by Rachel Hanna
“Wow, that was way easier than I expected,” he said, shaking his head as they walked onto her front porch.
“Well, I fought it as long as I could.”
“And why did you fight it, exactly?” he asked as he leaned against the post on her porch.
“This might be hard for you to believe, but I was scared. I don’t get close to people easily, Grant. You have to understand that I guard my heart in a fierce way because of my background. I thought I could trust certain people in my life, but I couldn’t. I had to protect Lori and then Ethan. When you grow up like I did, no one is safe, and it takes a long time to break down these walls I’ve built over the years,” she said, running her finger across the grain of the wood on the porch railing.
“I understand, Bella. And I am so thankful and proud that you’re willing to take a chance on me,” he said, rubbing her arm. She turned to look at him, and all she could see was a man she could finally trust.
***
Grant walked in the front door of his house, unable to wipe the smile from his face. Bella had finally given in and said she would go on a real date with him. Not a date with his buddies from college or dinner with Ethan in the other room. A real date.
The other part of him wondered what he was doing. Against his better judgment, here he was getting ready to date a former porn star. He hated keeping the secret from her that he knew about her past, but he didn’t want to hurt her any more. He was pinning his hopes on the idea that no one in this little Georgia mountain town would ever recognize her.
One night he decided to get online and see if he could find out more about Desiree Drake. What he saw her doing on video clips astounded and sickened him. He wasn’t upset with Bella at all. He was incredibly angry with all of the men in her life who’d taken advantage of her and her beautiful spirit. In anger, he’d slammed his laptop so hard that he’d cracked the screen.
It made him sad to think about how desperate she must have been for money to have lowered herself to that. The thought of men leering at her from the other side of their computer screens made him nauseous. She had such a sweet spirit, and so many people had taken advantage of that over the years. Her beauty had been a curse to her, and he wanted to help her feel different about herself.
He and Bella had planned their date for Saturday night, and he was going to make sure it was as memorable as possible. She was special, and he wanted to make sure she knew it.
As he went through some paperwork on his desk, he thought about the big secret he was keeping from Bella. If she ever found out, she might never feel the same way about him again. In fact, she just might hate him forever.
***
Bella touched up her makeup one more time as she waited for Grant to pick her up for their long-awaited date. Ethan was spending the night with Howie again because they’d decided that they were long lost brothers separated at birth. Seven year olds are hugely imaginative, Bella thought to herself as she slipped on her shoes.
Grant had been tight-lipped about where they were going, but he did tell her to dress warmly. She wore a soft red sweater, a pair of jeans and her favorite brown cowboy boots. As she spritzed on her perfume, she heard the doorbell ring, which was strange since she never heard his car door shut.
Swinging the door open, Bella was shocked to see a real horse and buggy sitting in front of her house. Grant was nowhere to be found, so she stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her.
“Good evening, madam,” the man driving the buggy said as he waved her into the seat.
“Good evening,” she said. “Will Mr. Brady be joining me?”
“In due time, ma’m,” was all he said as he called the horses to attention and started down the road. As she listened to the horses’ hooves hitting the pavement, Bella looked at all of the houses on the way to her destination. Amber light streamed from windows inside of homes where she imagined happy families lived. Seeing houses lit up at night made her sad as a kid because she could envision a mother and father sitting around the table with their kids, asking about how their day at school went. Although she was often envious of happy families, it was more the sense of loss that cut through her.
A few moments later, the buggy came to a stop at the end of a small, wooded side road. “We’re here, ma’m,” the driver said as he took her hand and helped her down.
“Where?” she asked confused.
“See that path over there? The one lit up? You’ll need to follow that.”
Bella nodded, still confused. As she walked toward the path, she felt a bit like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Follow the yellow brick road… Only this time it was “follow the well-lit path”.
It appeared that Grant had taken the time to string beautiful white lights down the path. As she reached the end, she didn’t see anything but suddenly heard his voice.
“You made it!” he said.
“Um… Grant? Where are you?”
“Up here!” he said. Bella looked to her right and up a bit to see Grant sitting in a big climbing tree smiling at her.
“What on Earth are you doing up there?” she asked, laughing.
“Hanging out!” he said with a chuckle. “You said you loved to climb trees, right?”
“As a kid, yes…”
“Well, come on up,” he said, climbing down a limb and holding out his hand.
“Grant, I can’t get up there! I’m a grown woman now.”
“Come on. The view up here is amazing,” he said. “Please…”
“This is the most unique date I’ve ever been on, for sure!” she said as she walked to the bottom of the tree. Carefully, she placed her boot on the tree and began the climb up. It wasn’t an overly tall tree, but it was very old and had huge thick limbs. Bella didn’t want to say so, but it was the perfect tree for climbing. As she reached Grant’s perch, he took her hand and helped her sit down. Their legs dangled over the side like two monkeys in a tree.
