CARRY-OFF BAGGAGE
In 2011 a woman went to a prison in Chetumal, Mexico, to visit her husband, Juan Ramirez Tijerina, in a private room. When the woman left, guards noticed that she “looked nervous” as she was wheeling out a very fat suitcase. They stopped her, opened the luggage, and found Tijerina, who had curled himself up into a little ball inside. He was sent back to his cell; she was arrested.
In the 1890s, the Univ. of Nebraska Cornhuskers football team was called the Bugeaters.
EDIFICE WRECKS
Some government buildings, like the White House, the Pentagon, and the U.S. Capitol, are famous. Others are more…infamous.
THE “TWEED COURTHOUSE” (a.k.a. The New York County Courthouse)
Background: In 1858 the County of New York made plans to build a new courthouse. The legislation authorizing the project stipulated that the total cost, including furnishings, was not to exceed $250,000 (about $4.4 million today).
Controversy: In those days, New York politics were dominated by Tammany Hall, a Democratic Party political machine run by William “Boss” Tweed. Tweed was as crooked as they came. He saw the construction project as an opportunity to siphon millions from public coffers, and soon Tammany-affiliated officials were awarding contracts to “friendly” contractors with instructions to inflate their bills by as much as 100 times the actual cost. Most of the money was then kicked back to Tweed.
A boyhood friend of Tweed’s named James Ingersoll submitted a $350,000 invoice for $13,000 worth of carpets; a furniture maker charged $179,000 for three tables and 40 chairs. A man named Andrew Garvey, dubbed the “Prince of Plasterers” by the newspapers, billed the city more than $500,000 for plastering (including $133,000 for two days’ work), then charged another $1 million to repair the work. Of the more than $15 million appropriated to build the courthouse between 1858 and 1871, it’s estimated that Tweed and his cronies pocketed more than $13 million ($230 million in 2011 dollars). The purchase of Alaska from Russia, in 1868, cost just $7.2 million.
Aftermath: When the law finally caught up with Tweed in 1871, he was put on trial in an unfinished courtroom in the basement of “his” courthouse. Convicted on 204 of 220 criminal counts, Tweed spent only a year in prison before being released for time served. He was then convicted on civil charges and sent to debtors’ prison. In 1875, during a home visit, Tweed escaped and fled to Spain, where a sharp-eyed official recognized him as the corrupt politician he’d seen in a political cartoon. Tweed was arrested and returned to New York; he died in jail in 1878.
In 2003 Dr. Roger Mugford invented the “wagometer,” which interprets a dog’s mood by measuring the wags of its tail.
Update: The Tweed Courthouse wasn’t completed until 1881—more than 20 years after work began. The building still stands: Today this National Historic Landmark serves as the headquarters of the city’s Department of Education. (In 1999 the building began two years of renovations to restore its original glory. Budgeted at $37 million, the work cost nearly $90 million.)
THE J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
Background: In December 1967, ground was broken in Washington, D.C., for the FBI’s first headquarters building. (Before that, the Bureau had offices in the Justice Department.) It was still under construction when Director J. Edgar Hoover died in May 1972; two days later, President Richard Nixon signed legislation naming it in his honor.
Controversy: The Hoover Building certainly has its flaws. It cost $126 million to build, more than double the original estimate, and though it’s one of the most prominent buildings along Pennsylvania Avenue, it has been criticized as one of the city’s ugliest. But it isn’t the building so much as the fact that it’s named in Hoover’s honor that has generated so much controversy. During his 48-year tenure as the Director of the FBI, Hoover compiled files on the private lives of public officials, allowed U.S. presidents to use the Bureau for partisan political purposes, and trampled the civil rights of ordinary citizens who opposed the federal government. Almost as soon as the FBI building was named in his honor, there were calls for the name to be removed.
