"Claud, I never had any siblings and you're the closest thing that I have to a sister and I wouldn't have been anywhere else but right here by your side." I nodded at her and mouthed 'thank you' because I knew if I tried to talk I would break down and she didn't try to push me.
I watched her leave and silently thanked God for sending me such an amazing friend that she has been to me ever since we met. One of these days I'm going to have to introduce her to Olivia because I think they'll both really hit it off because they both have the same sweet nature about them and they are both like sisters to me.
Derek came into my room and he seemed hesitant at first which was when I finally broke down. He rushed over to me and crawled into the bed with me and just held me while I mourned the loss of my son. Not in death but in the heartbreak of knowing that I couldn’t provide a family for him in the way that he deserved. No one will ever be able to fill the aching black hole that has been left in my heart and I made a vow, right then and there, to never make a mistake as disastrous as this again.
CHAPTER ONE
2013
I woke up to the aroma of coffee which had me stretching out in my king sized bed, as I was getting rid of the kinks in my joints out from sleeping so hard. I rose up in the bed as soon as I smelled coffee. Oh my God! I reach for my cell phone to dial 911 because my automatic response is that someone broke in while I was asleep. What kind of burglar would break in and make coffee though? My heart skipped a beat and I knew immediately who it was.
Caleb! He’s back! He wasn’t supposed to have come in from his flight until tonight. I hurried up and threw on my robe to go say hello. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him these past 3 months while he was in Africa until it had gotten closer to him coming back home.
I ran into the living room and stopped in my tracks. There he was, with his 6’4” blonde headed Greek God body. He had his back to me and was leaning against the counter by the coffee pot with 2 cups sitting out waiting for the coffee to finish. He must have felt me staring at him because he turned around and looked over and grinned and nodded at me. I see three days growth of stubble on his face, with tired deep blue eyes that sparkled when he grinned at me with that gorgeous smile of pearly whites. This is a man that is worthy of a queen. Unfortunately that’s never going to be me, because I’m damaged goods, and I could never come close to being worthy of Caleb Kingston.
“Hey there stranger… Long time no see.” He arched his brow at me and shook his head and grinned.
“Really Cru? That’s all I get? A long time no see? After 3 months of not seeing this gorgeous body of mine and that’s the reaction I get from you? Come here you crazy girl and give me a hug.”
Oh God, he does have a gorgeous body and it sucks that it will never be mine. I run up to him and he caught me and twirled me around as I gave him a big kiss on his cheek wanting to do so much more to him than that one little peck. I inhaled his intoxicating scent that was all Caleb because he's always refused to wear cologne and realize one thing. I've even missed his glorious scent and everything else about him. Focus Claudia! Focus!
“I actually missed your ugly face around here so much that I’ve resorted to talking to myself and having conversations with the TV. I’m so glad you’re back; I thought you were getting in tonight? I was going to pick you up, remember?”
He put me down and tenderly kissed me on the forehead and his lips seemed to linger longer than usual and I seemed to have forgotten to breathe for a second. I don't know if it's just me but I believe he may have missed me just as much as I've missed him. He pulled away and sat down on the nearest bar stool, and pulled me between his legs, and put his hands on each hip, giving me goose bumps.
“Well, I lucked out and caught an earlier flight. The guy that took over for me at the orphanage picked up on everything quicker than I thought he would so when the opportunity came up I took it. I got in about a half hour ago and since it was close to your alarm clock going off, I figured I’d surprise you with coffee... And me!” He raised his arms up and pointed at himself with his thumbs and I giggled. There’s that arrogant conceited attitude of his that I’ve missed. “So... What have I missed while I was gone? How are Cash and Olivia and the kids? Have you seen my parents lately? What about Henry and Elizabeth? Are they doing alright? I bet the twins weigh a ton now huh?”
“Caleb! I think I see now where Gideon gets his excitement from, haha... Slow down there Nerd Boy... one question at a time.” I immediately blushed when he winked at me at the mention of me using my nickname for him.
