For a moment I considered not signing on. I could always avoid it and tell them my computer had died. It’s not like I owed these people who I’d never even met some sort of loyalty.
All right, so that was a lie.
It was a sad, but true, fact that these anonymous, faceless people I’d only heard over voice chat were probably better friends to me than my real-life friends.
Great.
I wasn’t just a closet gamer—I was a complete loser too, just like the ones I had made fun of my whole life. I just happened to be a loser who’d weaseled her way onto the cheerleading squad to hide her loser-ish-ness.
I stealthily showered and made a sandwich in the kitchen, trying to sneak back upstairs before Mom could corner me and ask me all sorts of questions about if there were drugs at this party, even though she knew full well I wouldn’t do something that stupid.
Instead, I would do other stupid things like kiss my guild mate.
Holding my cup of ice water in one hand and my sandwich in the other, I crept up the stairs, almost making it to the top before Mom said, “Reagan, come back here,” in her warning voice.
I sighed deeply before turning around and meeting her at the foot of the stairs. My wet hair was dripping down the back of my T-shirt and making me shiver. Of course, the bare feet on the wood floor didn’t help either.
“Care to explain how you somehow got away with wearing this to that party last night?” Mom asked, holding up my sparkly teal dress that somehow looked shorter now that she was holding it. I swear she had cut a few inches off the bottom just to get me in trouble. “I noticed you conveniently forgot to say goodbye to your father and me when you left,” she added with a meaningful look in my direction.
“I was late?” I offered unconvincingly.
“If by late you mean ‘grounded from all parties in the foreseeable future,’ then yes, that’s exactly what you are,” she said with a note of finality.
“Fine,” I said sullenly, not mentioning that it was a nice excuse to not spend more time with Tawny than I had to.
Plus, it would be a perfect reason why I left the party. I could say my mom called me and was freaking out.
I gave my mom a quick hug for this new and wonderful turn of events, and she looked at me like I was crazy, since she’d just grounded me.
“Thanks Mom!” I called over my shoulder as I ran up the stairs and booted up the game.
It was already two o’clock and I knew Kaydinn was probably throwing a fit that I was so late. My suspicion was confirmed by the bombardment of speech that hit me the second I logged in and put my headset on.
“Xandris, where have you been? We’re all here waiting for you and you’re LATE!” he yelled in a volume much louder than normal.
“Sorry I was just . . . late,” I finished lamely.
I didn’t have much of an excuse for being so delayed, and I wasn’t about to say I was busy getting grounded. It made me sound like a five-year-old.
“At least she’s close to the right zone,” Parker offered helpfully.
I shivered a little at hearing his voice and tried to suppress a flashback to last night. I needed to concentrate. But I did notice that I smiled involuntarily at hearing his voice again, and I allowed myself one moment of that enjoyment before bringing myself back to reality.
Or at least in-game reality.
“I’m almost there,” I reassured Kaydinn as Xandris hopped on her flying mount and sped away toward our meeting spot.
I pulled up our guild roster to see that Kaydinn, Eilarae, Sovay, and Rekrap were all waiting in the same zone for me, though Eilarae appeared to be away from her keyboard.
“Why is Eilarae AFK?” I asked, hoping I could shift some of the blame for our late start onto her.
She was the sweetest person ever, which made her an easy scapegoat. Plus, she was forgiving. Another good trait for a scapegoat.
“She was working on her costume for Comic Con while we waited for you,” Kaydinn said, emphasizing the last part of the sentence.
“Wait, you guys are going to that?” I asked, suddenly forgetting all about the trouble I was in with The Squad and Parker. “I thought it was impossible to get tickets.”
“Not if you know the right people,” Kaydinn said elusively.
Comic Con was about the nerdiest of all nerd traditions. Thousands of nerds would gather together (many of them wearing costumes of their favorite video game characters) and nerd out all day. It was probably the most embarrassing event ever created.
I would totally kill to go.
“Who is she dressing up as?” I asked, jealous that Kaydinn and Eilarae would get to go.
“She’s going to be her character on here, right down to that spell that gives her angel wings,” Kaydinn said, his voice full of something I could only describe as pride.
“You guys should post pictures on the guild forum!” I said before I could stop myself.
None of us had ever posted pictures of anything that could identify who we really were. I think we were all just waiting for someone else to suggest it so that we wouldn’t look like internet stalkers. But now that I had let that slip out, it was going to be an acceptable practice, which meant they could plausibly ask me to post a picture.
“Yeah, I bet her costume is going to be epic,” Parker echoed, sounding genuinely interested.
I have to admit that after years of talking to these people on the game, I did wonder what they actually looked like, but now that Parker had moved to my school and I had . . . well . . . we’ll say “made myself known” to him, I couldn’t exactly post my own picture. I’d have to be elusive.
“Are you dressing up as your character, too, Kaydinn?” Parker asked, his voice also holding the same jealousy I felt.
“Sure am. The wife already finished my costume a few weeks ago though.”
