by Danica Avet
Stomach twisting with dread, Monk got to his feet and tried ignoring how slack and weak his muscles felt. “What? Of course this was more than sex. This was us getting back together.”
The sparkle in her eyes died and her full, kiss-swollen lips tightened. “There is no us and there definitely won’t be any getting back together.” She straightened and turned to face him, looking completely unlike the woman he’d just made love to on the floor. “This was just us scratching a mutual itch and while it was good, it was only sex. So thank you.”
Monk’s brain scrambled to figure out what she was doing. There had to be another reason for this about-face. He’d apologized to her. Thinking back to the frantic, animalistic coupling, he realized she hadn’t once looked at him with tenderness, the way she used to. She hadn’t said “make love to me”. She’d said “fuck me”. His cock twitched again because the one time they’d been together, he’d tried to get her to tell him what she wanted, but she’d been too shy. Well that’s certainly changed.
“You’re getting back at me for what I did.” It made sense. He’d hurt her a lot worse than he’d intended and she wanted to strike out at him for it. “But you never let me explain—”
“No, I didn’t because it doesn’t matter anymore.” Her voice was cool and collected, the look she sent him just as contained. “And yeah, maybe part of me wanted to have sex with you in some weird sort of revenge, but it was more that I wanted sex and you provided. Is that so hard to understand?”
Anger flaring at her dismissive words, he stepped closer to her. “Yes, it’s fucking hard to understand. Is this all some kind of game you’re playing to make me feel even worse about what I did to you? I hated myself for it, okay? I still fucking do, but I never stopped loving you!” The disbelief on her face caused the dam to break, words pouring out of his mouth without conscious thought. “I was afraid that if we mated, I’d kill our cubs, okay? I was scared of killing the love you had for me.”
She blinked at him and shook her head. “What?”
Monk’s anger deflated just as quickly as it arose. He ran a hand through his hair. “I went home after, well after we made love and I told my dad I was going to mate and marry you. He told me the truth about my mother. She didn’t die of cancer the way he told everyone. She tried killing me when I was a cub and he had her committed to an asylum.” He blew out a hard breath at the incredulous expression on her face, his heart thumping madly. “It’s hereditary, Kitty. Nearly every female on my maternal side either killed, or tried to kill her children. And God, I loved you so fucking much.” His throat tightened, but he forged ahead anyway. “You were everything I wanted, my best friend, my lover, my mate. Everything. And I couldn’t put you through the worry of wondering when I might snap.” He took a step forward, beseeching her with his eyes. “I only wanted what was best for you.”
She shook her head again, her face pale and her eyes wide. Taking that small movement and her expression as rejection, Monk let out a snarl of rage at himself, at her, at everything, and slammed out of the room. She’d gotten exactly what she wanted. He was leaving, but he wasn’t about to let this stop him from claiming her again. She was his and always would be. She just didn’t know it yet.
Chapter Five
“You had sex with Monk?” Daisy asked with wide eyes and a gaping jaw.
Kitty didn’t say a word, her focus on the material she was cutting for Tante Claudette’s mother-of-the-bride gown. In the three days since she’d taken Monk down like a gazelle in Daisy’s old bedroom, Kitty had worked like a demon, her mind finally clear enough to finish most of Daisy’s wedding gown and start on her aunt’s. She almost felt the way she had when she first began designing, the excitement of the concept coming to life in front of her eyes keeping her going. Not that she’d ever stopped enjoying her art, but after several years it became a job. Now though, she couldn’t seem to stop coming up with ideas, designs flowing through her mind.
When her back ached too much from sewing, she’d sit on the front porch and sketch out other concepts she wanted to use in her everyday shifter clothing line. It felt good. Too bad the rest of her felt like shit. Monk’s face when she couldn’t say a word to him about his revelation haunted her. Her shock had known no bounds and she hadn’t been able to speak. It’d hurt and enraged him. She’s seen that clear enough. The scissors flashed as she followed the line she’d marked out, the sharp blades sliding through the silk like butter, freeing her design from the rest of the fabric. If only everything in life could be fixed with a pair of scissors, a few pins and a neat hem.
