She sat down on her bed in the empty room with tears running down her cheeks. This was the bed where she had slept with him. She bitterly regretted it now. This was a hell of a price to pay for one incredibly stupid mistake.
She looked panicked when she put on a black coat her mother had given her, then tied the belt tightly around her waist as though to prove that she still could. She picked up her bag and hurried down the stairs.
She didn’t stop in the kitchen, which was unusual for her. She walked right into the street and hailed a cab and gave the driver the address of La Grenouille. The last thing she wanted to do now was have lunch with anyone, or celebrate with her mother. She wasn’t going to say anything to her, but as they drove uptown, all April could think was that this was the worst birthday of her life.
Chapter 3
April arrived at the restaurant two minutes before her mother and was led to the table Valerie had reserved for them. Her mother went there often with friends—it was her favorite place to dine, other than April’s restaurant, which she loved too. But La Grenouille was more her style. It was elegant and chic and had been fashionable for years. The flower arrangements were fabulous, the service impeccable, and April and Valerie both agreed that the food was superb, the best in the city.
April was sitting at the table lost in thought, in a state of shock, when her mother arrived. Valerie looked beautiful, and she kissed April on the cheek with a broad smile and then sat down.
“Sorry I’m late. I had a busy morning. I’m trying to lock down our Christmas show. Happy birthday! I hope it’s been a good one so far.”
There was no way April was going to tell her mother the truth. Maybe eventually, but certainly not now. She had to digest it first herself, and figure out what to do. Maybe she’d never tell her at all.
“It’s been okay. I was at the fish market and the produce market at the crack of dawn. We’re starting white truffle season tonight. They came in two days ago. You should come for dinner this weekend.” She smiled at her mother. They had a good relationship, and always had, and they liked each other even better now as adults. And April would always be grateful to her for making her dream come true and lending her the money for the restaurant. It had been an enormous gift to her. “Happy birthday to you too,” she added.
Valerie ordered champagne for both of them and lowered her voice as she looked at her daughter across the table. “They announced my age on the radio today,” she said, looking as unhappy about it as she had been all morning, since she heard it.
“I know. I figured you’d be upset. I’m sorry, Mom. It doesn’t matter. No one would believe it. You hardly look older than I do.”
“Thank you for saying that,” Valerie said ruefully, “but now everyone knows the truth.”
“You can say they made a mistake.” April tried to console her, but she was too shaken up herself to be very reassuring.
“I can’t believe I’m sixty,” Valerie said, as April smiled at her.
“I can’t believe I’m thirty,” and pregnant, she silently added. Thirty wasn’t the end of the world, but getting pregnant by a man she didn’t know or love was about as bad as it could get.
“You don’t look it either,” Valerie said, smiling at her, “especially with your hair in a braid and no makeup.” She had long since given up trying to get her to wear any. April said it made no sense with her job and lifestyle. Although their features and their figures were strikingly similar, the two women couldn’t have been more different. One looked as though she had stepped off the pages of Vogue, and the other was a totally natural beauty. With Valerie’s careful attention to her appearance, they could almost have been sisters.
They sipped their champagne, and the waiter took their order. He greeted Valerie warmly and wished her a happy birthday. She told him it was April’s birthday too, and he smiled. Valerie ordered crab, and April sweetbreads; she loved how they did them. It struck her then that she had had no nausea in the past two months, and not a single symptom from what had happened, just a little tenderness in her breasts, which she had assumed was because she was late. Now she knew what had happened, and it was hard to think of anything else. Impossible, in fact. She kept missing two-thirds of everything her mother said. The waiter poured her another glass of champagne and April drank it. She was trying to be in denial about being pregnant. She was feeling a little dizzy by the time lunch came. And finally, when they finished, Valerie looked at her with concern. April was looking dazed and had been worried and distracted all through lunch. And she had gotten just a little tipsy.
“Are you upset about your birthday or is something wrong?” her mother asked her gently, and April shook her head and tried to smile.
“No, I’m fine. I think thirty just hit me harder than I expected. And so did the champagne.” They had been drinking Cristal, which was their favorite. April didn’t carry it at the restaurant; it was much too expensive for her clients. Nor did they carry the Château d’Yquem that the waiter poured each of them after the meal as a gift. It was the best sauterne there was, and April didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so she drank it.
“I’m going to be drunk when I go back to work,” Valerie said, laughing, as April stared at her across the table, feeling woozy.
“Yeah, me too,” April said vaguely, and then looked at her mother through a haze of wine, and said exactly what she had told herself she wouldn’t. “I’m pregnant.” She just blurted it out, and the announcement sat between them like an elephant on the table, as Valerie stared at her in amazement.
“You’re pregnant? How did that happen? I mean … never mind. Who is it? Have you been seeing someone?” If she had been, April hadn’t said a word to her about it. Valerie looked stunned. This was the last thing she had expected.
