by Marin Thomas
“Are you always this quiet?” Isi asked.
Beth couldn’t very well tell Mack’s sister-in-law that she was jealous of her or that she’d give anything to trade places with her. “It’s been a long day, and I’m tired.”
“Wait until you have your first baby. Then you’ll really know what tired feels like.”
A squawk from the baby monitor on the counter interrupted them. Isi bolted from her chair. “They’re hungry again.” She offered an apologetic smile and left the kitchen.
The back door opened and Miguel appeared. “Where’s my mom?”
“Upstairs taking care of your sisters.”
He eyed the cookies on the table.
“Would you like one, Miguel?” Beth pushed the plate toward him.
He reached for a cookie but stopped and looked at Beth. “I gotta wash my hands, don’t I?”
“That’s probably a good idea.”
He went into the hall bathroom. While he washed up, Beth poured him a glass of milk.
“Thank you,” he said when he returned to the kitchen and sat down. He shoved half a cookie into his mouth then mumbled, “You can call me Mig.” His eyes strayed to the monitor when one of the babies whimpered.
“What do you think of your new sisters?”
“They stink.”
Beth laughed. “I thought babies smelled sweet and were soft and cuddly.”
“They smell like poop.” Miguel shoved the rest of the cookie in his mouth and swallowed. “You should see my dad’s face when he changes their diapers.”
“What does Bandit think of the babies?”
“He sniffs them a lot, but he’d rather play outside with me and Javi.”
The dog was one hundred percent loyal to the boys. Beth suspected that as the girls grew older, Bandit would pick playing soccer over tea parties.
“What’s Javi up to?” Beth hadn’t seen him since she and Mack had arrived at the farm.
“He’s in the bunkhouse playing poker with Uncle Porter and my dad.” Miguel grabbed a second cookie. “Uncle Porter says Uncle Mack’s never here to play anymore. He’s always at the dude ranch.”
“Oh?” Was Mack choosing to stay at the dude ranch because she never left? Beth worried he was reading too much into their relationship.
And whose fault is that?
“Aunt Beth?”
“Call me Beth, honey.” She didn’t want the boys to get the impression that she and Mack were a couple—at least not long-term.
“Do you like my uncle Mack?”
“Of course I do.” What was there not to like about the cowboy? He was handsome, fun, sexy, hard-working and he loved his family. In her eyes, Mack was darn near perfect.
“Uncle Porter says Uncle Mack’s got the hots for you. What does that mean?”
Ugh. This is exactly why she hadn’t wanted to go with Mack to the farm. Getting too close to his family would make it all the more difficult to move on—to wherever the future took her. “Your Uncle Porter should keep his comments to himself.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind.”
“I know!” Miguel sat up straight in the chair. “It means Uncle Mack’s gonna marry you, right?”
An ache spread through Beth, and she had to swallow twice before she found her voice. “No, honey. Your uncle and I are not getting married. We’re just friends.”
“Hey, Mig.” Mack’s voice drifted through the screen door. Had he been eavesdropping on the porch?
The door opened and Mack’s sober expression answered her question. “Go check on your brother.”
“Javi’s playing cards with—”
“Then go play cards.” Mack scowled. “Now, Mig.”
The boy grabbed two cookies. “They’re for Javi,” he said, scooting out the door.
“Let’s take a walk.”
Beth had known she couldn’t avoid this conversation forever and she was ashamed that she hadn’t been better at resisting the urge to be with Mack. But she’d convinced herself that they were both just having fun and had blocked out the voice in her head that claimed there could never be a long-term commitment between them. Mack held the door open and she stepped onto the porch. He clasped her hand. Funny how his warm grip gave her the courage to do the right thing—break his heart.
As he led her across the yard, she asked, “What happened to Bandit’s doghouse?” There was a chunk of wood missing from the overhang and it listed slightly to the right.
“A bad storm blew through here last summer. The winds picked up the doghouse and slammed it into Conway’s truck.” Mack didn’t offer any details about the incident.
Beth peeked sideways at him when they entered the orchard. The nerve along his jaw pulsed angrily, and a queasy feeling gripped her stomach. This was all her fault. Her first mistake had been waiting for Mack outside the Number 10 Saloon, which led her to going to the El Rancho Motel with him. Her second mistake had been staying at the dude ranch after she discovered Mack worked there. And her third mistake had been accompanying him on the drive to Prescott and spending the night in a hotel with him.
So many mistakes...
He veered left onto a narrow path at the edge of the grove. “Where are we going?”
“To the graveyard.”
Graveyard? Fifty yards in the distance she spotted an iron gate. As they approached the enclosure shaded by a large pecan tree, she counted four markers. “Who’s buried here?”
“My grandparents, mother and Dixie’s daughter.”
Beth gasped. “I didn’t know your sister had had another child.”
“She miscarried a baby girl and named her after our grandmother.” Mack entered the family plot, walked over to his mother’s grave and pulled a weed next to the headstone. He motioned to the far corner of the enclosure. “Lucky’s buried there.”
