I was just coming out of a horribly restless sleep when I heard the bedroom door close. I could feel his presence without him saying anything. Then I realized I was still curled beside Jensen, who remained asleep until my dad cleared his throat, loudly, to get our attention. Hopping up so Jensen wouldn’t, I stood before my dad. He looked like he aged overnight. Not too long ago, he looked eternally youthful. Suddenly, there were bags under his eyes accented by the slightest cracks at the corner of his face. His hair seemed to have grayed. The gray might have been there before, but with the added stress of the previous twelve hours, it was definitely more noticeable.
“I—”
He raised his hand, cutting me off. “We need to meet in half an hour. Will that be acceptable?” I’d never heard such sadness come out of the mouth that had yelled at me more times than I cared to admit.
“Of course,” I responded, just as quietly. Jensen was watching us silently. I’d cried a lot the night before, leaving me without any tears first thing in the morning. Maybe, once I was rehydrated, there’d more crying. I shivered at the thought.
Dad gave Jensen a little nod, then left.
“Half an hour?” Jensen’s voice hadn’t woken up yet.
“We have to bury her.” I sounded much stronger than I felt as I started rummaging through my closet for something appropriate to wear.
“Already?” I nodded. “I’ll go get dressed.” He hopped up in just his boxers, looking for some pants.
“You can’t…you can’t come.”
“Why? I want to be there for you.”
“It’s how we do things, Jensen. When someone…their immediate family and the head of The Council are the only ones to attend the funeral. In this case, it’s one in the same. Once in a while, an exception is made, but with everything going on…”
He took my hands in his, pulling me onto the bed so we were facing each other. “This doesn’t feel right.”
“Nothing does, but it’s because you’re still thinking like a human and about human protocol.”
“I love you.”
I could only nod and let me him hold me for a few moments before it was time to get ready.
Knocking on Aric’s door, I waited for permission to enter, hoping beyond anything else that he’d be alone. I couldn’t deal with anyone else. Before I could obsess too much, he swung the door open. He pulled me into his arms, squeezed tightly, and lifted me off the floor just to put me down inside.
“How are you? I’ve been going crazy wanting to know and didn’t want to wake you in case you were sleeping.”
“I’m holding up. Jensen stayed with me last night. That helped.”
“I was hoping he would.” Aric went to the table next to the window and removed the magazines, books, and trash so we could sit at it.
“I need to know what you saw.”
His entire body tensed. “The same thing you did.”
“Aric…”
He sighed before answering me. I tried not to cry and was sort of successful, though tears filled my eyes a couple times. I had to squeeze them shut to keep the tears from falling. I cried throughout the night and now I was done.
Aric explained that he’d headed back to my house before Jensen and my dad. Then he heard my scream from outside, which was how he found me in the foyer. When he did, I was already slumped over my mother, bloody, crying and making no sense. He pulled me away and whisked me to my room.
“That’s it,” he said.
“I already know all of that. I meant once Jensen got there and you left.” His face went a bit dark because clearly he didn’t want me to know. “Jensen’s not going to tell me anything and you know it.”
After a few hard swallows, he dove right into the nitty-gritty of the scene. There was so much blood, no one really knew what had happened. People came for her body, and a set of women cleaned everything up in the foyer. Our people determined it was a small, deep cut to the jugular that didn’t have time to heal. She bled out before having the chance to get close enough to the copper. It was quick, they said. Like falling asleep, they said.
“It was a Gobel, right?” I asked. He nodded and looked completely guilty even though I didn’t even count him among them anymore. “Don’t look like that. You didn’t do anything.”
“Exactly.” I didn’t understand. “If I would’ve been here, maybe I could’ve stopped it, or if I would have just gone home—”
“All that would mean is that I wouldn’t have had my friend with me when I needed him most.” Our eyes locked. If things had gone another way, we would have been much more than just friends. “I guess I have to go find my dad.”
Pushing myself off his bed, I felt a million years old. Even though I’d slept the night before, I didn’t feel rested. I felt more like I’d been beaten with a baseball bat.
“He’s in his office,” Aric said. “He’s been there since…”
I nodded, not wanting him to say the words. I knew she was gone. I wasn’t delusional, but I hated even thinking those words and sure as hell didn’t want to hear them.
“Hey, do you, um…know who it was?” I asked. Aric shook his head. “Do you have any ideas?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, I hope it wasn’t someone in your family because I’m going to end whoever k-killed my mother.”
His jaw tensed. “I’ll be right there next to you.”
“Oh,” I opened the door, stopping short before leaving, “if you see Jensen, could you tell him to not wait up.”
“Sure. Where are you going?”
“I just need to be alone for a while.”
***
Half an hour later, I stood, dressed and ready, in the foyer. Dad came out in his regular suit, the black tie just slightly off center. I chose a black skirt with a black button down shirt because that would have made Mom happy.
My heels clacked against the path as we walked, alone, to our town cemetery. Security was all around, but they’d stay hidden unless they were needed. We didn’t really talk. I mean, what could we say? Sorry, the most important person in either of our lives is dead? Silence was better.
