‘‘Ha-ha,’’ Jayce said, closing his eyes. ‘‘I am so very touched by your compassion. I shall remember it in my letter home to your sister. No doubt it will deepen her regard for you, just as it has mine.’’
Chapter Twenty-nine
After a brief encounter with a very busy and preoccupied Stanley, Helaina found herself safely ensconced in her New York estate. In this house—mansion, really—Helaina had known many pleasant memories. She tried to find comfort in that as she moved in silence from room to room. For weeks now she’d tried to readjust herself to this once-familiar setting. Everything was just as she’d left it. Having wired ahead to let Mrs. Hayworth know of her return, Helaina found that the furniture had been uncovered, the dust dealt with, and the windows freshly washed. The entire house smelled of oil and polish.
New York society was also as she had left it. They ushered her back with open arms, although there was an underlying attitude that hinted of a mother scolding her wayward child. Helaina found herself making the circuit, explaining her travels much as she might explain her misguided purchase of property in an unfashionable neighborhood.
Some of the men immediately began to fawn over her, telling Helaina what a drudge their life had been without her in the city. Others suggested a desire to come calling, which Helaina quickly declined, much to their disappointment.
There were parties and teas at which she was made the guest of honor and could not refuse to attend. Much of New York had taken their leave to cooler, less hectic climes, but many of the old guard remained and took it as their personal responsibility to see Helaina properly fitted back into society. To Helaina it was all rather mundane and exhausting.
The house, Helaina thought, seemed larger than she’d remembered. Now as she walked its hallowed halls, she felt a sense of sadness wash over her. She was queen over her domain, but it was a very empty domain, and she was a very lonely queen.
She walked into the main receiving parlor. The room was some thirty feet long and twenty feet wide. Fitted with heavy gold damask, the floor-to-ceiling windows allowed a great deal of light to brighten the otherwise dark room. Helaina smiled as she thought of the blinding bright sunlight she’d known in Alaska. It was easy for a person to lose their vision, at least temporarily, from overexposure to sun on snow.
Helaina touched her hand to the ornately carved table. Here, delicate silver frames displayed photographs of her family. She couldn’t help but pick up the picture of Robert. The side view of her mustached and serious-faced husband did not do justice to the fun-loving soul she had known.
‘‘So many things have changed,’’ she told him. ‘‘You would hardly recognize me.’’
‘‘Am I interrupting?’’
Helaina looked up to find Mrs. Hayworth.
‘‘Cook said you wanted to see me,’’ the housekeeper added.
Helaina smiled. ‘‘Yes. We haven’t had a chance to sit and talk since I arrived home. I thought if you had a moment . . .’’
Mrs. Hayworth smiled. ‘‘Of course, deary. You know I always have time for you.’’
Helaina crossed to one of the brocade sofas. Her plum-colored silk day dress swirled gently at her ankles. It was a marvelous piece, one that made Helaina feel glamorous. ‘‘I have missed our talks.’’
‘‘Truly?’’ Mrs. Hayworth took a seat on the sofa opposite Helaina’s. ‘‘It touches me to hear you say that.’’
‘‘Well, it’s true. I know I was unbearable at times, and for that I must apologize. I know that you were only trying to help me in my grief.’’ Mrs. Hayworth nodded, and Helaina continued. ‘‘I’ve had a remarkable year to be sure, but perhaps the most important part is that I have come to understand God’s love for me.’’
‘‘Oh my. It’s what I have prayed for.’’ Mrs. Hayworth leaned forward. ‘‘Please tell me what happened.’’
Helaina thought back to the first time she’d met Jacob. ‘‘I met a man and his sister.’’ She began her story and tried to cover all of the important details. Mrs. Hayworth was her captive audience, just as Helaina had known she would be.
‘‘I kept hearing some of the same things you had told me, repeated in their conversations. For the longest time, however, I couldn’t reconcile it with what I felt was true. I felt the law should be observed at all cost, but Jacob and Leah taught me about mercy. Mercy that extended to me, even though I didn’t deserve it. In fact, I’m sorry to say that my actions caused that sweet family much grief.’’
