MOO: Why did a cow climb five sets of stairs in an apartment building in Lesogorsk, Russia, in 2012? She was running away from an excited bull that was chasing her through a field. According to reports, the frightened cow “had to be lassoed and virtually dragged to the lobby while mooing in protest.”
MOO: In 2011 a two-year-old boy named Tha Sophat got sick while staying at his grandfather’s farm in Thailand. He wouldn’t eat or drink, and his condition worsened…until he began suckling milk straight from the cow’s udder. The cow didn’t seem to mind, and after a month of nursing, Tha was better. “The neighbors say he will be ashamed when he grows up,” the grandpa told Reuters. “But his health is fine. He is strong and he doesn’t have diarrhea.”
The leaping lion logo on the Detroit Lions’ helmets has a nickname: Bubbles.
ONE-MAN BANS
When most people are offended by a book, they simply don’t read it. But that’s not enough for the vigilantes—they don’t want anyone else to read it, either.
Book: The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger (1951)
Vigilante: Howard Bagwell, a member of South Carolina’s Dorchester District 2 School Board for 20 years
Story: J.D. Salinger’s coming-of-age story is widely considered one of the best novels of the 20th century, but because it contains adult themes and profanity, some people find it offensive. It’s been in the American Library Association’s top-20 Most Challenged Books for decades.
And Bagwell is certainly no fan of the book: In 1993 he tried to get fellow school board members to ban it from the district’s two high schools. He lost, 6–1. (His was the only “yes” vote.) In 2001 he tried again, this time checking out all the copies from both high schools as he filed complaints to force another vote. “It’s a filthy, filthy book,” he told a reporter. “It has two hundred sixty-nine pages or so, and if you took out all the profanity, the sarcasm, the mockery of old people, the mockery of women and decent people, you would get to read about ten minutes’ worth.”
Outcome: Bagwell lost the second vote, 5–2. He never did return the books—both schools had to buy new copies.
Book: It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health, by Robie Harris (1994)
Vigilante: JoAn Karkos, a 64-year-old grandmother living in Lewiston, Maine, in 2007
Story: This bestselling sex-education book for adolescents has won numerous awards over the years and has been translated into 30 languages. Because it is illustrated and deals frankly with its subject matter, it is a popular target for book bans. When Karkos checked out a copy from the Lewiston Public Library, she was so shocked by its contents that she borrowed a second copy from a neighboring branch and refused to return either one, hoping to prevent them from falling into the hands of adolescents. “Since I have been sufficiently horrified of the illustrations and the sexually graphic, amoral, abnormal contents, I will not be returning the books,” she wrote in letters to the libraries. (She included checks for the cost of the books.)
President Andrew Johnson was buried with his head lying on a copy of the Constitution.
Outcome: The libraries returned the checks and demanded that Karkos return the books. She refused. The fight dragged on for more than a year, as Karkos attempted to have the book declared obscene by the local police, and the libraries tried to get their books back. The city eventually filed charges against Karkos, only to drop them on the eve of trial to avoid court costs. Karkos’s “victory” was bittersweet: The publicity she generated for the book caused a spike in demand, which was easily met by interlibrary loans and multiple replacement copies donated by opponents of censorship from all over the country. “I’ve actually begun turning donors down,” said library director Richard Speer. “I’m thanking them and suggesting they give the book to libraries nearer to them.” Karkos is barred from the libraries until she gives her copies back.
Book: America (The Book): A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy Inaction, by Jon Stewart, and the writers of The Daily Show
Vigilante: Robert Willits, director of the Jackson–George Regional Library System in Mississippi
Story: As we told you in Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader, when Willits got hold of a copy of America (The Book) in 2004, he was so offended by the “pornographic” (and fake) nude images of the nine U.S. Supreme Court justices that he banned the book from all eight public libraries he oversaw. It was the first time in 40 years that he had refused to allow a book to circulate. “We’re not an adult bookstore,” he said.
