They walked slowly back to his apartment, and didn’t speak. They both had a lot on their minds. He kept to himself for most of the weekend, and she offered to go home, but he said he didn’t want her to. He wanted her with him, but she felt as though she’d already lost him. This time the “what if” game was real.
They didn’t make love that night, which was rare for them. They just lay in bed and held each other. He looked lonely and scared. He talked to his agent about it on Sunday, and his attorney. His agent said it was up to him, and didn’t think they’d penalize him if he didn’t do it, and his attorney advised him to move to Miami. In the end, the choice was his.
Valerie went to meet April on Sunday afternoon, at the restaurant. She was working there alone, cleaning things up, and still throwing things away. She stopped for a few minutes to talk to her mother, mostly about the wedding. It was a week away, and she was excited, although she said that Mike seemed very stressed about the baby again. It was becoming very real, particularly with all the baby furniture in the apartment, and Ellen had dropped off the bathtub and the stroller.
“He’d better show up at the wedding,” Valerie warned, and April nodded.
“He will. He’s just scared. I guess I am too. It’s a big change.” So was getting married. It all was. Life, the fire, relationships, babies, marriage. They were all big bites to swallow. And Valerie had her own. She didn’t say anything to April about Jack’s potential move to Miami. She didn’t want to upset her. She had enough on her mind with Mike, the fire, and the baby. Her due date was two weeks away. They were down to the wire.
On Sunday night she and Jack went to a movie. They both agreed that it was better for them to get out and be distracted. They had pizza for dinner at a restaurant called John’s, but both of them were feeling down and had trouble coming up with conversation. She returned to her apartment that night without him. It was the first night they had spent apart in months. Valerie thought he needed space, and she said that to him. And if he was moving away, they’d better get used to nights alone again, although she didn’t say it. The relationship had taken a step backward with the offer from the network, and it was painful. Both of them were afraid of what it would mean for them. And neither of them liked it. Valerie was doing everything not to pressure him in any way. But she was sad, and he could see it. So was he. It was just life. Things happened, even if you found a great woman or guy. Something like this could come along and toss everything right out the window. She hoped that wouldn’t happen to them, but they both knew it could, and they were mourning it already.
They saw very little of each other the following week, although she slept at his apartment. She didn’t want him to think that she was withdrawing from him. She wasn’t, she was just busy, and she got back to his place so late every night that he was half asleep when she got there. She’d get into bed with him, and he’d wrap his arms around her and pass out. They kept meaning to make love, and didn’t. They were always rushed, or running to a meeting. And Valerie had no idea what he was doing about the decision, and didn’t ask him. She was fairly certain he would go. She thought she probably would in his shoes, although she wasn’t totally sure, but she thought so. You couldn’t build a career and an image for all those years and then toss it in the trash because you didn’t want to move to another city. There were sacrifices you had to make. And sometimes, at the worst of times, those sacrifices were people. Maybe this was one of those. She knew she had put her marriage on the line for her career years before, although she’d been younger and on the way up. Would she make the same choice again today? She didn’t know. She was glad she wasn’t the one having to make the decision. She didn’t envy Jack. And it was a wild guess as to whether going would improve his career or not going would hurt it. No one knew. And it wasn’t only about money. The network held the cards here. Other networks would have wanted him, but he was well established with this one, and had been for twelve years. Valerie was giving Jack all the space he needed to make the decision, and all her sympathy and support because it was such a tough one. She knew they loved each other, but what that translated to in real life, when the chips were down, remained to be seen. She was trying to be adult about it, it was the only advantage to age: the ability to be disappointed and survive it, because you had done it before.
The week of the wedding, April was at the construction site of the restaurant every day. Mike was busy at the paper. Everything was ready for the baby at the apartment, and they were exploding at the seams, and so was April. She looked as though she was literally about to pop, and she felt it. She could hardly sleep at night now, so she padded around the apartment, folding things for the baby, tiny shirts and nightgowns and pajamas, and little caps and blankets and booties and sweaters. She had gone on a washing frenzy a few days before, washing everything. And she had to walk up and down three flights of stairs to do it, and didn’t mind. Mike told Jim at the office that she was going a little nuts, and Jim assured him it was to be expected. He said all women did at the end of the pregnancy. It was their way of preparing for the baby, frantically building their nests. Some days, Mike tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, just so he could relax. And it was reassuring for him to check things out with Jim, who was an old hand at this. He had been through it three times before and his wife had just gotten pregnant again, so they had that in common too, although Mike could barely imagine one child, let alone four.
He had made a reservation for them at the Carlyle, for their honeymoon. They were only staying one night. It was all he could afford, but he wanted it to be perfect for her. He had gone to see the room himself. And he never mentioned that the bride was nine months pregnant. He just hoped they wouldn’t be spending the night at the hospital instead. It could happen. The doctor said she was ready, and she was having a lot of contractions. He kept begging her to go easy on the construction work, but as usual, she wouldn’t listen. She carried lumber, used the crowbar, took things to the Dumpster. She even moved some bricks around. April was a workhorse who had no idea how not to be. Mike accepted that about her now.
