His to Defend (A BBW Paranormal Shifter Romance)

by Elena Aitken

  She was asleep, her arm splayed out on the empty side of the bed.

  Where he should have been. Her hair was spread over the pillow but instead of looking at peace in her slumber, her pretty mouth was set in a frown. Her eyes moved behind her eyelids as if she were having a bad dream.

  Maybe she was.

  Maybe it was his fault.

  The idea that Ryker had caused her any pain at all struck him in the chest. Of course he’d caused her pain. He’d left in the middle of the wedding. He hadn’t danced with her. He hadn’t held her or heard her speech to her best friend that she’d been so nervous about. He’d abandoned her without an explanation.

  He was an asshole. Of the worst kind.

  And she didn’t even know the half of it.

  Carefully, Ryker pushed the door open far enough that he could slip inside. Immediately, he grabbed his camera and tucked it carefully into the top of his pack. He’d meant to simply turn away and leave without causing himself any further torture. But he couldn’t.

  Nina’s chest rose and fell with each breath, but still she looked as if the dream was distressing her, and no matter what it was that he should have done, Ryker needed to hold her. Still her and even if it was just one, completely inadequate thing, help her through the nightmare that he’d had a part in creating.

  As quietly as he could, Ryker slipped off his boots and crawled fully dressed into bed behind her. He ran one hand down the length of her before wrapping his arm around her and holding her tight against him.

  Nina stirred, but he murmured gently into her ear and she settled back into sleep.

  Almost at once, Nina’s body relaxed, as the nightmare dissipated. Ryker’s presence calmed and comforted her and it broke his heart.

  Never before had he experienced anything like what he had with this woman.

  He laid awake for hours while she slept deeply. Finally, when the sky outside the window started to lighten, Ryker knew it was time to go. He called upon all of his strength and willpower, but knowing it was the best thing he could do for the woman he loved, he finally pressed a kiss to her cheek and whispered into her ear, “I love you, Nina. I hope you always know that.” He swallowed hard. “I love you and I’m sorry.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Have you decided how long you’re going to stay?” It was the day after the wedding and Nina was alone with Harper’s mom, enjoying an early morning coffee on the deck of the Den. Everyone else was still sleeping, but she’d awoken early, unable to sleep. There was still no sign of Ryker, but her dreams had been filled with him, almost as if he’d been right there with her.

  Next to her, Shelly rocked in the large wooden rocker and sipped at her coffee. “I haven’t.” She smiled against her mug. “But I hope for a little while anyway. I just met my grandbaby, after all.”

  “And she’s perfect.” Nina grinned. She’d never been much of a baby person but Lily really was a perfect little girl. She was so sweet that it almost made her think about having her own one day.

  One day.

  It was a crazy thought because it had only been about a week ago when she would never have even entertained the idea of a baby. But that was before she’d found her man.

  Her man. Because that’s exactly what Ryker was. Hers. Which was why it both hurt and pissed her off that he’d taken off the night before.

  A family emergency?

  Nina didn’t care what Natalia had said. A family emergency wouldn’t have taken him away like that. It had to be more serious. But why couldn’t he tell her?

  “Everything okay?” Shelly asked her. “I don’t mean to pry,” she continued. “But it really looks like you’re battling with something. Man troubles?”

  “How could you tell?”

  The older woman laughed. “I’ve seen that very look before. On myself. What’s going on?”

  Nina debated telling Shelly anything. After all, she didn’t even know her best friend’s mother, but in the end, she needed to talk, so opening up won out. “There’s this man and we have the most incredible connection,” she started. “I didn’t mean for it to turn into anything, but it just kind of happened. And quickly. I know it sounds crazy, but even after a few days together I just felt like I was always supposed to be with him.”

  “It doesn’t sound crazy at all.”

  “And I thought he felt the same,” Nina continued. “I mean, I felt it. I just knew he felt the same.”

  “And then?”

  Nina shook her head. “And then he left without a word. He was just…gone. His sister says it was a family emergency but I don’t buy it. He wouldn’t have left. I know it. I can still feel him.” She laughed at herself. “That sounds crazy.”

  “No,” Shelly said seriously. “It doesn’t sound crazy at all. In fact, it makes perfect sense to me. Did Harper ever tell you about her father?”

  Nina shifted around in her seat and shook her head. “No. She never really mentioned him.”

  “That’s because she never met him.” Shelly dipped her head and a mixture of regret and sadness clouded her face. “My story sounds so similar to yours,” she said. “I was up in Vancouver for a skiing trip with a few girlfriends in Whistler.”

  “I’ve always wanted to go there.”

  “You should.” She nodded and took a sip of her coffee before continuing. “And just like you, when I got there, I met this man who completely took my breath away. It was almost as if we were drawn to each other.” Her eyes took on a faraway look as she told Nina the story. “We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and we ended up spending the entire week together. I felt bad for leaving my girlfriends, but they saw the way Nick and I were with each other and they didn’t mind.” She chuckled a little. “In fact, they encouraged it.”

  “That kind of reminds me of Harper and Axel the first time Harper and I came up to Grizzly Ridge.”