Because her heart felt ragged after what he’d told her. She didn’t doubt his word. He might have been able to lie to her all those years ago with his actions, but her beast had heard the agony in every word he spoke, the heartbreak. His mother tried to kill him. Her heart bled for the young cub she’d grown up with and the man who carried the burden of his genetics. But she couldn’t make herself seek him out. Not yet. Because while he hurt from his family, she still hurt from him. God, it was a fucking mess.
“How was it?” Daisy suddenly asked, breaking into Kitty’s thoughts.
“How was what?”
The scissors were snatched from her hand. “The sex! God, Kitty, where in the fuck is your brain today? I come over here to see how the dress is coming along and the first thing you tell me is, ‘I fucked Monk Badeaux on the floor of your childhood bedroom. Do you feel traumatized?’ and then go back to doing,” she waved the hand wielding the scissors, causing Kitty to duck, “whatever you’re doing and you don’t expect me to ask you questions?”
Kitty’s cheeks heated at her cousin’s incredulous tone. “If you don’t keep it down, your mama’s going to hear you screeching and come up here,” she whispered as she grabbed the scissors back from Daisy. “And I’m cutting out the pattern to her dress which is a fucking surprise. If you ruin that, I’ll put a big bow on the ass of the gown I’m making you.”
“God, not a bow,” Daisy groaned. “Okay, fine.” Her voice lowered. “How was the sex with Monk? Did you treat him like a dirty, naughty boy?”
This time it was Kitty’s jaw that dropped even as she felt as though her face was on fucking fire. “Daisy Lynn!”
“What? I’m just askin’.”
Kitty slumped in her chair. “It was fucking fantastic. And I didn’t treat him like a dirty, naughty boy. I treated him like a whore.” She groaned and covered her face with her hands. “He was just lying there looking all sexy and sated and…and satisfied, like he finally got his way. So I just had this urge to take him down a notch and I told him it was just sex, then I told him to get out,” she said in a big rush.
It made her feel worse looking back on it now because he’d honestly believed they were getting back together. She was such a bitch.
She peeked through her fingers for Daisy’s reaction. It was exactly what she expected. Daisy’s eyes were wide with shock, her mouth a perfect O of surprise. God, if I shock even Daisy, what did Monk feel like when I did that to him? Guilt, something that had been hanging over her head for days, settled heavier on her shoulders. Her mama had always told her two wrongs don’t make a right and she’d wronged Monk because he’d wronged her.
A groan built up in her throat, but didn’t make it out because strong arms wrapped around her, compressing the air from her lungs. She looked down to see Daisy hugging her, her brown eyes sparking with delight.
“You’re my motherfuckin’ hero, Kitty. Mon cher bon Dieu! What did he say? Did he cry? Please tell me he cried.” She gave another enthusiastic squeeze of her arms. “Well? You’re not going to leave it at that, are you? I need details, bitch.”
“Can’t. Breathe.”
“Oh.” The arms let go and Kitty dragged in a much-needed breath, but Daisy didn’t let her recuperate for long before she grabbed Kitty by the shoulders and shook her. “Tell me fucking everything!”
Kitty slapped away her cousin’s hands, her grizzly a little stronger than
Daisy’s black bear. “What? Why? What does it matter to you what happened?” Because she couldn’t share the heartbreak she’d seen in Monk’s eyes, or the way his face had fallen. It hadn’t brought her any enjoyment, only more confusion and pain.
Daisy pulled back with a frown. “Because he’s an ass. I mean, we talk and everything, but you should see the females in town just about throw their panties at him like he’s Tom Jones or something. Hell, not even Ram gets hit on as much as he does.”
“Because they know you’d kill them if they did,” Kitty said wryly, purposely ignoring the part about Monk.
“This is true, but you, my most wonderful, awesome, man-killer friend, have brought the manwhore down. You should have, I don’t know, made a plaster of his cock and had it framed because as far as I know there isn’t a single female in the parish who hasn’t taken a ride on the cougar and come out the winner. Hell, just this morning I saw Callie Hebert chasing him down Main Street wearing this ridiculous little—” Daisy’s eyes widened and she clamped her mouth closed as though realizing she might have said the wrong thing.