‘‘But even that can be forgiven,’’ Mrs. Hayworth interjected. ‘‘I’m sure such loving folk would never hold you a grudge.’’
‘‘No, Jacob and Leah don’t hold me a grudge,’’ Helaina said, feeling rather sad. ‘‘Leah was somewhat vexed with me for a time, but knowing the truth of all that happened to her, I cannot blame her. Still, I have her forgiveness, and she has mine. Although truly there was nothing I needed to forgive.’’
She sighed and leaned back, feeling the tight constriction of her stylish new elastic corset. Despite the freedom offered by the rubber webbing, Helaina had not worn such restricting undergarments in Alaska. She found the missing liberty to be quite a loss.
‘‘You seem troubled, if you don’t mind my saying so,’’ Mrs. Hayworth offered.
‘‘I suppose I am. I feel . . . well . . . misplaced. Does that sound odd to you?’’
The older woman smiled. ‘‘Not at all. Your old life here may seem in conflict with your new life in Christ.’’
Helaina nodded and leaned forward again. ‘‘Yes. Yes, that’s exactly the problem. Remember the party I attended the night before last?’’
‘‘The one given by the Chesterfields?’’
‘‘Yes, that’s the one. I remembered them as having the most incredible gatherings. Food and orchestras to rival the best families in New York. I remember the witty dialogue and the pleasure of simply being seen in my elegant clothes and jewelry. But it wasn’t the same. It didn’t satisfy me at all. Yet, while I was gone, New York and my life here were all I could think on.’’
‘‘The greener grass,’’ Mrs. Hayworth said with a chuckle. ‘‘While you were in one pasture, another seemed better.’’
‘‘I was certain while in the Alaskan wilderness that nothing could possibly be more to my dislike. There were vast open fields of nothing. No people—no buildings. It was an incredible place. In the village where I lived last summer, I endured the most hideous meals, flooding of the little house where I stayed, and people whom I couldn’t understand until I learned their language. I never felt more alone or miserable.’’
‘‘But to my way of thinking, this was just God’s way to get you to a place where He could have your attention. Perhaps here there were just too many distractions.’’
‘‘I suppose you’re right. Just getting into my clothing here takes more time and effort than I ever exerted in Alaska. Although there I was trying to learn how to actually make some of my own things. Goodness, but I wish I’d been more attentive when being taught to sew.’’
Mrs. Hayworth laughed heartily at this. ‘‘I never thought I’d hear you worry about such things. You were far more concerned with the designers who made your gowns or the quality of the crystal on your tables.’’
‘‘I was nothing more than a snob. God has made that clear to me.’’
Sobering, Mrs. Hayworth grew thoughtful. ‘‘But you miss Alaska, don’t you?’’
‘‘I do. I find myself thinking of it constantly. And of Jacob. I never thought I would ever fall in love with another man, but I have.’’
‘‘That’s marvelous.’’
Helaina shook her head. ‘‘No. Not really. Jacob could never give up his life there. Alaska is in his blood.’’
‘‘Sounds to me as if it’s in yours as well.’’
‘‘I think it is, but it would only be worthwhile to me if Jacob were a part of my life there.’’
The chimes rang from the large ebony grandfather clock. ‘‘Goodn
ess me, but it’s already five o’clock,’’ Mrs. Hayworth declared. ‘‘Aren’t you attending the Morgan dinner tonight?’’
Helaina sighed. ‘‘I completely forgot about it. I’m supposed to be there at seven and I still need to take a bath.’’
‘‘I’ll have one of the girls draw it immediately. I’ve already seen to your gown. You’ll be quite dazzling in that peacock blue creation.’’ Helaina nodded, but her heart wasn’t in it. Mrs. Hayworth surprised her by coming to her side. She gently reached out to touch Helaina’s shoulder. ‘‘I’m delighted to know you’ve come to trust the Lord. Lean on Him in this as well. Pray about what you should do. It’s very likely that the right thing is to go back.’’
‘‘But if I do, I would probably have to sell this house and all of my things, because I doubt I would return here. Certainly not to live.’’
‘‘And what would be so wrong with that?’’
