by Iris Parker
“Stop thinking,” Alton urged as he grabbed my chin and angled it up to his lips again. The feeling of his mouth against mine was pure bliss, and I realized with horror that I was enjoying this. That had never been part of the plan—this was supposed to be a mission, not play.
Alton broke the kiss to shake his head. “You’re thinking again. Stop,” he scolded, playfully pinching me with each word he spoke. “Here, let me help,” he muttered, his mouth once again crashing into mine. This time his tongue slid past my lips, and his hands let go of my breasts and trailed down my body towards my hips. They moved slowly, so sensually that I wanted nothing more than to open up to him.
In more ways than one.
If only I could stop this, and explain everything to him. If only he could agree that my plan of action was the correct one.
If only…
But my wishes had already fallen on deaf ears.
This was the only solution.
His tongue curled against mine, sending yet more shockwaves and tremors throughout my body. I could hardly believe that I’d been missing this for years, and now I couldn't imagine going another night without it. Alton felt so good—so right—that I wanted to cry. But instead I pressed closer to him, desperate for more attention and more of his touch. His hands continued down, past my hips now, reaching below me and cupping my ass in his large palms. With a groan he lifted me up, scooting me even closer to him.
“I can’t believe how fucking beautiful you are,” he said, pausing between each word to nibble my lower lip. The praise echoed inside of me, and I swelled with pride.
Encouraged by my reaction, Alton reached between my legs to slowly push away the folds of delicate skin, exploring my curves until he found the burning source of my desire. He ran his fingertip around it gently and let out a low, rough groan. Knowing that I was the cause of his harsh breathing made me shiver so hard that it jolted me up.
“You’re always so tense, but tonight you need to let that go. Tonight I want you to just relax, relax and enjoy yourself,” Alton whispered into my mouth again. My heart was pounding like crazy, making me feel like I was a virgin being seduced by a much more experienced lover.
Which, by the numbers, wasn’t that far off the truth.
I wanted to explain—it had been so long, and I was so keyed up. I was exhausted and worried, but an undeniable part of me wanted this.
And not just because of the plan, I realized. Part of me wanted this for its own sake—part of me would’ve chosen, gladly, to be here with Alton regardless of the circumstances.
I should’ve been horrified, but I was too far gone to care. I embraced the feeling and started to return the favor, my own hand exploring around Alton’s hips. I didn’t have to go very long, or very far, to find what I was looking for.
My target was too big to miss.
Alton’s cock was rock hard and jutting out at me, glorious and so masculine that I wanted to cry in gratitude. Caressing it with my fingers, I could hardly believe that any of this was happening. My head spun with dizziness, reeling with the knowledge that I had been the one to inspire that reaction. I embraced Alton wholeheartedly, all other thoughts burned away in one glorious second.
Only our desire remained.
The rest happened so fast I could barely think, or feel anything other than the kind of unadulterated pleasure you only read about in books. Alton slid his fingers inside of me, stoking the fires of my lust until I felt like I was going to explode. I could never be content with just his fingers, not when there was so much of him to have.
Feeling utterly shameless, I reached out to touch his cock again, but Alton only pushed my hand away. His lips circled around my burning nipples, and I wanted to scream with frustration—I needed him so badly that the next few minutes barely registered. Alton was all over me, touching, stroking, mauling, and above all else teasing. I couldn’t process it, the throbbing emptiness between my legs crying out above all else.
I needed him to fuck me.
When Alton finally positioned himself inside of me, it was only that insane need—the searing lust that had obliterated all thought—that kept me from panicking. It had been so long since a man had ever been there, and Alton was so big. My instincts told me to pull away but I didn’t move, convinced that any amount of pain would be completely worthwhile.
But there wasn’t any pain.
Alton must’ve seen the fear in my eyes, because he made sure to take his time. Kissing me tenderly, he whispered words of comfort as he gently—and with agonizing slowness—pressed himself inside of me. The bulging veins on his neck told me how much he was restraining himself, but I welcomed the gentleness as I struggled to take him in.
I was full.
So, so full.
More than I had been in years, more than I had been in my life. The intense moans of pleasure coming from my mouth seemed so foreign, but nothing I did could’ve stopped them. I buried my face in his neck again, sobbing openly as so many strange sensations overtook my body.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, his voice tender in my ear.
“Never!” I yelled, my voice uneven as I struggled to breathe. “I’ll never forgive you if you stop now,” I said, my fingernails curling into his back as I clutched him against me with all my strength.
Alton nodded, my words encouraging him to plow into me a little faster, a little harder. His movements were slow and deliberate, still showing a restraint that I was incredibly grateful for—even as I also wished he’d throw caution to the wind, taking me with his full strength.
“It’s all right,” Alton cooed in my ear. “Everything is all right.”
And it really was.
Reality around me was blurring as I came further unglued, the two of us drifting closer to letting go. The pleasure was so intense, so unfettered, that I barely knew how to process it. It continued for a long time, and yet not long enough—eternity wouldn’t have been long enough, because I never wanted this to end.