Outcome: The library system was deluged with so many angry e-mails and phone calls that the Board of Trustees scheduled a public meeting to reconsider the issue. A majority of citizens defended the book, so the trustees voted to end the ban. Willits didn’t object. He figured a ban was pointless if the public wasn’t offended. “What we probably did,” he said, “was stimulate sales.”
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“Be obscure clearly.”—E. B. White
About 62% of Swedes work more than 40 hours per week; only 16% of Norwegians do.
THE LAST LIVING…
What’s it like to be the last of a (literally) dying breed?
…TITANIC SURVIVOR. Millvina Dean was a two-month-old baby and the youngest person on the manifest of the Titanic when it crashed into an iceberg April 14, 1912. Her family was planning to resettle in Kansas City. Millvina, her mother, and her brother survived the disaster. (Her father did not.) In the years before her death, Dean ran out of money and was forced to sell her Titanic memorabilia. She died in May 2009, at the age of 97, a month after becoming so destitute that Titanic (the movie) stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet stepped in to help pay her nursing home bills.
…GIBB BROTHER. The Gibbs, three of them forming the Bee Gees and the fourth, solo artist and youngest brother Andy, dominated the pop music charts in the late 1970s. Andy Gibb died of a drug-related heart attack a few days after his 30th birthday in 1988, Maurice Gibb died of cardiac arrest during intestinal surgery at age 53 in 2003, and Robin Gibb died after a long battle with cancer in May 2012, leaving only Bee Gees frontman Barry Gibb.
…GOLDEN GIRL. The hit ’80s sitcom was the first TV show to feature a cast made up entirely of older people. Estelle Getty passed away at the age of 84 in 2008, followed by Bea Arthur who died at 86 in 2009, and Rue McClanahan who died at 76 in 2010. Betty White, who turned 90 in 2012, survived the other three and has enjoyed a late-career resurgence in popularity, hosting Saturday Night Live, co-starring on the sitcom Hot in Cleveland, and hosting the prank show Off Their Rockers.
…WORLD WAR I VETERAN. As a teenager, Florence Green joined Britain’s Royal Air Force, where she served as a waitress in an officers’ mess hall. (She was afraid of flying.) She died in February 2012, at the age of 110. The last surviving combat veteran was British Royal Navy sailor Claude Choules, known to his buddies as “Chuckles,” who died in May 2011 at the age of 110.
Closing the book: The last known Egyptian hieroglyphic inscription was made in A.D. 394.
…LITTLE RASCAL. Twenty-nine child actors were regulars in the Our Gang film shorts that ran theatrically in the 1920s and ’30s. (They were rerun as The Little Rascals on TV in the 1950s). As of 2012, only one of the original group survives: Jean Darling, now 90 years old, who was with the group when the films were silent. From 1926 to 1929 she starred in 46 silent shorts and six talkies.
…DIRECT DESCENDENT OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN. Lincoln had only one son who survived to adulthood—Robert Todd Lincoln. Of his three children, only his daughter Jessie had children (with athlete Warren Beckwith): a daughter, Mary Lincoln Beckwith, who died in 1975 at age 77, and a son, Robert Lincoln Beckwith, an attorney in the Midwest, who died at age 81 in 1985. Neither ever had children, making Robert Beckwith the last living descendant of the 16th president.
…STOOGE. While best known with the line-up of Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and Curly Howard, The Three Stooges actually started with Larry, Curly, and Shemp Howard. Shemp q
uit in 1930 (after one film) and was replaced by his brother Moe. After Curly had a stroke in 1946, Shemp rejoined the group, but died of a heart attack in 1955. Joe Besser came on after that, until he was replaced by Joe “Curly Joe” DeRita in 1958. The group’s popularity diminished in the ’60s, and they split for good in 1970. Larry Fine and Moe Howard both passed away in 1975. Besser (perhaps better known for his recurring role on The Abbott and Costello Show) died in 1988. The last living Stooge, Curly Joe, died in July 1993.
* * *
JUST IN TIME
Harriet Richardson Ames spent her adult life as a school teacher, having earned her two-year teaching certificate in 1931 at the Keene State College in New Hampshire. But she’d always wanted to complete her education, and in 2010 she finally achieved her goal, earning a Bachelor’s degree in education…at age 100. She died the next day.
