I reached for her, but she jumped away from me like I was some diseased beast.
“It’s mine,” I said, letting the idea of being a father settle in.
She blinked up at me with those pretty blue eyes, but there was nothing pretty about the pain and sadness surrounding them. She straightened, and all emotion drained from her face. She glared at me, eyes cold as ice, and, if they were capable, they would have pelted me with shards. “Whatever it is, it’s not your problem.”
“Fuck that!” I yelled. Her words cut through me, sending rage coursing through every ounce of my body. Was she fucking serious? I clenched and unclenched my fists, trying to suppress the anger that was ready to spiral out of control, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get a handle on it. I stepped toward her, meeting her hard stare head on. “Did you honestly think that you could keep this from me? That you would tell me we made a baby together and I’d want nothing to do with it? You’re out of your goddamned mind. That’s my kid inside you. Mine.”
“Look, Kade,” she said, taking a step back from me, and keeping her voice to an angry whisper. “It’s complicated, okay? But, this is my body and my problem. So, just let it go.”
“Let it go? And don’t you pull that feminist bullshit on me!” I exclaimed. “It takes two to make a fucking baby, Sienna, so I’d say it’s my goddamned problem, too.”
She threw her arms up in the air. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
“When can you deal with it, then? Because I don’t think you even planned on telling me until you just blurted it out. Did you really think that you’d be able to keep this from me? Did you?”
The front door shut, but neither of us looked away. “Everything okay out here?” Dice said from the porch, but I held Sienna’s gaze, seething at the mouth and fighting between the desire of wanting to shake her or devour her with my mouth.
“Everything’s fine,” Sienna said, breaking our gaze, and turning to Dice.
I grabbed her arm and spun her toward me. “Everything is not fine.” Her eyes widened in shock, then her gaze dropped to my hand, and I realized how tightly I was holding her.
“Let go of me, you asshole.” I loosened my grip, but didn’t let go. This conversation was far from over, and I’d be damned if she thought she could drop this bombshell on me and then just walk the fuck away like she just told me what tomorrow’s weather was going to be. She might be used to getting her fucking way, but that stopped right now. I had questions and, dammit, I was owed answers.
“Kade, step back,” Dice said, before walking down the steps.
“This has nothing to do with you, Dice. Stay the fuck out of it.”
“You might be right, but she’s my sister, and that means I protect her. She already asked you to let go. Don’t make her ask again.”
My chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. No matter how many times I inhaled, how hard I attempted to simmer the rage inside of me, I couldn’t control it. I looked into Sienna’s eyes, and she silently pleaded with me. Fear flashed across her soft features, and I dropped her arm like it was on fire.
The last thing in this world I would ever want is to scare Sienna. Seeing the way her body retracted into itself, as my fingers dug into her arm, made me sick to my stomach. I stumbled back, trying to gain my bearings, when she hopped on her bike and took off.
Dice smacked a beer bottle into my chest. “Have a drink, and calm the fuck down.”
“She’s pregnant,” I mumbled.
“I know.”
Anger resurged and I spun toward him, my grip on the neck of the beer bottle so tight I was surprised it didn’t shatter. “You knew? You fucking knew?”
“Yes, and don’t fucking look at me like that. Be pissed. Fuck, go out and get sloppy drunk, I don’t care, but don’t for a fucking second turn that fucking anger onto my ass. If it wasn’t for me, she never would have fucking told you. You should be thanking me.”
I brought the bottle to my lips, and downed every last fucking drop. “Sorry. She just drives me fucking crazy. I think I finally have her figured out, and she drops this fucking shit on me?! How long has she known?”
“A while.”
“So, that’s why I haven’t seen her smoking, and why she’s been drinking what I thought was vodka, but was really water.”
“Yup.”
“Who else knows?” I demanded.
“No one. She hasn’t told anyone but me. But it’s only a matter of time before she’s showing, so she needs to figure out a game plan soon.”
“No more secrets. This whole situation is done with.”
“Nick will kill you and, if he doesn’t, he’ll strip you of your cut.”
“At least, then, I won’t have to sneak around like a fucking teenager.”
“Do me one favor.”
I narrowed my gaze.
“Just give her tonight. Let her have tonight to try and figure shit out. Come tomorrow, I don’t give a fuck what you do, but she’s too worked up right now. You both are. You have to remember; it’s not just about you two anymore. She has a fucking baby growing inside of her, your baby, and the stress isn’t good for either of them.”
“Fine. I’ll give her tonight, but you better bet your ass I’ll be at her house first thing tomorrow morning.”
Dice laughed. “It’s your ass.” He patted my back. “I’ll be sure to leave flowers at your grave after Nick kills you.”
I never even went home. I spent the night riding around, cruising the streets and letting my mind wrap around the shit storm that my life just became. Thinking Sienna was avoiding me and being a bitch to me because she was afraid of succumbing to her desires was something I could deal with. But, doing it because she was pregnant with my child? That I couldn’t take.
What pissed me off even more was the fact that she told Dice. I got it. They were brother and sister in a fucked up way, but I was the goddamned father of her child. Didn’t I deserve to hear the truth before he did? The sun made its ascent into the sky, and I turned my bike onto Sienna’s block. It was eight in the morning, and I had waited long enough.