After the funeral was over, and the plain, pine box—again, the Gremalian way—had been lowered and covered, we stood there, looking at the fresh brown dirt. I couldn’t believe I didn’t cry.
“I can’t lose you, Alyssum. We need to be more careful with you. She’d never forgive me.” He surprised me both by breaking our joint solitude and by the sentiment coming from his mouth. “You’re all I’ve got left.”
“Dad,” tears formed, “nothing’s going to happen to me.” Then the tears fell.
“You trust Jensen?” he asked. I nodded. “With your life?” I nodded again. “And Aric?”
“Yes, Dad. Both of them. They’d die before letting anything happen to me.” I pulled Dad into my arms in a way I hadn’t for far too long. I thought I heard him lose his composure but couldn’t be sure.
“You worry about the other stuff. I’m covered,” I said.
Chapter Twenty-Two
While sitting by Lake Superior, where I played as a kid, I thought about Mom or, more importantly, the various ways I would torture the person who killed her. I completely lost track of time. I drove back home in the dark, knowing that the nighttime was the only time I could allow myself to wallow. In the morning, I’d have to be ready for battle and I was pretty sure I could muster up the anger I’d need to fight.
The house was completely dark when I pulled in the driveway. Once inside, I could see a line of golden light coming from underneath the study door. Not wanting to bother him, I walked, with light footsteps, up to my room.
My room felt big and empty and I felt small inside of it. I found Jensen’s t-shirt from the night before shoved under my pillow and decided to wear that to bed. The mattress was wrong, my pillows too flat. In reality, I understood that everything was exactly the same, with the exception of me. It wasn’t my stuff that had changed; in those twenty-four hours, I becam
e a different person.
I was no longer the eighteen-year-old girl enjoying her first love and looking forward to putting some Gobel in their place. Instead, I was a grown-up mourning her mother and looking for some good, old-fashioned vengeance. I think I liked the other girl better.
After memorizing every pattern on the ceiling over my bed, I decided sleep wasn’t going to come and left. Not sure exactly where I was headed, my bare feet slapped against the tile and down the far hall to Jensen’s room. I turned the knob slowly and the mechanism released quietly, letting me in unnoticed.
Jensen lay on his back, one hand on his stomach, the other out to the side. He looked peaceful, ridiculously content, exactly how I wished I could be right then. I told him not to wait up for me. Otherwise, I knew he would have been sitting in my room, bright eyed, until I was snug in my own bed.
I carefully climbed in his bed and laid next to him, barely making any movement. I pulled the covers back and slipped inside.
Feeling his skin against mine warmed me up, even though I wasn’t cold. My head fit right into that dip by his shoulder. I sighed, feeling better already, every muscle relaxed. His arm was wrapped around me so tightly that I thought I’d woke him, but his breathing never changed and his eyelids didn’t even flutter. Just as I was about to fall asleep, just as I’d rediscovered that happy place right before everything goes quiet for a few hours, Jensen realized I was there.
“Hey,” he said. His head popped off the pillow in surprise. He rubbed his eyes like he was trying to make sure I was really there.
“I couldn’t fall asleep in my room. I hope you don’t mind.” My voice sounded tired, even to me, and I gave my best innocent look.
“Mind? Please. You’re welcome in my bed anytime.” He squeezed me gently to drive the ‘anytime’ home, bringing a small smile to my face. “I would have waited up for you.”
“I know.” I yawned. “I thought I wanted to be alone, but that sucked, so here I am.”
“In my t-shirt.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, it was on my bed and really comfortable last night so…” I shrugged.
“Well, you can get a clean one whenever you want. Second drawer.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me, it’s for pretty selfish reasons.” He looked back at the ceiling while I silently questioned him. “I can’t help it if I find you wearing my clothes completely sexy.”
I laughed quietly into his chest before reaching up to kiss his cheek. His fingertips brushed my mid-thigh. Something kicked in. Suddenly, all I wanted was to feel normal and better. I didn’t want to think about anything but Jensen and me.
Our lips crushed together with such ferocity that I felt his surprise, but it didn’t slow him down. My hands were all over his skin, pulling the heat into my body. He flipped me over and hovered above without breaking the connection. One hand slowly walked up my leg, grazing the side of my underwear, while the other stopped just shy of my bare breasts.
“Alyssum…” he whispered against my face.
My lips cut off anything else he had to say. I only pulled away for a second, just long enough to pull the shirt over my head and toss it onto the floor. Lying there, almost naked beneath him, I watched his argument evaporate into thin air.
Instead, he moved slowly, no doubt keeping in mind my lack of experience. It gave him enough time to remember the arguments that had formed weeks ago, when I made it clear exactly what I wanted to happen between us.
“Alyssum, we need to stop.”
“Why?”
“With everything going on…it isn’t right.”
“What’s not right?” The pain in my voice bothered me. I hoped he’d think it wasn’t because of him. “Wanting to feel better for a little while? Because I want to. I want to forget the last two days and be normal, even if only for a few minutes. Why is that wrong?”
He wrestled with his conscience. I watched the battle in his eyes, not sure which side was winning, until he lowered himself back against me, owning my mouth with his, memorizing every inch of my body, even the places he’d never touched before.
