“Fine. Why?” Valerie looked blank. She had completely forgotten her excuse for not coming to work. “Oh, that. Much better. Strep. I’m taking antibiotics.” She walked straight into her office and got to work. She was taping her big Valentine show the next day. It seemed well suited to the mood she was in.
Jack came down and visited her at lunchtime. He was in great spirits. They had won the ratings hands down for Sunday. Everyone was pleased, and she was proud of him.
She had to work late that night, and she promised to stop at his apartment on her way home. She got there at eight-thirty, and never left. She had to go to her place to dress for work the next day. The maid was there and said she thought Valerie was out of town. That was the only possible reason for her not sleeping in her bed. Valerie realized that everyone would know soon. It was too complicated to lie. She just smiled and didn’t say anything. She put on a red Chanel suit for the Valentine show. Jack came by half an hour later to take her to work. They were suddenly inseparable, but Valerie liked it. She loved being part of a couple with him. She told him about the show she was doing that day, on their way to work.
“What are we doing for Valentine’s Day, by the way? Why don’t we go to April’s?” he suggested, and Valerie nodded, thinking that she should say something to her before that, but she wasn’t sure when.
As it turned out, Valerie stopped in to see April on Saturday for lunch on the way to the hairdresser. The opportunity presented itself easily, when April questioned her about him.
“You’re seeing an awful lot of him, aren’t you, Mom? He’s a very busy guy. I don’t want you to fall for him and get hurt. He’s in here with young models all the time.” Valerie nodded thoughtfully and looked at her. She had never lied to her daughter and didn’t want to start now, more than she already had.
“To tell you the truth, I already have fallen for him. And maybe I will get hurt, I don’t know. He’s ten years younger than I am, but it doesn’t seem to matter. He’s fallen for me too.” April was quiet for a long moment and looked at her mother, not sure what to say.
“Does he treat you well?” she asked quietly.
“Very. He’s wonderful to me. Kind, respectful, smart, fun to be with. It seems to work. Maybe it won’t last forever, nothing does, I guess. But it sure is nice for now,” she said, feeling guilty that this was happening to her and not to April, who had a right to it too, and needed it a lot more. Life just wasn’t fair. She was sixty years old and madly in love, and April was five months pregnant by a man who wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, and she was alone. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I feel kind of greedy having this right now. I’d much rather you have a good man to take care of you.”
“I’m doing okay,” April insisted, but she looked tired. She had been sad ever since the last time she’d seen Mike and his visit to the doctor had blown up in her face. “And I’m happy for you, Mom,” she said sincerely. “You deserve it. I don’t see why you should be alone. He’s lucky to have you, and you’re still young. I’ve always wanted you to have someone who is good to you. Dad is happy with Maddie. Why shouldn’t you have someone too? And maybe Jack figured out that all those young girls weren’t what he was looking for.” She hoped so, for her mother’s sake.
“Apparently. I still get nervous about it, though. Sixty is sixty, no matter how much I lie about it. And twenty-two is twenty-two.”
“He was probably bored with them,” April said sensibly. She hadn’t expected it, but she was pleased about Jack and her mother. Valerie told her that she and Jack wanted to have dinner at the restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and April was delighted. “I’ll make you two a special dinner,” she promised, and she hugged her mother when she left and told her again how happy she was for her.
“What did she say?” Jack asked Valerie when she got back to his apartment. They had spent every night together, at his place or hers, since they got back from Miami. And he had been a little nervous about April’s reaction. You never knew with kids, at whatever age. He had mentioned to Greg on the phone that week that he and Valerie were dating, and Greg thought it was fine. It was not an issue. But girls were different, and he knew that Valerie and her daughter were very close.
“She was great,” Valerie reassured him, and then kissed him. “She’s going to make us a special dinner for Valentine’s Day; I told her you wanted to eat there.”
“Not with arsenic in it, hopefully,” he said, still looking nervous, and Valerie laughed at him.
