“It’s true.” Vicki shrugged. “I don’t see any need in keeping secrets. Unfortunately, I can’t keep anyone else’s, either.”
“It’s not about keeping secrets,” Drew said with a glare in Kaitlyn’s direction. “Ash is going through something difficult right now. What’s wrong with talking it out with people who care and learning how to help her?”
“Has she asked for your help?” Kaitlyn and Chantal asked in unison.
“I think this is the beginning of a great friendship,” Vicki said with a huge grin.
Kaitlyn’s stomach tightened into knots. Drew had no doubt found an ally in Vicki, and she wondered how she and Chantal would be able to handle the havoc their partners were more than likely to wreak.
“You wouldn’t happen to have a recent picture of her, would you?” Vicki asked.
Drew looked over at Kaitlyn, who considered the question for a moment, then pulled out her wallet. “We took this on vacation a year ago. It’s the most recent one I have.”
Chantal took the picture and held it while she and Vicki looked at it. A tear slipped down Vicki’s cheek, and Chantal wrapped her arm around her waist. “Don’t get all snotty, you won’t be able to carry a note,” Chantal said with a smile.
Vicki cleared her throat and nodded at Chantal. A moment passed before she could speak. “She’s changed a lot. I always hoped that I’d see her again.”
“She’s spent twenty years running,” Kaitlyn said. “If we push her to meet with you, she may run again. I can’t risk the devastation that’ll cause Erica.”
Drew shook her head angrily at Kaitlyn. “We don’t know that she’ll do that.”
“Exactly right,” Kaitlyn said. “We don’t know.”
“I don’t want to do anything that will wreck her world any more than it already has been. I want to see her, get to know the woman she is now,” Vicki said as new tears formed in her eyes. “But if she doesn’t want the same, I’ll have to accept it.”
“It’s not you.” Drew reached over and grabbed Vicki’s hand. “It’s Alex.”
“Aw, shit, Drew.” Kaitlyn threw her hands in the air.
“She said that?” Vicki asked in shock.
“Not in so many words.” Drew’s face colored when she realized what she’d done. “She has some resentment issues.”
“We have to get ready to go on stage,” Chantal said to Kaitlyn’s relief. “This is probably a topic for later anyway.” Kaitlyn watched the exchange of glances between Vicki and Chantal. Vicki was obviously angered by the interruption.
Drew pulled Vicki into a tight hug. “We’ll talk, don’t be upset.”
“Thank you so much,” Vicki said with a smile. She gave Kaitlyn a hug when Drew let her go. “Lindsay will be up in a minute. She’ll take you down to your table.”
Kaitlyn waited for a second or two before speaking when the door closed behind the two as they exited. “I cannot believe you!” She held up a finger when Drew opened her mouth to speak. “You are toying with something that’s gonna blow up in our faces.”
“I just want to help Ash, and Vicki, too,” Drew said with a pleading look.
“But what about Erica? She’s been shell-shocked ever since we’ve been home.” Kaitlyn threw herself down on the sofa and scrubbed at her face.
“We can make this work out for everyone,” Drew said as she paced the room. “We’ve got to reason with Ashleigh first. Let her know that everything is—”
“I don’t know what you mean by ‘we.’ I’m not talking to Ash about this. I’ve put a knife in my best friend’s back tonight by coming here. Oh, my God, how am I going to face her? She’s gonna take one look at me and know what I’ve done.”
“Calm down and lower your voice.” Drew moved to sit next to Kaitlyn. “Let me handle this. You just take care of Erica.”
Kaitlyn put her hands up in surrender. “I know I can’t stop you, but if Erica gets hurt, it’s going to take me a long time to forgive you.”
Lindsay poked her head through the door. “Ladies, if you’re ready, I’ll take you downstairs.”
Drew and Kaitlyn followed Lindsay back down the flight of stairs and were seated on an elevated section level with the stage. They had an unobstructed view, and Kaitlyn wished the situation would have been different because Erica would have enjoyed what they were about to experience.
“Would you like another drink?” Lindsay asked.
