And then there was Alex. Every time she glanced in her direction, Ashleigh caught Alex’s eye. On the heels of her discussion with Drew, it made her uncomfortable. But then again, Alex had brought a date. Wasn’t that just as good as saying she wasn’t interested? She hoped it was because she couldn’t handle another emotional issue in her life at the moment, maybe not ever.
Chapter Twenty-four
The next morning, Ashleigh found her stomach in knots as she drove closer to St. Francisville, the town where Erica grew up, and she could feel her presence all around her as she edged into the city limits. She knew the route Erica and Kaitlyn took to work, but still she looked for the silver SUV at every turn with mixed emotions.
She found it impossible to focus on her work for the first hour, but eventually immersed herself and temporarily forgot that Erica was only a few miles away. When the lunch hour arrived, she took the familiar walk, leaving her car at the office. The cool air cleared her head, but her palms were sweating where they were balled up in her pockets. Drew was standing on her porch with her arms across her chest and moved quickly toward her when she rounded the corner.
“I didn’t lie to you,” Drew said nervously. “She never comes home at lunch.”
Ashleigh looked toward the house and saw the rear end of Erica’s vehicle jutting from the carport. “Did you tell Kaitlyn that I would be here today?”
“Yeah, but she swore that she didn’t say a word to Erica. She didn’t want her to know that we had dinner with y’all last night. I called Kaitlyn when Erica pulled up, and she didn’t even know that Erica had left,” Drew said with her brow furrowed. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but she’s not been herself lately. She’s wanted to be alone a lot.”
Ashleigh followed Drew into the house and sank down at the table, her appetite gone. She shook her head when Drew asked her if she wanted the vegetable soup that she’d spent the morning making. Drew joined her at the table. “Your face and neck are flushed.”
“She hasn’t called. I guess she’s still in her mad stage,” Ashleigh said angrily.
“Have you called her?”
“No, and I don’t plan to. When she’s reasonable, we’ll talk.”
“How will you know when she’s reasonable if you don’t call her?” Drew cocked her head and smiled. “When are you going to be reasonable?”
Ashleigh scrubbed at her blotched neck. “I’ve been reasonable all along.”
Drew rolled her eyes. “One of you is gonna have to bend.”
“I’m not ready and obviously neither is she.”
“Go over there now and talk to her, Ash.”
Ashleigh stood and gathered her purse. “I’m going back to work.”
“Hey!” Drew jumped to her feet. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk to her, then don’t, but don’t walk out on me.”
Ashleigh sank back down. “I’m sorry. I’m a little freaked out right now.”
Drew went to the stove despite Ashleigh’s protest and filled a bowl. “Eat. I’m tired of seeing you two starve yourselves. You look like you’ve already lost weight, and Erica definitely has. Makes me sick,” Drew said in disgust. “I could skip eating for a week and not lose one lousy pound.”
“Erica’s not eating?” Ashleigh asked before taking a bite.
“I made her eat dinner the other night, but I don’t think she’s eating much when she’s alone.”
“The pantry is full of food. I went grocery shopping before…I left.”
Drew slammed her hand on the table. “She’s not eating for the same reason you pushed your food around your plate last night. She has no appetite. Her heart is broken, same as yours.” Drew held up her hand, silencing Ashleigh. “I know it hasn’t even been a week, but when are you two gonna come to your senses?”
Ashleigh left Drew’s frustrated that she could no more reason with her than Erica. She knew that Drew wanted them to work things out, but relentlessly pushing wasn’t going to make it happen any sooner. Ashleigh chanced a glance back at the house where Erica’s vehicle was still parked before turning the corner. She wished that she hadn’t eaten. The jumble of emotions made her nauseated. She marveled at how angry she could be with the one woman she truly loved. Maybe that was why it hurt so much.
Ashleigh’s pace slowed as she contemplated turning around and going to see Erica. The thought alone made her knees weak. What would she say? Should she just let it all go and let their life turn back to the normalcy that Erica wanted? Could she and be happy? With a glance of her watch, she noticed there was not time. She’d go back to work and maybe she’d call later.