“I told you, she’s fine. She has her own problems these days.”
“What kind of problems?” he asked, looking concerned. “Is the restaurant doing okay?”
“The restaurant is terrific,” she said, and didn’t explain. But he was relieved to know that April was fine with their romance too. Green light. Go. Full steam ahead. All aboard. It made him feel better to know it. And so far, no one else had caught on, even though they’d been friendly and seen a lot of each other at work. People just assumed they were friends, since it had started that way. It was going to take them a while to understand, which was fine with them, although Valerie had the feeling that Dawn suspected but hadn’t said anything. As he had said earlier, their kids’ approval was all that mattered to them, and they had it.
Valerie and Jack went to dinner at April’s restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and she prepared a superb dinner for them, and sat down with them afterward. She was still at the table when one of the models Jack used to go out with walked in with a very good-looking young male model. She stopped at their table, and reminded Jack to call her sometime, and dismissed Valerie with a glance. It was obvious to her that he was having dinner with friends, particularly with April sitting at the table.
“I’ve missed you,” she cooed at him, pouting, and giving him a look that left nothing to the imagination. And a minute later, April had to take care of a problem in the kitchen. Valerie was unusually quiet when she left, and Jack could see that she was upset.
“Don’t let that idiot girl get to you,” he said bluntly to Valerie. “I only went out with her once. She’s a nutcase. She stole a hundred dollars out of my wallet. I guess she likes getting paid.” He had gone out with nice ones too, but this girl had been one of the worst. He considered it bad luck that she had shown up at April’s that night. And Valerie looked visibly shaken by it.
“You obviously slept with her, from the look she gave you,” Valerie said, looking tense and hurt. And Jack sighed as he took her hand in his own.
“Sweetheart, I was stupid enough to sleep with half the models in New York at one point, but that doesn’t mean I want them now, or ever will again. I love you. I feel stupid as hell for the life I lived before, and every now and then one of them is going to pop up like tonight, and make an ass of me, which I deserve and you don’t. But don’t let it ruin things for us, or upset you. I never cared about any of them, I was just having fun. This is a whole different world with us. I couldn’t care less about them. You’re beautiful and wonderful, and I love you,” he said, looking at her soberly, and she felt better, and somewhat embarrassed for making a fuss about it, as April came back to the table and sat down with them again.
“Sorry, one of the damn dishwashers keeps breaking. I may have to get a new one,” she said, and then noticed the look on her mother’s face and knew she was upset. Probably about the model who had stopped to talk to Jack, but she could see how in love he was with her mother. She was genuinely happy for them, and Jack told her it had been a wonderful dinner, and thanked her.
They left a little while later, and April came out to say goodbye. Her mother looked better, but still somewhat bothered. And April kissed them both and told them to come back soon. And as she kissed Jack on the cheek, he suddenly looked at her, surprised. Her stomach had bumped into him while she kissed him. He looked down and could see that she was pregnant, and had a good-sized belly hiding under her apron. He looked back into April’s eyes with a question in his gaze.
�
��Mom will explain it to you,” she said shyly. “Or has she already told you?” It wouldn’t have bothered her if she did. He was family now, by association with her mother.
“No, she hasn’t,” he said quietly. “Is that good news or bad news for you?” he asked, pointing at her belly, and she shrugged.
“A little bit of both. It’s one of those things, a blessing in disguise maybe. I haven’t figured that out yet.” The cab was waiting for them and it was cold outside and April didn’t have a coat on, so she hurried back into the restaurant and they got into the cab, and Jack was quiet after giving the driver Valerie’s address. They were staying at her place that night, and still going back and forth every few days between his apartment and hers.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked Valerie, looking hurt.
“About what?”
“April’s baby. She’s pregnant. Who’s the guy? I didn’t know she had a boyfriend.”