“Yes, please,” Kaitlyn said, feeling miserable. “The designated driver would like water.”
Lindsay smiled and walked away.
“You’re driving,” Kaitlyn said. “I need to pickle my brain for a while.”
Chapter Eight
“Where have you been?” Erica asked when Kaitlyn answered the phone.
“Drew and I went to Baton Rouge for dinner.” Kaitlyn frowned at how easily the half-truth rolled off her tongue.
“Can you meet me at the office?”
“It’s Sunday. I’m not up to working today.”
“It’s not about work, Katie.”
Kaitlyn’s eyes opened fully. Erica didn’t sound like herself. “I’ll shower and be right over.”
“What is it?” Drew asked as Kaitlyn laid the phone down.
“Erica wants to talk, I think,” Kaitlyn said as she staggered from the bed.
“Oh, shit.” Drew threw the covers back and sprang to her feet. “Do you think she knows where we went?”
Kaitlyn dropped the pair of sweatpants that she had taken from the drawer. “There’s no way. Please tell me there’s no way.”
“Calm down.” Drew walked over to Kaitlyn and grabbed her by the shoulders. “There’s no way she could know. She probably just needs to talk. Go over there and act normal.”
“Act normal,” Kaitlyn said with a nod.
“Go downstairs and eat some toast. Take a couple of Tylenol. I should be out of the shower by the time you come back up.”
“Are you going to see Ashleigh?” Kaitlyn asked as she began moving slowly toward the door.
“As soon as I get dressed.”
“Don’t spring all of this on her today,” Kaitlyn pleaded. “It’s too soon.”
“Trust me,” Drew said before disappearing into the bathroom.
“Aw, shit,” Kaitlyn said miserably as she made her way to the kitchen.
Kaitlyn took the long way to the office, needing a few extra minutes to compose herself before she came face-to-face with Erica. With one look, Erica could usually tell what was going on in her head. She took a quick glance at herself in the rearview mirror after pulling into the parking lot and grimaced at the guilty expression she saw there.
As she walked down the dark hallway, she could see the light coming from Erica’s office. Kaitlyn paused for a moment and took a deep breath before entering. “If you lied and you have tons of spreadsheets to go over, I’m going—” Kaitlyn was truly stunned when she looked at Erica. Bloodshot and puffy eyes stared back at her beneath messy hair that hung down over her face.
“Hey,” Kaitlyn said softly. “What’s going on?”
Erica ran her fingers through her hair then put a hand to her quivering chin. “I don’t know.”
“What happened?” Kaitlyn moved closer and took a seat.
Erica took a deep shuddering breath. “Nothing, that’s the problem. She seems to be off in another world. I don’t know how to act around her.”
Kaitlyn pulled her chair close to Erica’s but made no move to touch her. In all the years they’d known each other, Kaitlyn had only seen Erica cry twice. Once when they were kids and Erica miscalculated on a homemade bike ramp and hit the cement face first; the second was when her grandmother passed away. Kaitlyn wondered if this would be the third time. She could feel her own tears welling in her eyes.
“I’ve tried to talk to her, but she just shuts down. I feel like a stranger in my own house. I slept downstairs on the couch in my office last night. I just couldn’t make myself climb into bed next to her. I feel
like I’m invading.” Erica’s hands shook as she pushed her hair away from her face. “I tried calling you.”
Kaitlyn averted her eyes guiltily, but Erica didn’t appear to notice.
“Katie, I feel like she’s left me, but she hasn’t walked out the door.”
“I think you two need some outside help. Maybe some sort of couples counseling to get you through this rough spot.”
Erica frowned at the idea.
“You can’t just give up. You two were happy as could be before. Don’t you want to find that again?”
“Maybe…” Erica looked down at her shaking hands. “Maybe she doesn’t want to. To be honest, I’m scared to ask. I’m not sure I can handle the answer.”
Drew found the kitchen door unlocked and cursed under her breath as she pushed it open. The house was silent. “Ash,” she called out as she moved from the kitchen to the den. The only noise was the ticking of a wall clock. Drew took the stairs two at a time and cautiously walked into the open bedroom door. Ashleigh lay in a ball with the blankets pulled up over her face, only the top of her head was visible.