And if her aim was to keep Kitty calm and mellow, her cousin had definitely fucked up because Kitty’s mind could too easily picture Callie’s thin body wrapped around Monk’s the way it had so many years before. This time though, Kitty was hauling around a fully grown grizzly in her soul and this bear wanted blood.
Her bear let out a roar that made the walls of the room shake. Daisy paled, her eyes as big as saucers. Fangs punched out of Kitty’s gums, her claws sliced through the tips of her fingers. She even felt the layers of muscles behind her neck twisting as her bear tried to burst free of her human skin. It wanted to go out and maim the little slut who thought to put her hands on Kitty’s mate.
She fought the change because a grizzly shifting on the second floor of an older home was never really a good idea, but it came anyway. Her clothes, one of her designs, fell away without tearing, but Kitty barely had a chance to enjoy the success of seeing her craft at work. Her bear wanted to snap Callie’s birdlike neck. With the animal guiding her, Kitty stormed out of the bedroom and down the extra-wide stairs.
“Oh shit. Kitty! Stop,” Daisy called out, racing after her. “She didn’t catch him. Damn. Mama, open the front door!”
Kitty’s bear didn’t pay attention to anything but the need to get outside and hunt her mate down. Tante Claudette appeared in the foyer, her eyes wide, but she still flung the door open before Kitty reached it. Then she was outside, her head tilted back as she let loose with a grizzly’s enraged roar.
She was going hunting.
* * * * *
Monk glared at the annoying female sitting across from him. “I was eating alone,” he snarled. “The diner has several other places to sit.”
Callie only laughed, tilting her head back as though he’d told the funniest joke. “Oh, Monk, you’re just a grumpy kitty today, aren’t you?”
Grumpy didn’t even begin to express his frame of mind. He hadn’t seen his mate in the three days since his confession. No one in town had seen her either. Oh sure, Claudette said she was working hard, but Monk had seen Kitty playing Angry Birds. He smiled, wondering if the title of the game should be changed to Angry Bears and the pigs replaced by cats. It would be a hit.
“Now that’s what I like to see,” Callie said with a lilt to her voice. “I’m glad you’re happy to see me because I wanted to talk with you about— Holy shit!”
Monk blinked at his high school one-night mistake to see that her face had paled considerably as she stared at something over his shoulder. Wondering what could have possibly made the annoyingly bold female react that way, Monk looked over his shoulder and beheld his mate lumbering down Main Street, headed straight for the diner.
He leapt out of his chair, heart in his throat. Kitty would never in a million years take to the streets in her bear suit if something wasn’t wrong. Ignoring the squawking coming from Callie and whispers from the other townspeople, Monk hit the door at a dead run, his only thought to get to his mate. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t contacted him since he told her his dark secret. It didn’t matter that he’d been miserable every fucking minute since that day. She needed him and he would be there.
Monk ran forward, meeting her in the middle of Main Street, his gaze flickering over her. He didn’t smell blood, didn’t see any damage to her, which meant she was here on someone else’s behalf. She had to be.
“Kitty-Cat, what’s wrong? Is it—?”
He didn’t get to finish the question because his calm, rational mate wrapped her mouth around his arm, careful to keep her fangs from puncturing his skin and began dragging him down the street. Monk didn’t fight her, not that it would do any good. Kitty outweighed him in her current form and he wasn’t exactly in the mood to lose a limb. Whatever reason she had for coming to get him in town was a good one.
She didn’t take him far, pulling him down one of the side streets, before she guided him down an alley behind Zack Trahan’s bakery, and relative privacy. She released his arm, but didn’t shift right away. No, she backed him against the wall with her size and began to sniff him.
Monk stared in bemusement at the massive head of his mate as she wiggled her snout over the front of his body. It was weird, but even weirder was his body’s reaction to it. His cock hardened and his balls grew tight. He shifted his feet to relieve the pressure on his groin and bit back a moan when Kitty’s snout lowered to that area. He didn’t know what she was looking for, but if she didn’t stop, she’d get more than she bargained for.