She talked to her mother the day before the wedding and realized that Valerie was sad.
“Are you okay, Mom?” she asked her, sounding concerned.
“I’m fine, sweetheart, just busy.” She sounded depressed much more than busy. April mentioned it later that night to Mike.
“I wonder if everything’s okay with her and Jack.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” The last time he had seen them, they had looked like newlyweds themselves.
“You never know,” April said wisely.
Miraculously, April had found a dress that fit her for the wedding. She and Ellen had gone shopping and had found it at Barney’s. It was a wide white silk swing dress with a halter top that showed off her shoulders. It was the only part of her now that didn’t look ready to explode. The dress was short, and she was going to wear high-heeled sandals with it, and carry lily of the valley that her mother had had flown in from Paris. It was hardly a traditional wedding dress, but it was perfect for what she needed. And Pat was giving her away. Ellen was her matron of honor, her sisters were her bridesmaids, and Maddie had found matching sky-blue linen dresses for them, to save April the trouble, and she was grateful for her stepmother’s help. Her mother was doing all white flowers in the apartment, orchids, roses, and more lily of the valley.
By Friday night, everything was set up in Valerie’s apartment, and she was staying at Jack’s, as she had all week. There was too much activity in her own, and Dawn was staying there to help set up the wedding. All the guests had accepted, except two of the waiters who had to attend family events of their own. Everyone else was coming, including Mike’s editor, Jim and his wife and kids, and Mike’s other friend from the paper. He had asked Jack to be best man, which touched him, since Mike had no real family of his own whom he still saw.
The night before the wedding, Valerie noticed that Jack looked peaceful, and she had an eerie fee
ling, as though he had decided to let go of her, and continue on his own. There was a bittersweet quality to the way he looked at her, and she felt waves of panic engulf her, but she said nothing to him. She owed him that because she loved him. She was going to be brave about it, she promised herself, if he left her. Maybe he had decided not to try a long-distance relationship after all, and just end it between them when he moved away. She said nothing to him, but cried in the bathroom alone that night, and then put a good face on when she joined him in bed and they made love. Every time now she worried that it would be the last time. It was going to be hard to lose someone she loved so much, but she kept reminding herself that she’d live through it. She had no other choice.
And in their bed next to the crib that night, Mike and April were talking about their wedding. She knew that traditionally, they weren’t supposed to see each other the morning of the wedding, but they had nowhere else to go. Her mother was at Jack’s, her apartment was all set up for the wedding, there was no room for her at her father’s, and Mike wanted to be with her, and didn’t want to go to a hotel alone. So they were at his place, in bed, whispering in the moonlight on their wedding eve.
“Are you scared?” she whispered. They were like two little kids giggling in the dark.
“Kind of,” he acknowledged. It was easier to say in the darkness, although he was willing to admit it to her.
“Me too. I’m more scared of having the baby than about what happens after that. What if it hurts too much and I can’t stand it?” She was frightened of that now. What if she went nuts from the pain or totally lost it in front of Mike? It would be embarrassing to have him see that.
“We’ll get you lots of drugs,” he promised. “Other women seem to get through it.” He hoped it wouldn’t be bad for her. He had been terrified when she’d been in the hospital after the fire, and he was dreading the pain she’d have to face now. They both were.
“My mom’s really been working hard on the wedding,” April said, snuggling up to him, with his arm around her shoulders. It didn’t surprise him. Wyatt women seemed to work hard at everything and shirked nothing. He admired that about them. April was no less conscientious than her mother. She was doing the job of ten men at the restaurant, even nine months pregnant, but it didn’t seem to do her any harm.
“I’m sure it’ll be beautiful,” he said gently.
He was used to the canopied crib beside their bed now, and it no longer surprised him. He wondered what it would be like when someone was in it. Or when she sat in the rocking chair nursing their child. He had a feeling it would be sweet to behold.
When he finally turned over and turned his back to her, and she cuddled up behind him, he could feel the baby kicking. It was relentless, and he fell asleep to the soft rhythm of the kicks, wondering how she could sleep at all.
Chapter 22
The morning of the wedding, both April and Mike were extremely nervous. The tension of the day, and all its implications, had gotten to them both. He was getting ready at his apartment, and April was going to dress at her mother’s. Ellen came by in a cab and picked her up, and they went uptown together. April knew her mother had a hairdresser and manicurist waiting for her, and her dress was already there.
“See you later,” she said, and kissed Mike goodbye before she left. He had just cut himself shaving and had little bits of toilet paper stuck all over his face, glued there by blood. “Try not to kill yourself before the wedding,” she teased him as he glared at her and then burst out laughing.
“Okay, so I’m nervous. Get out of here, before I change my mind.” They were a classic shotgun wedding, with her nine months pregnant after a one-night stand. She couldn’t help laughing about it, and again with Ellen on the way uptown.
“He’s a good guy,” Ellen confirmed on the way to Valerie’s apartment. And Dawn was waiting for them. They had all gotten used to her looks by then and her extremely punky outfits, pierces, and tattoos. She had done the streak in her hair light blue for the wedding. Working for Valerie had not made her more conservative. Valerie didn’t care since Dawn was impressively efficient and had been a whirlwind helping with the wedding.