“Oh you have missed me if you’re already calling me Nerd Boy already, Cruella. When are you going to admit it to yourself that that’s your term of endearment for me? Have you gone straight yet?” It sure didn't take him long to remind me of the facade that I have to keep up with now that he's back home. I had to put some space between us at the remembrance of my lie to keep him uninterested in me so I moved away and leaned against the doorway.
“Oh shut up you idiot! People don’t just go straight over night… Geez... What’s wrong with you? If you want me to answer all of your questions, you better fix me a cup of coffee. I think you remember the way that I like it.” He reached up into the cabinet for my French Vanilla coffee creamer that I can’t seem to live without and put the right amount in the cup before adding the coffee. It’s amazing how fast we can get back to our routine of living together again.
I went and sat on the couch as he brought our coffee to the coffee table and he sat at the opposite end. I threw my feet into his lap and he started rubbing them which has always been our morning ritual. I know that it's his way of having a reason to touch me in a non-sexual way and we've always talked about what our plans were for the day during the foot rub. I'm not going to lie though, I’ve missed his foot rubs the most I think because I love it when he touches me and it doesn’t hurt that he’s so damn good at it.
After Olivia and Cash moved in together and Caleb moved back home from Africa it just seemed to be the right thing to do; to have him take Olivia’s old bedroom because I hated living alone after Olivia lived with me for so long. He didn’t want to move back in with his parents’ in his 30's and especially after his mother mentioned turning the basement into his own bachelor pad.
Olivia Kingston, is my best friend that was married to my brother Derek until he and their three kids died in a car crash in which she was driving and was the sole survivor. After they died she moved in with me because she couldn’t handle moving back to her small home town in Kansas where we all grew up. Fate seemed to have a handle somehow in Olivia meeting Cash Kingston, Caleb’s older brother, a year and a half after my brother and niece and nephews died. Cash was a widower himself who was married to my best friend Vanessa that I went to college with, and they had Gideon and Eden together. Cash and Olivia are now married and are raising Gideon and Eden, that Cash had with Vanessa, along with the twins that he had with Olivia; Henry Claude, who’s named after his awesome aunt, me, and Cassidy Carmen Rose. The twins are 8 months old now and I couldn’t be any happier for all of them.
Caleb and I go way back to going to college with Cash and Vanessa. He had a huge crush on me in our college days and followed me around like a lost little puppy dog. After my broken heart and my vow to never fall in love again it was never reciprocated. Due to my previous work place believing that I was gay to avoid getting hit on or going on any dates; Caleb thinks that I’m into women. So here we are, living together in a perfect platonic relationship, full of so many lies and our mutual attraction for each other that we’ve never acted on. I could feel him staring at me and I realized that I still haven't answered all of his questions because I was so lost in thought.
“Where do you want me to start? Cash and Olivia are doing great; they still can’t keep their hands off of each other so I wouldn’t be surprised if she winds up pregnant again. Gideon has grown 2 inches I think since you’ve been gone and is still as mischievous as ever. Eden told me just last w
eek that I’m her favorite aunt so how does that make you feel Nerd Boy?”
“Well seeing as how you’re her only aunt I feel pretty confident that I’m still her favorite uncle so whatever! Haha... Does everything always have to be a competition with you Claud?” He arched his brow at me again and gave me that devilish grin of his.
“Well of course it is! Okay… you’re right. I am her only aunt. Why did you have to ruin it for me because it made me feel ecstatic about that title and now you’ve made me not feel as important. Go back to Africa why don’t ya! We were doing great here without you.” He stopped rubbing my feet and pushed them out of his lap and then stared me down. “Or you could just stay here and continue rubbing my feet, haha... I think they’ve really missed you.” I put my feet back in his lap while he got back to working his magic. I’m not sure if I’ve missed him or just his foot rubs! No... Him... definitely him.
“What about the twins? How are they doing? Are they walking yet?”