  Shelley’s eyes grew wide and she nodded. “Yes. I think there are a lot of similarities to their relationship, too. And yours.”

  “What Ryker and I have is not a relationship.”

  How could it be when he could just take off that way?

  “You say that, but you’d be surprised.”

  Nina wasn’t so sure about that, but she didn’t bother arguing. “So what happened with you and Nick? If it was such a magnetic draw to each other, how come you didn’t end up together?”

  Shelly’s face fell again and her eyes filled with tears. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” She spoke the words, but Nina could tell she didn’t mean them. “Our fire burned hot, but then I guess it just burned out. At least for him. The day before I was supposed to leave, we talked about what our future would look like and how we could be together. He said he had family in the States, and I was from California but I was so certain we could make it work. And I thought he felt the same way.” She looked behind her at the still quiet house. “Can I tell you something?” she asked when she turned again. “It’s something I’ve never told Harper. I don’t think it’s the kind of thing a daughter wants to hear, you know?”

  Nina grinned, pretty sure what kind of direction the conversation was about to take. “Of course.”

  Shelly smiled in gratitude. “This is strange to say, but that night when we made love, it was different. More intense somehow and…well, it just felt kind of permanent. I know that’s a strange word to use, but it’s really the best description I can make. The next morning when I woke up, he’d left a note. He apologized for leading me on and said that as much as he cared for me, he wasn’t good for me, and I deserved better and he never meant to hurt me. He finished by saying that he’d never forget me.”

  She was quiet for a moment and Nina waited for her to add something more. When she didn’t, Nina asked, “That was it? He was gone?”

  Shelly nodded sadly.

  “But how could he…” Nina scooted to the edge of her seat. “He just left?”

  She shocked herself with her indignation, but Shelly just smiled
and chuckled a little. “I was devastated for months and then I found out I was pregnant and I had to pull myself together. For Harper.”

  “And you never saw him again?”

  She shook her head. “No. I wouldn’t even know where to look. But you know what I do know?”

  Nina waited.

  “He was wrong,” Shelly said quietly. “He was good for me. And I never loved anyone the way I loved him.”

  “Ever?” Nina was horrified. “But you…” She was an attractive woman and still quite young despite the fact that she had a grown-up daughter and new grandchild. “Never?”

  Shelly shook her head. “Once you’ve been loved the way I was by Nick, even for a short period of time, well…it changes things. An ordinary love will never again be enough.”

  Nina thought about that for a minute, and when Shelly spoke again, it was as if she’d read her thoughts. “And I suspect it’s the same with you, Nina.”

  She didn’t say anything because Shelly was right. An ordinary love would never be enough.

  Nina didn’t know what to do. After the chat with Shelly, she only felt worse about Ryker’s disappearance. She refused to allow her life to be turned upside down by a man she’d known for only little over a week. It was ridiculous and she was much too sensible and strong to let something like that destroy her.

  At least that was what she thought logically.

  But the thing about love was that there was nothing logical about it. And it was love. Without a doubt, she was in love with Ryker. Which was why his absence tore her up.

  She spent the rest of the morning pretending everything was fine. She helped Kade and Ella in the kitchen, preparing a breakfast feast for all of the wedding guests who had spent the night on the ridge. It helped to keep her mind busy so she couldn’t think about the one person who was notably absent. But she couldn’t run from her feelings forever, and when there was finally a moment of quiet, and breakfast was over, Nina poured herself another cup of coffee and headed outside again. Only this time, she went out to the side porch where she was less likely to be disturbed.

  Nina let the September sun warm her face and she closed her eyes to soak it all in. When she opened them again, she was staring directly at the small green nylon tent that was meant to be Ryker’s sleeping arrangements and would have been if he hadn’t stayed with her.

  She could still feel the weight of his arms around her as they slept. He’d pulled her up close to him and they’d slept like that, wrapped in each other. Never before had she been able to sleep so close to someone in that way. She usually kicked and thrashed and needed her own space to get a good night’s rest. But with Ryker, it was almost as if his presence had settled her, helped her sleep and calmed her.

  If she closed her eyes, she could almost picture him there with her last night. After the dance, she’d excused herself from any of the groups that were going to share a nightcap in the Den and snuck off to her room, needing to be alone. She’d been exhausted from the wedding and mentally from Ryker’s sudden disappearance, and she’d fallen into a deep sleep almost as soon as she closed her eyes. But it hadn’t been a good sleep. There’d been nightmares and although in the light of day she couldn’t seem to remember any of them, she could remember that they’d made her feel lonely, scared, and empty.

  And then it was better.

  At some point in the night, the dreams had stopped and she’d slept soundly. Just as if Ryker had been there to soothe her.

  Had he been there?

  No. He couldn’t have been.

  Nina shook her head and tried to clear her mind of the thought that Ryker had been in bed with her the night before. Had it been a dream? She could have sworn she’d heard him whisper in her ear.

  I love you and I’m sorry.

  Had she really just imagined that?

