I leaned in, brushing my lips against the shell of her ear, forcing myself not to press them against her soft, luscious mouth. I wasn’t giving in before she did. I couldn’t let her have the upper hand. She’d had it for too many damn years.
“Let’s get out of here, Lottie,” I whispered, pressing my body into hers. It felt damn good and painful all at once.
Her pulse throbbed as rapidly as mine against my fingers at the base of her neck. I knew everything I was doing was wrong. She was drunk. I would never take advantage of her. But I couldn’t help at least trying to get her to agree I could take her home, so I knew she was safe.
“That’s not a good idea,” she breathed, still fighting against the urge. She’d always been a fighter. Strong as hell and independent as fuck. I loved and hated that about her all at the same time.
“We both know you’re gonna leave anyway, why not fuck each other and get it out of our systems? You still owe me after all. You made me a promise that last night in my truck.”
I knew it was a dick thing to say, even before I felt her flinch from my challenge. But the woman had me fighting to retain control. I couldn’t seem to restrain the anger I’d held onto for so many years.
“Screw you, Tuck.” She pulled away, glaring at me.
I didn’t relent. When she pushed off my chest to step away, I snatched both of her wrists, holding her hands pressed against me. I was going to break down the damn wall she’d built between us.
“That’s what I’m hoping for.” I smirked. “Don’t forget, Lottie, I know your body. I was the first to explore it. The first to memorize it. You can’t hide from me anymore, baby.”
I knew I was pushing her. It was a dangerous game. But I didn’t care. I had one head screaming no, while the other screamed yes. And my hard as hell cock was winning. I was two seconds away from slamming my lips to hers.
“Wow.” She shook her head with disappointment in her eyes, her voice sharp as she took a step away from me, yanking her wrists from my hold. “A cheater. What happened to you, Tucker?”
My jaw ticked as my eyes narrowed with my tensing body, her words a shock to my system. Anger coursed through the blood in my veins like a liquid nitrous.
How the hell could she even ask me that? Let alone accuse me of being a fucking cheater. Is that why she left? She thought I’d cheated on her. It was bullshit. I never touched Abby Taylor that night. I didn’t even bother to give her accusation a response. If she thought for a minute I’d ever cheat on her, she didn’t realize how much I’d loved her.
“You,” I gritted my one-word response through clenched teeth. It was all the explanation she was getting from me. It was more than she ever bothered to give.
I turned my back on her the way she had on me twelve years ago and walked away. Fuck this shit. I ignored every part of me telling me to go back, particularly the one part demanding me to take her up against the wall. I had enough shit to deal with. I wasn’t about to let her work her way back into my life, even for a quick fuck.
I continued my determined stride to the exit, only stopping when guilt wracked my body, halting my progression. Shit. I was a damn asshole. No matter what she’d done, she didn’t deserve how I acted. I threaded my fingers through my hair, guilt shifting to worry. I couldn’t let her drive home. I turned around, changing course, headed to the table she’d been at all night.
When I approached her friends, their chatter fell silent as they all looked up at me. Lottie hadn’t rejoined them yet.
“Tucker,” Billy greeted me with uneasiness in his eyes, his body guarded. I’m sure he thought I was there to beat his ass. I wanted to, but I wouldn’t.
“Are you good, Billy?”
He shifted in his seat, the lump in his throat visible as he swallowed hard. “Sure.”
“To drive, Billy. Are you good to drive?”
His body relaxed as he comprehended what I was asking. “Yeah, man. I can drive. I’ll make sure she gets home safe.”
I nodded once before turning to leave.
I pulled up to the house, shutting off the headlights so they wouldn’t shine through the windows and wake my girl. I rubbed a hand roughly down my face—pissed, frustrated, and more stressed than I was when I first arrived at Dudley’s. I hadn’t been out in months, and the stress of running my own construction business was a daily beating. We were busy as shit. And tonight was supposed to be about me alleviating some stress while hanging out with my buddies.