The hours flew by as the office filled with patients mostly complaining of runny noses. She looked at the clock as the last patient walked out the door, and she felt her insides flutter. She would work up the nerve to make the call in the time it took her to walk to the car. But when she walked outside, she saw a bag sitting on her hood, and all hopes were dashed. Ashleigh peered inside and saw more of her clothes and a note that said, I thought you might need these.
“She can kiss my ass,” she said under her breath and tossed the bag into her backseat. The decision was made. Erica could call her if she wanted to talk, and she would get an ear full when she did.
When Ashleigh arrived at Vicki and Chantal’s, she found another note saying that they were out for the evening and dinner was in the oven. Relieved that she didn’t have to see anyone, Ashleigh changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and went outside. Maybe fresh air would clear her head. When that didn’t work, she headed for the shed.
“Hey,” Alex said as she walked in. “Got this today.” She held up a new guitar. “I couldn’t wait to hook it to the amp and hear how it sounded in here.”
The surprise of seeing Alex wasn’t exactly unpleasant. “You don’t have enough of those?” Ashleigh looked at the guitars lining the walls.
“Every time something new comes out, I have to have it.” Alex strummed the strings.
“You think Chantal will mind if I play her drums?” Ashleigh asked as she approached the kit.
Alex shook her head. “You know she won’t care.”
“Let’s play something fast so I can pound the hell out of these things.” Ashleigh took a seat behind the drums and picked up the sticks.
Alex looked up from her guitar. “Bad day?”
“Let’s play ‘Head Like a Hole’ by Nine Inch Nails. You know it?”
“Oh, bad, bad day,” Alex said with a smile. “I know it, do you?”
“I’ll wing it. Play the song and let me hear it.”
Alex moved behind the computer and pulled up the song. It played through while Alex played along.
“Got it,” Ashleigh said when it ended. “Play it again, Alex.”
Alex obliged, and at first, Ashleigh butchered the beat, but she picked it up on the chorus.
“Know any Godsmack?” Alex asked when the song ended.
“I do, how about ‘Whatever’? I’m feeling it.”
“Great guitar song.” Alex grinned. “Need me to play it first?”
“I’ll catch up, let it rip.” Ashleigh felt the sweat beading on her lip.
Alex unleashed her new guitar on the song, and Ashleigh felt the riffs as much as she felt the pounding of the drums. She watched Alex as she played, so focused, so intent. If nothing else, Ashleigh knew that Alex understood what it was to express herself with music. They played through as many angry metal songs as they could remember until they were dripping with sweat.
“Feel like talking about it now?” Alex asked as they walked into the cool evening air.
Ashleigh shook her head. “I’ve talked about it as much as I’m going to for now. I’m tired of hearing myself whine. Talk to me about you.” Ashleigh dropped into one of the patio chairs.
Alex took the seat next to her. “What do you want to know?”
Her first impulse was to ask about Lisa, but Ashleigh decided it wouldn’t be a wise topic. “Aside from music, what
are your hobbies now?”
“Gardening.”
Ashleigh flashed an incredulous look. “Really?”
“I like to plant things. The tomatoes in the salad last night were grown in my greenhouse. I keep Vic and Chantal stocked with fresh veggies year-round.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Ashleigh said with a laugh.
“Yes, I’m serious, Ash. I’ve grown up too.” Alex rolled her eyes. “What are your hobbies?”
“Gardening and I’m not joking,” Ashleigh said quickly when Alex made a face. “Not vegetables, though. I like flowers. I had just about every variety of hibiscus growing in my yard this past spring and summer.”
“We always did have a lot in common, didn’t we?” Alex looked away.
“Do you still watch Gilligan’s Island?”
Alex looked around. “You were never supposed to say that aloud. I have a rep to keep, but yes, I have all the episodes on DVD at the house.”
“Ah, Mary Ann,” Ashleigh said with a sigh.