Hoover’s abuses of power are well known, but if his critics ever do succeed in having his name stripped from the building, it may be due to a scandal that is much less known, involving the murder of a New England mobster named Edward Deegan in 1965. Two days before Deegan’s murder, the FBI learned from an illegal wiretap that two gangsters named Vincent Flemmi and Joseph Barboza were about to murder him. The Bureau, with Hoover’s knowledge and consent, didn’t warn Deegan or try to stop the killing. Then, after Deegan was murdered, Hoover sat by silently while four men he knew to be innocent were convicted of the murder and sentenced to long prison terms. Why did he do it? To protect Flemmi and Barboza, who were FBI informants.
Aftermath: Two of the four innocent men died in prison; the other two, Peter Limone and Joseph Salvati, served 33 years and 29 years, respectively, before their innocence was proven and they were set free. (Limone was originally sentenced to death, but his life was spared when Massachusetts outlawed the death penalty in 1974.) Limone, Salvati, and the estates of the two dead men sued the federal government for wrongful conviction and won. In 2007 they were awarded $101.8 million…or just $24 million shy of what it cost to build the J. Edgar Hoover Building.
THE RONALD REAGAN BUILDING
Background: In 1990 the federal government began construction on a massive new office building on Pennsylvania Avenue between the White House and the U.S. Capitol. Only the Pentagon is larger. In 1995 the (Republican-dominated) U.S. Congress voted unanimously to name the building after former President Ronald Reagan, who left office in 1989. Projected cost: $362 million.
Controversy: Reagan was an outspoken opponent of big government, so the idea of naming the largest nonmilitary federal office building ever built after him—and stuffing it with more than 7,000 government bureaucrats—was controversial from the start. It grew even more controversial when the project fell way behind schedule: Two years into the four-year timetable, the contractors hadn’t even finished digging the foundation. Any hope of keeping the building within budget was abandoned. Political and bureaucratic meddling made things worse and added expensive new flourishes. (An IMAX theater and a members-only dining club were later removed from the plans in a failed attempt to keep costs at least partially under control.)
Aftermath: By the time the building opened for business in 1997—three years behind schedule and still unfinished—the total cost had climbed to $818 million, including $149 million for “professional advice on keeping project costs contained.” Citizens Against Government Waste said naming it after Reagan was “like naming a military base after Mahatma Gandhi, or a battered woman’s shelter after O.J. Simpson.” Reagan’s son Michael said his father would be better honored if “Mt. Wastemore,” as Ron called it, were demolished and the resulting hole in the ground named for him instead.
Though they make you feel warmer, hot drinks do not actually raise your body temperature.
WHAT A CARD!
Over the decades, trading card companies like Topps and Fleer expanded from baseball to other sports, then to movies, TV shows…and a lot of subjects that wouldn't seem to be very interesting to kids.
Got Milk? (1999). A take on the “Got Milk” ads that featured celebrities with milk mustaches. The cards in this set from Marvel Comics showed superheroes and villains like Spider-Man, Daredevil, Doctor Doom, and the Incredible Hulk with milk mustaches. Captions on the back told kids that milk makes them superhero-strong. (Sponsored by the Milk Promotion Board.)
John F. Kennedy (1963). There was a boom in John F. Kennedy merchandise exploiting his youth, good looks, and popularity in the Camelot era. Topps produced this 77-card set a few weeks before his assassination. The pictures are all official portraits or news photos, all in black and white. And the captions are pretty dry—the text on the back of a picture of Kennedy and his wife in a car reads, “President Kennedy and the First Lady leave a formal dinner host
ed by French President De Gaulle.” Topps released a similar set (some cards even featuring the same photos) in a 1968 set about Robert Kennedy.
Johnson vs. Goldwater (1964). The ’64 presidential election was one of the least contested in American history. Vice-president Lyndon Johnson, who became president after the Kennedy assassination, cruised to victory over Republican candidate Barry Gold-water, 61 to 38 percent. This 64-card set, made by the same people at Topps who made the Kennedy cards and released before the election, didn’t feature images of the election cycle. Instead, they used nonpartisan stock images, such as Goldwater standing in front of a microphone delivering a speech.
