Your hormones are out of whack, I chided myself. He’s still the same Mal he was before—playboy and brother to the witch who married Grayson.
Now why did I have to go and do that? I was ruining a perfectly good moment between us for no reason at all.
But I had gone there and I forced myself to sit up, a rush of uncertainty falling over me.
“Where are you going?” Mal demanded and I thought I could hear hurt in his voice. “Just lay with me for a few minutes.”
I shook my head, refusing to meet his eyes, lest I fall back into the abyss of grey there. I shouldn’t have succumbed to the moment of weakness, no matter how good it felt. It wasn’t that I regretted it per se—I just wished I’d thought it through a little bit better.
“I’m really tired,” I told him, looking around the room for something to cover my nakedness. I was suddenly embarrassed at being so exposed even though I knew that was ridiculous.
“Blake,” he said, reaching for me but I still didn’t turn. I had located an oversized t-shirt peeking out from under the bed. It wasn’t until I put it on that I realized it was Mal’s.
“Are you angry at me?”
I finally looked at him and shook my head vehemently.
“No,” I told him truthfully. “Of course not.”
He nodded slowly but he didn’t look convinced. I didn’t want him to think he’d somehow coerced me into having sex with him because that wasn’t the case but I also didn’t want him to think that we could do anything like this again.
“I really am tired,” I told him again, lamely. “I should get some sleep.”
He didn’t say anything but he did get up from the bed and manage to find his clothes, all except the t-shirt I was still wearing. I went to take it off but he shook his head.
“Keep it,” he said tightly, zipping up his pants. I couldn’t resist staring at his crotch as he did.
“Something to remember me by, I guess.”
My mouth gaped and I thought about protesting but I realized he was probably right. We’d be graduating in a week. He’d stay at Berkeley and I’d be in San Francisco, working at Hendel Pharmaceuticals. If we saw one another, it would be in Sterling, at Christmas.
“I’ll see you at graduation,” I told him, not wanting to part on a sour note and he nodded but this time it was he who wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Yep.”
He moved toward the door.
“Mal…”
He stopped but his back was still to me.
“Thank you,” I muttered. It sounded so pathetic but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Sure,” he replied and then he was gone but not before I saw the look of disappointment on his face.
I sighed and plopped back onto my bed, unhappy with the way we’d parted but I shook my head and warned myself to be reasonable.
Mal and I could never have a future together, even if all the stars had aligned in our favor. We’d be no better suited for each other than Grayson and Ella. Our siblings had already shown what happened when our families collided. We’d be stupid to go down that road when we already knew exactly what would happen.
8
Mal
A dozen times I picked up the phone to text Blake and twelve times I put it down again. She’d made it clear that we were not pursing what had happened and I wasn’t going to force the issue.
I suppose a part of me was worried that maybe she hadn’t been ready to lose her virginity that night and that in the light of day, she was regretting what had happened. What could I say to her if that was the case?
Still, I couldn’t get her out of my head and the days leading up to grad were filled with more parties and charged excitement, our exams done and nothing but good cheer circulating through the campus, I found myself enveloped in a dark mood.
It didn’t help matters that I knew my family and Blake’s were going to be in California soon and that could not be anything but a recipe for disaster.
I emailed my parents, a long, heartfelt letter which implored them to be on their best behavior when they came.
Their response was predictable—they claimed innocence and expressed only their happiness to see me graduating.
Ella didn’t bother to reply to my email at all and it bothered me. I wondered what was happening between her and Grayson but at the same time, I didn’t want to know. If their relationship was still turbulent, it was apt to put a damper on things when they arrived at Berkeley. It made me feel slightly guilty that I was thinking like that but I was also annoyed that it was something I had to consider.
Why was their marriage mine and Blake’s problem? From childhood we’d been sucked into their drama and it had nothing to do with us. And now, it was directly affecting us, as a couple.
As a couple, I scoffed to myself. Blake and I are not a couple. She made it pretty clear that was a one-time thing.
But why was it a one-time thing? Because of our families or because she still thought I was the same guy I was in high school, even though she never knew me then either?
I couldn’t leave it alone but I also didn’t want to start drama with her so close to graduation.
I vowed to get her alone after we had accepted our diplomas and when we were away from our families. I didn’t want her leaving for San Francisco without clearing the air. She would only be an hour away and we could see each other if she wanted—or not. Either way, I wanted her to leave on a good note, not be soured by her first sexual experience with some guy she thought badly about when she looked back on it.
Blake didn’t bother to text me either but I had long ago learned that she was as stubborn as a mule, a quality that I found both endearing and infuriating as all hell. For all I knew, she was wrestling with the same urge to call me too. Or at least that was the hope.
Graduation day was upon us anyway and I was left to deal with picking up my family at the airport. Grayson and Ella had come on the same flight as my parents and when I met them at the arrival gate, there was a palpable tension in the air. They’d probably been fighting all the way from Sterling.
