Bea was remembering what a good man Chuck was. The qualities that had drawn her to him in the first place were attracting her again. Bea loved watching how he took care of the elders on this trip. Getting the stepping stool out for them to get in and out of the bus, bringing everyone’s luggage out for them and loading it, holding the doors for the ladies. She had been surprised the first time she saw him placing tobacco on each of the tires. Even though she knew what he was doing, she had asked him anyway. “I’m making an offering of thanksgiving for a safe journey today. For us and all the other travelers today.”
He was a kind man. A respectful man. A good man. She was allowing herself to believe in him again.
19
YOLO
AS AGREED, EVERYONE met for lunch and began planning the three days they were spending in Las Vegas. Bea and Chuck announced that they were going on a trip to the Grand Canyon the next day. Lucy asked if she could come with them and then noticed the quick glance Bea and Chuck gave each other.
“Nah. I’m too scared of heights,” Lucy said suddenly. “Probably pee my pants.”
“Lucy,” Rose said in a sharp, scolding tone.
Lucy coyly smiled and got up to leave the table. She shrugged her shoulders playfully and said, “YOLO.”
“YOLO?” asked Rose.
“Yeah, my granddaughter taught it to me. It means, ‘you only live once.’ Get it?” She looked at the elders sitting at the table staring back at her.
Chuck said, “You mean carpe diem? That’s what the white people, or at least the white people of our generation, say.”
“Yeah, but it sounds so stuffy, Mr. Chucky.” Lucy put her nose in the air and pursed her lips. “YOLO is way more fun. So that’s what I’m gonna do, YOLO!” She danced out of the restaurant, calling back to Anne, “Come on, we got some explorin’ to do.” Anne quickly gathered her belongings and followed Lucy out the door.
“So, what’s everyone up to this afternoon?” asked Chuck.
“Mabel and I are going on the Big Bus Tour,” Sarah announced.
Mabel glanced around the table and explained, “You know, the one where you can hop on and off whenever you want.”
Sarah forced a smile at Mabel. “I think this afternoon we have to do a bit more on the bus than hopping off, if that’s okay with you.”
“Sure, Sarah, on is good for me too.” Mabel didn’t like the weird feeling Sarah’s comment gave her. She turned to Bea and asked, “How about you? Want to come along for the ride?”
“Nope. No more sitting for me. My butt’s killin’ me so I’m going to walk the strip and people watch.”
“I’m heading to the Gold and Silver Pawnshop,” Chuck said.
Poncho jumped in. “You mean the pawnshop I see on TV? What do they call it?” He snapped his fingers quickly to help him remember. Everyone watched to see if his little memory tactic worked. A couple of seconds later he said, “Pawn Stars. That’s it. I love that show!”
“I have a great idea, Chuck,” Rose said. “Why don’t you an’ Poncho go together, and besides, I need Tilly’s help with something this afternoon.”
Tilly had plans to spend the afternoon reading her book by the pool, so she hadn’t really been paying attention to the conversation. She was a bit startled to hear her name, especially coming from Rose. “My help?” she said more out of confusion than as a question. The only elder Tilly hadn’t been able to connect with was Rose. Not only had she not been able to connect with her, but Rose’s words had cut Tilly more than once.
“Yeah. I need your help with something,” was all Rose was willing to say. Any more than that would have given her surprise away.
Tilly glanced at Mabel, but Mabel lifted her shoulders and eyebrows in unison. She had no idea what Rose was talking about.
“Oh. Okay.” Tilly was both cautious and curious.
At this point Chuck looked over at Poncho. “Well, whaddya say, pardner? Shall we leave these ladies to their planning and get on down to the pawnshop?”
“You betchya.” Poncho took one last sip of his coffee, removed his cowboy hat from where it had been resting on his knee, and placed it on his head. He kissed Rose on the cheek and pushed himself out of his chair. With one last glance at the table and a tip of his hat, he said, “See y’all later.”