And then Alton moved just a tiny bit, shifting my weight almost imperceptibly. Suddenly he was entering me from a different angle, and somehow everything increased tenfold.
Lost in a haze, I could feel it building quickly. This wasn’t the slow, sensual burn I was used to, it was coming fast and hard. After what seemed like only a few seconds, the sensation peaked I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The orgasm ripped through my body in an instant, an inhuman groan of pleasure escaping my throat.
I was lost to the entire world, unable to focus on anything else except Alton—who was making a similar deep, guttural noise as he groaned his release. His eyes were shut tight, his body trembling with convulsions. I could feel him spasm again and again, until finally he fell on me in total, perfect exhaustion.
Chapter Four
Alton
I rubbed the back of my neck and for a second felt a strange kind of comfort I didn't think I was entitled to anymore. I wished I could close my eyes for a moment. Not even a break, just a short pause. Enough time to collect myself and will away the feelings of dread and despair that had been clawing at my chest ever since I walked into the Boston's Children's Hospital.
But I couldn’t, of course.
Not while I was here, anyway.
I’d always liked giving back to the community. Donations, soup kitchens, even that damn yearly bachelor auction—I’d always believed I was doing enough, and that I could take it all. It gave me hope that I could somehow help people, to improve their lives even if only for a few hours. It wasn’t much, but it had made all the difference in the world to me back when I needed to know that somebody still cared.
But today, all of that just felt meaningless. I hadn’t been even remotely prepared for this trip, no matter how much I’d believed I could handle it. John had tried to warn me, but he’d also pushed hard for me to go. I was one of the oldest bachelors on the team, he’d argued, and as such probably one of the guys best prepared to deal with it.
Not so much, as
it turned out. The truth was that nobody on the team was prepared to visit a children’s unit. Up until now it’d been Dominick who visited every year, always stable and able to keep his cool. But that wasn’t going to work anymore, not since the man had recently become a father himself.
And so the duty had fallen to me. And it was hitting me like a ton of bricks.
I looked at the sick girl in the bed across from me, her parents anxiously wringing their hands as I tried hard to keep my face as neutral as possible. They had enough problems to deal with, and they didn’t need to deal with watching a grown-ass man cry for their sake.
Especially a grown-ass man who’d been sent to cheer them up.
Never again, I swore to myself as my heart sunk in my chest. But I already knew that was a lie—the small glimmer of happiness in the girl’s eyes as she saw me enter her bedroom with a large mascot of the Bruins in my arms and a couple of the team's signed jerseys had been enough to convince me that I’d be back next year.
If not sooner.
So instead of trying to run and hide, I shook hands with the parents and tried not to notice how damned tired they both looked. They at least seemed happy to see me, or maybe they were just relieved to have a distraction.
“Thank you so much, Mr. Greene,” the father said as my visit was winding down. “You have no idea how much this meant to us.”
I nodded, wishing I could do more.
“Please keep me updated about Kylie’s recovery,” I asked them, not sure of the best way to talk about the child’s grave illness. Was an optimistic tone rude, or welcome? I was at a loss, and hurting for everyone I’d met today. These people were so desperate that they took my visit here as a godsend. I was far from it—just a lucky bastard who’d managed to turn his circumstances into something livable—something they hadn’t been given, unfortunately. As much as I wanted to believe I’d somehow made a difference, the emptiness and sadness in their eyes said a lot about how helpless they really felt. I couldn’t even imagine having to watch someone you love just wasting away.
John squeezed my arm, silently reminding me that we had a schedule to keep. I said goodbye to Kylie and her parents before following him back out into the hallway. A couple of nurses hovered just outside the door—waiting for us to leave, I guessed. Before entering Kylie’s room, they thanked us for the visit with warm smiles and friendly pats on the back. I just muttered something about how they were the real heroes, hoping that the truth didn’t sound cliché.
“We have one more thing to do,” John whispered and I braced myself for the emotional onslaught that was sure to come. “But nothing as hard as what we just did,” he assured me, but I wasn’t convinced. Deep down I knew that I’d only feel better once I was back home with a six-pack of the strongest beer I had, and even then I wasn’t sure it’d help. The pained, sunken eyes of everyone I’d met today would stay with me a long time, I knew.
We walked down a long corridor while John explained that I'd be seeing the head of the oncology department for a photo op with a few journalists.
Journalists. I barely suppressed a groan. How much more could I take today? It had been five months since I last saw Jessie, but the word still hit me straight in the chest. It felt like karmic retribution that the first time I’d actually cared about a woman, she had been the one to insist on just one weekend.
Or at least I assume that was why she’d disappeared. I didn’t actually know, because we never got to have that conversation. She’d simply vanished with no explanation, leaving me as in the dark today as I had been half a year ago.