I let out a heavy sigh, shutting off the ignition. I walked toward the old, small farmhouse, climbing the steps. The door creaked as I slowly opened it, creeping into the dark as quietly as possible. The living room lamp flicked on, scaring the crap out of me.
“What the hell, Grams?” I whisper-yelled at the old woman resting in the recliner next to the lamp. “Why are sitting in the dark?” I rotated, closing and locking the door behind me.
“I wasn’t sitting in the dark. I was sleeping until my grandson decided to sneak in like a burglar.”
“I was trying to be quiet, so I didn’t wake you or Lily.”
“Well, a lotta good that did. You were as loud as a peacock during breeding season.”
I cracked a smile. Grams could always make my bad moods disintegrate like magic. She’d been my rock for years, even before my mother had passed away when I was barely eight.
“You sleeping all night in that recliner?”
“Nah, I’ll make it to my bed eventually.”
I’d offer her some help, but I knew it would only offend her. “All right then. Good night, Grams.” I bent down, giving her a kiss on her weathered cheek.
“Night, Tuck.”
I could feel her eyes on me, and I wondered if she could read my mind like she always had. If she could, she was too tired to force me to talk about it. She knew Lottie was in town. She was the one who’d told me the news. I wouldn’t be surprised if somehow she got word we were both at Dudley’s tonight.
I walked softly down the hall, slowly pushing the door to Lily’s room open. She’d already managed to turn herself sideways in the bed, covers twisted haphazardly, her brown hair splayed across the floral sheet of the mattress.
She was the one good thing in my life. Besides my Grams, of course. I reclosed the door, leaving it cracked open in case she woke in the middle of the night with one of her nightmares. They came less often these days, but I still made sure I could hear her if she cried out.
I made the rest of the trek down the hall to the guest bedroom. The room I’d stayed in many nights growing up when I needed distance from my father. I pulled my shirt over my head, kicking off my boots before falling onto the old, squeaky mattress. I closed my eyes, hoping the alcohol in my body was enough to knock me out sooner than later, so I could evade all thoughts of Lottie.
5
Lottie
Leave it to me to show up with a bitch of a hangover at my own mother’s memorial. Going out last night had been a bad idea in more ways than one. And not because I woke up in the bathtub with a torn shower curtain as a blanket, a tube of tooth paste in one hand, no shirt, no jeans, one heel still on—and no idea how I even managed all of it. Yep. That was not the worst of it.
Not even drunkenly falling apart as Billy drove me home was the worst. I was a blubbering mess as I cried outwardly about the loss of my mother and inwardly how much Tucker Monroe hated me. Then I proceeded to throw up while hanging out the window of his truck. No. That was not the worse part either. Nor was falling out of the truck flat on my ass, forcing Billy to carry me into the house, so I didn’t injure myself on the porch steps again. Definitely not my finest moment but definitely not the worst part of the evening.
What was the worst part of my night? My moment in the hallway with Tucker. It was not only the worst but the best moment of my life. Seeing him, feeling him, smelling him once again had my body reawakening to something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. It scared and thrilled me all at once—mainly because of how badly I want
ed to tell him yes when he propositioned me. I refused to be the other woman, though. I may be a lot of things, but I was not a homewrecker. In that moment, I realized he was no longer the man I once loved. The realization was the worst part of my night.
I had broken him. It was all my fault. I knew my leaving him behind would kill him as much as it killed me. But I never thought it would turn him into a man who’d be willing to cheat on the woman he was with.
Tucker had always been the most loyal and trustworthy human I’d known. But not anymore. Thanks to me. I managed to ruin the last good memory I had of Billingsley. At this rate, I was on the fast track for the title of shittiest person in the world.
Standing in the hallway with him, I couldn’t tell if he wanted or hated me more. But as soon as the last condemning word left his mouth, I had my answer. He definitely hated me more than I ever imagined.
I numbly greeted the visitors as they stopped to offer their condolences. I gave them obligatory forced smiles as they all talked about my mother and their memories of her. I recognized very few faces, but it seemed they all recognized mine.