Not long after, Sarah and Mabel headed off for their bus tour, leaving Rose and Tilly alone at opposite ends of the table. Tilly played with the creamers, flipping them over and over on the table. She was acutely aware of how uncomfortable she felt with Rose. Finally Rose spoke, “You know that tiny machine you have that plays music? What do you call it? A Nemo?”
“It’s a Nano,” Tilly gently corrected Rose.
“Yeah, Nano, thanks.” Rose looked at Tilly quickly and then back to the table. “I couldn’t remember.”
Tilly felt herself soften.
Rose continued, “Can you come shopping with me? I want to buy one of those for Poncho. As a gift.” She glanced sideways at Tilly. “An’ I suppose I’m probably gonna need your help putting music on it.”
Tilly saw another side of Rose. A side usually reserved for Poncho, their family, and sometimes Lucy. A loving side. She found it endearing that Rose was doing something sweet for Poncho. “Sure, I’d be happy to help you, Rose.”
“You would?” Rose was surprised because she’d been anything but friendly or kind to Tilly. She knew it was her way to keep people from getting too close so they couldn’t hurt her, but she hadn’t yet figured out how to change this behavior.
“Yeah, I would.”
They spent a short time at the Apple store buying Poncho his iPod Nano and then hunkered down in Tilly’s hotel room to set it up. Together, they huddled over her laptop as Tilly introduced Rose to the wealth of music available on the Internet. They were able to get all of Poncho’s favorite songs and before they knew it, Poncho’s Nano was full of music from Elvis, Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, and Tammy Wynette.
“I need one more song,” said Rose.
“What’s that?” asked Tilly
“ ‘Unforgettable’, ” responded Rose, but she wasn’t sure Tilly would know it, so she added, “Nat King Cole sang it.”
“Oh, I know that song,” Tilly said and began searching for it online. “Friends of mine used it as their first dance song when they got married.”
Rose looked at Tilly for a few seconds before she spoke. “That was me an’ Poncho’s wedding song, too.”
Tilly looked from the screen to Rose, noticing how her cheeks had flushed.
“Look, Rose. I found a video of Nat King Cole singing it. Want me to play it for you?” Rose nodded. Tilly clicked the play button and sat back in her chair while Rose leaned forward and watched.
When the song ended, Rose spoke almost in a whisper. “He has the voice of an angel. To see him sing that song.” She looked back at Tilly and their eyes met. “Thank you.”
Tilly lifted the corners of her mouth slightly. If there was one thing she’d learned over the last few days, it was to not make a big scene of anything with Rose. “I think I saw there was a version of his daughter singing with him. Want to see that one, too?”
Rose nodded with rare enthusiasm.
While Rose requested more songs to load on Poncho’s Nano, Tilly tried to remember the last time she had done something thoughtful for Mick.
Something kind.
Something that showed her love for him.
No matter how hard she wracked her brain, she couldn’t remember.
20
Pawnshop
CHUCK WAS SITTING in the front seat of the taxi as it pulled into the pawnshop parking lot when he noticed it. The Graceland Wedding Chapel. It made him think of Bea. She knew him better than he knew himself. Each time she smiled at him, another piece of his heart and his past mended. He could hardly believ
e that tomorrow they would be going to the Grand Canyon, just the two of them.
He remembered how Bea’s hand had felt in his earlier at breakfast. His heart flipped again, just as it had then. Bea could’ve asked any of the elders or Tilly to go with her, but, no. She chose him. Even after all these years and all that had gone on between them, she wanted to go with him. He shook his head in awe.
From the back seat of the taxi, Poncho paid the taxi driver and then shook Chuck’s shoulder. “Are you comin’, pardner?”
“Yeah.” Chuck reached for the door handle and thanked the driver.
Since the Gold and Silver Pawnshop became so popular on The History Channel, it had become more fondly known as Pawn Stars, and there was almost always a line of people waiting to get in. Today was no exception. As Poncho and Chuck joined the line, Poncho asked Chuck, “Might be none of my business, but what were you thinkin’ about back there in the taxi?”
Chuck looked at him quizzically and tucked his hands into the pocket of his khaki shorts. Poncho continued, “You had this big funny grin on your face. I kept talkin’ to you, but you didn’t hear nothin’ I was sayin’.”