“No, I haven’t. It was a stupid mistake I made over the Labor Day weekend. I don’t even know him. I only saw him once. I just found out today.”
Valerie looked at her and then touched her hand. She was as shocked as April had been when she read the test. “What are you going to do about it? Or not what, I guess … but when?”
“I don’t know what or when. This has never happened to me before. I’m thirty years old, and this morning I was beating myself up about not being married and having kids by the time I’m thirty. And now look what happened. I have no idea what to do about it, what’s right, or what I want.”
“Would you keep it?” Valerie looked even more shocked at the prospect. That hadn’t occurred to her before, but neither had April getting pregnant by a stranger.
“I don’t know. I’m not even sure I ever want a baby. But now this has happened. Maybe I should make the best of it, although it would certainly complicate my life.”
“Are you going to tell the father?” These were questions Valerie had never thought she would be asking her daughter. April had always been so sensible and well behaved. And now she was pregnant by a man she didn’t know. It was a nightmare for April. Her mother felt sorry for her.
“I don’t know. He probably doesn’t even remember me, or what happened. We were both embarrassingly drunk. I probably shouldn’t tell him. I’ll deal with it on my own.”
“Is he a nice person?”
“I have no idea. His name is Mike Steinman, and he gave me a terrible review.”
“After he slept with you? How rude!” Valerie looked shocked again, and suddenly April laughed. Confessing to her mother had sobered her a little. They decided not to have dessert and ordered coffee. April felt more coherent after she drank it.
“I’m having trouble believing that this happened. I took an antibiotic for strep throat, and my acupuncturist said that it may have canceled out the Pill. She’s the one who suspected I was pregnant. I sure didn’t. It never even occurred to me.”
“How long ago did this happen?” Valerie asked with a worried look. She had forgotten the timing. It had been a hell of an announcement, and an enormous shock to them both.
“Two months
ago. Labor Day weekend,” April repeated, and her mother nodded.
“If you’re going to do something about it, you’ll have to do it soon.”
“I know. I’ll go see my doctor.” But the decision was hers. And she had nothing to say to Mike Steinman, unless she decided to keep it. In that case, he had a right to know too, although she wanted nothing from him.
“What can I do to help you?” Valerie offered.
“Nothing for now. I have to figure this out for myself.”
“I guess these days a lot of unmarried women have babies, especially at your age. It’s not the taboo it used to be, and at least you don’t have to marry someone you don’t like, if you decide to keep it. But the way you work, I don’t see how you could manage a child on your own.”
“Neither do I,” April said honestly. “This was not in my plans.” It didn’t make sense for April to keep it, and they both knew that, but what she decided about it ultimately was up to her. April knew her mother would support her, whatever her decision. “I’ll let you know, when I figure it out. I guess this is a birthday we won’t forget in a hurry. I wasn’t going to tell you until I made up my mind.”
“I’m glad you did,” Valerie said reassuringly. “It’s entirely your decision, April. Your father and I will stand behind you, either way.”
“Don’t say anything to Daddy yet,” April said, looking upset. She couldn’t imagine telling him, or Maddie. If she had a baby now, everyone would be so shocked. Or maybe they wouldn’t. And did it matter? The only thing that mattered to her was what she felt was the best thing to do in the circumstances, and she didn’t know what that was yet. The whole idea was still too new, and hard to wrap her mind around. She looked at her watch then, and Valerie asked for the check. “I’d better get back to work.”
“Me too,” Valerie said, still bowled over by April’s announcement.
“What are you doing tonight?” April asked her. “Going out with friends?”
“I’m going to bed to cry over the fact that everyone knows how old I am,” she said with a rueful grin.
“Do you want to come to dinner at the restaurant? We’ll have the white truffle pasta tonight. I can do it for you with risotto, if you prefer.”
“I think I’d rather be alone,” Valerie said honestly, and April understood. At this point, with all she had to think about, so would she, but she had to work.
“I love you, Mom. Thank you for being so nice about this. I’m sorry to spring this on you on your birthday,” April said gratefully as they both put their coats on.
“I’m just sorry for you that it happened.” She didn’t envy her daughter the decision, but she could see only one possible choice. It would be just too much for her to handle a baby and a restaurant on her own, with no one to help her. There was only one reasonable option, as far as Valerie was concerned, not two. April couldn’t have the baby, and not without a father. But she respected her right to make the decision. She was sure that April would come to that conclusion too, and her mother knew that she was in no hurry to have kids.
“Happy birthday, Mom,” April said sadly, as they hugged outside La Grenouille. “Thanks for being so good to me. And believe me, no one would ever believe you’re sixty.”
“Just don’t make me a grandmother yet,” Valerie said ruefully. “I’m not ready for that.”