“Wow. You guys are prepared. It’s not until July, right?” I asked, wondering if there was any possible way I could buy their tickets off of them.
“Yeah. We like to be on top of things. You know: costumes, vacation plans, raid times,” he stated, obviously still not forgiving my tardiness.
“Xandris, who would you go as? You know, if we were lucky enough to have tickets?” Parker asked.
I pondered it over for a moment, thinking that going as my own character would be too obvious.
“Let’s just say I’d dress as a certain test subject from a game that involves science, white walls, and mass and velocity,” I said with a giggle.
“Would this certain test subject wear an orange jumpsuit and impossibly cool boots?” he asked, catching onto my hints.
“Possibly,” I answered.
“Ha! So you’re a brunette,” he concluded, sounding proud of his deductive reasoning.
“Sure am,” I lied easily, glad to have yet another way to distance my gaming self from my real self. “What about you? Who would you go as?”
“I’d go as my favorite superhero.”
“I knew it!” I exclaimed over chat before I could really think about what I was saying.
I was pretty bad at maintaining my cover. Why would I know that unless I had met Parker and knew that he looked just like Andrew Garfield?
Stupid Reagan.
“I didn’t think I talked about Spiderman that much,” he replied with a laugh.
It’s pretty much all you ever talk about, Sovay typed through the guild text chat, unwittingly saving me from a hastily formulated lie.
“Fine, Sovay, who would you be?” Parker asked, his voice still holding a hint of amusement.
Myself, she typed simply.
We were all silent for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to that. It was always hard to tell if Sovay was being dry or sarcastic or rude. It could have just been how we interpreted her typed words. But I was pretty sure she had an odd love-hate relationship with all of us. Honestly, she kind of gave me the creeps.
“Just entered the zone,” I finally said, breaking up the s
olid minute of awkward silence.
“It’s about time,” Kaydinn stated emphatically. “Danni, she’s ready,” he called, apparently forgetting to take his finger off the “talk” button.
It was weird to hear Eilarae’s real name. How was it possible that I had played this game, with these same exact people for years, without knowing more than three things about them? Then, all of a sudden in only a few month’s time, I had details about their lives flooding into my own?
“All right everyone. Try not to die too much,” Kaydinn said, sounding like he expected every last one of us to fail him before the raid was over.
Fat chance, Sovay said.
+++
The raid was fun. We all ended up dying quite a bit, to be honest, but it didn’t matter. Even Kaydinn was laughing about our terrible performance by the end of the raid. That was why I loved the game so much. Even when you were losing, it was still fun.
With our bags full of the loot we had obtained during the raid, we all went our separate ways in game to trade and auction everything off. This meant that the guild was actually concentrating and our voice chat was filled with silence.
So I wanted to tell you about something that happened recently, Parker typed in a private message.
I knew exactly what he was going to tell me about, and I didn’t want to run the risk of giving myself away on accident.
Or worse . . . Giving myself away on purpose.
Sorry, I’m in the city, it’s pretty crazy here, I gave as an excuse. . . even though that excuse didn’t make any sense.
That’s fine. I just feel like I have to tell someone, but I can’t tell my friends at school because they don’t know how to keep their mouths shut.
Well, that was a problem. I couldn’t very well ignore him and force him to tell his friends. Then there would be rumors flying all around the school about how I had kissed Parker.
That was definitely not okay.
Just got out of the city. What happened? I asked, even though I was still right in the heart of the city’s commotion and all Parker would have to do was pull up his guild roster to see that.
Details.
Do you remember that crazy blonde cheerleader I told you about before? he asked.
Vaguely, I lied.
This part is actually kind of embarrassing, but I went to this party last night and through no fault of my own ended up locked in a closet for . . . a while.
I flinched at his description. He was right, it was through no fault of his own. That didn’t make me feel any better that it was my fault he had ended up falling asleep in a closet because he couldn’t get out.
I was the worst friend ever.
Ouch. That sucks, I typed simply.
That was the biggest understatement I could have made.
Yeah, that part was lame. But the next part made it worth it, he typed and I mentally scolded myself for the little flip my stomach did at his words. That blonde cheerleader found the key and came into the closet to get me out. And I still can’t even believe this really happened, but she kissed me. No joke. This beautiful girl actually kissed me.
I smiled.
He had called me beautiful.
11. Flying Solo and Leveling Up
I woke up the morning of February 14th feeling like Valentine’s Day was pretty high up there on the list of things I despised at the moment. The first and second-place spots were of course taken up by the two people who had caused me to hate Valentine’s Day so much.
Still, being a true cheerleader and not the dork I was trying to push into the depths of my subconscious, I wore my black, ripped skinny jeans with red heels and an off-the-shoulder oversized red V-neck shirt. I couldn’t actually look like I hated Valentine’s Day after all.
At lunch while I was busy pretending not to stare at Parker every chance I got, Zane came and sat next to me.
“So, what do you want to do tonight?” he asked. I had to give him credit, because he was at least trying to sound enthusiastic.
I’m sure that was because he was hoping to get something out of it rather than him humoring me.