“Oh, Ginger,” Alex said, mimicking Ashleigh.
“So do you like being a grownup now?”
“I do. I’m in charge of my own life and I like it, although Mom still tries to step in and take over. We have a clash every few months, then things settle down. I’m so used to it now that I actually look forward to it,” Alex said with a smile.
“Are you ever going to settle down and share that house of yours with someone?” Ashleigh cringed inwardly. The words ran through her mind and out of her mouth before she knew what was happening.
Alex leaned back and lifted her hair off her neck and sighed when the cool breeze blew across her skin. “I doubt it. Some people are just not cut out for relationships, and I’m one of those as you well know. I’m honest and up front when I meet a woman I want to date. She has no misconceptions. What we have will be temporary.”
“Haven’t you ever met one that you didn’t want to let go?”
“Once,” Alex said, avoiding Ashleigh’s gaze. “And I still let her go. Probably the best thing I could have ever done for her.”
“And you’re happy living this way?”
“Yes.” Alex turned to look at her. “It’s the only way I know and it suits me.”
It was Ashleigh who looked away then. “Maybe you’re smarter than us all.”
“You and I are not cut from the same cloth, Ash. You want to give yourself fully to someone. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Ashleigh nodded and felt tears sting her eyes. “That’s not what I’ve done. I wasn’t honest with Erica. I never told her about my past and now it’s come between us.”
“You are the sweetest woman I’ve ever known. Erica knows it, too. You can see it when she looks at you. This is all just a bump in the road.”
“Everyone keeps saying that in one form or another, but I’m not so sure. I feel like there’s a wall between us, and it gets thicker every day. I know I need to talk to her, but part of me doesn’t want to.”
“I’m not one to give advice on relationships,” Alex said with a smile. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
Ashleigh turned and looked at Alex. “You’re doing what I need you to, just listening.”
“That I can do, and I’ll do it anytime you want me to.”
“There you are,” Chantal said as she and Vicki walked out on the patio. “Ashleigh, we would have taken you with us if you had made it back in time. We went down to the bar to see the new sound system that Lindsay and Jaclyn…” Chantal’s words trailed off as she took in Ashleigh and Alex, who were looking disheveled and sweaty. “What have you two been up to?” she asked nonchalantly.
Vicki tilted her head to the side and stared at Alex, her expression demanding an answer.
“I broke in my new guitar on some Godsmack and Ashleigh tore up your drums,” Alex said with a grin.
Ashleigh shrugged. “We had our own concert and you missed it.”
Chantal’s shoulders seemed to sag in relief. “I’m glad you two are keeping in shape. Lindsay says she’s getting a ton of calls from people wanting to know when we’re gonna play again. Ashleigh’s return has gotten out and they may have to start selling tickets for our shows to control the crowd.”
“You’re kidding.” Ashleigh looked between Vicki and Chantal.
“Nope, we’re not,” Vicki said with a grin. “We have to let them know if we’re willing to play again next weekend so they can announce it. Are you both in?”
“You know I am.” Alex looked at Ashleigh.
“Count me in, too.” Ashleigh felt a tremor of excitement.
Chantal spun on one heel and headed back for the house. “I’m going to call Lindsay now and let her know,” she called over her shoulder.
“So you had a jam session,” Vicki said as she sat. “What did you play?”
“Angry rock music. We purged our aggression.” Ashleigh grinned.
“She worked me like a dog.” Alex glanced at Ashleigh. “She kept driving until I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Alex. I think you matched my fervor quite well.”
“You made me sweat. I haven’t been worked that hard in a long time.”
Vicki shook her head and sighed. “You’re both such bitches.”
“And you’re a shit. You thought we’d been having sex in your backyard. Your facial expression said as much when you walked out here,” Alex said.
“Wouldn’t you? Your hair is all wild and wet, and you both look like you’re enjoying the afterglow.” Vicki laughed.
