by Matt Shaw
* * * * *
A POSSIBLE FUTURE
I had a final look around the bedroom to see if there was anything I had forgotten to pack. The place looks as though a bomb has hit it. Quite ironic really considering the bomb was supposed to hit outside. Out there is clear, blue skies and sunshine. Inside here is chaos and disarray. Part of me will be glad to see the back of this shit-hole.
Satisfied that nothing of value was left, I turned for the door and jumped back when I realised Father was standing there watching me. His arms folded, a look of disdain on his face.
“Didn’t realise you were there,” I said.
He didn’t say anything. I had a sinking feeling in my heart as I realised the secret I had asked Sister to keep had already been revealed to anyone who’d listen.
“No bomb?” he said.
His voice was low. Menacing. Threatening.
I didn’t say anything.
“Your sister told me what you said to her. What? Is that some kind of sick joke? Are you trying to be funny? Trying to get her hopes up before we leave the house?”
“No. It’s the truth.”
“The truth?”
“Yes.”
“Out there the world lives on. I made the events about the bomb up? And - I guess - I fabricated the photograph of us as a family too?”
“Not you. Them.”
“Ah, yes. She did say something about them. Scientists? Government bodies? Something about a test - how would normal folk react in an end of the world type scenario? Yes?”
“Something like that.”
“I actually wish it was true.”
“It is.”
“Because then - at least - you wouldn’t be my son.”
Father learns the truth of the situation from Sister’s loose lips and he’s grateful because it means I’m not his son? He’s not grateful for the lack of bomb, or the fact that everything - out there - is unharmed and our old lives are out there waiting for us to continue with them?
Without any further words he lunged forward and hit me in the face. I dropped to the floor - a thudding, jarring pain in my jaw where his fist had connected. I didn’t have time to react, not before the fist hit me and not afterwards either. He was on top of me before I had even finished sliding along the floor. He landed blow after blow on my face. So much speed, so much anger. I couldn’t focus on anything as each hit connected. Everything was getting darker. Even the words he shouted - something about being ashamed and no son of his and something about them being better off without me - even the words echoed into a mishmash of confusion.
I found myself standing by the door. Father and I were on the other side of the room. He was still hitting me. I wasn’t even struggling under his weight now. My body was limp. Lifeless. From the door, I started shouting at Father to leave me alone - to get off me - but I knew he didn’t hear me. Even if he had - he wasn’t going anywhere. Only I was.
The walls around the room burst into flames. Laughter and screaming - not of this Earth - echoed throughout the house. This is it. This is Hell. I screamed as loudly as I could but nothing came from my mouth.
A low growl from behind me caught my attention. I span around and saw Sister standing at the far end of the landing. At least it had Sister’s face. A red, naked body. Muscular. Large. A tail. Fork on the end. Pert breasts. What the fuck is this? What the fuck is going on? I went to back away but it lunged towards me at such a pace that it was soon next to me - its hands on my shoulders forcing me to my knees. I screamed again but no sound came from my mouth. Only an erect penis entered it. Severed. Rotten. Pushed there by the Devil Sister. Its low growled voice telling me how much it wanted me to taste its cock. I tried to pull away from it - and for a moment I even managed, twisting my head to the side. Father still in the corner beating my lifeless body more than is deserved. The Devil Sister twisted my head back to face it as it leaned in close to me. The stench of old semen in its breath. It pulled the cock from my mouth and threw it to the corner of the room where it landed - unnoticed by Father. A low growl from the monster ordering me to kiss it as it forced its tongue into my mouth. I tried to resist but couldn’t as it held my mouth open with large, powerful hands. The Devil Sister’s stomach gurgled loudly and its eyes widened as it started to violently sick up into my mouth. Its tongue snaked its way down my throat, holding it open as the sick poured down into the depths of my stomach. I wanted to scream. Oh, how I wanted to scream.
* * * * *
NOW
Secrets and Lies
“Well?”
Sister’s voice pulled me back to reality.
She continued, “What’s the secret?”
I couldn’t tell her anything. I wanted to trust her so badly but I couldn’t. And to try would be foolish. I’m in this alone. Even if they did believe me (before I showed them the wall), there’s no guarantee they won’t react with hostility for keeping it secret for so long. I could explain - try at least - but there’s no way I can be sure they’ll care to listen to explanations. Regardless - I needed a ‘secret’ to tell her.
“I’m scared,” I told her after a slight hesitation.
She smiled sympathetically, “Me too.”
Father’s voice boomed up the stairs, “Come on! We’re leaving!”
“What if we stay here?” I asked Sister.
“What?”
“What if we don’t go with them. You heard him - it’s up to us. We could stay. Just the two of us. Let them go. If they find help, or anyone out there - I’m sure they’ll send for us.”
“I’m not sure.”
“If we leave - if we go out there - I think it will lead to trouble. You’ve seen how Father is becoming. He is unhinged. He is getting worse. He killed a cat for fuck sake.”