“A family pet?”
“Grandpa wouldn’t let us have a dog when we were kids and we never understood why until Grandma Ada told us that when Grandpa had been a teenager he accidentally ran over their family dog, Buster. Grandma said he was so heartbroken he never wanted another one.”
“How did Lucky end up here?”
“My brothers and I were hiking in the desert when we spotted the dog. He was skin and bones. We snuck food out of the house for him and made sure he had water, but he kept his distance from the farm.”
“Did you ever get him to go home with you?”
“No. I think Lucky knew our grandfather wouldn’t welcome him.”
“And your grandmother never found out you were feeding a stray?”
“She knew, but she felt bad that Grandpa wouldn’t let us have a pet so she turned a blind eye to what we were doing.”
“Were you ever able to get close to Lucky?”
“Not until he was dying. Johnny found him lying behind the barn, barely alive. That was the first time he’d ever come near the property.”
“That’s sad, but he was fortunate that you made his last days better.”
“We took turns sitting with him until the end. Then we carried him out here and buried him.” Mack smiled. “I remember Grandpa coming into the house for supper one day and mentioning a suspicious-looking mound in the graveyard. When he asked us kids if we knew anything about it, Grandma said she’d planted wildflower seeds to brighten our mother’s grave. We figured then that Grandma knew we’d buried the dog.”
“What did your grandfather say when the wildflowers didn’t appear?”
“Funny thing,” Mack said. “That spring the graveyard was overrun with flowers.” His expression grew serious. “I didn’t bring you out here to talk about Lucky.”
The short reprieve had ended—now she had to face the music.
“Why did you tell Mig t
hat you and I are just friends? You know there’s a lot more going on between us than friendship.”
“Mack, I’m sorry if I led you to believe our relationship was more than...than—”
“What, Beth? A fling? A temporary affair?”
The oxygen seeped from her lungs, leaving her head spinning.
Say it.
If she loved Mack she had to let him go—for his sake. The past few weeks, a tiny part of her heart had begun to believe he might learn to love her enough that he’d be willing to give up fatherhood. Then they’d taken care of the twins the night Isi gave birth and he’d shown her how much he enjoyed his nephews. The way he’d joked with the boys while they took their bath had touched Beth deeply. And Mack never lost his patience with the twins—it was as if his nephews had been as much his sons as his brother’s. It had saddened and hurt Beth to watch him interact with the boys because it reminded her that even if they stayed together, she’d never be able to watch Mack be a father to a child she gave birth to. If there was ever a man meant to have his own children it was Mack. Beth wanted him to have that family, even if it was with someone else. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“I thought you understood.” Oh, God, why was this so hard? “We’ve had a lot of fun together but—”
“I was your rebound guy? You used me to scratch a sexual itch?”
He didn’t have to make what they’d shared sound crude. Eyes burning she fought tears and forced the lie from her mouth. “Yes.”
His eyes sparked with anger then he looked away, clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides.
She hated that she’d hurt him. “I like you, Mack. You’re—”
“Like?” He glared at her. “I feel a lot more than like for you, Beth.”
His words hardened her heart—she had to do this. “I’m leaving Yuma at the end of February.” And in case he was wondering... “Whether I get the job in San José or not.” She couldn’t remain in the area. Her heart would break to pieces if she ran into him and another woman—or worse—him and his child.
“Seriously?” Mack spread his arms wide. “What we shared was nothing more than a fun time?”
She hated that she’d hurt him, but if she told the truth—that she’d fallen in love with him—he’d squeeze past her defenses and claim more of her heart than he’d already stolen. And it would take little effort on his part to convince her to give them a chance. Then when she told him she couldn’t have children, he’d feel sorry for her, and the last thing she wanted was a man staying with her out of pity. No matter how deep Mack’s love for her, eventually he’d change his mind about wanting children, and she was determined to spare them both that kind of pain.
“Mack—”
“Is it because I’m in the band? Are you afraid I’ll stray?” She opened her mouth to deny the charge, but he spoke over her. “I’m done with the band.”
“You can’t quit playing your music. You’re too talented.”
“I don’t need a band to play my music. Besides, all of us are moving on with our lives.” He closed the distance between them and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, his fingers lingering against her cheek.
She savored his closeness, knowing there would be no more gentle caresses from him.
“The ink on your divorce papers wasn’t even dry when we met, but I know what I feel for you. I’ll wait as long as I need to until you’re ready to take the next step with me.”
His declaration broke her heart in half. Why was he making this so difficult? “There isn’t going to be a next step, Mack.”
He released her. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re not listening to me.” If she wasn’t brutal, he would see through her. “I never wanted anything more from you than a temporary affair.”
Mack picked up a rock from the ground and threw it at the trunk of the pecan tree. “I thought you were different. You may not dress like a buckle bunny but you’re as self-centered as one.”
