different than the men we’re used to? Less attitude?”
“Oh yes,” she beamed, eyes shining. “Mark seems to be the other way around. Growing up, his parents made him and his brother give away their birthday gifts to needy children in the area. I mean, c’mon, I know it’s extreme, but it sounds like those values really stayed with him. He’s so down to earth.”
“Well, we’re still going to see him again, right? Paris?”
“Actually, yes.” Tess had an uneasy look on her face.
I raised my eyebrows in question. “Sweetie, that’s a good thing.”
Tales From a Broad Page 5