“Ash,” Drew said loudly as she shook the bed. When the bulge under the covers began to move, Drew pulled them back. Ashleigh lay there with her eyes clamped shut.
“Time to rise and shine.” Drew took Ashleigh’s arm and pulled her from the bed. “We need coffee.”
Ashleigh climbed from the bed fully dressed in the jeans and sweatshirt she wore the day before.
“Well, you at least took off your shoes before you climbed in,” Drew said with a grin as she took Ashleigh by the hand and led her to the kitchen. “I’ll lecture you on hygiene after you’ve had breakfast.”
Ashleigh dropped into a chair at the table as Drew set the coffee on to brew. “Did Erica send you over here?”
“No, she called Kaitlyn this morning needing to talk. I figured that you needed the same.”
“I’m glad she has Kaitlyn.”
“She has you too, right?” Drew set the cups of coffee on the table and took a seat.
“I can’t multitask emotionally,” Ashleigh said before taking a sip. “I’m trying to cope with old memories. I can’t deal with her emotions too.”
Drew raised a brow. “That’s not fair to her.”
“Fair or not, it is what it is,” Ashleigh said, looking away.
Drew reached over and took Ashleigh’s hand. “Work through it with me. What has gotten you so messed up?”
“I feel exposed. When I look at Erica, I can see all the doubt in her eyes. She’s never looked at me that way before. And then, all the memories that I’ve kept locked away for so long have come back with a vengeance. I don’t feel like I even know who I am right now. How can I make it make sense to her? I think I need to get away for a while.”
“You mean run away,” Drew said pointedly. “Isn’t that what you did when you ran away from your career? It didn’t help, honey.” Drew put her finger under Ashleigh’s chin and lifted her face until Ashleigh met her stare. “Look where you are now. Fighting old demons after twenty years of keeping them locked away. We’ll help you fight if you let us.”
A tear streaked from Ashleigh’s eye. “To let you help me is to open up old wounds. I don’t want to do that.”
“But you can just take on one wound at a time. What is the thing that troubles you most about the past?”
Ashleigh closed her eyes as the tears began to fall. She turned her face away from Drew’s touch. “I’m a failure. I had it all in the palm of my hand, and I lost it over what? A broken heart? They never recorded again after I left. I ruined their hopes right along with mine.”
Drew opened her mouth to speak, but Ashleigh went on.
“The only accomplishments that I can truly admit to were ruining the careers of my friends and helping someone kill herself. That’s what Erica is partnered up with—a failure.”
“You made some mistakes. We all do. You—”
“No, Drew, this is not getting a speeding ticket or forgetting to pay a bill. My failures were colossal, and…for a while, no one knew.”
Drew squeezed Ashleigh’s hand until she looked at her again. “We know your mistakes, and we still love you. We’re still here.”
“I’ve hurt people,” Ashleigh said angrily as she pushed away from the table and stood to her feet. “Not just you and Erica.”
“You mean Vicki?” Drew turned in her seat and watched as shock registered on Ashleigh’s face. “You were as close to her as you are to me at one time, and you walked out on her.”
Ashleigh backed across the kitchen and leaned on the counter for support. “What do you know about Vicki?”
“I know that she loved—loves—you and that she’s forgiven you.” Drew rose to her feet. “You’ve been forgiven, it’s time to forgive yourself.”
Ashleigh’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she could speak. “You’ve talked to her?”
Drew was cornered. She felt she had no choice but to be honest. “I met her last night. Well, her, Chantal, and the rest of the girls. They want to see you.”
“No!” Ashleigh moved back and forth like an animal. Her gaze darted to the doorway just beyond where Drew stood.
“Ash,” Drew said in warning, but Ashleigh had already blown past her and was racing up the stairs. Drew turned as the kitchen door opened and Erica stepped in with Kaitlyn behind her. Kaitlyn took one look at her face and slumped against the door frame.
“Erica, I think we need to talk,” Drew said as Kaitlyn groaned.