Alex stood and stretched. “Ashleigh is a good girl, and I’m working on it, so you have nothing to worry about, mother hen. Now I’m going home to shower and lay on my couch like a sloth.” Alex leaned down and kissed Ashleigh on the cheek, then did the same to Vicki. “Good night, ladies.”
Ashleigh watched as Alex disappeared into the darkness. “You’re right, Vic, she’s changed a lot.”
“She’s always been sweet, and now we’re allowed to see it. Are you nervous about the upcoming show?” Vicki cuffed Ashleigh’s shoulder. “People wanna see you.”
“Nervous and surprised. I figured that no one would remember me when I walked on stage the other night. And then I heard the applause, and I almost cried.”
“I did,” Vicki said with a laugh. “It was a good thing I didn’t have to sing backup on the first two songs.”
“Thank you, Vicki. Thank you for welcoming me back to all of this and building me up. You’ve all been so supportive.”
“We’re glad to have you back. We were a family back then, dysfunctional as it was. When you left, there was a void that couldn’t be filled. And now everything is right, and I hope it’ll be right for you and Erica too.”
“I don’t want to end a good night talking about her, so I think I’ll hit the shower and get some sleep,” Ashleigh said as she stood.
Vicki stood, as well, and linked her arm through Ashleigh’s. “We have a lot of material to cover over the next week. Are you sure you’ll be up to it?”
“I’ll be fine. It’ll be good to focus on something else.”
“Good night, sweetie.” Vicki kissed Ashleigh’s cheek and sent her off to bed.
Ashleigh showered and dried her hair. She climbed into bed and plugged her cell phone into the charger when she noticed she had a couple of text messages. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Erica’s name.
I wasn’t being an ass. I thought you might need more clothes. The next message read: I know you need your time. I need mine too.
Ashleigh read the second message twice more before turning off the light unsure of what it meant. It was a start, though. Erica had opened a line of communication. Ashleigh’s reply was short, but she thought it sweet.
Take all the time you need. I’ll be here when you’re ready.
Sleep came quickly for the first time since she’d left home.
Chapter Twenty-five
Ashleigh spent her days at wor
k in St. Francisville and her nights in the shed learning new songs and polishing her vocals on the old material. Practicing occupied her mind and eased the pain of separation, but when she climbed into an empty bed each night, she ached. In the early hours of morning when she tossed and turned, Ashleigh would remind herself that she was equally lonely lying in bed next to Erica separated by the abyss between them. But then again, Erica was still there, and she could at least feel the warmth of her body and smell the familiar scent of her skin.
Saturday morning found Ashleigh alone. Vicki and Chantal each left her a note. Vicki’s with a granola bar on top said she had errands to run and groceries to buy. Chantal’s note, written after Vicki’s no doubt, was sticking out from beneath a plate bearing a jelly doughnut. It read: Vicki wouldn’t let me have this. Somebody should enjoy it.
With a big glass of milk, Ashleigh did enjoy the raspberry-filled ball of fat, and for dessert, she ate the granola bar. She was surprisingly hungry. Maybe the breakfast bar combined with the sugar would give her body the boost it needed. As she polished off the last of her milk, she wondered what she would do with her day. If she were at home, she’d… Ashleigh didn’t allow her mind to finish that train of thought. Instead she got up and got moving.
The cool of the morning invigorated her as she walked past well-manicured lawns. The owners seemed to be in competition, attempting to outdo the other with colorful flowers and perfectly trimmed hedges. Ashleigh made the block when she recognized Alex’s car in front of another well-cared-for house. “So this is it,” she said aloud as she gazed at the immaculately trimmed hedges and wondered what the interior looked like.
“You found me.” Alex smiled as she walked up. Her hair was pulled through a ball cap that did little to keep the sweat from pouring down her face and dripping onto the damp T-shirt that clung to her body.
“I should’ve been running too,” Ashleigh said awkwardly, feeling embarrassed about being caught in front of Alex’s home. “Chantal left me a doughnut, and I’m trying to walk it off.”
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