This shit was going to end and it was ending today. She wasn’t going to raise this kid by herself, and there was no way she was going to keep me out of my kid’s life. It would be a cold day in hell before I let that ever fucking happen.
I pulled my bike into the driveway and killed the engine. Nick’s bike sat next to Sienna’s bike, and I knew I could be walking into a death sentence, but I didn’t fucking care. I was done with the games. I took a deep breath, removed my helmet, and threw my leg over the seat, ready to get this shit storm over with.
I walked to the door, brought my fist up and pounded on it over and over again, refusing to stop until Sienna opened it. A minute later, the door flew open and Sienna, beautiful as ever, came barging out. Hand raised, she shoved me back with a strength I had no idea she possessed and knocked me down the steps.
Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, whisps of blonde falling from its tie. Her eyes were wild with rage. “Are you out of your goddamned mind?”
“We need to talk.”
“We already talked. I told you this is not your problem.”
“Goddamn it, Sienna, that is not your fucking decision to make.”
She blinked, and it was like a light switch turning off the part that made her human. Eerily, her eyes and face seemed to turn to stone. “It’s just how it has to be.”
My hand latched onto her arm, but, this time, I made sure not to grip too tightly. I didn’t want to see that fear in her eyes again. It nearly undid me last night. I met her eyes, and, if she was going to void herself of emotion, then I was going to put mine all out there. I let my eyes speak for me, pouring out everything I felt into that single look, reaching deep so she would know exactly what she was doing to me. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I never had a real father. I had to rely on Luke and Nick to fill that void. This baby can have what I would’ve killed for. We can
be a family. A real family.” The family that I never had.
She shook her head and averted her attention to the ground, refusing to look at me. “It’ll never work, and we shouldn’t be together just because I’m pregnant,” she murmured, her words a sad declaration that I would not accept.
“Are you fucking serious? Do you not know me at all? I have loved you longer than I have ever loved anything. I would take a fucking bullet for you. I love you, Sienna. I’m in fucking love with you. Always have been. How could you not know that? See it? Feel it?”
“If my dad finds out you’re the father…” She rubbed her stomach, causing her t-shirt to cling and showcasing a tiny bump. A bump that was my kid growing inside her. She slowly raised her head and looked at me. Her eyes now filled with all the emotions that she so desperately tried to hide, although she still fought like hell to fight them. Tears pricked her eyes and, in all the years I knew Sienna, this was the most vulnerable I have ever seen her. “He’ll kill you,” she whispered.
I took her face in my hand, running my thumb across the softness of her cheek. “I know, and I already told you I would take a bullet for you. It’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means we can be together. Be a family. I’ll put it all on the line. The club, the brotherhood, all of it... for you.” I smiled, and I felt her resolve weakening. “I would do anything.”
“All you have is the club and your brothers. Without any of that, you would have nothing. No job, no money, no family. I can’t sit back and allow you to throw away everything that makes you who you are for me. It would be selfish of me to even think it. So, no, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“Sweatheart, I’m doing it whether you ask me to or not.” I snaked my hand around her waist, and pulled her tight against me. “You’re mine. You always have been and always will be. It’s time to stop fighting it.”
“No!” She shoved into my chest and scurried back. “I’m not yours and I never will be. I’m not stupid enough to believe in happily ever afters. They don’t exist, and stop trying to convince me otherwise. Now, I’m not asking you again. Please leave me the hell alone.”
The words came out of her mouth, but, deep down, I knew she didn’t mean them. All I could see in that moment was the scared little girl that lost her mother. This had nothing to do with me. She was afraid to be happy. Terrified to open her heart and let someone love her. To allow herself to love anybody.
“Sienna.” I stepped toward her, holding my hand out, hoping like hell that I could get her to finally put this fear behind her and give us a chance.
She stared at me for a moment, before cursing me out and storming into the house.
“Goddammit!” I yelled, and stomped after her. “Sienna, stop running away from me!” She slammed the door in my face, but I stopped it from shutting with my hand. I pushed it forward, and followed her to the living room.
“I said, leave me the fuck alone. Get a goddamn hint, Kade.”
“I’ll take a fucking hint when you stop lying to yourself.”
“The only person lying here is you!” she screamed.
“What the fuck is going on here?!” Nick yelled, coming down the stairs, in his boxers and a white t-shirt.
“Nothing. Kade was just leaving.”
“The hell I was!”
“Someone better fucking say something!” Nick roared.
I stared at Sienna, silently urging her to stop hiding and tell the truth. Be honest with her father and put an end to all this aggravation. He needed to know. If he was going to kill me, I was ready for it. My life might not have been the best life a person could have, but I met someone who made me want to live. A girl that I loved from afar for years and who, one night, turned my entire existence on its head. The greatest moment of my life created a new life. That was all I could ever want in this world. So, I took a deep breath and turned away from Sienna.
Nick’s eyes were wild with confusion and annoyance. I stood tall and said what Sienna should have said to us weeks ago. What I should have said years ago. “I’m in love with your daughter, and she’s pregnant with my child.”