There was a moment I thought he’d changed his mind because he lifted off the bed, leaving me breathless, erratic and naked. Unable to see anything more than his shadow, I heard a drawer open and close. Then he was back. In my manic state, or naïve mind, I didn’t understand why he got up until I heard the wrapper open.
Things didn’t go as I thought they would. All those stories I heard in high school about the ridiculous amount of pain didn’t seem to ring true. The pain was there, though not unbearable. Any discomfort quickly turned to pleasure, pleasure that raced through my veins and invaded every cell of my body to the point that I wasn’t sure I could take another minute of it. It was him, it was me. It felt like perfection.
I laid on my side, my back to his front. One of his arms was wrapped tightly around my chest, the other around my waist, like he couldn’t loosen his grip even a little or I’d disappear. Honestly, I didn’t want him to. I felt warm and safe, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Since I was more exhausted than when I started, he used his chin to move my hair out of the way so he could kiss along my neck and shoulder, keeping me awake with the electricity in his kisses pulsating through my body.
“I feel like a dick,” he said. Not exactly the words I thought I’d hear. I expected whispers of love or even a few well punned jokes.
“What? Why?” Wriggling out of his grasp, then leaning over the side of the bed, I grabbed his shirt and put it back on. I would’ve grabbed my underwear, but I had no idea where those things landed. Sitting with my legs crossed, I found him face down in the pillow. “Why would you say that?”
“Alyssum…” He turned just enough that he was whispering right next to my ear. “You’re sad and I took advantage of the situation. You came in here looking for comfort—”
“And I got it.” He didn’t look convinced. I grabbed his face, pulling it as close as I could while still being able to see his eyes. “I’m serious. Jensen, I didn’t come in here trolling for sex.” He smiled at the description. “I needed to connect with something other than myself. I needed you.” I think I finally got through to him. “Besides, you know me and you know I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to. Please, don’t ever, ever doubt that.”
When his lips touched mine, my body melted even more.
“You okay?”
“I’m good. Better than I should be.” He pulled me back down beside him, wrapping me once again in the comfortable cocoon his arms created.
“I called my mom,” he said after a few minutes of silence.
“Good. It’s easy to get wrapped up in this crap,” I said, twirling my fingers around.
“The only thing I’m getting wrapped up in is you.” He rested his hand underneath the shirt, on my stomach, and sped up my heart rate. Man, I fell hard. “Seriously, though. I didn’t know what else to do today. You were gone. I thought I should tell them what’s going on.” My body tensed. “Calm down. I just meant about your mom. Dad wanted to head out right away to do whatever he could for you.”
“He adores me, you know.” While I was being playful, his dad did seem to really like me.
“He’s not the only one.” Jensen’s fingers absently trailed designs on my abdomen. “Obviously, I told him no, but they were going to be expecting me back soon. Because of this, they suggested I stay as long as needed.”
“I’m glad we could help you out.” The words came out more bitter than I meant.
His eyes sprang wide. “I didn’t—”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me. I just meant…I do have a job and everything. This way my mom, who can be slightly overprotective, won’t charge up here to pull me home by my ear like she did in tenth grade.”
“What happened in tenth grade?” I smirked at the idea of Jensen getting in trouble, especially with his mom, who worshipped the ground he walked on.
>
“I’m not sure—”
“Spill it. I need some Jensen gossip.” I swear he blushed. It was slight. I almost didn’t see it. That intrigued me.
“Well, I met the girl I was seeing at the football game. Things got…out of hand under the bleachers. Somehow, my mom got wind. She wasn’t happy because the girl was older—”
“How old?” I had images of someone’s mother in my mind, a whole Mrs. Robinson scenario.
“College.” My mouth dropped. “A freshman.” His face turned sheepish. “Anyway, Mom showed up, bullied my friends and found me under there with her. She grabbed my ear after screaming my name, of course, and dragged me out of there.”
“Oh my god.” I giggled at his story and the ease with which he told it. He was obviously trying to do anything he could think of to cheer me up.
“It gets worse.” He sighed. Apparently, his friends were laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe until she turned around, gave them the stink eye and threatened to tell their parents. They’d ratted him out, so he actually hoped she would.
“What were you doing under there that was so bad?” As soon as I said it, I could have slapped my own forehead. I wasn’t thinking.
Rubbing his fingers on each temple, he sighed again. “Let’s just say, I was pretty disheveled and the girl didn’t come out of there with me for a reason.”
“Jensen! You had sex with a college girl under the bleachers when you were what? Fifteen?”
“I’d turned sixteen.”
“Cuz that makes it better?”
He laughed quietly. “You asked.”
“Tenth grade, though.” I flipped to the side so I could watch his face. “Was that your first time?”
In that moment, I loved his honesty. At first, he was a bunch uncomfortable talking about those things with me, but the information kept my brain occupied. I needed that. He knew I needed that.
“Do you really want to know?”
Probably not. “Yes.” I poked his ribs hard enough to tell him I was serious.
“No.”
“Man, I would have been in seventh grade. Weird.” I thought about my own limited experiences for a minute before continuing. “The furthest I’d gone by sixteen—”
Grounded (Grounded #1) Page 15