I thought about his question for a moment, glancing up at Parker for a split second only to notice he was watching me intently. Of course, he looked away quicker than if he had been burned once I met his eyes, but that didn’t stop a small smile from gracing my lips.
“Reagan?” Zane asked, reminding me that I was still trying to fit in for the time being. “What do you want to do tonight?” he asked again. “You know . . . for Valentine’s Day?”
What did I want to do tonight? Honestly? I didn’t want to spend my evening with someone who was cheating on me just so I could keep up appearances. Every time he glanced at his phone during dinner I’d know it was Tawny texting and asking when he could get away from me. Was it really so vital to the plan for me to stay with Zane at this point? Enough time had passed since my discovery that it couldn’t look that suspicious if I dumped him. Tawny would just think she had won. As usual.
I turned to Zane seriously, wondering exactly how I should word this. There was never an easy way to break up with someone, even if they were a cheating scumbag.
“Zane, I don’t think we should do anything tonight,” I began slowly.
It was amazing how difficult this was to do, even when you knew neither of you wanted to be in the relationship. It was a wonder I had managed to be so nice to him after seeing him with Tawny.
Maybe I wasn’t such a bad person after all.
“Why not?” he asked, a bit slow on the uptake.
“I don’t think we should be together anymore. I need to stay focused on . . . ”
On what?
I couldn’t very well say, “on school.” Zane would just laugh and think I was making a joke. I wasn’t about to say “I need to focus on ruining Tawny’s life so she knows what it feels like” either. That wouldn’t go over too well.
So I said what would be expected of me.
“I need to focus more on The Squad. We have some big competitions coming up and I’m co-captain. I can’t spend so much time away from them when they need me,” I finished.
Really, Zane didn’t take my time away that much, since we were almost never together outside of school anymore, but I was pretty sure that since he wanted Tawny so much, he wouldn’t question my less-than-believable excuse.
“I understand,” he said stoically.
Really?
He was going to act put-out and noble when he knew full well that he was cheating on me with my best friend? At least I didn’t have to feel even a speck of remorse for breaking up with him. He had just made sure of that.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” he finished slowly, almost making too much of a show of looking upset.
Gag me.
“Yeah,” I replied, trying to stop my smile from looking fake, even though Zane was the last person I wanted to smile at right then.
I watched him leave the table and make his way toward the rest of the soccer team where he easily slid into their conversation and didn’t show any hint of having been broken up with. At least no one could say the “in crowd” were bad actors.
We had that going for us.
“So, what was that all about?” Tawny asked, not wasting any time sticking her perfect upturned nose in my business.
“I just dumped Zane,” I said dully.
I may not have cared much for him once I discovered his true character, but it was a plain and simple fact that it sucked to be alone on Valentine’s Day.
I looked over at Tawny in time to see a hint of concern pass over her face before she gained her composure once more. The look of concern wasn’t for my feelings, of course. It was because she was worried I had found out what she and Zane were up to.
“Why did you do that?” she asked carefully.
It was so bizarre to see Tawny nervous about something. It was like hearing Kaydinn talk quietly. It just didn’t happen.
“I felt like we weren’t re
ally on the same page, I guess,” I said with a shrug.
“He’s an idiot anyway,” she reassured me, giving me a quick squeeze before standing up and launching back into an animated conversation with The Squad.
Even as I watched her, I could see the happiness in her eyes. She had won, and there was nothing Tawny liked more than winning.
I was two seconds away from getting up and leaving the lunch table, feeling like I couldn’t really handle all of the lies around me today, when the bell rang, saving me.
Maybe I wasn’t the horrible person I thought I was. All of this deception was starting to get to me. Plus, I was finding it much harder than I thought it would be to pretend I liked Tawny now that I knew how little I really meant to her.
I stood up from our table and began walking to my class without so much as a glance back at my former friend. I’d have to regroup tonight—give myself a little pep talk so that I could handle the next few days before the weekend without flipping out on Tawny. It wouldn’t be easy, but if I ever wanted to find my perfect moment for revenge, I’d have to hang in there a bit longer.
“Hey,” said an alarmingly familiar voice next to me.
The alarming thing about the voice was that it wasn’t muffled by the normal microphone static I was used to hearing. I glanced to my left and saw my guildie walking next to me.
His brown hair was in its usual Peter Parker-esque disarray and his thick black rimmed glasses were slightly lopsided as he smiled tentatively.
“Parker?” I asked, not able to really think of anything else to say.
“You know my name?” he asked, sounding genuinely pleased by this.
I had almost forgotten; he didn’t think I was an awful person. Poor kid. He couldn’t see the truth right in front of him.
“Kimber told me,” I lied quickly. “Why are you talking to me?” I tried to inject as much ice into my voice as I could muster after having exerted most of my acting energy pretending to be sad about Zane and not angry with Tawny.
“I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the party,” he said earnestly.
I quickly shushed him and looked around, making sure no one else had heard what he’d said.
“Don’t talk about that,” I insisted, glad that Tawny and I didn’t walk to class together.
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