His to Defend (A BBW Paranormal Shifter Romance)

by Elena Aitken

  Natalia looked as if she might say something else, but Nina wasn’t interested. She turned on her heel and ran in the direction of the Den.

  Thankfully, the other woman didn’t follow her and a few minutes later, Nina was finally alone in her room.

  She collapsed on the bed and let herself cry.

  Although she hadn’t meant to take her anger out on Natalia, she’d meant everything she’d said. It was crazy, but Nina didn’t care about the shifter thing. If anything, it made sense and answered some questions she had about Ryker—and the others, if she were honest—but it wasn’t a deal breaker. How could it be? It was part of him.

  And if he were only there, she could tell him that to his face. But he wasn’t.

  He’d run away.

  And the only reason he could have ever run from her was if none of it was true and they weren’t fated after all.

  Everything the women had told her made it sound as though when you were fated there was nothing you could do about it. That the attraction would drive you crazy until you gave in to it. That once a bear found their fated mate, there was nothing—nothing—that could keep them apart.

  But Ryker had left.

  “We can do this all day,” Luke said. They’d been going round and round for almost thirty minutes, both of them landing as many punches as they were taking. “If it makes you feel better, by all means. Hit me.” He wiped his face and presented it once more to Ryker, who cocked his fist, ready to oblige.

  But at the last minute, he dropped his arm and stared at his feet. “Fuck it.”

  “Oh yeah?” Luke said. “You sure? You’ve had enough?”

  “It’s not helping.” Ryker sat heavily on a nearby fallen log.

  “No shit.” Luke sat next to him.

  “I’ve screwed everything up.”

  “Pretty much.”

  Ryker glared at his cousin but after a moment asked, “So, what do I do?”

  Luke laughed and rubbed his nose. “Oh, that’s an easy one. Stop running and man up.”

  “What?” He jumped to his feet and paced a few steps away before turning. “That’s what I’m doing.”

  “No.” Luke shook his head. “You’re running. We’ve been over this.”

  “I’m leaving to protect her.” He stopped himself from saying more, because Ryker didn’t know how much Luke knew about what he’d done. “She deserves more than this. More than me.”

  “Oh yeah?” Luke’s cocky grin was starting to really piss him off. “Do you know that?” He stood and crossed his arms in challenge. “Did you ask her? Or did you just take off?”

  “You don’t understand, Luke. It’s not so simple. It’s not just…” Fuck it. There was no point keeping the secret any longer. “I mated with her,” he blurted. “Without telling her.” It killed him to say it aloud, but he needed to face it. A hundred times over if that’s what it took. Ryker swallowed hard. “She doesn’t even know what I am.”

  Luke was silent for a moment. Ryker was sure his cousin would lose his temper the way his brother had. He’d rage, but at least then he’d understand why Ryker had to leave. Hell, he’d probably escort him off the ridge right away.

  “I know.”

  “I know I shouldn’t have—wait.” Ryker stared at him. But Luke only shrugged. “You know?”

  He shrugged again. “Yup. Chloe told me.”

  “Chloe knows?”

  “All the women know.” Luke leaned forward on his knees. “And I suppose all the men know by now, too. We’re a close group. Besides, we already knew you guys were fated. That didn’t take a genius to figure out.”

  “So you understand why I’m leaving.”

  “Running.”

  “No,” Ryker corrected him. “Leaving.”

  Luke grabbed a rock and heaved it over the ridge into the valley below. “Can I ask you why?”

  “Why I’m leaving?” Ryker joined him on the edge. “Isn’t it obvious?”

  “Not even a little bit.” Luke threw another rock before he turned to look at his cousin. “I mean, I get that you think you’re saving her from some sort of terrible life with a shifter and that since you broke the code, which you did, you have to punish yourself by denying your instincts and running away.”

  Luke’s continual choice of words were starting to piss him off, but Ryker swallowed back his annoyance and focused on what he was saying.

  “So, I get all that,” Luke said. “Especially since I’m pretty sure Liam had something to say about it.” Ryker raised an eyebrow, but Luke just chuckled. “We all saw Liam at the wedding,” he continued. “He didn’t stick around either, so I was pretty sure he had something to do with why you left, and when Chloe told me about Nina and the mark, well, let’s just say it wasn’t too hard to put it all together.”

  “What does Liam have to do with anything?”

  Luke laughed. “For a smart man, you’re pretty fucking stupid.”

  Ryker growled and clenched his fists.

  “Go ahead and hit me again,” Luke said between chuckles. “But you know it’s true. And letting your brother convince you to leave your mate…that’s pretty fucking stupid.”

  Ryker relaxed his hands and kicked a rock, sending it flying over the edge of the cliff. “Fine,” he admitted. “Maybe I’m not making good choices. But Liam didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.”

  “That mating with a human was wrong? Even if it’s fated?”