I was thankful to have Leighton and Billy by my side. They were the only reason I hadn’t fled. Leighton was keeping her arm linked with mine. To an outsider, it appeared as a gesture of comfort and support. But we both knew it was to hold me hostage. I’d turned to run more than once already. I couldn’t help it. I had more flight than fight in me when it came to uncomfortable situations like this.
When the droves of folks slowed, Leighton finally allowed me to step away from the entrance. Needing some caffeine and sustenance to help with my hangover, I headed straight for the refreshment table that had been supplied and set up by the funeral home director.
I kept my head down, not making eye contact with anyone to ensure I wouldn’t be stopped for small talk. My curiosity halted me as I passed by an older group of women, whispering a little too loudly as they huddled with their plates of cheese and crackers—the ring leaders of the town gossip.
“I can’t believe she showed. You know she hadn’t even been home to see her mama in twelve years. Poor Evelyn spent her last dying days all alone.”
“Well, her daddy did the same thing. Packed up and left that girl and her mama when she was still young. That man never was any good. Just like his own daddy.”
“Bless her heart, she’s got those Davis genes.”
My blood boiled, my hands clenching at my sides as I clamped my mouth shut. My feet were rooted in place, before my ‘Davis genes’ kicked in, making me bolt. I spun around, looking for the nearest exit, then darted for it. Leighton called my name as I pushed my way through the crowded room, straight through the emergency door.
My balled fists flew to my chest, clutching my shirt as I fought to breathe. I held back tears of anger forcing their way to the surface. Their words continued to play on repeat in my head. The one voice I recognized as Abby Taylor’s mother ringing the loudest. The woman had every insecurity I ever had rearing its ugly head, making me feel the same way her daughter always had—inferior.
I knew I wasn’t that same self-conscious, young girl, but just being in the town dredged up all the hurt and shame I felt during my years living there. Most of them stemmed from Abby Taylor and her perpetual cruelty toward me. One of the many reasons I left without looking back. Billingsley wasn’t ever going to be big enough for the both of us. And the town was too small and the gossip too widespread for me to ever stay.
The door opened behind me. I didn’t bother looking back. I knew Leighton or Billy would come after me.
“Lottie?”
Okay. Not the person I expected. I hadn’t even realized he’d arrived. I couldn’t deal with another confrontation at the moment. I whipped around, turning my anger on the one person who deserved it the least.
“Not now, Tucker. You’re gonna have to save your verbal lashing for another time. I’ve had about all I can handle for today.”
“That’s not—shit,” he cursed under his breath, raking his fingers through his hair before gripping the back of his neck. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Well, I’m not. You can go now,” I retorted, straightening my back, chin in the air with my hands now clenched back at my sides. I focused on the bite of my nails digging into my palms to distract me from the concern and sympathy in his eyes.
“Lottie.” He took a cautious step forward.
“What, Tucker?” I sneered, standing firm. “Are you here so I can tell you how miserable I am? How much I hate myself for hurting you? For not being here for my mom when she was sick? That my life these last few weeks has been one shitstorm after the next? And I can’t even feel bad for myself, because I deserve every bit of it. Is that what you needed me to say in the hallway last night?”
He was silent, his arms now hanging at his sides as he stared at me with a blank look.
“Leave, Tucker. I don’t need your sympathy. I don’t deserve it.”
I turned my back to him, not able to watch him walk away from me again. “I don’t belong here. I should’ve never came,” I muttered quietly to myself.
“Of course you do. Why would you say that?” Closing the distance between us, I felt the heat of his body where he stopped at my back. “Lottie. Talk to me.” Despite the demanding grit in his voice, my name was more of a plea as he said it.
I relented with a sigh, leaving my back to him. “The gossip squad…I overheard them talking how I was no better than my father, walking out on my mom. And they’re right.”
“No, they aren’t. You belong here more than anyone else. She was your mother, Lottie. She loved you. This is your home.”