Now all I could do was try to forget about her, but that wasn’t working. Everything about her, from the smell of her hair to our weekend in Atlantic City, was etched into my brain. Sometimes I wondered if I’d run into her at a press event, but for all I knew she didn’t even work at WBSX anymore. She certainly hadn’t made any appearances on the news, even after I’d begun watching it regularly.
I wasn’t proud of the way I’d reacted, like some damn desperate fool who couldn’t take a hint. I’d kept calling for weeks afterwards, convinced that there must’ve been some kind of misunderstanding. But as that excuse wore thin I’d started to worry that something had happened to her, that maybe she was sick or hurt and nobody knew to tell me. Even I could recognize I’d crossed the line when I called the station to ask, but at least they’d been able to tell me that she was alive and healthy.
Just not interested in talking to me, apparently.
I needed to give up and forget about her, but that was easier said than done. Especially when I still had to deal with journalists all the damn time. The lack of closure made it hard to move on; the chance that we’d eventually run into each other again made it downright impossible.
Would today be the day? There wasn’t anything to investigate going on here, so that seemed unlikely. But that didn’t stop me from remembering everything about her, from the way her skin smelled like spring flowers to the taste of her lips. Or the way her smile had changed when we finally spent the night together, glowing with clear happiness and contentment as she fell asleep nestled in my arms.
Dammit. It had been the most rewarding two days of my adult life. Any time I drove my bike now I still could feel the imprint of her body leaning against my back, her arms wrapped around me as we rode back to Boston in the late hours of Sunday night.
But when I’d called Monday morning to suggest coffee and a few more hours together, there had been nothing. No answer, no explanation, not even a reminder that our weekend in Atlantic City was always going to be a one-time thing.
Just nothing.
And so my heart had broken for the first time in my life. I pressed my finger and thumb on my eyebrows, a smile of resignation on my lips. Everything about the situation sucked, but at the same time, it wasn’t quite the feeling of despair I’d always imagined that heartbreak would be. I was still an adult in charge of my own life, and I didn’t have to grapple with an abusive dad or any of the other shit I’d gone through when I was young.
In fact, in a weird way, I was almost glad this had happened. My memories of Atlantic City were tinged with pain, but I wouldn’t have given them up for anything. They didn’t exactly make me happy, but I could remember what the happiness had felt like. And maybe that was enough to justify the pain that had followed.
In short, I was surviving—a lesson I could only learn thanks to Jessie and her fickleness.
John and I were quiet as we walked down the hall to our next appointment. The head of pediatric oncology was waiting for us in his office, an older man who looked to be in his sixties. There were three reporters in the room, but none of them were the woman I’d been hoping to see.
The journalists left after just a short photo session and an even shorter interview. John, Dr. Flint, and I stuck around a bit longer, getting some coffee from a machine in the corner of the office.
“Thank you so much for everything you’ve done here today,” the doctor said with a warm smile. “I don’t have very much time to talk, but I want you to know that the hospital really does appreciate the Bruins sending someone here every year. A lot of patients are fans, you know.”
I nodded, unsure of how to feel about so many sick kids looking up to me.
“And the articles are good publicity. We usually get a surge of donations after the stories run. We really appreciate it,” he continued, wincing as he looked at his watch. “I do wish we had more time to chat.”
“Long day ahead?” I asked, but my question was answered as a secretary entered to remind the doctor that three different appointments were all waiting to see him.
Taking the hint, John and I excused ourselves after wishing Dr. Flint good luck. As soon as we left the office, the secretary who’d interrupted motioned to me apologetically.
“I'm so sorry, Mr. Greene, but would you mind signing an autograph for me? It would mean the world to my nephew,” she explained.
I followed the woman to the recep
tion desk, a small space sitting next to a window that overlooked Dr. Flint’s private waiting area. As she’d said, two pairs of parents were sitting at opposite ends of the room, while I just barely caught a glimpse of a third woman as she was called back to meet with the doctor.
But just barely catching a glimpse was enough.
Hell, just barely catching a glimpse in a crowd of a million would’ve been enough. I would’ve recognized her anywhere within the span of a heartbeat—and damn my heart was suddenly beating. Strong and erratic, all over the place, just like my thoughts. I practically gave myself whiplash as I jerked my head back to try and get a better look, but I already knew perfectly well who I’d just seen.
Jessie Wilson.
The shock began to set in further, and everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that. My feet were glued to the floor, and my eyes were definitely glued to Jessie.
“My nephew is going to be so excited when he hears I met Alton Greene!” the secretary said.
Jessie froze at the sound of my name. After a moment that felt like an agonizing hour, she began to turn around slowly.
She looked tired and exhausted, her skin ashen. Her eyes were red and almost lifeless, except for the look of shock that mirrored my own. Neither of us spoke for a few seconds, and Jessie’s shock melted into fear as she began trembling. Crossing her arms over her chest as if to hug herself, she began to subtly shake her head back and forth.
I wanted to say something but no sound came out of my mouth. It was only after a long, awkward pause that my eyes finally caught sight of the rest of her—a body that looked very different from the one I remembered.
Particularly the massive bump on her belly.