Every plant in Disneyland’s Tomorrowland is edible.
NO, YOU STICK ’EM UP!
Being robbed is a pretty common fear, and turning the tables on a would-be robber is a pretty enticing fantasy. So it’s not surprising that over the years a lot of inventors have come up with sneaky weapons that could be used to foil an assault. For example…
Weapon: The Chicago Protector Palm Pistol
What It Was: A gun that was disk-shaped, like a ladies’ compact, so that it could be easily hidden in the hand
Details: This seven-shot .32-caliber revolver had a small gun barrel sticking out of one end of the disk and a squeeze trigger at the other end. (The bullets and the hammer were inside the disk.) When trouble threatened, it was easy to palm the gun, with the barrel poking out between the index and middle fingers. To fire the weapon, all the user had to do was squeeze his fist. Nearly 13,000 of the guns were made in the 1890s. Today they’re worth $2,000—double that if owner still has the original box it came in.
Weapon: The Watch Pistol
What It Was: A gun disguised to look like a pocket watch
Details: The gun was invented by a Missouri man named Leonard Woods in 1913, when pocket watches were popular and usually worn on a chain, making it easy for robbers to see them. The winding knob on this “watch” was really a gun barrel; a tiny lever next to it was the trigger. “The object of the invention,” Woods wrote in his patent application, “is to provide a pistol that can be worn in the vest pocket like a watch, whereby it may be presented and fired at a highwayman while apparently merely obeying his command to ‘hand over your watch and be quick about it!’”
Weapon: The “Automatic Concealed Firearm for Self-Defense”
What It Was: A gun worn on the arm
Details: Patented in 1929, this gun was secured to the inside of the wrist with leather straps, and was concealed from view beneath the sleeve of a shirt or coat. A pull chain extended from the trigger to a ring worn on the ring finger, enabling the wearer to fire the gun with a backward snap of the wrist. “Such a hidden firearm will be especially valuable in case of a holdup where the intended victim, when commanded to hold up his hands, or even before such a command, may shoot at the criminal without any further preparation, automatically when lifting his arms,” inventor Elek B. Juhasz wrote in his patent application. And if the robber has an accomplice? Juhasz designed a second version with two guns strapped to the arm, activated by a single chain. One pull on the chain fired the first gun; a second pull fired number two.
1980s quiz: Who hosted Rubik’s Cube’s American launch party? Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Weapon: The Frankenau “Combined Pocketbook and Revolver”
What It Was: A combination pocketbook and revolver
Details: In 1877 one Oskar Frankenau of Nuremberg, Germany, received an American patent for a four-shot revolver concealed in a special compartment of a 4" x 2½" metal (leather-clad) pocket-book. All the user had to do was release a hidden trigger on the bottom of the purse and fire away. According to Frankenau, “The advantage of such a combination for travelers and others will readily be perceived, as it forms a convenient mode of carrying a revolver for protection, especially when attacked, as the revolver may be fired at the robber when handing over the pocket-book.” Today they’re prized by gun collectors. In good condition they can fetch $12,500 or more.
Weapon: The Camera Gun
What It Was: A gun that took a picture when fired, so that the shooter could prove in court that the shooting was justified
Details: Invented in the 1920s by New Yorker Adalbert Szalardi, the gun had a tiny camera mounted in front of the trigger. When the trigger was pulled, the gun and camera fired together. “Policemen, military persons, and private people are obliged to use guns for self defense. After such an occurrence the courts usually have to determine the legality or necessity of the use of guns and have to depend on witnesses, if any, who are very often absolutely unreliable,” Szalardi wrote in his patent application.
Bonus: “Fleeing automobiles with the criminals therein,” Szalardi wrote, “may also be photographed while being shot at.”
Ouch! The blindness and burning effects of pepper spray can last for more than 4 hours.
BEHIND THE HITS: SOUNDTRACK CUTS
Movie soundtracks have long generated popular songs, from “Stayin’ Alive” to “Whistle While You Work,” to “Goldfinger” and hundreds more. Here are the origins of a few more soundtrack hits.