She deserved the insult and a whole lot more. “It’ll be dark soon,” she said. “We’d better return to the dude ranch.” She couldn’t look him in the eye, so she edged past him and walked along the trail by herself.
When Mack entered the yard a few minutes later, he said his goodbyes and acted as if nothing was wrong. They made the ride to the ranch in silence, except when Mack asked if she was hungry. She declined the offer to stop and grab a bite to eat, and when he finally parked in front of the ranch office, she couldn’t escape the confines of the pickup fast enough. Once she entered her cabin, she locked the door—in case Mack decided to plead his case once more.
She fixed herself a cup of tea then flipped on the TV. She’d survive this. She’d survived losing her marriage. Losing her job.
Losing Mack was another one of life’s disappointments she’d survive, too.
Then the tears came—not a few, but a river of grief poured from her eyes.
* * *
“YER AS FULL of venom as a rattlesnake in August,” Hoss said.
Mack ignored the coot and stabbed the pitchfork into the soiled hay, then flung the clump of manure into the wheelbarrow outside Speckles’s stall.
“You gonna keep pretendin’ I ain’t here?”
“Leave me alone, Hoss. I’m pissed as hell, and I don’t want to be messed with.” Two days had passed since Beth had ended their relationship, and he’d yet to make sense of it.
“I’m guessin’ yer meanness has somethin’ to do with Beth leavin’.”
Mack’s lungs froze in the middle of drawing a breath. “She left?”
“She put her luggage in her car and drove off ’bout two hours ago.”
Beth had left without saying goodbye. He might have only been her fling but he deserved a goodbye. “I’ll finish mucking the stalls later.” Mack left the barn and headed to Dave’s office. He didn’t bother to knock. “Hoss said Beth left.”
Dave glanced up from the ledger in front of him. “She took off this morning.”
“Did she say where she was going?”
“She’s got a job interview in San José, and then she’d planned to visit her parents for a day or two.” Dave’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”
He forced himself to ask the next question. “Is she coming back?”
“She didn’t say, but I told her she could stay here as long as she wants.”
Panic swept through Mack because the past forty-eight hours he’d been plagued by memories of Beth, and he swore she cared more about him than she professed to.
Maybe you just can’t let go.
A horn blast drew him to the office window, where he spotted a livestock trailer pulling up to the corral. “The cattle are here.” Forcing Beth to the back of his mind he and Dave headed outside.
“We’re going to split the herd into two groups and put them in separate corrals, then Hoss and I can check them over for injuries before we let them loose to graze,” Mack said.
While Dave spoke with the driver, Mack entered the barn. “Hoss, the cattle are here.”
“I heard the truck.” The old man pulled on his leather gloves and frowned.
“What?”
“Are you in the right frame of mind for workin’ cattle, or do I have to worry ’bout you doin’ somethin’ stupid and gettin’ yer head stomped?”
Mack opened his mouth to spew a lie then changed his mind. He didn’t know if venting would help but it might settle his nerves before he went into a pen full of restless livestock. “Apparently, Beth didn’t view our relationship the way I did.”
“She dumped you, huh?”
Leave it to Hoss to get right to the point. “She said she was only looking for a fling.”
“What were you lookin’ for?”
“At first
the same thing, but then...” After they’d made love, he’d felt a deeper connection to Beth and knew there was more between them than sex.
Hoss cleared his throat. “She don’t seem like a gal who sleeps with every Tom, Dick and Harry.”
Mack hadn’t thought so, either. “She recently divorced and the night I met her she was celebrating her single status. We ended up at a motel, but she left before I woke the next morning.”
“I’m sure she wasn’t the first one-night stand you had.” Hoss pulled a bandanna from his back pocket and tied it around his neck.
“I haven’t had as many one-nighters as you might think. There was something different about Beth that night. She didn’t act like a typical buckle bunny.”
“Must have been plenty surprised to run into her at the ranch.”
That was for sure.
“Is she comin’ back?”
“I don’t know. She’s at a job interview in California.”
“Seems like you still have a chance.”
“To do what?”
“Prove to her that yer more ’n a pretty face.”
The way Beth had made it sound, all that mattered was his pretty face. An image of her snuggled against his side flashed through his brain. He closed his eyes, and her voice echoed in his ears... You make me feel safe, Mack.
If he made her feel safe, why was she running from him?
“Let’s go.” Hoss hobbled out of the barn on his bowed legs.
Once the cattle truck was in position, Mack opened the trailer doors and lowered the ramp. When all fifty head were counted, he entered the corral and smacked his hat against his thigh, encouraging half the group to exit into the adjoining pen. “What do you think?” he asked Dave.
“They look healthy.” The boss nodded to the renegade steer butting his head against rails. “You’ll have to watch that one with the guests.”
“We’ll make sure he behaves or he won’t go along on the drives. You heard anything from Jake? I’ll need his help moving the cattle into the pasture.”
“He hasn’t called. Could be a week or two months before we see him again.”