“To survive…”
“No. Don’t. That cat made no bearing as to whether we survive, or not. There was hardly any meat on it. He could have gone out there and picked berries off trees which would have given us more nutrition. He did it just to mess with our heads… On the road - what else will he do?”
“But no one has been by for a few days now. There’s been nothing. We’re alone.”
“And that’s probably for the best. If we starve, we starve but… At least we’ll die human. We go with him - them - there’s no guarantees we will find anything out there to help us. Chances are we will find nothing but danger and death. I’ve seen it out there, it’s not pretty…”
“But we have to try…”
I couldn’t understand why she’d sided with me downstairs only to be sure she wanted to leave now. I could tell by her face she was confused. A mess. We all were.
“One minute you want out of the house and the next you want to stay,” she pointed out.
“Because I’ve seen what is out there. Trust me. You don’t want to go. It will change everything for us.”
“COME ON!” Father screamed.
“We should go downstairs,” Sister said. “He’ll get angry.”
She turned and went to walk towards the door. I reached out and grabbed her by the arm. She span to face me.
“What are we going to tell him?” I asked. “Are we staying?”
She shook her head.
“I’m sorry but I think we should go.”
“Earlier you said…”
“I know what I said but - the cat…”
“… The one he killed.”
“If that cat was out there living happily then… Maybe we’ll find some people doing the same thing? Maybe we’ll find sanctuary somewhere else? Food at the very least?”
“KIDS!” Father’s voice echoed up the stairs.
“If there’s a chance to survive - I want it,” Sister said.
She pulled away from my grip and hurried from the room. I reluctantly followed, unsure of what else I can do to stop them.
CHAPTER FOUR
BEFORE
Leaving
I was sitting on my bed feeling pathetic for crying. I felt l
ike a young, stupid sixteen year old in love. More specifically I felt like a young, stupid sixteen year old who’d just had his still-beating heart ripped from his chest and thrust back into his face. I loved her. I love her. How can she do this to me?
My girlfriend was sitting opposite me. The look on her face suggested she didn’t care the pain she was causing me. She didn’t even seem to care to hear my argument either; one trying to get her to stay with me. She wanted gone and that was that. Her mind was made up and there was seemingly nothing I could do about it even though there was a small part of my brain screaming at me that - if I were to smash her head in - she could never leave. She’d be with me forever.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and tried my damnedest to compose myself. Whatever her reason was for leaving - other than the old classic that it wasn’t me but her - at least she did it face to face. She could have done it via text message, or even more cowardly, by letter. She stood up and picked her black jacket from the back of the chair tucked up against my desk and threw it on.
I should have seen this coming - she’s been off for a while now. I’d tell her that I loved her and she’d reply that she knew. And then there was sex. I’d make a move towards her, she’d make a move away stating she had a headache, or that it was her time. She came to visit me still but - despite this - she was distant. Cold.
And now I knew why.
I stood up too and watched helplessly as she walked to the bedroom door. She opened it.
“Wait!”
She hesitated in the doorway. Didn’t turn to look at me though. I wasn’t even worth that much.
“There’s nothing I can say that will stop you from leaving is there?”
Still without turning, she shook her head. Without any further words she stepped from my bedroom and headed for the stairs and out of my life. I’d even tried to keep her as a friend. We started out as mates and it felt a shame to throw that away too. She declined though. She said I would thank her in the long run. Friendship between exes doesn’t work. There’s always one who wants more than the other. She’d probably be worried that I’d meet up with her new boyfriend and cook him…
And - half an hour after her coming round - I was single. Jobless, no money, no love life. Have to start questioning what the point is.
I closed my bedroom door and retreated back to my bed.
* * * * *
NOW
Echoes from my Past
The previous memory of my ex-girlfriend hit me like a spade to the face as I made my way down the stairs after Sister. The biggest part of the memory was not the act of getting dumped though - as painful as it was - but rather it was the quick, dirty thought of what I could do to get her to stay with me; bash her brains in. The violent tendencies lurking there in my moment of pain - were they always there, waiting to come out? When that man came around the house - the one I had killed… I had been surprised by that. Maybe I shouldn’t have been. Maybe it would have been more apt to be surprised if I hadn't lashed out.
“Where’s your stuff?”
Father was standing by the front door, car keys in hand. He was staring right at me. A look of hope - I’m sure - in his face that I was about to tell him that I wasn’t going with them and that I was staying behind.
Sister and Mother also turned.
“I don’t need anything.”
Father’s face seemed to drop when he realised I was going with them. Sister’s - on the other hand - seemed relieved. Father stormed out to the car, followed by Mother. Sister approached me and put her arms around me.
“I thought you were going to say you weren’t coming,” she said.
“I still think it’s a bad idea but… I didn’t want you going out there alone.”
I wondered if it sounded as cheesy as it felt. I tried to shake it from my mind.
“Let’s go!” Father called from the car. He was standing by the boot, with it open ready for Sister’s bag.
We stepped out of the house and slammed the door behind us.
“I actually feel a little bit nervous,” Sister said to me.
“Everything will be fine,” I lied.
