Tales From a Broad

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Tales From a Broad Page 9

by Melange Books, LLC


  I was having a great time, and Simon’s obvious care for the other people here—I saw him taking water to an older woman, and he helped the triplets carry the remains of our lunch baskets back up to the house—made me think about what kind of man I really wanted.

  There were probably men out there who wouldn’t make me feel like I was ancient, men who were older than this thirty-two-year-old camp counselor. Men who shared Simon’s belief that a family didn’t have to be biological and that caring for others was the first priority. I’d allowed myself to feel like damaged goods, a failure of a woman, that in the midst of my wallowing I had failed to see something important. Something really important: Not all men were like Cooper.

  With that hope in my heart, I enjoyed the bus ride back, said goodbye to Simon, and collapsed happily into the bathtub at the hotel. As I relaxed in the bubbles, I hoped Tess would be on board with my plan to watch an in-room movie. Until I found that man, a good chick flick would have to fill my void for romance.

  * * * *

  “Aunt Lu?” Tess called from behind the bathroom door. I sat up with a start and looked down at my pruned fingers.

  “Just a sec, Tessie. What time is it? I think I fell asleep.”

  “Six o’clock. Oh my God, I have so much to tell you!”

  “Hang on, I’m coming out.” I couldn’t believe I had been in the tub for an hour. The water had turned cold, and the bubbles had all flattened.

  I stepped out of the claw foot tub and winced when my injured foot hit the floor. “It’s a good thing you came home,” I shouted through the door. I dried my body with the towel. “I could’ve—”

  “You would not believe the day I had,” Tess interrupted. “I met the cutest guy. His name is Pierre. Pierre! How much more French can you get?”

  I threw on a robe and opened the door. I came face-to-face with Tess, who was aglow with excitement. “Well, hello.” I smiled.

  “Bonjour.” Tess beamed back at me. “Then, I ran into Mark who—”

  “Wait.” I held up a finger. “I’m coming out. Start at the beginning.” I ducked back into the bathroom to grab a hairbrush.

  “Okay.” She paused to take a breath. “First I took a bus to Montmartre. You know, that cool area where you and I had planned to go?” Her voice trailed off as she walked towards the beds.

  “I’m sorry I went without you, but I was just dying to check it out. When I left the hotel, there was a bus that happened to be heading...”

  Tess babbled on so fast that in my post-bath haze, I was having trouble keeping up with her. I emerged from the bathroom and watched as she rifled through her backpack.

  “Tess,” I commanded. Her head popped up to look at me. “Slow down. I’m not going anywhere. You sound like you’re about to pass out.”

  “I’m sorry.” She turned her attention back to her bag. “I’ve learned that there’s a big difference between American coffee and French. I’m so caffeinated it’s like whoa!” she exclaimed. “A-ha! There you are.”

  I watched as she extracted a wrinkled dress from her bag. My hopes of watching a movie began to diminish.

  “Oh my God! Aunt Lu, what happened to your foot? You’re limping.”

  “Oh.” I rolled my eyes and took a seat at the desk. “It was nothing. A vineyard casualty.”

  “Ugh.” She furrowed her eyebrows and frowned. “I feel so self-centered. I ripped you out of the tub, didn’t even ask about your day—”

  “I’m fine. We’ll get to that later. You first.” I clapped my hands. I was dying to know who or what had gotten her this excited.

  Tess drew in a breath and smiled. “Okay. Well, I have to say, I felt really independent today. I conquered climbing the steps of Rue Foyatier!” She threw her hands up in victory. “You know, that crazy staircase that takes you up to Sacre Coeur?”

  “Oh yeah,” I said nostalgically. “I actually had a poster of those steps in my college dorm room. Are there really as many steps as there appear to be?”

  “More,” she replied with a face. “Two hundred and thirty-four! When I got to the top, I just had to sit down. I was totally exhausted, but more so, blown away, by the surrounding sights. It was like I’d climbed a staircase to heaven. I’ve seen photographs of those steps for years. Wait till you go. You’ll get goose bumps.”