Movie: Titanic
Song: “My Heart Will Go On”
Story: While making his $200-million movie in the mid-1990s, director James Cameron planned for all of the music to be performed by ethereal Irish vocalist Enya. One problem: Enya wasn’t interested. So Cameron asked composer James Horner, with whom he’d worked on the 1986 movie Aliens, to score the film. Cameron didn’t want any contemporary pop music in the film, but Horner disagreed. He secretly wrote the epic ballad “My Heart Will Go On” with songwriter Will Jennings and got singer Celine Dion to record it. Then Horner asked Cameron to watch a rough cut of the movie with “My Heart Will Go On” playing over the end credits…and Cameron relented. The song was almost as big a hit as Titanic itself—it sold 15 million copies, went to #1 in 18 countries, and won the Oscar for Best Song.
Movie: The Bodyguard
Song: “I Will Always Love You”
Story: The soaring love ballad was written by country pop singer Dolly Parton in 1972, before she was a superstar. At the time, she was best known as the co-star of Porter Wagoner’s syndicated country music TV series. She was ready to go solo, but wanted Wagoner to know she appreciated all he’d done for her, so she wrote the song. “It’s saying, ‘Just because I’m going don’t mean I don’t love you. I appreciate you and I hope you do great, and I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I’m out of here,’” she told CMT in 2012. The morning after she wrote it, she played it for Wagoner in his office. He cried and said, “That’s the prettiest song I ever heard.” He agreed to release Parton from her contract, provided he could produce a recording of “I Will Always Love You.” He did, and the song went to #1 on the country chart in 1974, then again in 1982 when Parton remade the song for the film adaptation of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.
Surf’s up! On average, Hawaii experiences one tsunami a year.
All of that was completely overshadowed by Whitney Houston’s 1992 cover version, which was not originally part of The Bodyguard soundtrack. Houston’s character was slated to sing a version of Jimmy Ruffin’s “What Becomes of the Broken-hearted”—until the movie Fried Green Tomatoes featured Paul Young singing it. Bodyguard co-star Kevin Costner came to producers with a song he thought would work better: “I Will Always Love You.” He was right. The single sold four million copies and propelled the soundtrack to sales of 45 million copies, spending a record 14 weeks at #1.
Extra Cut: Among the other songs on The Bodyguard soundtrack was soft-rock singer Curtis Stigers’s version of “(What’s So Funny ’Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding,” written by British rocker Nick Lowe but made famous by Elvis Costello. Royalties for so
undtrack sales are distributed among the many different performers on the albums, with an especially high cut for songwriters. Lowe, who has a large cult following, only ever had one hit: “Cruel to Be Kind,” which went to #12 in America, Canada, and Britain in 1979. But royalties from Stigers’s cover of his song on The Bodyguard earned him an estimated $4 million.
Movie: Con Air
Song: “How Do I Live”
Story: In 1997 Diane Warren was well entrenched as Hollywood’s go-to writer of movie ballads—including Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me” for Up Close and Personal, Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” for Mannequin, and many more. Touchstone Pictures agreed to use her song “How Do I Live” as an end-credits ballad for its action movie Con Air. Warren promised LeAnn Rimes, a 15-year-old country music phenom, that she could sing the song. But Touchstone executives thought Rimes’s voice was too poppy and young to sell a song about heartbreak. So they hired country star Trisha Yearwood to re-record it, and her version was included in the movie and released as a single. When Rimes and her label, Curb, found out, they were furious, and rushed her version to stores and radio. Both versions of “How Do I Live” were released on the same day—May 27, 1997. Yearwood’s went to #2 on the country chart and #23 on the pop chart before her label, MCA, refused to make any more copies of the single for fear it would eat into her album sales. The song disappeared by August. Rimes’s version, however, was a monster hit. It spent a record 69 weeks on the pop chart, where it peaked at #2. It sold 3.7 million copies, making it the most successful country song and soundtrack song to date. More impressively, Rimes’s take stayed on the country charts until February 2003—nearly six years.
Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader) Page 7