Just when he thought he might embarrass himself by coming in his jeans like a teenager, she shifted to her human form. Not that a naked Kitty would help him discover his control. She hadn’t allowed him even the briefest glimpse of her body except for her pussy during their encounter at her aunt’s house. He could paddle her ass for that because Kitty full grown left him with a leaking dick.
“I can smell her on you,” she growled without an ounce of shame at her nudity.
Monk wanted to look her in the face, to find out what was going on, but her breasts had him hypnotized. They swayed with her every breath, the dusky-brown nipples tight from the slightly cool air. His gaze wandered farther south, taking in her indented waist, full hips and the smooth, bare mound of her sex. He licked his lips, the throbbing in his cock magnified by the sight of her nude body.
Fingers snapping in front of his face brought Monk’s gaze back up to stare into a pair of pissed-off dark eyes. “You’re not even listening to me,” Kitty accused, putting her fisted hands on her hips. “You’re something else, Monk Badeaux. You have sex with me and three days later, you’re taking Callie Hebert out to lunch?” Before he could defend himself, she threw up her hands. “I don’t know why I expect better of you. God knows you did the same fucking thing when we were in high school. I…”
But he wasn’t paying attention, again. But this time it was because the movement of her hands drew his attention to her shoulder. Specifically the spot where he’d placed his mating mark. It would have healed over years ago, not even leaving a scar. No one would have known about his marking her, except she’d had the words “Never Again” tattooed in the exact spot his teeth had struck. The letters were thick and heavy, surrounded by a band of barbed wire.
He reached out to touch it, ignoring the way she went still and stopped talking. The marking was smooth, all silky skin, but he still felt something when he touched it. Painful guilt. Kitty had talked about how scary she found tattoos when all of their classmates were getting them. She didn’t like needles and she didn’t like the thought of being permanently marked by something she might hate later. And yet she’d braved the needle to thumb her nose at him and at the whole concept of mating. It was a permanent reminder of what he’d done to her.
Dragging his gaze away from the marking, Monk met her eyes. “It’s good work.”
“I know. A friend of mine did it.”
He nodded, lett
ing his hand fall from her shoulder, his fingertips skidding down her arm in a last caress. For the first time since she shifted to her human form, Monk found it easy to look her right in the face. “You’ll never be able to forgive me, will you?”
Kitty looked away from him, her throat rippling as she swallowed hard. “I don’t know.” She glanced back at him. “I probably would have gone the rest of my life without coming back here and been happy, you know? I didn’t come here to rehash the past or anything, Monk. I wanted it left where it was, but seeing you again,” she shrugged, “it brought a lot of memories back.”
Monk stuffed his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that too.”
To his surprise she snorted. “Don’t give yourself that much credit, cat. Not all of my memories are about you.” She rolled her eyes. “I think being home has shown me that if it hadn’t been for you,” she swallowed hard again, “breaking it off with me like that, I would have stayed here. I would have been happy, I know, but I wouldn’t be designing, which I love. So maybe it wasn’t all for nothing. I don’t know if I can forgive you. What you did was awful, but,” she shrugged, “maybe I can learn to get over it.”
“Just give me a chance, Kitty, that’s all I ask.”
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, the unconscious move making lust zing through Monk again. “Okay,” she said after a few, tense seconds. “But I swear to God, if you go near Callie, I won’t be held responsible for what I do.”
This time it was Monk’s turn to frown. “Callie? She sat down with me, but that’s all.”
Color bloomed in her cheeks and her dark eyes darted away from him. “That’s not how Daisy made it sound,” she muttered under her breath.
Thinking back over Kitty’s run into town in her bear form, the way she’d tried to go after Callie, and the sniff test she’d given him a few moments before, Monk was able to put the pieces together and damn, but it made his heart thump like a damn tympani. She was jealous of Callie. It felt good to know she still cared. The warm and fuzzies faded because he didn’t want her hurt by the stupid bird.