  I was having a magical moment of my own. It was so nice to see my niece expanding her horizons. At that moment, I was so glad we’d taken the trip together.

  “Now, here’s where things took a turn. I had bought a crepe at this stand back by the hotel. You know, one of those yummy thin pancakes they stuff with Nutella and fruit spread. Mmm! I carried it around for hours and ripped into that bad boy like it was my j-o-b after I finished the steps. When I went to reach into my bag for a napkin, there was nothing there. Some creep must have swiped it, from right under my nose. My wallet was gone!”

  “Wait. You mean to tell me someone took your money? Why didn’t you call me? We have to call the bank.” My mind immediately went into protective overdrive. Morgan would kill me if Tess lost money, or worse, had her identity stolen on this trip.

  “It wasn’t so bad. You have all of my credit cards,” Tess reminded me in an accusatory tone.

  “Oh. Right,” I said with a grimace. On our way out the night before in Amsterdam, she had wanted to leave her credit cards in the hostel. I had insisted on holding them for her and forgotten to give them back.

  “Well, I guess it worked out for the best, didn’t it? Maybe you’ll remember that next time you question your older and wiser aunt’s decisions,” I teased and sighed in relief that I wasn’t going to have to tell my older-but-never-wiser sister I had put her daughter’s financial future in jeopardy.

  “Don’t be. Talk about a happy accident ... Anyway, I went from floating to freaking. How would I find my way back to the hotel without speaking any French? My map was totally gone.”

  “So, what did you do?” My heart was in my throat. I had to remind myself she was fine. After all, she was sitting right in front of me telling the story.

  “What did I do? I planned to take the Montmartre Funicular back down, but without any money, I had to drag my sorry ass back down the 234 steps. By the time I got to the bottom, I probably looked like a sweaty beggar as I walked past the cafés, searching for a friendly face. I felt someone staring at me and looked to my right where I locked eyes with a very attractive man. We’re talking Chace Crawford handsome.”

  “Who?”

  Tess paused for a moment and looked at me in disbelief. “We’ll get to that later. Anyway, the guy was leaning against the wall of a café, and I knew right then and there I’d discovered the hottest piece of French bread in all of Paris. So, I walked right up to him.” With that, Tess covered her mouth in mock horror.

  I laughed out loud. “Only you.” I shook my head. “Did he work there?”

  “Yes. He had the whole black pants, black shirt thing going on, the red apron tied around his waist—in fact, he actually wiped his hands on it. I think I made his hands sweat,” she said in amazement. Tess stood up and I couldn’t help but notice how awesome her legs looked in the jean shorts she was wearing.

  “Gee, you think?” I said.

  A blush crept across her face. “I told him I was lost and asked if I could trouble him for a glass of water. That’s when he led me into the café. He disappeared behind the counter and held up two bottles. ‘You like sparkling or flat?’ he said in a very sexy French accent. This is where I almost had a panic attack. Aunt Lu, I had no money!”

  “What did you say?” I cringed.

  Tess walked off towards the closet. “I told him that I had no money and was hoping for tap. He looked so confused. It may have seriously been the most humiliating moment of my life. He had no clue what I was talking about. I had to point to the sink.”

  I watched her take the ironing board from the closet and wondered if I would have to put on a dress tonight, too. She plugged the iron into the wall a
nd plopped on her bed.

  “Then he was actually relieved. He thought I wanted him to do a dance!” Tess laughed. She folded her legs into a cross-legged position and hugged a pillow on her lap.

  “He practically threw the two bottles at me. Then, oh my God, you’re not going to believe this one.” Tess buried her head into the pillow and giggled.

  I was really enjoying her little show and sat on the edge of the bed for more.

  “He went over to his tip cup and pulled money from it. Aunt Lu, it was as if I were watching a train wreck. He set the money down and proceeded to fill a bag with baguettes. He truly thought I was a homeless woman.”

  Tess and I both started to laugh simultaneously.

  “Nooooo!” I yelled.