The two men looked at each other for a couple seconds. Chuck didn’t know what to do. Should he tell Poncho that he couldn’t remember what he was thinking about? Or, tell him the truth? That he was daydreaming about the only woman he had ever really loved—Bea.
Poncho stepped off the sidewalk and onto the street so he could peek around a few people and see how far it was to the front of the line. “Whatever it was you were thinkin’ about, well, it sure seemed to make ya happy. You had the same kind o’ silly grin my grandson has when I take him to the candy store.” He looked back at Chuck. “But don’t be tellin’ my Rose I take him to the candy store. That’d get me in biiiiig trouble.”
Chuck smiled at him. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.” They stood in line for a few minutes. “Since we’re sharing secrets and all,” Chuck kicked at a few pebbles on the sidewalk, “back there in the taxi, I was thinking about Bea.”
“Bea?”
Chuck simply gave his head one nod.
“Well I’ll be knee-high to a grasshopper.”
“Please don’t say anything to anyone. No one knows. Well, Lucy knows and…” Chuck placed his thumb and forefinger above his upper lip and ran them down the sides of his chin, then added, “…and, I think Bea knows.”
“So almost half the bus knows. Quite the secret you got there, Chuck.” Poncho snickered and bopped him in the arm. “Have you thought ’bout the fact that we’re the only two men on that bus?” He lifted his eyebrows at Chuck. “Women. You know they know things, right?”
Chuck nodded.
The line began to move and the next thing they knew they were inside and quickly became lost in their own world of navigating the shop. Poncho spent most of his time looking in the sports section. Chuck perused the entire store and found himself leaning over the jewelry counter. To be more specific, the ring counter. He noticed a beautiful set of gold wedding bands with a West Coast native design on them. He asked to see them and realized on looking closer that the design was of two eagles coming together and a diamond joining their beaks.
“There’s an engagement ring that goes with these as well,” the salesman said. “The diamond was a bit loose so our jeweller is just fixin’ it, but I can get it if you want to see it.” Chuck didn’t respond. He was holding the rings between his fingers, swirling them about. He slid the man’s ring on. It fit perfectly. He hastily removed it. Crazy. You’re thinking crazy thoughts, Chuck. She’d never marry you. He handed the rings back to the guy behind the counter.
“Rings like this,” the salesman said, holding them in front of Chuck, “they don’t usually last very long around here.” He lifted one shoulder, hesitating before putting the rings back under the counter. “Just sayin’.”
“That’s okay.” He couldn’t help but wonder if the woman’s ring would fit Bea. “I’m just looking.” Chuck straightened up, tapped the glass with his forefinger and walked away. Almost as if he was saying, “I’ll be back.”
21
Choosing Joy
IT WAS AFTER Lucy and Anne had been shopping for a couple hours that Anne suddenly noticed Lucy was no longer beside her. She looked back and saw her friend standing motionless. The shopping bags Lucy had been carrying now lay in a heap at her feet.
Anne’s eyes tried to follow where Lucy was looking. If she had it right, Lucy was watching a young woman in her early twenties. Her black hair was pulled back in a braid that lay flat along her back, almost to her buttocks. Her eyes were big, round, and the color of dark chocolate. Her cheeks were also big and round and when she smiled, dimples popped out on both cheeks. She was wearing a white tank top, frayed cut-off jean shorts, and flip-flops.
Anne turned to walk back toward Lucy. She noticed that the color had drained from her friend’s face and that in those few moments, Lucy had aged. She seemed shorter, more hunched over, her wrinkles more pronounced, and her bifocal glasses had inched their way down her nose. Her black purse had slipped from the crook of her arm and was barely hanging on her wrist.
Anne walked back urgently and gathered up Lucy’s bags. She stood beside her friend, who remained mesmerized by the young woman. When the young woman walked out of sight, Anne reached over and ever so gently touched Lucy’s arm. “I’m here, Lucy.”
“Sit down, I need…to sit…down,” Lucy said weakly.