Ellen was carrying her dress, which was the same pale blue as April’s sisters’. But hers was short, like April’s, and her sisters’ gowns were long. Valerie had decided to wear mauve, in vaguely related tones. She had found a lavender organdy cocktail dress that she thought was suitable for the mother of the bride.
As April arrived at her mother’s apartment, Valerie was leaving Jack’s. He was still sound asleep and she left him a note, telling him that she loved him and she’d see him at the wedding. She wasn’t sure why, probably because of the pending decision about Miami, but she felt now as though every day they shared was their last. It was a depressing feeling, but she tried not to appear worried as she hurried the three blocks to her own apartment. She found April and Ellen getting their nails done in the kitchen. If you didn’t look at April’s stomach, she didn’t even look pregnant—the weight was all right there. And she had gained less than she was allowed.
“So, ladies, how are we doing?” Valerie asked them as her assistant handed her a cup of coffee. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt with sandals and she looked almost as young as her daughter. She had called Alan Starr the day before for his reading on the wedding, and he said everything would be fine. She hadn’t asked him about Jack’s decision about Miami. She didn’t want to know and hear the bad news. She could guess all by herself without being psychic. He really had no choice but to go, and she was sure Jack knew it too.
April was having clear nail polish put on, and she was going to have her hair done in a loose braid with lily of the valley woven into it. Valerie looked in her refrigerators, and all the flowers for the wedding party were there. The rest had been delivered by the florist early that morning, and her living room was filled with white orchids and roses. The crystal and silver on the five tables gleamed. And there was a path through the living room for April and her father to walk when she went to stand before the judge with Mike. It was a very traditional little wedding, despite the unusual circumstances and the fact that she’d had only two weeks to organize it. But Valerie was good at that, and Dawn was a quick learner. The cake arrived half an hour later, followed by Heather and Annie carrying their dresses. Valerie put them in the guest room, and they bounded out five minutes later, looking for their sister. She was having a bath in her mother’s pink marble bathroom, and emerged like a very pregnant Venus as her sisters stared at her belly.
“My God, you’re huge!” Heather said with a look of amazement.
“Thanks, I know.” April laughed. “I just hope I make it through the wedding.” She’d had contractions all morning, but she was sure that it was just nerves. The baby knew something big was happening. Its parents were getting married. April said as much to her mother, and Valerie smiled.
“Just try not to have the baby before we cut the cake,” Valerie advised her, and they both laughed.
By eleven o’clock, all the women were in their respective rooms getting ready, and emerged right on time. Ellen and April’s half-sisters looked lovely in their dresses, and their hair was done simply. Valerie was bustling around in her lavender organdy dress, putting her pearls on, and Maddie arrived to see what she could do to help them, wearing sober navy blue. Dawn was standing in the background wearing a short electric blue dress and high-heeled platform shoes.
And then they all went into Valerie’s bedroom to see April. She looked absolutely beautiful in the white silk trapeze dress. The flowers were braided into her hair just as Valerie had suggested. And at ten to twelve, Dawn handed them all their bouquets.
The judge was there by then, waiting in the living room with a glass of champagne. He was an old friend of Valerie’s, and happy to do it for her. Five minutes later, all the men arrived. Jack, Pat, and Mike, and Jim and Ed from the paper. Dawn pinned a tiny white rose to each of their lapels, except Mike who got lily of
the valley, just like those in his bride’s bouquet and hair. He looked scared stiff.
“Hang in, man, it’ll be over before you know it,” Pat teased him, and they all accepted a round of champagne as they chatted with the judge. Mike looked as though he needed it, and then Pat went to the back of the apartment to see his daughter.
The guests began arriving promptly at noon, and by twelve-thirty everyone was there. April and her father were chatting quietly in her mother’s bedroom then.
“You look beautiful,” he said to his daughter. She really did look like a bride, even in her condition, and she looked radiant. Everything had turned out well.
Valerie didn’t even have time to see Jack or talk to him once the guests started arriving. She smiled at him across the room, and for a minute wished the wedding were theirs. Then at least she could be sure she wouldn’t lose him. But even wedding vows didn’t guarantee that, as they all knew well.
At twelve thirty-five, the small chamber group began playing Handel’s “Water Music,” and April came out on her father’s arm, with her sisters in front of her. And Mike gasped when he saw her. April looked beautiful, and as she turned to him, she beamed.
Valerie, Pat, and Maddie were all standing together in the front row, with Jack just behind her. She turned to look at him several times, and he gently touched her shoulder and squeezed it. He leaned forward once and whispered, “Everything is going to be okay.” She didn’t know if he meant for April, or for them, but seated in the front row, and during the ceremony, she couldn’t ask. She nodded, and whispered something to Pat about how beautiful their daughter looked. And then after a few words, the judge pronounced them husband and wife, and they kissed. They greeted all their friends with smiles and hugs, and April and Mike were both wiping tears from their eyes. It had been a perfect little wedding.
Happy Birthday: A Novel Page 26