“Where’s Ash?” Erica moved farther into the room with a look of concern.
Drew threw up her hands. “She’s majorly upset with me right now. She’s upstairs.”
Kaitlyn walked over to Erica and put an arm around her shoulder. “Sit down with us for a minute before you go up there.”
“Why do I feel that all of this is about to get worse?” Erica allowed Kaitlyn to guide her to the table. Kaitlyn glared at Drew over Erica’s shoulder before taking her seat.
Drew’s voice was shaky when she found the nerve to speak. “Ashleigh feels very ‘exposed’ right now. She feels like she failed big-time with the decisions she made. Now we all know what she’d kept hidden, and she feels like we’re disgusted with her.”
“I’m not disgusted,” Erica said defensively. “I just feel…alone, I guess.”
Drew took a deep breath and continued. “She doesn’t know that. She thinks you look at her differently now. She’s also dealing with feelings of guilt over what she did to her friends when she left.” Drew paused and looked at Kaitlyn, whose eyes were fixed on her. Those eyes told her that there wasn’t going to be peace in their household, either. Drew swallowed and went on.
“So you see where she’s at?”
Erica nodded. “So what did you do to upset her today?”
“I told her…that I met the band and they’ve forgiven her.” Drew looked away, unable to face Erica and especially Kaitlyn.
“You met with them? When?” Erica asked as Kaitlyn buried her face in her hands.
“We went to see their show last night and met the group before they went on stage.” Kaitlyn looked meekly at Erica. “I didn’t lie to you really. We did have dinner before the show. I just left out the other part.”
Muscles flexed beneath the skin of Erica’s jaw as she regarded Kaitlyn, then Drew. “So you admitted this to Ashleigh and now she’s upstairs.”
Drew nodded and looked down at the table in shame. “I orchestrated it all. I was just trying to help.”
Minutes passed before anyone spoke a word. “What were they like?” Erica finally asked.
“Nice people,” Kaitlyn said. “They really don’t have any ill will against Ashleigh. They want to be able to tell her that themselves.”
“Did you give them our number?” Erica asked brusquely.
“No, and they understand Ashleigh’s ambivalence about seeing them. We made no promises,” Kaitlyn said, looking at Drew.
/> Erica let out a long breath and stood. “I’m going upstairs. I’ll talk to you two a little later.”
“I’m sorry, Erica,” Kaitlyn said as her gaze met Drew’s.
Erica left them without another word. Kaitlyn stood and looked down at Drew. “It’s time for us to go home now.”
Chapter Nine
Erica stood in the hall outside her bedroom. She didn’t know what she would find behind the closed door. She watched as her hand shook slightly as she turned the knob. Ashleigh lay across the bed with her face buried in a pillow. Erica moved into the room and sat on the bed. Her hand was trembling even more when she reached out and laid it on Ashleigh’s back.
“I know you don’t want to, but we really need to talk,” she said gently.
“Not now,” Ashleigh said, her words muffled by the pillow.
Erica ran her fingers through the tangled mass of hair, smoothing it out. “Yes, now. We can’t go on like this.”
Ashleigh turned her face toward the wall. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t either,” Erica admitted with a smile. “So let’s start with me. I don’t see you as a failure, Ash. Sometimes…I feel I don’t know you, but I don’t resent you for what happened in the past.” Erica paused for a moment, hoping that Ashleigh would say something, anything. “I’ve been walking around on eggshells because I don’t know what I can and can’t say. When I’ve tried to talk to you, you just bottle up. It leaves me confused and unsure.”
“I’m sorry,” Ashleigh said, still keeping her face to the wall. “I don’t know how to make this better for you.”
“Well, you can stop trying to make it better. Telling me what is going on in your head will help.”
“I feel like a stranger in your house.” Ashleigh rolled onto her side.
Erica took that as a good sign. She wasn’t meeting her eyes, but at least she was facing her. Erica stretched out on the bed and laced her fingers with Ashleigh’s. “This is our home, not my house. We’ve both been feeling like strangers. It doesn’t have to be that way, though,” Erica said with a gentle squeeze of Ashleigh’s hand.
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