I wanted to ask Sister what would happen to us - what would become of our relationship - if we were to find somewhere else. If we stumbled across another camp within these walls, for example, would she and I still… act… the same as we have been acting here? Or would we revert back to being a ‘normal’ brother and sister couple? I didn’t like the idea of that. The idea of going from being able to do as I choose to not being able to touch her without someone judging us. But then - I guess our relationship is doomed anyway. If we stay here, we will most likely die, in time. And if we leave and find another ‘survivalist group’ within the compound - we’ll most likely go back to a non-sexual relationship and then there’s the final outcome; escaping this Hell-hole and trying to fit back into a normal society. She’ll never want to see me again. Whichever path we tread - as lovers - she is lost to me. That same feeling I experienced on the bed with my girlfriend, before my world got turned to shit, ripped through me as my heart sank.
Sister put her bag in the boot and jumped into the back of the car.
Mother was standing near to the car. She was being weird - staring up at the blue skies above.
“You okay Mother?” I asked her.
She’d been strange for days to be fair. The strain of our situation clearly too much for her mind to comprehend. Had we stayed, I honestly believe she would have ended up taking her own life or simply going crazy. I mean proper crazy. The type of crazy which sees you run around the house having to hide anything that’s sharp… Hell - for her own safety - maybe put her in a house in the middle of the country and brick her inside. Make sure there are no sharp implements in there at all.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” she said.
“What?”
“This. The world.”
I knew the truth - that the world was being run by sick bastards who’d happily conduct experiments on innocent people just because they have too much time on their hands and a dark curiosity to feed. Mum didn’t know that. She only knew the truth they’d been fed; the world had ended and everything had gone to shit. Whichever viewpoint you see the world through - neither of them can be described as beautiful.
“I guess,” it was easier to go along with her.
“Just think, somewhere out there people can’t see this sight. The blue skies, the lack of smog.” She sighed, “We should be thankful. At least, here, we have this to see.”
“More reason to stay,” I told her.
Father shot me a look, “Hurry up and get in the car!”
“We’re going,” Mother said. “We need to make the most of this sight. Really take it in. After all, we don’t know what is waiting for us.”
“We do, though. Death is waiting for us,” I lied.
In truth normality was waiting for us. As we stood here looking up at the clear skies on this perfect day, you can bet - not more than ten minutes from this location - there are people bunking from college, school or work to enjoy a sneaky trip to the local beaches or parks. People living their lives, enjoying the heatwave, tucking into refreshing ice-creams…
A set of keys hit me in the chest and dropped to the floor. I picked them up. They were the car keys. Father had thrown them at me.
“You can drive,” he said.
“What?”
“Show us what you found?”
Father climbed into the passenger seat and even Mother took her own seat in the car - at the back next to where Sister was patiently waiting. I climbed in and slammed the door shut. I slid the key into the ignition and turned to Father.
“I still think this is a bad idea,” I said.
“And when we’re all dying - having been attacked by whatever is out there… I give you my full permission to say I told you so,” he sneered at me.
I sighed and fired the engine up. Thinking back to the saying that every cloud has a silver lining I
can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief that at least I am driving us around. I’ll be able to drive us around the compound for a while, try and stay away from the wall blocking us in.
A quick check of the petrol gauge shows I’ll have to do a lot of circles but it’s still a possibility that I could drive us around long enough for us to run out of petrol. Then we’ll have no choice but to house up in one of the other homes around here. Probably end up starving to death but - it’s better than letting them discover the truth. Jesus - the way I reacted out there… I killed that technician. He was helping me. He was helping me remember and see what happened to us - what was happening to us… And… I killed him. Messily. God only knows how they’ll react out there.
“What are you waiting for?” Father asked.
“Trying to remember the way,” I said.
I was trying to remember the way; trying to recall the way to the wall. Need to know which direction to head away from.
“You know the old saying,” Father said.
“What do you mean?”
He turned to me, “All roads lead to Rome.”
He nodded towards the end of the driveway. Reluctantly, I pushed my foot down on the accelerator.
“Well - this is exciting, isn’t it?” Mother chirped from the back of the car. She wasn’t excited. None of us were. We were all apprehensive; them because they didn’t know what was waiting for them out here and me - because I knew exactly what was out there. Ah ha. Just remembered. The house. The one I found before finding the exit to the compound; with the dead couple in their bed. The two who’d chosen suicide as their way out. I’ll take the family (not my family) there. They’ll go in, see the dead bodies and realise there’s nothing out here. With any luck, they’ll have another vote. I can always instigate one. See if I can get them to say they’ll come back to our own house…
I sped up. Higher the rev counter, faster I drive… Higher the fuel consumption.
“I’m sorry if you think I’ve just been going against everything you’ve suggested,” I said to Father. It dawned on me that all I had been doing recently was banging heads with Father. I wasn’t in the wrong to do so. Someone had to. But… if I carried on banging heads with him, continued to go against everything he said, then we would never agree on a plan of action. At least, we’ll never agree on one that I put forward. It dawned on me that I need to give a little before I can expect to take.