Six Feet Under (2004). The 2001–05 HBO series was strictly for adults, depicting the goings on at a Los Angeles funeral home, such as embalming and funeral services, as well as the personal lives of the family who ran it, which included divorce, affairs, domestic violence, and tragic deaths. Shortly after the first two seasons were released on DVD, Rittenhouse Archives produced an 81-card series depicting the characters and pivotal moments from all 26 episodes of the show. If you bought a whole set when it came out, you could get autographed cards from the show’s regular cast and bit players.
In the 1960s, astronauts trained for moon voyages by walking on Hawaiian lava fields.
Hollywood Zombies (2007). Have you ever wondered what today’s stars would look like if they died and came back to life as rotting zombies? This 81-card set from Topps could answer your question in gory detail, but with silly pun-based names. Stars include: Martha Skewered (Martha Stewart), Melt Gibson (Mel Gibson), Johnny Death (Johnny Depp), Rachael Rot (Rachael Ray), Oprah Winfreak (Oprah Winfrey), Killiam Fatner (William Shatner), and Mike Die-son (Mike Tyson).
Famous Celebrity Tombstones (1993). If you like your celebrity death memorabilia a little less bloody, this 42-card series from Mother Productions just showed photographs of movie stars’ gravesites, with information about the celebrity on the other side. Tombstones included James Dean’s, Marilyn Monroe’s, Liberace’s, Sharon Tate’s, and Bruce Lee’s. A complete set came inside a red felt-lined cardboard coffin.
Flags of All Nations (1910s). Each card depicted the flag of a different country, as well as facts about the country’s population and history. These are notable for two reasons: Many of the countries in Flags of All Nations no longer exist (such as Rhodesia), and the flags are all rendered in black-and-white, which doesn’t really lend itself to flag art.
A few more unusual card sets:
• Creature Feature (1973). Stills from classic monster movies with “funny” captions and cheesy jokes on the back.
• Napoleon (1915). Great moments in the French emperor’s life. Example: #14, “The Surrender of Vienna.”
• Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978). A 66-card set featuring scenes from the Bee Gees’ bomb movie of the same name.
• The Osbournes (2002). The first trading cards based on a reality TV show.
Horses can remember people who have treated them well. (They remember the jerks, too.)
UNCLE JOHN’S PAGE OF LISTS
Some random bits from the BRI’s bottomless trivia files.
8 TOP BOX-OFFICE STARS OF ALL TIME
1. John Wayne
2. Clint Eastwood
3. Tom Cruise
4. Gary Cooper
5. Bing Crosby
6. Tom Hanks
7. Clark Gable
8. Burt Reynolds
4 ODD OLYMPIC EVENTS
1. Town Planning (1928)
2. Live Pigeon Shooting (1900)
3. Solo Synchronized Swimming (1984)
4. Firefighting (1900)
6 POLITICIANS WHO HOSTED SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
1. Ralph Nader
2. George McGovern
3. Jesse Jackson
4. John McCain
5. Al Gore
6. Al Sharpton
5 WORDS COINED BY SUPERMAN COMICS
1. Bizarro
2. Brainiac
3. Kryptonite
4. Superpowers
5. Smallville
6 CELEBRITIES WITH SPECIES NAMED AFTER THEM
1. Barack Obama (Lichen)
2. Roy Orbison (Beetle)
3. Greta Garbo (Wasp)
4. Frank Zappa (Jellyfish)
5. John Cleese (Lemur)
6. Hugh Hefner (Rabbit)
4 FOODS THAT ARE TOXIC TO DOGS
1. Avocados
2. Grapes
3. Macadamia nuts
4. Persimmons
3 JAPANESE SOFT DRINKS
1. Pepsi Ice Cucumber
2. Water Salad
3. Deeppresso Coffee
5 BEST-SELLING BOOK SERIES
1. Harry Potter
2. Goosebumps
3. Perry Mason
4. Berenstain Bears
5. Choose Your Own Adventure
6 THINGS INVENTED IN CANADA
1. Instant mashed potatoes
2. Paint roller
3. Egg cartons
4. Caulking gun
5. IMAX movies
6. Plexiglas
3 VANITY PLATES BANNED IN UTAH
1. BGBOOTY
2. CARGASM
3. UTSUX
Easy to remember: The White House’s very first phone number was 1.