  “Hey. I thought I’d find you out here.” Nina jumped at Harper’s voice. “Sorry.” She laughed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “You didn’t.” Nina laughed. “I was just thinking…hey,” she said, an idea coming into her head. “Can I stay here for a bit? Just to write and figure things out?” It was a thought that had been stirring in her head for a few days, but at that moment it just felt right to stay. “I’ll rent the room,” she continued. “I know you probably have guests, but…”

  “Of course.” Harper’s voice was kind. “We’ll find the room. You are always welcome to stay here at the ridge, no matter what.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me.” Harper stepped closer. “Now, do you want to talk to me about what’s really going on? I heard that Ryker left.”

  Nina nodded.

  “He’ll be back, Nina.”

  She shook her head. “You can’t know that.”

  “I do.” Harper’s smile returned. “It’s the craziest thing, but I’m absolutely sure he’ll be back. You two…well…you’re…”

  “What?”

  “You’re fated.”

  “Fated?” She couldn’t help it; she laughed. “That’s a bit romantic, don’t you think?”

  “It is, but…” Harper looked around. “I think I maybe should tell you something. Come with me.”

  Harper led her across the porch into an even quieter corner. “There’s something I haven’t told you yet,” she said. “About Axel.”

  “Axel?”

  Harper nodded and bit her bottom lip. “And Ryker.” Ryker? “And me,” she added. “Well, all of us.”

  “You?” Nina shook her head. Worry wormed its way in and suddenly she wasn’t so sure she wanted to know anything at all. “And Ryker?” She swallowed hard. “All of who?” Panic rose up inside her, threatening to choke her words. “Harper, what’s going on?”

  “Don’t worry.” Her friend put her hand up and smiled. “I promise it’s nothing bad. Not really. And I want you to know it’s all okay. Really.”

  “You’re scaring me.”

  Harper looked down at her feet and then back up into her eyes. “I’m doing this wrong.” She took both of Nina’s hands in hers. “Promise me you won’t freak out.”

  “I’m already freaking out.”

  “Nina.” Her friend stared sternly into her eyes until finally Nina swallowed hard and nodded.

  “Okay,” she managed. “I won’t freak out.”

  She wasn’t sure that was a promise she’d be able to keep, but it didn’t look as though she had much of a choice.

  “What do you need to tell me?”

  Harper opened her mouth and shut it quickly. “I have an idea. Meet me at Kade and Ella’s cabin in fifteen minutes, okay?”

  “You want me to wait?” She shook her head, causing her hair to flip around her face. “No, Harper. Tell me now. You’re scaring me.”

  “I promise you there’s nothing to be scared of.” She slipped her hands out of Nina’s. “And I really think it would be better if I showed you, okay?” She ran to the other end of the porch and called back, “Fifteen minutes.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  He tried, and his intentions were good, but after Ryker left Nina’s bed, he couldn’t make himself drive out of town and away from her. It was only a few hours’ drive back to Jackson Valley, but despite the fact that Jacksonville had been his home almost his entire life, it was the last place he wanted to go. No doubt his grandfather had already heard the news. It couldn’t get any worse.

  No. It was already as bad as it could get. Because he didn’t care what his grandfather thought. For the first time in his life, Ryker understood something that was deeper and stronger than anything his grandfather had ever tried to impose on him.

  For the first time, he understood what drove his cousins.

  Love.

  He tapped the bar to signal another drink. He could hardly taste the whiskey, and even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to drink enough to forget Nina. Bears had an incredibly fast metabolism, and it was almost impossible for them to drink to the point of being drunk.


  The bartender slid another glass in front of him as his phone vibrated with a message.

  Nina?

  He would have laughed at himself if it wasn’t so bloody sad. It couldn’t be Nina texting him because they’d never even exchanged phone numbers. They’d been too busy having sex and mating to bother with any of the details.

  “It’s probably for the best,” he grumbled as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket to see a text from his editor, Tyler.

  Available for a job?

  A job would be a good thing. It would take his mind off Nina and the biggest mistake of his life. If he could just get out on the rocky face of a mountain with his camera in hand, there’d be no other choice but to focus on that moment and nothing else. His mind would clear. It would have to. Because when you were climbing a mountain, there was no other choice but to focus.

  Definitely. He typed in his response to his editor before he could change his mind.

  A moment later, his phone rang.

  “What’s the job?”

  “You’re going to want to get on a plane right now.” Tyler got straight down to business. “It’s the one you’ve been waiting for.”

  The Alps.

  Ryker knew without even asking what the job was. He’d been after Tyler for months to put him on the extreme shoot in Switzerland. It was a group of skiers and snowboarders who every year found the craziest peaks to lay fresh tracks on. The areas were only available by helicopter and they were dangerous. Very dangerous. Especially for the photographers and videographers. It was perfect.

  “When do I leave?”

  Tyler laughed. “I knew you’d be interested.”

  “I’m more than interested.” There was no trace of humor in Ryker’s voice. “When?”

  “I’ll need a couple of days for the paperwork.” Tyler switched into business mode and started listing off the things that were necessary on his end to get the shoot going, but Ryker wasn’t listening. While his editor was talking, he’d pulled his camera out of his pack and flicked it on.