  “YES. At that point, I was hanging over the counter, basically contorting my body into a pretzel, just so I could have him see me through the bread displays. I pretty much had to shout, ‘I’m not looking for money ... or food!’ I told him that I just needed directions to get back to our hotel. When I said ‘Le Palais,’ he was all like, ‘Tres fancy. Clearly you don’t need my little tips,’” Tess said in her best French impersonation.

  “He was joking, but as he stuffed the money back into the jar, he kind of looked ashamed. I told him how the hotel was a gift from you and we were just taking a break from hostelling.”

  I looked at Tess and sighed. I affectionately caressed the hotel’s plush robe. “I’d like to think we are taking more than just a break. Once you go hotel, you never go back.”

  “This is pretty nice,” Tess nodded. “Anyway, he asked me to go out tonight. See the city as a local. He’s picking me up in an hour.” She began to twirl her hair, a nervous habit she’d had ever since she was a little girl. “Is that okay?”

  What was I supposed to say? I knew Morgan would kill me if anything happened to her, but I also couldn’t tell a twenty-four-year-old what to do. “Well, do you think he’s normal? I hate the thought of you out with some random French guy. What do we know about him?”

  “Nothing,” Tess admitted.

  I massaged my temples. “Oh, that’s reassuring.”

  “But his dad owns the café, so you’ll know where to find him if anything happens to me,” she offered. She got off the bed and walked back towards the ironing board.

  “Tess! Don’t even say that. Promise me you will stay in public places.” My voice sounded just like Morgan’s.

  “I promise.”

  “Remember, you don’t owe him anything.”

  “I know,” she sang. “My mom would say the same thing.” She picked up the iron.

  “Now, what happened with Mark? You mentioned his name before.”

  “Oh. This is where I question if I’m doing the right thing by going out on the date. I ran into him on my way back to the hotel. He had gone sightseeing with Chaz, but apparently Chaz wanted to stay behind at Pere Lachaise Cemetery. Seems he wanted to spend the day mourning the loss of Jim Morrison.” She rolled his eyes. “You know, since they were so close and all.”

  I bit my lip to keep from laughing. That Chaz was something else.

  “We ended up walking around, and Mark totally opened up about his relationship. Lately, things haven’t been working out so well, and they’re at a major crossroads, too. Jen, that’s her name,” she said with her nose crunched, “wants to meet up with him at some point on this trip, but he’s not sure he even wants that.”

  “Interesting.” I made a mental note to ask Simon about their situation the next time we bumped into each other.

  “He actually asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him tonight too. I kind of wanted to cancel on Pierre, but I felt bad, especially after he had been so nice to me. I told him I had a date with a guy I had met earlier.”

  “Good girl.” I nodded in approval.

  “He seemed kind of surprised, but was pretty cool about it. Do you really think I did the right thing? I mean, Mark does have a girlfriend who might be meeting up with him, for God’s sake. I don’t need to date anyone who’s confused, even if he’s totally awesome, right? Ugh.” All of a sudden Tess looked absolutely tortured.

  “Right. Mark is a great guy, but I don’t want you to fall for someone who has a girlfriend. Nor do I want you to fall for a Frenchman and move to Paris. Your mother would kill me.”

  I remembered the conversation we had the day before in the Amsterdam diner and clenched my fists. “Just have fun tonight,” I said with authority. “Remember, we’re here for new experiences.”

  “Aunt Lu, why am I suddenly attracted to multiple men? This is so unlike me.”

  “And it’s like me to encourage you to date a stranger?” I laughed. “Enjoy it. You’ve been in a relationship for a long time. It’s totally normal,” I reassured. “I wish I had your problems.”

  Tess frowned. “Do you mind that I’m going? I feel bad leaving you alone.”

  “Don’t be silly! I was only joking. Do I look like I’m in any rush to part with this robe?”

  Tess looked me up and down and smiled. “No. You did change out of the robe today, right? It’s pretty much all I’ve seen you wear since we’ve come to Paris.”

  “Yes, and it was hell getting out of it.” I nestled my cheek against the soft fabric. “I didn’t think it would go over so well at the vineyard.”

  “Speaking of that, tell me about your day. What was it like to be a grape picker?”

  “Draining and staining.” I wiggled my purple-stained fingers and then pointed towards the bathroom. “Go get ready. I’ll fill you in on my day later.”