“It doesn’t feel like home… Not anymore. I’m not sure I ever had a home.” I dropped my head to stare at my black peep-toe stilettos.
“Home is where you feel safest, Lottie. It doesn’t have to be a physical place. Focus on what makes you feel safe and forget about the rumor mill. They’re nothing but white noise.”
My heart constricted with his words. Tucker was the only one to ever make me feel safe. It wasn’t at my house or anywhere else but his arms. My parents were always too busy fighting over my father’s latest transgression for it to be them. Tucker had always been my home. The one person I could be myself without fear of ridicule. Even now, standing out here with him made me feel safer.
The first time I’d found shelter with Tucker was at the age of nine after I walked in on my dad screwing the nanny. Running to Tucker hadn’t been intentional. His family’s farm neighbored ours. I’d been so stricken with hurt and fear after my dad screamed at me to get out, I hadn’t even realized how far I’d run. My legs carried me to a large pecan tree near the creek on their property. Crumbling into a heap, I cried uncontrollably.
I hadn’t even noticed Tucker was skipping rocks into the water on the other side of the massive tree trunk. I only felt his warm arms wrap around me in comfort, immediately making me feel safe. After that, anytime my parents fought, which was often, I’d seek him out. We’d normally spend our time at the same pecan tree or at his grams’. It didn’t matter where as long as I was with him.
Without thought, I spun, burying my face in his chest as I clung to his shirt, letting the tears rain down. The dam had broken. His arms instinctively surrounded me like they always had. He held me close, allowing me to soak his dress shirt. His warm body and tight embrace provided me the safety I’d once relied on like a lifeline.
The tears finally started to dry and the snotty sobs ceased. I lifted my damp cheek that was plastered to the wet stain on his chest to look up at him. His hand cradled my face, brushing away the wetness with the rough pad of his thumb.
His eyes were on mine. And before I knew it, so were his lips. Lost in the moment, I pulled him tighter to me as his tongue swept along the seam of my mouth, entering. He took possession, reigniting a familiar sensation.
My core pulsated, and my skin prickled, desperate to feel every part of him connected
to me once again. He let out a low groan as a hand gripped my ass, the noise knocking me from my stupor. Appalled at myself, I abruptly broke free, reactively slapping him across the face before I’d even realized what I was doing.
“What the hell, Lottie!” he yelled in shock, his hand going to the cheek I’d assaulted. “Have you gone mad?”
“Don’t you ‘what the hell me’, Tucker Monroe!” I pointed an accusatory finger, the sting from the slap still tingling on my palm. “You kissed me!”
At least, I was pretty sure he was the one to initiate it. Damn it! I really hoped it was him. I didn’t need karma adding another strike to the long freaking list.
“Yeah, I did. So what?” He gave a satisfied smirk.
“So! So you had no right to!”
The cheating bastard had the nerve to act like it was no big deal. Maybe he did it all the time. I wasn’t sure if I was more angry or hurt at the possibility. Either way, I would not be his accomplice. I had morals and was desperately holding onto what little dignity I had left.
“Damn it, Lottie! Don’t act like you didn’t want me to.”
“That’s not the point, Tuck!”
“What’s the point then, Lottie?” He planted his hands on his hips and glared at me. “Because I’m confused as hell why you’re overreacting right now.”
Damn him. Why does he have to look so hot when he’s mad? I looked away from him, my mind fighting against my body. Before I could respond, the door opened with Billy standing in the middle of it.
“Lottie, you okay?”
“Just fucking great,” Tucker huffed his agitation at Billy’s interruption, throwing his arms up in frustration.
I, on the other hand, was thankful for once the universe was throwing me a life preserver. I latched onto it before it decided to take it away.
“I wanna go home, Billy. Will you take me?”
I had no other way to escape since Leighton had insisted on driving me to the memorial. I think she was afraid I’d skip town faster than our small town gossip traveled. Rightfully so. I’d had the thought more than once today. I definitely had the thought ten times in the last minute.
Redeeming Lottie Page 5