“She doesn’t.” Valerie sighed. “It was an accident. I met him once. He seems nice enough, he’s a food critic. But he doesn’t want her or the baby. Apparently, they only got together once, and poor April was very unlucky. She says they got drunk, which is unfortunate. And the antibiotic she was taking rendered her birth control pill ineffective.” He felt sorry for her. It was a heavy burden for her to carry alone, with the restaurant. And it was bad luck that the father didn’t want her or the baby.
“How terrible for her. Valerie, why didn’t you tell me?” For the first time, there was reproach in his voice, and he wondered if she’d been too embarrassed, or was protecting April. That at least would explain it. But he thought they’d been totally open with each other, and this was a big piece of information to leave out, which must have been a worry to her. He wanted to be at the hub of her life, and useful to her, not on the sidelines. He was hurt that she hadn’t told him.
There were tears in her eyes when she answered him. “Did you see that girl tonight? The one who said hello to you? How old is she, Jack? Twenty-one? Twenty-two? Twenty-three at most? That makes me thirty-seven years older than she is. That’s who you used to go out with. And I’m ten years older than you are. I’m sixty and single, with a man who used to go out with twenty-year-olds, and on top of it, you expected me to tell you that I’m about to be a grandmother? I could be that model’s grandmother.” She winced as she said it. “Just how bad does it get, and how old do you want me to look?” The tears were bright in her eyes. “I know it’s vain and stupid, but I thought you wouldn’t want me if I told you. I haven’t gotten used to the idea myself, and I sure as hell didn’t want to tell you at first. And besides, it’s a miserable situation for April. But that’s not why I didn’t tell you. I just don’t want to be the grandmother you sleep with.” She looked so pathetic and vulnerable when she said it that he smiled at her, and had to keep himself from laughing. In a way, it was funny, here he had been sleeping with ridiculous young girls, with great bodies and no brains, and now he was sleeping with a woman ten years older than he was, and grandmother or not, he was head over heels in love with her. He put his arms around her and kissed her.
“I don’t give a damn about any of those girls. I never did. And I’m going to love you, even when you’re a great-grandmother. I love you, no matter how old you are, or how old you get, or how many grandchildren you have. Shit, Valerie, I’m no kid either, even though you make me feel like one. Half the time I look and feel older than you do.” She smiled through her tears as he said it. He started to laugh then and couldn’t resist teasing her a little. “And I promise never to call you ‘Granny’!”
“Oh, you!” she said, and playfully swiped at him, and hit his arm. “Don’t you ever call me that! If that child ever calls me that, I’ll refuse to see it.” But she cuddled closer to him and felt better. “I feel terrible for April. It’s an awful situation,” she said seriously. “I don’t know how she’s going to manage.”
“She will,” he said quietly, “and we’ll help her. We can baby-sit for her, if we have to.” He smiled at Valerie again then. “It can call us Jack and Valerie, no Grandma and Grampa, although I kind of like the idea of grandchildren, not right away of course, but one day.”
“That’s how I felt about it,” she confessed. “Like at eighty. I wanted to tell you, Jack. I really did. And I almost did a couple of times, but I just couldn’t get the words out. ‘Oh, by the way, I’m going to be a grandmother in June.’ Shit, that sounds so awful when you’re trying to be young and sexy.”
“You are young and sexy!” he reassured her.
“Not like the girl tonight,” Valerie said sadly. “That’s what young and sexy looks like.” Valerie felt ancient when she saw her.
“No,” he corrected her. “That’s what crazy looks like. She was a lunatic. She’s probably on drugs. She was as high as a kite when I went out with her, and I couldn’t wait to get rid of her and never see her again. That’s exactly what I don’t want, and everything I wanted to get away from. Now I have, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I’m with you and not girls like that anymore. I felt stupid and I was bored, and I had nothing better to do. It was all about my ego. Everything I feel for you is about my heart, and the rest of me,” he said with a mischievous grin. And as soon as they walked into her apartment, he proved it to her. He scooped her up in his arms and walked into her bedroom.