“Hi honey!” My mom said too brightly, obviously overcompensating for the thickness enshrouding them. “There’s my college grad. We are so proud of you!”
She kissed my cheek and hugged me but I couldn’t help but notice my sister was glowering at me.
“Yeah,” Ella echoed sarcastically. “We are all so proud of you, Malcolm. You are so special graduating from college—or even for going to college at all.”
“Ella,” my dad said warningly and I suddenly understood. They had been on her case about her life choices all the way from Colorado. Jesus Christ. Couldn’t they even give it a rest for one day?
I eyed Grayson who stared at me in his usual stoic way.
“Congrats,” he said without any feeling and I nodded, unsure if I should even acknowledge such a listless greeting.
“Come on, honey. We want to get to the hotel and freshen up before the big event.”
I loaded their suitcases into the back of the Saab as my family piled into the car and I found myself glancing at Grayson when I got into the driver’s seat.
“Uh…should I drop you by Blake’s place?” I asked. I really hadn’t thought the question through and that was evident when everyone in the car looked at me.
“You know where Blake lives?” Grayson asked slowly and I could see that was the pressing question on everyone’s mind.
“Yeah,” I said quickly, avoiding everyone’s gaze as I pulled out of the spot. I hoped my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.
“We’re in the same program. We had group projects together.”
“Oh.”
I’m not sure who said it but again, I was sure it was the collective thought in the car.
“So?” I asked. “Are you going to her place?”
“No,” Ella answered for him. “We’re going to the hotel. Gray can see his sister at graduation.”
“I wouldn’t mind seein
g her before,” Grayson said. Through the rear-view mirror, I saw them look at each other, a slight animus surging between them. My mom sighed and looked out the window of the backseat and my dad gave me a look which I had no idea how to interpret. I could only assume that it was laced with exasperation from playing referee between my sister and her husband.
So much for that long-ass email I’d sent them, hoping they’d keep it together for one day.
“Well can you let me know? Blake lives near campus and the hotel is close to here.”
There was a few seconds of silence and then Grayson spoke.
“I guess I’m going to the hotel,” he muttered, anger in his tone.
She really has him by the balls, I realized and for the very first time, I wondered if I had been wrong about the relationship between Ella and Grayson. Maybe Ella wasn’t just an innocent victim of Grayson’s temper after all.
I pushed the thought out of my head. I’d wasted enough time thinking about those two. That day was about me. Whatever quarrel they were having was going to have to wait.
“So, uh, Grayson, when is your family coming?” I asked politely, more to fill the awkward silence sucking the air from the car than anything. I didn’t really care if Doug and Maggie were going to make it for any reason other than to see Blake’s speech. I was looking forward to it myself.
“No idea,” Grayson said shortly. “Haven’t really talked to them.”
I shot Dad a look and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say he didn’t know but I had a feeling he knew every sordid detail of what was happening between the Mavises and their son.
What has been going on since we’ve been gone? I wondered. Everyone seems ready to explode.
Things hadn’t seemed so bad when I’d been home for Christmas but maybe I’d been too wrapped up in my own affairs to notice. I wished Blake was there to give her two cents on what was happening. I could almost hear her bemused commentary on the matter in my head.
Thankfully, the Marriot appeared before us and I was unloading my passengers at the entrance, happy to have them out of my car. I’d been with them for ten minutes and I was already exhausted.
“You know where you’re going for the ceremony?” I asked when they stood on the curb. I spoke to them through the open window of the passenger side, ready to zoom away when I got confirmation that they were set.
“We’ll have a taxi bring us, hon,” Mom assured me. “We’ll be there at noon.”
“Okay. I need to get home and get ready. I’ll see you later?”
“Okay, Mal. We’re so proud of you!” Mom yelled after me but I couldn’t help but notice the look she gave Ella as she did.
I was annoyed when I drove away, realizing that there was so much more at play happening.
Screw this, I decided when I reached my house. I’m texting Blake. Who cares what drama it brings with the fam.
I made my way inside the house and grabbed for my phone. It was three hours until grad. Maybe Blake and I could meet for breakfast.
But as I picked up the phone, I saw that my mom had called several times. The cell had been on silent. I sighed and called her back.
“Hey Mom,” I said. “What’s up?”
In the background, I heard what sounded like sobbing and I tensed. It had to be Ella. The drama never ended.
“Well…” Mom grunted. “It seems like your sister and Grayson have had another fight. Could you come and get him?”
“What?” I demanded. “I’ve got to get ready for grad!”
“I know,” Mom said quickly. “But he doesn’t have Blake’s address and he wants to see her. I think it’s better if those two stay away from each other for a bit.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I snapped. “I’ll give you the address—never mind. I’m coming.”
I realized that it would be my opportunity to speak to Blake face to face if I brought Grayson to her.
“I’m sorry, hon. I know you’ve got a lot going on.”