STALL OF FAME: THE U-1206
This submarine may never be as famous as the Titanic, but the uncanny story of how—and why—it sank has earned it a place in Uncle John’s Stall of Fame.
GOING TO SEA
On April 6, 1945, a German navy submarine named the U-1206 departed from the port city of Kristiansand, in Nazi-occupied Norway, and began its first combat patrol. Assigned to the waters of the North Atlantic, its mission was to seek out and destroy British and American ships on the high seas.
For the 50-man crews aboard submarines like the U-1206, life wasn’t just extremely dangerous, it was also very unpleasant: Quarters were cramped, and the bathrooms were no exception. There were only two heads (toilets), and because one of the heads was right next to the galley, the space was often used to store food. When it was, the toilet was unavailable, meaning that the entire crew had to share the remaining toilet.
UNDER PRESSURE
The plumbing on German subs of that era differed from American and British subs in one important respect: The German toilets discharged their contents directly into the sea, instead of into a holding tank. Not having such a tank saved precious space, but it came at a price. The toilets could only be used when the submarine was traveling on or near the ocean surface. When the submarine was submerged, the pressure outside the hull was too great for the toilets to be able to flush.
If nature called under such circumstances, crew members had to use buckets, tin cans, and whatever other containers they could get their hands on. They had to carefully store the contents of all those containers—don’t spill!—until the submarine surfaced, when they could be poured into the toilets and flushed, or taken topside and emptied into the sea.
Most popular hobby in China: stamp collecting.
The ventilation systems on World War II German subs were notoriously inadequate, which meant that even in the best of circumstances, the air was foul with diesel fumes, human body odor, and other smells. When the toilets were unavailable and all those buckets and cans were filled to overflowing with you-know-what, the stench was even worse.
HEADS UP!
The U-1206 had a new-and-improved plumbing system. Unlike many subs in the fleet, it had high-pressure toilets that could be used at greater depths than the standard heads could. But the new system was very difficult to operate. The toilets came with complicated instruction manuals, and a few members of the crew had to be trained so that they could serve as toilet-flushing “specialists.”
Barely a week into the U-1206’s first patrol, Captain Karl-Adolf Schlitt (who was commanding a sub for the first time) had to use the head while the sub was cruising at a depth of 200 feet,
some eight miles off the coast of Scotland. Rather than request the assistance of the toilet specialist, Schlitt tried to follow the instructions in the manual to flush the toilet himself. Something went wrong—and when Schlitt asked the toilet specialist for help, something went wrong again. The specialist opened the outside valve—the one that opened to the sea—while the inside valve was open, causing a torrent of water to flood into the sub.
WHAT A GAS
It was then that another flaw in the U-1206’s design became apparent. When a submarine is submerged, it runs on electric motors powered by giant banks of batteries. And the U-1206’s batteries were in a compartment directly below the malfunctioning toilet. The seawater quickly combined with battery acid and created deadly chlorine gas, which began to spread throughout the sub.
As the gas filled the submarine, Schlitt had no choice but to order the submarine to surface so that the gas could be vented and replaced with breathable air. Because they surfaced within sight of the Scottish coastline, they were quickly spotted by Allied aircraft and attacked. One crew member died in the melee that followed; three others fell overboard and drowned.
The U-1206 was badly damaged in the attack and could not dive. Seeing no way to save his submarine, Captain Schlitt ordered the crew into the lifeboats; then he scuttled the ship, making it the only warship in naval history to be doomed by its own malfunctioning toilet. Thirty-six members of the crew were rescued by small boats in the area; 10 others made it to shore in their lifeboats and were captured.
Christopher Columbus wrote the first known report of a hurricane in 1495.
POT LUCK
In its eight days on patrol, the U-1206 never did manage to attack any Allied ships. Not that it would have made any difference to the Nazi war effort, which had just three more weeks to go. On April 30, Adolf Hitler committed suicide in his Führerbunker in Berlin; seven days later, Germany surrendered and the war in Europe was over.
Uncle John's Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader) Page 13