“Neither am I,” April said honestly. “I never expected to be dealing with something like this.”
“Well, happy birthday anyway, sweetheart.” Valerie blew her a kiss, they got into separate cabs, and both of them went back to work.
When April got to the restaurant, she went upstairs to change her clothes, and was in the kitchen five minutes later, grateful for the distraction. She worked straight through the afternoon, doing the prep work herself for dinner, and it was midnight before she finally stopped and sat down. It had been the best way to spend her birthday, too busy and too tired to think.
They had sold seven truffle pasta dinners, despite the price. And the Grand Marnier soufflés had been delicious. Her staff had presented her with a birthday cake and the entire restaurant had sung “Happy Birthday.” If it hadn’t been for the positive pregnancy test, it would have been a nice evening. But it was impossible not to think of that. It changed everything, and April felt as though she had a thousand-pound weight on her shoulders. She felt as though she had aged ten years in a single day, facing this awful decision. She blew out the candles on her cake, praying that everything would turn out right.
In her bed that night, Valerie wished the same for her. Suddenly turning sixty didn’t seem so devastating. She was worried about her daughter. And as she turned out the light, she suddenly remembered Alan’s prediction about April, that she was going to have a baby. A shiver ran down Valerie’s spine as she thought of it. He had been right, about the pregnancy anyway. It remained to be seen if there would be a baby. It made her think too of the new man he had predicted for her. If he’d been accurate about April, maybe he would be about that too. That would be nice for a change. But for now all she could think about was April.
Jack Adams lay in his bed, blasted on painkillers that night. He never made it to Cipriani. He had crawled home from the office and gone to bed. There was no acrobatic sex for him, and no twenty-two-year-old models to help him celebrate his fiftieth birthday. He was in bed, in agony, watching TV, thinking back on all the fun he had had for so many years, and convinced now that life as he had known it was over forever. It had been one hell of a birthday. He felt as though he was in mourning for his youth, which had ended in the arms of Catwoman the night before. He was convinced she had killed Superman for good. Fifty had turned out to be just as bad as he had feared it would be, and worse.
Chapter 4
April went back to see Ellen the same day she had an appointment with her doctor. As soon as she walked in, she told Ellen she had been right, she was pregnant.
“I’m sorry,” Ellen said sympathetically. “I was hoping I was wrong. Your pulses just felt like you might be.”
“You’re better than you think.” April smiled at her ruefully, and lay down on the table. “I was hoping you were wrong too.”
“What are you going to do?” Ellen was worried about her friend.
“I don’t think I have much choice,” April said sadly. She had been wrestling with it all week and didn’t like any conclusion she came to. It was the hardest decision of her life. “I can’t manage the restaurant and a kid. I have to have an abortion. I’m seeing my doctor this afternoon.”
“It’s not as hard as you think, managing one kid, if you decide to have it.”
“You have a husband to help you,” April reminded her. “I don’t. I don’t even know this guy, and I probably wouldn’t tell him.”
“Larry’s not much help with the kids. Most of the time, I pretty much take care of them on my own, and I have three. I have other friends who’ve done it alone. Some of them have gone to sperm banks because they wanted kids, even without a husband. The beginning is a little dicey, but after that, it settles down.”
“I work twenty hours a day, most of the time, seven days a week. When am I going to find time for a baby, or a two-year-old? I don’t think I could do it. Maybe I never will. The restaurant is my baby.” April knew what she had to do or should. She just didn’t like it.
“You’ll figure it out,” Ellen said quietly. “Just do whatever is right for you.”
“I’m trying to decide what that is.” But she had been worried and upset ever since she found out. Her mother had called her several times, trying to offer her support, but it was obvious that she didn’t think April should keep it, and some of the time neither did April. The rest of the time, she wasn’t sure. It was a monumental decision. She was relieved to be seeing the doctor that afternoon. April had done nothing but cry about it all week, even when she was working in the kitchen. All the kitchen staff who knew her well were worried about her. She had been unusually quiet ever since her
birthday.
After she arrived for her appointment, April spent nearly an hour talking about it to her doctor, who was sympathetic and kind. She discussed April’s medical options with her, and suggested that she might like to get some counseling to help her with the decision. She understood how hard it was. April explained to her that she scarcely knew the father and they had no relationship. It had essentially been a one-night stand under the influence of a lot of wine. It was hardly the way to have a baby, and not what she wanted or had ever planned. The doctor understood that too. She explained the abortion procedures to her, and they figured out that, calculating from her last menstrual period, April was now ten weeks pregnant. The doctor suggested they do a sonogram to see how things looked. It was standard procedure for a normal ten-week visit for pregnant patients. April agreed and was relieved that they had the sonogram equipment right in the office.
Happy Birthday: A Novel Page 4