Nicks oversized fist came at my face, and the world went dark.
12
Sienna
“Daddy!” I screamed just as Kade’s body crumbled to a heap on the floor. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and blood dripped from his nose. He didn’t move, not even a twitch, and my heart stopped in my chest.
Instinct took over, and I fell to my knees next to Kade, making sure he was alive. Daddy’s fists were full of iron strength and, combined with the anger radiating off of him, it’d be a miracle if Kade woke up anytime soon.
“Don’t touch him,” Dad snarled, and my hand stopped midway to Kade’s face, torn between my father and the father of my child.
A tiny snore sounded from Kade, and relief settled over me. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. He should have just walked away like I fucking told him to. But, no, he had to go running his big fucking mouth off. He had to believe in a future with a happy ending, like a damn fool. And, then there was Daddy.
I pulled my arm back to my side and jumped up, pointing down to Kade unconscious on the floor. “You could have killed him!”
Dad took deep breaths, but with each inhale, the visible parts of his face through his thick beard only got redder. “He’s lucky I didn’t have my gun on me because I would have fucking made sure of it.” He gritted the words out, like he was talking about a member of Montamos or Gordita’s army, not about one of his brothers.
I crossed my arms and shivered from the coldness that was radiating through me from his icy words. “You don’t mean that,” I said, hoping that my biggest fears weren’t coming true. Hoping with every fiber of my being that he didn’t strip Kade of the only life that he had. The only life that ever took him in and accepted him.
“Don’t tell me what I mean.”
“He’s part of your brotherhood.”
“And he broke every fucking thing we stand for. Righteousness. Brotherhood. Respect. Loyalty. Every fucking one.”
Kade came to and sat up, swiping at the blood under his nose, and wiping it down the front of his white t-shirt. His eye already swelled shut and a nasty bruise was starting to form. He forced himself up to unsteady feet. He swayed slightly to the left, and then stumbled forward.
“I’d like to tell you how fucking sorry I am,” Kade said, resting against the wall and looking like he was about to collapse again. “But I’ve kept my mouth shut long enough. I’m not sorry for loving your daughter.”
“Stop fucking talking,” Dad gritted through his teeth, cutting Kade off.
“I’m not sorry for getting her pregnant because that means the greatest night of my life can live on.”
In the blink of an eye, Dad lurched forward with a look of death on his face and grabbed Kade by the throat. He smashed his head into the wall, and lifted him off his feet. “I’ll fucking kill you!”
I grabbed Dad’s arm and yanked at him, begging and pleading for him to stop. “Daddy, let go of him. You’re going to kill him!” Dad’s grip was indestructible, and, no matter how hard I shook him and beat on his back, he wouldn’t let go.
Kade didn’t even try to fight him. He just hung there like he was accepting whatever punishment he thought he deserved. There was no way in hell that I was going to let that happen. I would not be able to live with myself if I was the reason Kade died tonight.
Out of ideas, and running out of time, I took a running leap toward Dad’s back and latched on. “Let him go!” I screamed one last time, and finally the tension in his fingers loosened. Kade slumped against the wall, gasping for air and holding his throat.
I slid off Dad’s back, and stood in between the two of them, holding my hands up. “Enough.” I took a minute to catch my breath before continuing. “Now that you got that out of your system, can we move on?” Kade nodded the best he could, given the circumstances, so I turned to Dad since he was the one I was re
ally talking to. “Dad?”
His lip curled beneath the grey hair. “Over my dead fucking body,” he said. “Get the fuck out of my house right now before I finish what I started.”
“Daddy!”
“Don’t you ‘Daddy’ me. I haven’t even begun to think about what I’m going to say to you.”
Fucking hormones took over and tears sprang to my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s a little too fucking late for that,” Dad said, and then went upstairs. I didn’t see him for the rest of the day.
Monday started like any other day. I woke up and was sick a few times, before I went downstairs and started breakfast. I hadn’t spoken to neither Dad nor Kade since the big fight. I hadn’t spoken to anyone actually. I got on my bike and spent the day driving around Seattle, trying to forget about the anger in Dad’s eyes and Kade knocked out cold on my floor.
What I couldn’t forget was Kade’s declaration of love. He said he loved me. Told my father he loved me and that scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want his love. It would only lead to more pain. So, why did my heart flutter and my stomach get queasy when he said it? Why did I want to hear those words again? Fucking hormones, that‘s why. I needed to forget it and let it go. If I learned anything from this life, it was that love destroyed you, and I was too strong to let that happen.
I decided to skip the healthy food this morning, and made Dad’s favorite, complete with fried eggs, bacon, sausage and hash browns. The paper was on the table waiting for him, and I poured each of us a cup of coffee. I finally picked up a baby book that told me twelve ounces of coffee a day wouldn’t do any harm. Thank God because, after giving up booze and cigarettes, I wasn’t sure I could give up another one of my vices.
I placed Dad’s mug on the table, and went back to the frying pan. Dad didn’t want to speak yesterday, and I understood that. We were very similar, so I’m sure, like me, he needed time to process. I gave him an entire day and night to do so, and now we needed to talk.
Bulletproof (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #2) Page 9