“No, they’re not walking yet but they’re definitely crawling everywhere. Well, Cassidy is. Claude on the other hand is just rolling everywhere. He’s still a huge butterball.” He busted out laughing and oh but did I want to kiss that mouth of his. I've even missed his laugh. Get it together Claudia!
“Are you seriously still calling him Claude? His name is Hank… The Tank! Haha... That still drives you crazy doesn’t it? The poor boy is going to be so confused if he’s not already. Cash calls him Hank the Tank... Olivia calls him Hank... His grandpa Henry calls him Henry and you call him Claude. I feel sorry for the poor little guy.” I rolled my eyes at him and continued down the rabbit hole that we go down every time my namesake comes up in every discussion.
“Well I’ve never understood why people can’t ever call you what your name is. Why Olivia couldn’t have just named him Claude Henry so that I could call him Claude instead of Cash calling him ‘Hank the Tank’, I’ll never know. I’ve never understood nick names. I mean come on, let me give you some examples. If someone’s name is James....Why do people call them Jim or Jimmy? How do you get Chuck out of Charles? How do you even get Dick out of Richard?! I mean… Well.... Okay. Now that I think about it every Richard that I’ve known has been Dicks so I guess that does fit.” I look at him and he’s grinning from ear to ear which causes me to shake my head and laugh at how ridiculous I must sound.
“Okay, Okay... Back to the twins... there’s nothing small about ‘Claude’ that’s for sure. I don’t see how he can even sit up because he's THAT big! I can’t wait until you see him... He’s so cute with his little jet black Mohawk that he has, because of the way his hair is growing out, and his eyes keep getting bluer and bluer like yours and Cash’s. Cassidy? She’s such a little delicate doll and is looking even more like Olivia and her hair is getting even blonder and her eyes are such a light blue they look almost crystalized. You’ve got to watch Gideon and Eden interact with them, they are all four so adorable together.” I love those four babies more than anything and would kill anyone that even thought about hurting them. I look up at him and he’s still grinning from ear to ear at what all I had described.
“You know what? You’re going to make a great mother one day. You try to come off as an evil bitch and you try to act like you don’t care about anyone but you’ve really got a heart of gold you know that?” If I was such a great mother I wouldn’t have been reckless and gotten pregnant and given my baby up. But of course he doesn’t know that because the only two people that knew about that are both dead.
“Well… There’s a difference between being an evil bitch and being the kind of person that doesn’t put up with crap from anyone. Me, being a mother, will never be in the cards for me so just drop it okay?” His face softened but I could tell that he wasn't going to let this go any time soon.
“Why drop it? There’s no reason why you can’t have kids one day. Lesbian couples do it all of the time. There are many options for you to have a baby. Adoption, invitro, sperm donation and speaking of sperm donation, I would like to be first in line for that, haha. We can do it the natural way or well, I guess you could use a petri cup but I’m all for implanting the natural way.” I chunked a pillow at him and missed because he ducked out of the way.
“Oh shut up! I don’t want to have any kids and raise them all by myself. Since I never plan on getting serious enough with anyone to share them with then I’ll just spoil Cash and Olivia’s kids rotten and be their favorite aunt. Now that is what I’m great at!” Geez! I’ve got to change the conversation because I do not like it one bit.
“What’s wrong with you this morning? You seem...really… sad. Did I miss something? Are you and what’s her name? Michelle? Chrissy? Christy? Still going out? As far as you raising a child all by yourself? Well... I would help you raise a kid if you are serious about doing it by yourself is the reason you don't want to have any."
“Ugh! Her name was Crystal and no! We quit going out right after you left town. She told me that she wanted to be in a serious relationship and she knew that I wasn’t ready yet so we are no longer talking." I realized what he had said and it took me by surprise. "Wait a minute. Did you just say that you would help me raise a child? Both of us? Together?”
