“Yes,” Magnus said. “Nothing this ship shouldn’t be able to handle.”
“You would know,” Titus said, looking relaxed, like he trusted Magnus completely. “You built it.”
“I did,” Magnus said. “And it’s the best I’ve ever done, if I do say so myself.”
“Because it’s the most important,” Titus replied.
“Yes. Because it’s the one that is going to take us to find our mates.”
“What do you think they’ll be like?” Titus asked with a sigh, leaning his huge bulk against the railing, making it creak slightly.
But Magnus knew it would hold against anything. “Our mates? Beautiful, I’m sure.”
Liam walked over to them, leaving the wheel for a bit. “Soft and generous,” he said, motioning with his hands to form an hourglass.
“Of course,” Titus said. “Much to hold. I’ll drink to that.” He gave them a grin and walked over to get grog from the hold, his long braid swinging behind him in the wind that was staring to pick up.
A nervous thrill went through Magnus, which made no sense. Nothing could go wrong; he’d seen to it. He put both hands on the rail and leaned on it, jumping a few times. Sturdy. He looked up at the bow and then all the way back.
She looked as perfect as the day he’d finished her.
So even those dark clouds in the distance couldn’t possibly take them down.
Magnus had been accused of being overly cocky in the past, but that couldn’t possibly be true this time.
The ship hit a particularly large, choppy wave, and Liam took an awkward step to steady himself as it rose and then dipped, hard.
Liam gave Magnus a wary look. “Everything okay?”
Magnus didn’t know anymore. If everything was supposed to be fine, why was there this odd feeling of wariness overwhelming him. “I think something’s wrong. I’m going below.”
He went below deck and looked at the hull, noting everything seemed fine. No leaks.
But he had a sixth sense about his projects. Something was definitely not right.
He ran up the wooden stairs and saw the storm was growing greater.
He’d never taken people seriously when they said he was overconfident, because he’d always been good at being in control, at calculating for all contingencies and relaxing after.
So why couldn’t he relax now?
Because that storm looked bigger, darker, and meaner than anything he’d seen before, and something about the way the ship was reacting was bothering him.
Titus walked over, drinks in hand, but was knocked sideways as the ship hit another huge wave, and the liquid in the mugs sloshed out and over the deck, which was now wet from the spray of icy-cold ocean water.
“Do we need to shift?” Liam asked.
Magnus looked at Titus and shook his head. “With this wind, we’d never make it.” Metal dragons were powerful, resourceful, and sturdy. They were also heavy, and flying long distances wasn’t their forte.
Their best bet was staying on this ship.
He remembered with rising panic how hopeful, how peaceful they’d been when they started on this journey. After a lifetime of work and adventures, they were off on the adventure of their life, finding loves and homes for all of them.
If this ship went down, he’d be fucking that up for all of them.
“Grab a railing. Brace yourself,” Magnus yelled as they crested another huge wave, tilting almost vertical.
Liam made a run for the wheel, as if that would help them, as if there were anywhere to steer, but his legs got swept out from under him as the spray from the top of the deck washed over him.
He slid helplessly over the deck as Magnus dove, grabbing his captain and friend by the hand the pulling him back before he could be dragged over the railing.
Liam recovered, giving Magnus a look that was half gratitude, half terror, and they looked over at Titus, who was holding on to the rail a little ways away from them.
His ice-blue eyes said everything as he stared at them. They were in big trouble.
The deck was taking on water, but it had been tightly sealed, so it slid right off. Hopefully, they could hold on until this storm passed. Maybe it’d be strong, but not of a long duration.
Suddenly, they crested another wave and heard a loud cracking noise. Magnus realized with alarm that the main mast holding the lone sail in the center of the ship was breaking.
That should have been impossible. While Magnus panicked, Titus ran for the mast and used his incredible strength to brace against it. Magnus ran to help him, grabbing the main rope to try and pull it so the sail stayed up, helping them pull against the wind.
Titus had his back against the mast, his arms behind him bracing it, and his eyes locked on Magnus, intense and focused.
Liam ran over to stand beside him.
“Magnus,” he said. “We’re going down. Should we swim for it?”
“No,” Magnus said. “Wait for it. We can make it.”
“We’re too far from shore,” Titus said, looking out over the waves hopelessly. “We won’t make it.”
“What do we do?” Liam asked. “Magnus?”
But Magnus was distracted, his breath catching, heart freezing, as he watched a huge wave rise over Liam and Titus. Impossibly huge. This one would take them to the bottom of the ocean.
It would be fast. He wasn’t going to tell them.
These men had been his best friends, his constant companions, and he had failed them.
They’d been dead the minute the mast had broken.
He closed his eyes as the wave overtook them, hoping it would be over quick.
Magnus awoke gasping, coughing, the taste of saltwater in his throat. He thrashed, looking for something to hold on to, and stopped when his hand brushed over something warm and solid.
Lindy.