  Luke’s words hit him hard. He’d never said it out loud. “Yes. Mating with a human is wrong. Grandfather would—”

  “Do you really care what our grandfather thinks?” Luke interrupted. “I thought we were past that. Besides, from where I’m standing, there’s only one person whose opinion should matter and as far as I know, you haven’t even asked her what she thinks.”

  He was right and it pissed Ryker off. If the last week had taught him anything, it should have taught him that his grandfather was wrong. Their way of thinking had been wrong. The only thing that mattered was instinct and feelings and a connection that couldn’t be denied.

  The only thing that really mattered was…

  Nina.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The sun had long set by the time Nina dried her tears and pulled herself together. She needed fresh air. Something that was larger than she was. Larger than her problems or the heartache that threatened to overtake her. Thankfully, no one was downstairs in the Den and she was able to sneak out into the cool September night. She moved automatically, following the path she’d taken on the first night she’d arrived at Grizzly Ridge. She needed to lay in the grass and look up at the stars and lose herself in the vast universe above her.

  She found a place far enough from the main house that she wouldn’t be bothered, and laid down in the grass. Thankful she brought a blanket, she wrapped herself in it to protect from the cold ground. The nights were starting to grow even colder up in the mountains. There might even be a frost soon, but Nina didn’t care about that.

  Her mind cleared the way it always did when she stared up into the stars. They were almost hypnotic in the way they could relax her. At some point in the evening while she’d been exhausting herself with the tears that didn’t feel as though they’d ever stop, Nina had also felt an overwhelming urge to write.

  It was ridiculous to try to write in the dark, but for some reason it felt right. She pulled herself up to a sitting position and opened the notebook she’d brought with her. Letting the words find their way on the page, she trusted herself and let the words pour from her.

  When you have something you believe in, something you can’t live without, something that confuses you…well, that’s the type of thing that just gets inside you and becomes a part of you. It’s something you’ll never be able to let go of. Ever.

  The memory of Ryker in her bed, talking about the dreams they had, came back to her in a flash. She did have something she believed in. And it wasn’t just her words and the book that was inside he
r fighting to get out.

  It was something more.

  Nina smiled, remembering the way she’d posed for Ryker on the bed that afternoon. The way they’d made love.

  Something that confuses you.

  He was right. When you have something like that, it just gets inside you and becomes a part of you.

  Ryker.

  For the first time since the wedding, a feeling of peace washed through her at the realization it had taken her far too long to come to. The words came faster as the pen scratched across the paper. It all made sense and finally she could trust because Ryker hadn’t only been talking about their dreams of photography or writing. He’d been talking about them.

  She smiled and put her pen down, tucking it between the pages of the notebook before she turned around.

  There, illuminated by the moon, just like she knew he would be, was Ryker.

  It had taken him far too long to learn to trust his instincts. Longer than it ever should have and he hoped like hell that she’d forgive him. The moment he stopped fighting his bear so hard, his animal had led him directly back to Grizzly Ridge and to her.

  He’d call Tyler in the morning and tell him why he wasn’t on the flight to Switzerland. It wasn’t important. There was only one thing that was important and she was right in front of him.

  Ryker had watched as she’d left the main lodge and made her way to the grassy field. The same field he’d first laid eyes on her. The exact same spot where he’d inhaled the sweet scent of apples and honey and his bear had recognized for the first time that he’d forever be lost to her. It had just been his stupid human side that had taken so long to come to it.

  She turned and looked directly at him, as if she’d already known he was standing there. “It took you long enough.”

  He couldn’t have been held back by a thousand men. In two strides, Ryker dropped to his knees in front of her and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her thoroughly and drank in the scent of her until he was dizzy. Finally he pulled back, but he didn’t release her. “I’m so sorry.”

  “For kissing me?” She looked at him. “Or for leaving?” She waited a beat. “Or was it for taking so long to come back to me?”

  Her eyes were full of hurt, but also a flicker of humor. He hated that he’d done anything at all to dim the light in her, even if it were only for the briefest of moments.

  “Or was it for keeping a big giant secret from me?”

  “All of it,” he said quickly. “All of it. Oh, God, Nina. I’m so sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I was—”

  “Enough.” She took his face in her hands and kissed him slowly. “It’s okay now. You’re here. And if you’re here, it means…”

  “There’s no way I could stay away.”

  Ryker wanted it all to be okay. No, he needed it to be okay. Because if the last forty-eight hours had taught him anything at all, it was that he would never be able to live without her. He needed her with a ferocity that should have scared him, but now that he realized exactly what it was, it fueled him.

  He could have kissed her forever, but despite her objections, there were still things to talk about. A lot of things. Reluctantly, he unwound himself from her and sat back. “Babe, I don’t even know where to start with this.”

  “The girls filled me in,” she said with a laugh. “So let’s skip all of the messy details and get to the good part.”

  “The part where I tell you how much I love you?”

  She grinned and Ryker never wanted her to stop. “That’s a good start.”

  “How about if I tell you how much I need you?”

  “Also good.”