‘‘Where would you go?’’ Helaina reached up to take hold of her housekeeper’s hand. ‘‘I won’t put you on the streets.’’
‘‘You wouldn’t. I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell you that I’m giving my resignation at the end of the summer. My daughter in Milwaukee wants me to come there and help her with the children. Her husband recently died after a long illness and she needs me.’’
‘‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,’’ Helaina said. She got to her feet and faced Mrs. Hayworth. ‘‘I will miss you.’’
‘‘Not as much if you make your way back to Alaska,’’ the older woman said with a wink. ‘‘I have a feeling once you are back in the company of your Mr. Barringer, you won’t be thinking of this old woman.’’
Helaina surprised them both by embracing Mrs. Hayworth. ‘‘I shall always think fondly of you. You were the first to brave telling me of Jesus. You were the only one who loved me enough to stand up to my nasty disposition and try to explain what was missing in my life. You’ve been such a dear, dear friend, and I thank you.’’
Mrs. Hayworth had tears in her eyes as they separated. ‘‘You’ve been a blessing to me as well. Now don’t forget what I said. If you are still so very miserable here, perhaps it’s because you no longer belong here. God will show you.’’
That night at the Morgan dinner, Helaina enjoyed the attention of most every single man in the room. She made a striking figure in her gown of blue silk. The high-necked lace inset of her bodice had been trimmed in a braided cord of silver. It seemed a perfect touch with her silver elbow-length gloves.
‘‘Mrs. Beecham, we have positively languished without your company,’’ the gentleman at her right began. ‘‘I heard you were traveling extensively. Perhaps you would care to tell us of your travels.’’
‘‘Mr. Broderick, you are kind to ask,’’ Helaina said, reaching for her water glass. ‘‘I did travel extensively as you suggest. In fact, I spent considerable time in the Alaskan Territory.’’
‘‘Seward’s Icebox?’’ he questioned. The men close by perked up and leaned toward them.
‘‘Tell us about it,’’ the young man across the table insisted. He bent his head to try and peer around a large display of flowers and fruit. ‘‘I’ve heard it’s filled with wild animals and nothing but snow.’’
‘‘It’s a very diverse land. I spent time in the far western sections of the territory, as well as some of the southeast islands. It’s amazing that they even exist in the same territory, but you must remember the vast number of miles between locations.’’
For some time Helaina told of the landscape, people, and the day-to-day existence that she’d known. ‘‘I cannot imagine another wholly unspoiled place in all the earth.’’
‘‘It sounds as though you were smitten with Alaska, Mrs. Bee-cham. Perhaps you will journey back one day.’’
Helaina smiled. ‘‘I think that is quite possible.’’
‘‘But what of the food? Surely there was nothing as marvelous as this meal,’’ Mr. Broderick said, lifting a piece of veal to his lips.
‘‘This truly is a delightful meal,’’ Helaina agreed. ‘‘I thought often of such meals while suffering through seal meat and oiled greens. Sometimes I thought I would perish of hunger because of the unpleasant things served. However, I grew to actually enjoy the food. Well . . . there were things I still did not care for, but many other dishes I came to enjoy. For example, caribou is quite a tasty piece. When the steaks are fried up, as you would a beefsteak, the meat is most enjoyable.’’
‘‘But what of the luxuries you have here?’’ the woman sitting opposite Mr. Broderick asked. ‘‘Surely you wouldn’t forsake such finery. I know you to be a woman of impeccable taste. Your wardrobe is praised in the highest circles and your jewelry rivals that of our best families.’’
Helaina thought about this for a moment. These were the things she was known for. Praised for her clothing and jewels. Leah, on the other hand, was loved and regarded for her healing touch and giving heart. I’ve wasted my life.
‘‘It has always been a comfort to have every luxury at my fingertips,’’ Helaina began slowly, ‘‘but I’ve come to realize that there is much more to life than those temporary things. I believe God would also have us reach out to those in need and offer ourselves as well as our money. The people in Alaska taught me that. There were so many times when I tried to buy my way out of conflict or trouble, only to realize that money means very little to those people.’’ She couldn’t help but remember Jacob’s words on such matters.
‘‘I wouldn’t want to live where money couldn’t buy me what I needed,’’ the woman said with a bit of a laugh.