He tuned into her breath, into the feel of her body, as she slowly turned over and looked at him with sleepy eyes.
When she realized he was distraught, she sat up immediately, holding on to his arms.
“Magnus, Magnus, are you okay? What’s wrong?”
He looked into her eyes. He couldn’t tell her. Couldn’t tell her he’d failed his crew mates. Couldn’t tell her he felt guilty for even being here, getting something so good, when it was his fault they’d all landed at the bottom of the ocean.
Couldn’t tell her that despite the way he tried to be happy for her and help her move on, the past still had a hold on him.
Couldn’t tell her he was a hypocrite for wanting to know everything about her, but not wanting her to know anything about him.
He reached up and stroked her hair back, knowing deep in his heart that if it weren’t for the oracle and the other dragons who had found him, everything for him and Liam and Titus would have ended.
Was this fate’s design that he should be with her now, or was it simply more than he deserved for his failures?
He rested his forehead against hers, grateful for her patient silence.
He’d gotten what he’d wanted tonight, so much closeness, so much warmth with her, yet the nightmares were still here, threatening to take him back to the darkness.
What were they trying to tell him?
He looked into her eyes, sleepy and soothing, and told himself to calm down. To let go.
They weren’t going to sink again. He’d gotten a second chance to be with his mate.
He wasn’t going to ruin it now.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Talk to me.”
He shook his head. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
“You aren’t,” she said. “You aren’t any more fine than I am. You think I don’t see you? I know you have nightmares. I’ve been trying to stay out of it, but I need to know. I deserve to, I think, now that we’ve gotten this far.”
Bitterness welled up in him. Defensiveness at her poking at his secrets. “What, because you’re willing to mate me now? You won’t make me wait any longer?”
&
nbsp; She pulled back from him, frowning, and sat back on the bed, putting distance between them. Her beautiful hair was still loose and over her shoulder, and she was holding a sheet in front of her nakedness.
She looked like a Viking princess, and he wanted to lean forward and hold her.
But he wasn’t happy, carefree Magnus right now.
He was dark Magnus, obsessed with the mistakes of his past. Obsessed that he hadn’t seen it coming.
“How can I trust you if you shut off like this? I’ve told you my most painful moments,” she said. “I mean, not in great detail, but… yeah. We all have bad moments.”
But he hadn’t caused hers.
“I don’t get it,” she said. “You say we’re meant to be together, that it’s fated in the stars. That you’ll do anything. But you won’t tell me why you cry out at night.”
He hated the sound of it. It made him sound so weak.
He just wanted to be strong for her. Get things done. Fix everything. Make her happy.
Earn. Her. Love.
Somehow deserve to be happy again.
Maybe if she would just agree to be his…
“Mate me,” he said. “I know you love me. You showed me last night.”
She bit her lip. “I told you. It means a lot to me to go slow.”
He threw his fist down on the covers, making the mattress shake. “Fuck slow. I can’t wait anymore.” When would the next wave come to ruin everything?
What if fate was always going to fuck him over? What if he was never in control?
That ship had been perfect. He knew it for sure. And if he could do his best then and get totally fucked over, it could happen again.
He wouldn’t let fate rob him of his mate again. He took her gently by the shoulders. “Please. Mate me,” he said. “I promise I’ll make it worth it.”
She shook her head and slowly pulled back. “Magnus, not like this. I need more time. I need to focus on work.”
“Fuck work,” he said. “This is more important.”
“No,” she said. “It isn’t, Magnus. I’m trying to adjust to you, to having someone in my life, but whatever is freaking you out right now, this isn’t the answer.”
“Is it that, or are you just afraid?” he asked. “Afraid that you do know it’s right, but you don’t want to risk getting close to someone again?”
“You aren’t my shrink, Magnus.”
“Shrink?”
“Therapist. Mental health professional. Stay out of my head.”
He let out an impatient breath. “Fine.”
“I’m going to sleep,” she said, lying down and covering herself with the blanket. “I like you, Magnus. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”
He sat there for a minute, thinking about it. He didn’t want to tell her. He didn’t want to do this the hard way. He didn’t want to open his heart and expose his fears and weaknesses.
He just wanted to mate her and finally feel safe for the first time in a few hundred years.
Was that so much to ask?
He lay down, facing the other way, pulled the covers over himself, and hoped things would be better in the morning.
11
The next day, Lindy woke to an empty bed.
She sat up, looking around, feeling an odd soreness in her body, and then it all came back to her.
The hottest sexual moment of her life. The true rightness of Magnus being inside her.
Then the way he’d acted when he’d woken up from a nightmare.
She put a hand over her face and groaned, wishing she’d handled it all differently.
But she’d been so open with him about what bothered her that it was hard to see him clearly panicked over something and just locking it away, insisting the answer to all his problems was mating her.
She was going at her own pace with this, trying to keep up with him. But he was still claiming to be a dragon from another time and place, and she was still a mechanic who was grieving her father and had been alone far too long.