  Tess smiled in anticipation. “You’re the best, Aunt Lu!” She skipped off to take a shower.

  The water turned on as I sat back and kicked my feet onto the bed. A feeling of contentment washed over me, something I hadn’t felt in a really long time. I didn’t have my usual feeling of doom and gloom.

  I looked forward to living vicariously through Tess that night, but since she wouldn’t be home for hours, I needed to pick someone else’s adventures to live through. I picked up the remote and scrolled through the in-room movie selections. I decided I was finally in the mood for a little romance.

  Chapter Six

  The Eiffel Tower and a bottle of red. Feeling oh-so-French!

  Facebook Status June 9 at 8:00pm

  I picked my phone off the nightstand and sent Tess a text.

  How r things?

  She responded immediately.

  Just buckling up on a scooter. Imagine me, cruising on the back of a Vespa!

  My reply:

  Remember—safety first & hair second. Wear a helmet!

  I felt bad for checking up on her, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to her.

  I placed my phone on the nightstand next to the bed and couldn’t help but feel a stab of envy. I could just picture Tess, riding off into the sunset, her long hair flowing out from beneath the helmet that I prayed to God she’d worn. Blessed with perfect tresses, Tess wasn’t one to obsess about her hair, so hopefully tonight would be no exception. Besides, she had looked beautiful enough for a little hair flattening to go unnoticed.

  She’d been so excited for her date. When the clock struck seven, she had pretty much skipped to the door.

  “I feel like Cinderella going to the ball. Are you sure I look okay?”

  “Honey, you look more than okay.” I smiled.

  Together, we had pieced together the perfect date night outfit for a Saturday dinner in Paris. She wore an off-white strapless cotton eyelet dress, my new Burberry sandals, and a handful of gold bangles she’d bought this afternoon, before she’d lost her wallet.

  Tess raised her shoulders and smiled. “Well, here goes. Don’t wait up.”

  She walked past the dresser and did a double take when she spotted a long gold chain hanging from a knob on one of the drawers. She gently took it off, and I watched her unhook the clasp, and wrap the chain around her waist.

  “Oh, I’m wa
iting up, alright.” I cast aside the magazine sitting on my lap. “How could I sleep knowing you are out God knows where with God knows who?” Up until then I’d been playing it cool, but I could no longer hide the concern that had slowly crept up on me.

  “Aunt Lu, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

  I looked at her makeshift belt and nodded. “Nice.”

  “Merci.” Tess curtsied and put her hand on the doorknob.

  “Wait, just a minute.” I sat up in bed with a start and readjusted my robe. “Where are you going?” I sounded like the wicked stepmother.

  “Um, to meet Pierre,” she said in a condescending tone. I almost expected her to follow her words with a loud, “Duh!”

  “He’s not coming to the room? What kind of gentleman is that?” I hated him already.

  “What kind of lady has a stranger pick her up in her hotel room?” Tess crossed her arms like a defiant teenager.

  She had a point. I couldn’t argue that one.

  “Besides, he is coming to pick me up. We’re meeting down in the lobby.”

  Okay, so maybe he was a gentleman, but I still wasn’t completely satisfied. It looked as if I had no choice.

  “Well, then I’m coming with you.” I swung my legs off the bed. It was time to part with the damn robe.

  “Aunt Lucy, I’m not two. Please.” Tess clasped her hands together and held them in front of her. “What would I say? Uh, Pierre, this is my aunt. She needed to scope you out to make sure you didn’t look like a serial killer?” She looked at me and rolled her eyes. “That’s so embarrassing.”

  “Okay, fine. Then I’ll follow you down to the lobby. Just in case I have to identify him to the police. Please, Tess. Humor me.”

  “Fine,” she groaned. “Promise me you’ll stay far behind.”

  “I promise. Just give me one sec.”

  Tess sighed as I hobbled over to the bathroom. I quickly threw on black leggings and a faded tank top hanging behind the door. Because I’d been washing my clothes somewhat half-assed at a Laundromat, the off-white tank had become more of a very off-white.

 

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