“Put me down, you’ll hurt your back! That’s not good for your leg!” she kept insisting, and he only laughed at her.
“To hell with my leg and my back! Are you telling me I’m old?”
“No,” she said as he dumped her on the bed and fell on top of her. “I’m telling you that I love you.”
“Good, because I love you too. Now enough about this crap about how old we are. It’s Valentine’s Day and I want to make love to you. Take your clothes off,” he said, as he tugged them off her. She was laughing, and it all seemed silly suddenly, her reaction to telling him about April’s baby, and the girl in the restaurant. None of it mattered. Only they did. And with that he made love to her as though they were both eighteen years old. They had been brave enough to open the right door, and lucky enough to find each other.
Chapter 16
Two weeks after Valentine’s Day, April was standing on the sidewalk outside the restaurant, signing for the delivery of the new dishwasher she’d had to buy. She had her apron off and there was no hiding it anymore. Everybody knew she was pregnant. She hadn’t told anyone who the father was except Ellen and her parents. And it was clear to her entire staff that she was facing it alone. They were being very nice to her, and helping her whenever possible. Two of her older waitresses in particular were being very motherly to her and said they wanted to give her a shower for the baby. Others were offering to lend her equipment she would need, and Jean-Pierre brought tears to her eyes when he gave her an antique cradle for the baby that he had found at a garage sale. It still didn’t seem real to her, although the baby kicked her constantly. But she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have a child of her own once it was born. Most of the time, she tried not to think about it, and just went on about her work and running her business. She was exactly six months pregnant.
She was walking back into the restaurant, with her head down, following the men carrying the dishwasher, when someone behind her touched her shoulder, and she turned around and found herself looking up at Mike. He looked very serious and very somber as he tried not to look at her stomach, but he had been shocked by its size when he saw her. She looked to him as though she were about to have the baby, which he knew she wasn’t. But her belly was huge now. It had popped out in the last month, and all pretense of hiding it was over. She was a very obviously pregnant woman.
She looked at Mike uncomfortably and had no idea what he was doing there, and he seemed as though he didn’t know either.
“Hi” was all he said for the first minute. And then “How are you?”
“I’m okay,” she said noncommittally. “How are you?�
�� She hadn’t seen him in more than two months, since the fatal day at the doctor’s when he had walked out and told her he just couldn’t do it. She hadn’t heard a word from him since, and hadn’t called him. She respected his right not to participate if that was how he felt about it. She had given him that option right from the beginning, when she told him.
“I’ve been all right. I’ve been thinking about you. Could we take a walk for a minute?” She nodded, and knew the others would deal with the dishwasher. Jean-Pierre was in the kitchen, and he had become more than just a sommelier. He did a lot of extra odd jobs to help her, and he scowled the moment he saw Mike and didn’t say hello. She and Mike started walking around the block together. She didn’t want the others to see her with him or listen to them talking. No men ever came to see her, and she didn’t want anyone to guess that he was the father of the baby, although Jean-Pierre had already guessed. But no one else had.
“I’m sorry I was such an asshole at the doctor’s,” Mike said simply. She nodded and didn’t look up at him. She didn’t really want to see him. But her heart was beating faster as she walked along beside him. And the baby was kicking like crazy. She had noticed that it did that whenever she got upset or excited about something, good or bad.
“It’s all right,” she said quietly. “I shouldn’t have asked you to come. You took me to dinner once, and all of a sudden, I wanted you to see our … the baby.” She didn’t want to offend him by calling the child theirs. It wasn’t. It was only hers now. She wanted it. He didn’t. Or she had accepted the baby, and she knew he never would. He had made that clear at the doctor’s and in his text message after, and his disappearance and silence since.
“I wanted to see it. That’s why I went,” he said as they stopped walking and sat down on a stoop. She looked him in the eye then for the first time, and it nearly tore her heart out. “And it was so real when I saw the sonogram, that it scared the hell out of me,” he continued. “It just seemed like more than I could handle.”
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