They were from different worlds, and it took time to bring worlds together.
She got up, pulling on a night shirt and robe, and walked out of her room and down the hallway, creeping toward the kitchen.
She could see his large figure perched on a stool, wearing a tee shirt and new pair of jeans.
“Do you want to talk about last night?” she asked.
He shook his head, a forced smile on his handsome face. His dark-red hair was neatly groomed, implying he’d been up long enough to already take a shower and get ready for the day.
His green eyes were focused on his mug, and he didn’t look up at her until she walked all the way around the counter to stand in front of him.
“Look, I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m trying, Magnus. But if you want me to trust you, you’ve got to trust me.”
“Why should I?” he asked. “I’ve had to fight you every step of the way to get close to you. And you still won’t give me what I want.”
“You’re acting like a little kid right now,” she said, and he lowered his eyes again, frowning.
“I think you’re the little kid,” he said. “You have a good thing waiting right in front of you, but you’re so busy being afraid that you won’t prevent a huge wave from crushing it.”
“What?” she asked, genuinely confused. “A wave? Crushing? What are you talking about?”
“My crew,” he said dully. “I sank them.”
“What do you mean you sank them?”
“I guess there’s no harm in telling you now, no matter what you think of me. I built the ship we sank in. It was supposed to take us to find our mates. Instead, we ended up at the bottom of the sea.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” she said patiently. “How can you think it was?”
He slammed his palms down on the counter. “Of course it was! I built it! It should have been unsinkable! I’m a fucking dragon. Hell, how do my friends even look at me, knowing my failure?”
“Is that what you dream about?” she asked, sliding a hand over his, an uncomfortable feeling moving through her. It was warm and familiar and painful, and she was very much afraid it might be love.
He nodded. “I see the wave over and over. I feel the choking saltwater, the crushing darkness, my friends sinking in shadows away from me. Knowing it’s all my fault.”
She just listened, heart aching for him. He’d always been so happy-go-lucky, so willing to hide things while trying to help her move on, that she hadn’t realized how big of a weight he was dragging.
“That’s why I was driving that night when I found you. I wake up at night; it’s all I can think about. When I found you, something changed. You saved me. When I look into your eyes, it’s peaceful. I finally feel deserving, like I have a purpose. Like if I work hard enough, I can earn your love for me.”
She blinked. “Magnus, you can’t earn love.”
Slight panic lit his eyes. “I know. But I want to.”
She opened her mouth to tell him she already loved him. She wanted to. She appreciated what he’d said. But the thought of him sinking in those waters, almost dying, set off something inside her.
She stepped back from the counter as she felt a rapid increase in her breathing that made her feel she was falling quickly. Her father’s face, eyes closed, lightly breathing.
Then not breathing.
Being totally alone.
If she loved Magnus and something happened to him…
“What is it?” he asked, standing up and coming around the bar. “Wait, Lindy…”
She just put up a hand. “I can’t. Not right now.”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “I understand.” He looked oddly resigned, and she wanted to comfort him, but she couldn’t. Not when she was coming to grips with the fact that she loved him and the crushing consequences that extended from love.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s not you,” she said.
But it was him. It was how wonderful he was. How he stood up for her, rescued her, encouraged her to live. How beautiful he was, inside and out. His gentle patience with her that had brought her to the moon and back.
How funny that the thing that truly brought out her love for him, made her realize how deeply she cared for him, was hearing what frightened him most. It was the last piece of a puzzle that made her see there was no escape.
This man was in front of her, and she loved him.
And because of it, she could get destroyed all over again.
She took another step back, away from him. He looked about to follow, but then her phone beeped, signaling a text.
She pulled it out of her pocket.
Mike: There’s a huge parts delivery here. You need to sign for it.
“There’s a delivery,” she said. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Not without me,” he said, following her to the bedroom as she quickly got changed and swept her hair into a ponytail.
“Magnus, please. I just need a break right now. I’m going to sign for the package and be right back.”
“You won’t let me come.”
She shook her head. It felt as if her heart would explode if she didn’t get away from him. Just for a moment. “I’ll be back.”
“You hurry, or I’ll come after you.”
She nodded. He was back in protective mode, focused and intent. But she couldn’t forget the Magnus from a moment before and how she felt about him.
“I’ll be right back,” she said, holding her keys and looking into his eyes. “I promise.”
Then she turned and ran for her driveway.
Magnus couldn’t help pacing as he waited for Lindy to return from receiving the delivery. He’d give her two more minutes. Then he was going after her, no matter how much she seemed to want to run away from him.
He could still remember her face, terrified, backing away from him.
Disgusted? Maybe. That was how he felt about himself.
He stamped a foot as he waited behind her counter. Why was it taking so long?
He looked over at Perky, who was resting in her bed and watching him nervously.
Iron (Rent-A-Dragon Book 2) Page 9