“Welcome to my tree,” he said, nudging her. “Surprised?”
“Well, yeah, I’d say so!” she said, smiling. “What made you do this?”
“I just wanted our first date to be interesting and unique and special.”
“You did that!” she said.
“I remembered how much you said you loved to climb trees as a kid, but I didn’t want to take you back to Clayton Springs. So, I searched the woods all day yesterday to find this tree. I call it Bella’s Tree, of course,” he said softly.
“You spent a day looking for the perfect tree for me?” she asked, touching her chest as if she was shocked that anyone would spend the time to do something so special for her.
“Of course, Bella. You’re worth all the time in the world.”
Her eyes filled up with tears at the thought of Grant trouncing through the woods in the cold on the day after Thanksgiving. Who did things like that? For her?
“Wow, Grant. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”
“No thank you necessary, Bella. Now, turn this way and look,” he said, pointing off into the distance between two branches. “See the lights?”
“Yes. How beautiful,” she said as they looked at the Christmas lights that had just been turned on in the city.
“In about ten minutes, they will be lighting the town square Christmas tree. We will have the best view in town,” he said.
“Oh, that will be amazing!”
For the next few minutes, they sat side by side quietly watching the lights across the mountain landscape. The smell of Grant’s cologne and pine trees was enough to make Bella weak in her knees. He wrapped his arm around her in an effort to keep her warm, and instinctively she put her head on his shoulder. Never had she felt safer and more cared about than in that moment, and she wished it could last. But she knew that this was one of those fairytale nights that couldn’t turn into anything more because of her past. She never wanted to shatter Grant’s image of her, and she never wanted to see that look in his eyes change to one of disgust.
When the lights on the town Christmas tree lit up, Bella clapped like a child. It was one of the most beautiful moments of her life, and she never wanted to leave that tree. As Grant leaned over to kiss her, she was afraid that leaving that tree would mean the end of her relationship with him. The tree was a safe place - away from the potential of Grant finding out about her alter ego.
For just one night, she allowed the warmth of his touch and the passion of his kisses to overwhelm her senses and guard her heart. She’d worry about everything else another day.
Chapter 16
Monday started off like any other day, but Bella could not have known how her world in Madison Falls was about to be turned upside down. As she parked her car and headed into the school building after working a long day at the coffee shop, she looked around for Grant. He’d told her that he was staying for the last PTA meeting of the year so that he could present his ideas to parents for some changes to the physical fitness program.
She walked into the packed auditorium and searched for a seat. Finally, she found one right in the middle of the tenth row just in front of the stage. The principal started the meeting and introduced the PTA board members. As the gathering went on, Bella struggled to stay awake. Thankfully, Roslyn had offered to keep Ethan for a few hours after school so that Bella could go to the meeting. In reality, she knew Ros was matchmaking for her and Grant, but she really didn’t mind. Seeing Grant was becoming the highlight of every day.
Grant stepped up onto the stage to give his presentation, and Bella giggled to herself when she watched many of the mothers ogling him. He was sexy as hell, and she wanted to stand up and tell everyone how he’d found her a special tree. At least for a moment, she had Grant Brady’s attention, and she felt wanted.
“Good evening, parents and faculty. I’m Grant Brady, one of the teachers here. I’m also the physical education director for your kids. Let me start by saying…” Before Grant could finish his sentence, there was a commotion in the back of the room. Some man was yelling and walking up the aisle. Bella turned around with a look of horror on her face as she realized that Nathan had tracked her down. Now Sonya’s text message made more sense; she’d given him her new address.
“Oh, there she is!” Nathan yelled, pointing at Bella who was cowering in her seat covering her face. “Ladies and gentleman, I present to you Internet porn star, Desiree Drake!” he yelled with his yellow-toothed grin. Bella wanted to vomit as she stood up and tried to push past him. “Oh, no, Desiree… You’re not going anywhere. Is that your boyfriend up there? Hey, dude, did you know that she’s screwed dozens of guys for money? You can look her up online. Hell, I bet she’d do you right now for ten bucks!” he said, laughing. Bella could smell the alcohol on his breath as she tried to escape from his grip.
“Let me go!” she yelled as she tried to pull out of his grip.
Within seconds, Grant was by her side as his fist connected hard with Nathan’s jaw. Finally free, Bella ran as fast as she could out the back of the school and into the night while Grant continued to pummel Nathan’s face. When security finally intervened, Grant also ran out the back door of the school. Her car was still in the parking lot, but she was nowhere to be found.