  “And how crazy you make me?”

  “I like it.” She reached out and traced his lips with her finger.

  “You bring out the animal in me, babe.”

  She shivered, but Ryker knew it wasn’t from the cold. “I want to see.” Nina sat back and tucked both her hands beneath her. “Your bear.”

  “You want to see?”

  She nodded.

  “You won’t be scared?” In his grizzly form, he was huge. It was intimidating. He just got her back; the last thing he wanted to do was risk scaring her.

  She shook her head. “Never. But I need to see you, Ryker.” Her hand reached behind her neck to where he’d marked her. “I need to understand all of it.”

  He rocked forward on his knees and reached for her shoulder. “About this.” His fingers dipped beneath her sweater and traced the mark. He could feel the heat of it, and traced the outline of his mark without seeing it. “I should never have done this.”

  Nina’s hand came up over his and held it to her skin. “No. Don’t say that.”

  “But it’s true, babe. I never should have mated with you. Not without you knowing everything. It needs to be free will. You need to—”

  “Ryker.” She stopped him. “I want to see your bear. Now.”

  It was his time to shiver. She was incredibly sexy when she was commanding. His strong female. His perfect mate. “Absolutely.” In a flash, he hopped up and with his back turned, stripped out of his clothes before stepping out of the clearing, away from where she could see him. One day, he’d let her watch his shift. But not yet.

  He was magnificent.

  The biggest grizzly she’d ever seen, his presence filled the clearing.

  She got to her feet and stepped closer to the massive bear. A shiver ran through her, but she wasn’t scared. Not in the slightest. She reached forward and let her fingers sink into his thick, soft fur. He made a noise that sounded almost like a purr—if bears could purr.

  Maybe they could.

  Nina laughed a little and pet him again, this time with both hands.

  He made the sound again and then without notice, turned and lumbered away.

  She felt empty without him, shocked. But a moment later, when Ryker reappeared—naked in his human form, all muscle and sexiness, with his desire for her more than evident—it all made sense.

  He walked straight toward her and took her in his arms, kissing her fiercely. “I want you too much.” He murmured the words against her neck as his hands worked at the button of her jeans. He stripped her of her clothes but she didn’t feel anything but heat with his hard, naked body pressed up against her soft curves.

  “I can’t believe I ever left you, even for one day.” He dropped his head to her breasts and kissed each of them in turn. “Never again, Nina. I swear to you.”

  “I believe you.” Her words came in gasps as he continued to work his magic on her breasts.

  “Good.” He stared into her eyes. “You’re mine and I’m yours.”

  The mark on the back of her neck throbbed with his words, as if her body knew exactly what he was saying and what it meant. She once again reached for the spot. It was healing, but it was still tender. She could see him flinch when she touched it. She knew he felt badly about their mating.

  “I want you.” She felt his throbbing cock twitch against her belly in response. “No,” she clarified. “I want you to mate me.”

  Ryker pulled back, confusion on his face. “But we’re already—”

  “You said yourself it shouldn’t have happened that way. That you should have asked.” She wiggled against him. “But I’m not waiting for you to ask. I’m telling you what I want. And I want to be your mate. Properly.”

  He looked as if he might object again. Instead, he kissed her. Hard. Their tongues clashed and twisted together and with his tongue deep inside her, Ryker took her by the hips and guided her to the ground before burying himself deep inside her.

  She groaned and instantly her body melted around him. It didn’t take long for her orgasm to build deep within her, and Ryker must have felt it too, because he pulled his mouth off hers. “You’re so damn responsive, baby. So sexy.” A moment later, he had pulled out and with strength and ease, flipped her around so she was on her hands and knees. Nina’s desire threatened to spill over as he once again ente
red her, this time from behind. Just the way he had before.

  He held her hips tight and lowered her slowly to the ground until he was all but lying on top of her as he continued to thrust within her, building together toward release.

  “Ryker…I…”

  This time she felt it when his teeth sank into the back of her neck. His mouth tracing the original wound completely, he bit down as Nina screamed out, the pleasure and pain mingling in the best way.

  Later, wrapped in the blanket, lying under the stars with the heat from Ryker’s body keeping her warm, Nina had never felt so satisfied and complete.

  “Now it’s official,” Ryker murmured in her ear. “Does it hurt?” His fingers tentatively moved along the back of her shoulder.

  “Yes.” It was an honest answer. Her mark did hurt. How could it not? The wound was still new when he’d bitten it again. But she wouldn’t change a thing. “It’s perfect.”

  “It’s going to scar.” He sounded regretful, but Nina relished the idea of wearing his mark.

  “Good.” She twisted around so she could see him.

  “Good?”

  “Of course.” She laughed. “I want the world to know I’m yours.”

  They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Ryker said, “Nina, I really am sorry for everything that went down.”

  “I know.”

  “I just want you to know that I was…well, I don’t even know. I can’t explain it but you, my love, messed with my instincts. But they’re clear now and I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”