Helaina made a pretense of eating her dessert. The thick piece of chocolate cake was smothered in a rich raspberry sauce and topped with mounds of fluffy whipped cream. It was delicious, but no more so than the cake Leah had made for the breakup celebration. She pushed the dish back.
‘‘Everything has been wonderful,’’ she announced as the guests began to rise and move into the various rooms for after-dinner drinks and conversation.
The men took their brandy and cigars into Mr. Morgan’s study, while the ladies retired to the music room to be entertained by some of the guests. Helaina found herself rapidly growing bored with the gossip that seemed to titillate the other women.
‘‘I’m told that Mr. Hutchinson was seen that very evening with his gardener’s daughter,’’ one graying matriarch announced.
‘‘No!’’ gasped one of the other women. ‘‘Did his wife ever find out?’’
The matriarch laughed. ‘‘It was his wife who told me about it. She spied the entire affair from her bedroom window.’’
‘‘How scandalous. What did she do?’’
The matriarch shook her head and sobered. ‘‘Poor dear could do nothing. It’s her husband’s money, after all.’’ The women all nodded sympathetically.
Without warning, however, the woman turned to Helaina. ‘‘You are blessed not to have to concern yourself with such matters. A woman of means need never be slave to a man’s wants and demands.’’
Helaina shook her head. ‘‘Perhaps I am blessed financially, but I cannot say that my money has staved off the loneliness of an empty house. I would very much like to have a husband—a family.’’
‘‘Why, my dear, you could have your pick of any single man in New York,’’ a rather fragile woman declared.
‘‘And half the married ones too,’’ the matriarch announced. ‘‘But, my dear, you mustn’t let yourself get taken for your money. You must find a man who is just as rich as you are. You’ll never respect him otherwise.’’
Helaina thought of Jacob and smiled. He owned very little, yet Helaina had never respected anyone more. Pretending to stifle a yawn, Helaina rose. ‘‘You must forgive me. I’m still quite exhausted from my travels. The dinner was marvelous,’’ she said, turning to her hostess. ‘‘Mrs. Morgan, I thank you for such a delightful evening.’’
‘‘But we have not yet started the music. Wouldn’t you at leas
t stay and play a song or two for us?’’
‘‘No, really I must go.’’ Helaina patted the woman’s gloved hands.
‘‘I do hope we will soon see you holding one of your famous summer balls,’’ the matriarch declared. ‘‘Your parties were always the talk of the town. You can easily dismiss those lonely evenings with a masquerade.’’
‘‘No doubt. The people in this town truly love to wear their masks.’’ With that Helaina exited the room. She knew the women would gossip horribly about her after her departure. Wasn’t that the way she had always known it? And having often been one of the last guests to leave a party, she knew this practice better than most.
Once she was safely in her own house, Helaina reflected on the evening and the comments of her companions. She began to undress and was surprised when Mrs. Hayworth showed up with a cup of hot tea.
‘‘I thought you could use a bit of chamomile to help you sleep.’’
‘‘You know me very well,’’ Helaina replied, fighting to release the clasp that held her gown closed.
‘‘Here, let me help you. I dare say you were the highlight of the evening, no? The men were probably captivated by your striking figure.’’
‘‘I suppose so,’’ Helaina said, slipping the gown from her shoulders. ‘‘I, on the other hand, have never been so bored in my life.’’ She gave a little laugh. ‘‘I felt as though I were playing dress-up in someone else’s clothes. I simply didn’t belong there, Mrs. Hayworth.’’
Her housekeeper looked on her with great compassion. ‘‘My dear, it really doesn’t matter how many places you don’t belong. What counts is that you figure out where you do belong.’’
Helaina let the expensive gown fall to the floor. ‘‘You know, you are absolutely right. I think I know exactly where I belong.’’ She drew a deep breath. ‘‘We’ve got our work cut out for us, Mrs. Hayworth. I have an estate to sell, along with a world of goods. Then there’s Stanley. I’ll have to deal with him, as well as the townhouse in Washington.’’
[Alaskan Quest 02] - Under the Northern Lights Page 28