“It’s fine. Does Blake know he’s coming?”
“I don’t know.” She sounded irritated that I’d asked.
“Forget it. I’ll text her.”
There was a pause.
“Just how close are you and Blake these days?” she asked slowly. I bristled more.
“What difference does it make?” I asked.
“What diff—Malcolm, have you not seen the agony your sister is enduring at the hands of this family? Do you really want to fall into the same trap she did?”
Anger exploded in my veins.
“Blake is nothing like her brother!” I growled. “And I’m not having this discussion with you. Tell Grayson I’m on my way.”
I disconnected the call before she could say anything else and took a minute to steady my nerves.
I called Blake instead of texting but as I had suspected, I got her voicemail. She wasn’t going to take my calls.
She’s going to wish she took this one, I thought grimly.
“Hey it’s Mal. Your brother is in town and he wants to come and see you before the ceremony so I’m picking him up at the hotel and bringing him to you. If you have a problem with that, you can call me or him. If I don’t hear from you, you can expect us in half an hour.”
I moved out the door and got back in my car again but I couldn’t shake the mounting frustration in my blood.
There really was no future for Blake and me, not when our siblings had cast a shadow over us. We didn’t stand a chance together when our families were at odds.
To be fair, we didn’t stand a chance even if our families weren’t at odds. She was leaving in a few days to start her new life. It was only an hour away, San Francisco but it would still be a long-distance relationship, wouldn’t it?
I kept an eye on my phone as I drove, half expecting Blake to call but she didn’t, not even when I picked up Grayson who sat angrily unspeaking all the way back toward the college.
It wasn’t until we were almost at Blake’s house did Grayson finally say something which chilled my blood.
“I hope you’re not seeing my sister,” he grumbled.
I eyed him through my peripheral vision.
“And why is that?” I snapped. I was getting pretty sick of everyone telling me their opinion on me and Blake.
If they spent half the energy on themselves as they did on what Blake and I are doing, they’d probably be a lot happier.
He scoffed.
“Because I wouldn’t wish your family on anyone, least of all my sister.”
I scowled at him, defensiveness striking through me.
“You’re not dating her, are you? I mean, we both know you can’t keep it in your pants, Malcolm but I thought you had a little more class than going after family.”
“She’s not family!” I almost shouted, chills of disgust racing through me. “She’s not!”
“Great,” Gray sighed dejectedly. “You’re banging my sister.”
“I never said that!”
My head was so hot, I thought it might pop clear off my head. Grayson looked at me with his dark eyes, his brow knitting.
“No,” he said slowly. “You didn’t.”
He seemed relieved.
“Blake wouldn’t be that stupid.”
I gritted my teeth and pulled up in front of her house, my knuckles clenched around the steering wheel. I wanted to yell at him that Blake and I were getting married, just to see his expression.
“Thanks for the ride,” he grunted, stepping out of the car and I watched him go, my original plan to go with him to the front door evaporating. He slammed the door and left me staring after him, my pulse racing.
Then, before I could change my mind, I steered the Saab away from Blake’s house. The urge to go inside and see her was overwhelming me.
I had to leave her alone—for both of our sakes. Our families would never give us a minute of peace.
9
Blake
I didn’t receive Mal’s message until after G
rayson was dumped on my front step, shocking me. I hadn’t even been sure my brother was coming for graduation. I knew that things had been bad between him and my parents and I had assumed that animus would spill into my grad.
I wasn’t sure if I was happy to see him or not because he was in a mood when Lisa yelled for me that I had a visitor.
My house was in chaos, even though it was only quarter to ten and we had two hours to get to grad.
I was already showered, using the last of the hot water and I gaped at my brother from the landing.
“Gray!” I cried. “What are you doing here?”
“Not happy to see me?” he asked, barely smiling and I had a familiar knot form in my stomach. I could see he was upset.
“How did you get here? When did you get in?” I asked, hurrying down the steps. “Where’s Ella?”
His face darkened even more and I had my answer.
“Never mind,” I told him, ushering him inside. “Come in the kitchen. There’s coffee on.”
I sat him at the scarred table as my housemates flittered through and greeted us. The excitement was tangible but I found my good spirits slipping away as I studied Grayson’s face.
“Are you dating Malcolm Laurier?” he asked and my shoulders instantly touched my ears.
“What?” I choked. “Who told you that?”
“Are you?”
“Of course not!” I denied and a flash of guilt accompanied the words. So what if I’d been thinking about him nonstop since our tryst the previous week. It had been a one off. It wasn’t going to happen again and I sure as hell wasn’t dating him…no matter how many ways I’d tried to make such a scenario play out in my head. It wasn’t like he’d even texted me once since we’d parted ways. He was in the same headspace as I was.
“Good. That entire family is the devil.”
“Gray, I really need to get ready,” I told him, eager to change the subject. “Can I leave you here while I finish?”
He looked at me, shame coloring his eyes.
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