Grant ran all over the school grounds looking for her, but he didn’t see anything. As he was walking back to his car, he thought he heard sobbing. He ran down the hill behind the school toward the high school campus and saw Bella sitting in the middle of the football field. She was a wreck, so he stood back for a moment before approaching her.
“Why, God? Why? I don’t understand!” she yelled as she sat on her knees and pounded her fists into the grass. “Why did you take Lori? Why the abuse? I’m so tired, God…” she sobbed. The sounds she was making were unlike anything Grant had ever heard. They sounded guttural, like she was crying from the depths of her soul for the years of torment she’d suffered. “I don’t understand, God. Please help me to understand why I’m being punished…” she said through the saddest tears he’d ever heard.
Grant walked to her slowly and knelt beside her, pulling her to him. She stared up at him with swollen red eyes as if she was shocked to see him.
“Bella, it’s okay, honey…” he said as he rocked her back and forth. “God isn’t punishing you…”
“Oh, Grant… Didn’t you hear Nathan? I’m a nasty porn star. Used up. Slut…” she mumbled as her sobs continued. She was shaking as her well-built walls crafted from years of physical and emotional abuse came crumbling down around her.
“Don’t say that! You’re not nasty or used up or a slut, Bella. You were an abused little girl trying to take care of her sister, and some sick and twisted people took advantage of you,” he said, rubbing her head.
“I don’t understand… Why don’t you seem surprised or upset?” she asked, looking at him with the most painful look he’d ever seen. All he wanted to do was wipe the memory of her agonized face out of his memory. He wanted to see her sweet smile again.
“I’ve known for a while now… about your past. Since we had dinner with my college friends. Red told me.”
“That’s why you argued with him and threw him against the wall?” she asked, putting her hand on her heart.
“Yes.”
“Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. See? I even ruined a friendship you’ve had since college. You must have been so embarrassed.”
“No, Bella. He ruined it. I wasn’t going to put up with what he said about you. Because I care about you. A lot…” Grant said, kissing the top of her head.
“But don’t you see that this can never work? People are always going to talk about me. It’s ruined Madison Falls for me now. I’m going to have to take Ethan to another school.”
“No, you won’t. We will work through this, Bella. I promise.”
“I’m not worth it, Grant. Poor Ethan is stuck with me by default, but you aren’t. Find someone worthy of you, because I’m not it.”
“Never say that to me again, okay? It’s a lie. You are so worth it, Bella. You’re worth every blade of grass on this football field. You’re worth every climbing tree in that forest over there. You’re worth every star in the sky. You are worth everything,” he said as he knelt between her legs facing her. “I love you, Bella. And I don’t care what anyone has to say about it,” he said as he pressed his lips to hers.
His words shocked her, but she couldn’t let on. “Well, I care,” she said as she pulled away from him and stood up. “I will not ruin your life, too. My life has been ruined since I was eight years old,” she said as she turned and started walking away.
“Your life is just beginning, Bella. You cannot allow these men who have used you all these years to win. You have a chance at happiness right now. With me,” he called to her.
“Let me ask you one thing, Grant,” she said as she stopped and turned around.
“Anything.”
“How could you ever be with me knowing how many guys I’ve been with in my short life? Guys who are on film kissing me and touching me and pressing themselves into me? I’m no different than a dirty prostitute, and a guy like you isn’t meant to be with a woman like me. You deserve better.”
“Have you ever made love with a man, Bella?” he asked.
“What? You know the answer to that, Grant.”
“Let me rephrase it then. I know you’ve had sex with men. That’s just a physical act. It means nothing. Monkeys and dogs do it, too. What I am asking is if you’ve ever made love with a man?”
Bella stood there for a moment before answering. “If you are asking me if I have ever slept with a man that I loved, then the answer is no.”
“Then that’s all I need to know, Bella. Everything else was just physical. No different than brushing your teeth. It doesn’t make me think of you as dirty or used up. All I know is that if you walk away from me now, I’ll never get over it, and I don’t think you will either.”
Bella stared at him for moment before running her fingers through her hair. “Y
ou’re an amazing man, Grant Brady,” she said with a half-hearted smile. “Either that, or you’re a glutton for punishment.”
“Maybe a little of both,” he said, smiling as he walked toward her. “I love you, Bella. The only question now is whether or not you love me enough to move forward. Do you love me enough to let me help you start over?”
“I do love you, Grant. It terrifies me to say it, but it terrifies me more to think that you would walk away from me.”
“I will never walk away from you, Bella. Never,” he said as he scooped her up in his arms and covered her mouth with his. Their tongues danced with the heat of passion as Bella struggled not to rip his shirt off right there on the football field. Of course, she knew that if anyone saw them, it would definitely play into the idea that she was a slut. “Bella?” he said after a few moments as he tried to catch his breath.