Anne quickly glanced around and found an empty bench in the shade. She guided Lucy to the bench and helped her sit down. Lucy removed her glasses and looked at Anne, who saw something different in her friend’s face. An indescribable sadness. Lucy motioned her head to where the young woman had been and said in a broken voice, “She looks just like my daughter.” Tears began to stream down Lucy’s face and her lips trembled.
Anne was puzzled. She’d seen pictures of Lucy’s daughter and she thought the woman they’d just seen looked nothing like her.
She moved closer and put her arm around Lucy’s shoulders. With her free hand she dug into her bag, pulled out a package of Kleenex and handed it to Lucy. They sat quietly for a long time, Lucy lost in the thoughts that were causing her tears and Anne, content to simply be present with her friend.
“Usually, I follow them for as long as I can. I think of them as a gift. But today,” Lucy moved her head from side to side, “I couldn’t move. My feet wouldn’t move.” She blew her nose hard and wiped her tear-stained cheeks.
Her words began to roll off her tongue. “It reminded me of when she first went missing. I couldn’t get out of bed. No matter how I tried, I just couldn’t get out of bed.” Lucy looked at Anne. “Then one day, I did. That’s when I started calling the police to find out what was happening. They told me they hadn’t opened a file for her because they didn’t consider her missing. The officer said to me, ‘Your people always go stay with family and never let each other know.’ But I knew, Anne. I knew when she didn’t arrive at her cousins’ that night that something terrible had happened to her.” A shiver ran through Lucy’s body and she whispered, “A mother knows.”
Anne was beginning to understand what Lucy was talking about.
“It was almost a year before they found her body. Not far from where she was last seen.” Lucy inhaled and gulped. “Hitchhiking on Highway 16.” Lucy turned to look at Anne. “The one they call the Highway of Tears.”
Anne nodded. Even though she lived in Toronto, she was familiar with the segment of highway in northern British Columbia.
As the tears rolled down her cheeks, Lucy continued to share. “For years, I was surrounded by blackness. I didn’t want to live. I wanted to be with her and if that meant dying so I could be with her on the other side, then that’s what I wanted. Those feelin’s scared me. Real bad, cuz I still had my children and grandchildren to live for. So, the counse
lor at the band office who was helpin’ me told me about a place I could go and get help with my greavin’. I wanted to go. But I didn’t want to go too.” Lucy looked at Anne. “If that makes any sense.”
Anne nodded.
Lucy wiped her eyes. “Rose, well she pretty much talked me into goin’.” Lucy looked at Anne and forced a smile. “You know how bossy she can be.”
Anne raised her eyebrows and her lips raised into a slight smile.
Lucy continued, “Tsa Kwa Luten Lodge is where they sent me. It was hard. Almost harder than those first days when she was missing.” Lucy’s voice seized, she took a couple of deep breaths and played with the Kleenex in her hand. “My girl, she was always such a happy, bright girl. I often wished I’d named her Joy instead of Jenny. Joy suited her better. That was her, bringin’ joy to my life and everyone she met. Just like that young woman I saw, she looked like my Jenny. She had that same special glow as my Jenny.”
Lucy blew her nose before continuing. “Near the end of my time at Tsa Kwa Luten, I began to feel a tad more like my ol’ self.” She looked at Anne and shook her head. “But, I’ll never be who I was before…” her voice trailed off.
After a while, Lucy looked up and out to the shoppers that milled around. “One afternoon, we had some free time, so I went for a walk down to the ocean. It was so pretty, you know when the sun dances on the ocean and makes it look like it’s covered in stars?”
Anne nodded.
“I sat down on a log thought about how much Jenny would’ve liked sittin’ there and before I knew it, the tears were rolling down my face. I just let ’em, didn’t wipe ’em away or anythin’ and then outta the blue, a hummingbird came and fluttered in front of me.” As she recalled the memory, a smile slowly emerged on Lucy’s face and she looked back to Anne. “I know it might sound a bit crazy, and I never told anyone this, but I think it was her. My Jenny.”
“I don’t think that’s crazy at all, Lucy.”
Tilly and the Crazy Eights Page 8