Oh the lies! It’s getting harder and harder to keep up with what all I tell him regarding my fake lesbian relationships. Of course my girlfriends that I have sleep over know what’s going on and of course they think I’m absolutely crazy to not attempt at having just one night with Caleb but whatever. I can’t do it to him or myself because love and happily ever after is not for me. What is he thinking about anyway? Raise a child together? With me?
“Yes! That’s exactly what I said. Together. You and I. Good grief Claudia, you sure don’t know how to pick them do ya? I mean geez? Why would anyone want more than a couple of one night stands? Have a relationship? At our age?? Man! I don’t know about you but I would love nothing more than to just have a different girl every night. I can’t believe you keep picking these girls that want relationships. What is this world coming to?”
I got up off of the couch and headed to my bedroom because now he’s pissed me off. How dare he make fun of me like that! What’s with all of his sarcasm anyway? I had missed him while he was gone and now he’s being flat out rude and disrespectful. Just great! I hear him right behind me which means I’ve got a battle on my hands before the sun has even come up.
“Claud, what exactly is your problem? I was just messing with you. Why are you so sensitive this morning? Usually you can dish it out as well as you take it. Come on. What’s your comeback to my awesome sarcasm?” I turned around and pointed my finger in his face which had him backing up into the wall with a surprised look on his face.
“I missed you, you big jerk and I don’t appreciate you teasing me right off the bat after not seeing you for 3 months! Do you know how lonely I’ve been while you’ve been gone? I've had no one to watch TV with or have dinner with? Yeah, I’ve visited Olivia and the kids and the rest of the family but it hasn’t been the same without you here and as soon as you get here you have to start in on me! SO WHAT if I don’t want to have a relationship with anyone and SO WHAT if I don’t want kids! There’s nothing wrong with my choice. A lot of people choose to not have families and no one gets on their case!! Why does everyone have to pick on me? I’ve about had it up to here!!”
I look up into his gorgeous eyes that are looking back at me, wondering if I’ve lost my mind and all that I want to do is kiss the sarcasm right out of him. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m usually better at hiding how I feel about him. Surely he can’t tell what I want to do to him right this minute.
“I’m so sorry…. I will start watching what I say from now on. I didn’t realize that it offended you so much when I bring up you refusing to have a relationship with anyone. I really didn’t mean to start that conversation anyway because I wanted to talk to you about something else and I hope you’re okay with it.”
I see truth and sincerity
on his face and now I feel bad for chewing him out. I’m the one that has kept up with this charade of lies in acting interested in women to keep him from trying to start a relationship with me. I relaxed my shoulders and tried to loosen up from my crazy mad spell and walked over to him and gave him a little hug. He watched me walk over to my bed to sit down as I patted the side next to me for him to sit down as well.
“Okay... I forgive you. So spill it... What did you want to talk to me about?” He warily walked over to the bed and sat down next to me to work up some courage on what he was about to say.
“Well… Do you remember me telling you that I was done with traveling for the missionary? I plan on helping in any way that I can from here of course but no more traveling for me." I patiently waited for him to spit it out and I'm beginning to think that I'm not going to like what he has to say. "So…. I was wondering…. What do you think about me working with you at your new practice? I’m sure you’re going to be busy because of your client list already and I could help you even them out so that you don’t get too overwhelmed and have to work twenty-four seven.”
I had thought about hiring another attorney to help with the slack because I’ve been getting a million calls a day and have been turning people away but I never in a million years thought about him working with me. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself because he does have his law degree. Could we handle being around each other that much? Can we work together day in and day out and come home to the same house every night without biting each other’s heads off? I haven’t even had a chance to hire a secretary because I’ve been too busy with my clients and was going to start interviewing them this morning. We do get along rather well even amidst our crazy arguments that end up being over as soon as they start so maybe this is the answer to my prayers.
“You know what? I think it’s a great idea but on one condition.” He smiled and arched his eyebrows at me because I’m sure that he’s thinking my one condition is going to be crazy.
Found by Love Page 2
